The Legacy of Dan Hibiki
by Onikirimaru
Summary: The Story of the Misadventures of the Life of Dan Hibiki. UPDATED: Dan goes on a much needed vacation
1. Dan: The Barbarian

Disclaimer: ALL real people making appearnces in the following stories are competly fictioucous accounts. They dont do what i say they do, or say what i say to them, I dont intend harm into them in ANY way at ALL. NONE. This is intended for humor, and humor ONLY. I dont want the secret service knocking on my door because Dan accidently fired a nuclear warhead at the whitehouse or anything like that, its a story, fiction, and will never, ever, EVER happen.  
  
This is basically the works i have done in my spare time for about a year, off and on. the first few chapters are new, and i wrote them as a sort of prequel to the antics that began as me writing a ficticious ending for him in MvC 2, that had a sequel, that had a sequal, and soon Dan is teaming up with all sortsa characters and taking down badguys and saving the world, making love, breaking up, getting laid, while parodying things from Silent Hill to Bill and Teds Bogus Journey. I hope you enjoy it.  
  
And our story begins.......  
  
Before the fall of the Dark Queen, and before even the defeat of Abyss, There was an age undreamed of...  
And into this, Dan, destined to wear the CvS crown upon a troubled brow.  
And it is I, Onikirimaru, his chronicaler, who alone can tell you of his saga  
  
Let me tell you of the days of High Adventure   
  
*In a small village located somewhere far far away, Go Hibiki stands painting a picture*  
Go: Do be do be do  
*Lil kid Dan runs in*  
Dan: Daddy! Daddy!  
Go: What? Dont call me Daddy, i am not your father!  
Dan: Huh?  
Go: Hahahaha just kidding! You should have seen the look on your face my boy!   
Dan: I love you daddy!  
Go: Now come and sit, i have something you must hear *talks while painting*  
Go: Fire and Wind come from the sky, the gods of the sky. But Crumb is your god. The god of the tuant and he lives in the earth. With a red grumpy face and a big long nose. And one time Crumb tuanted the gods, and they got in a fight and beat Crumb down. But in his haste he left the Enigma of Tuant on the battle field. And who found it? Just men, nothing special, just men. For who can you trust? Not men, not women, not beast, but this *points to newly finished painting of Go Hibiki giving thumbs up* This you can trust!  
Dan: *tears in his eyes* Wow Dad you rock!  
Go: No go off and play!  
*Dan walks out and sits under a tree*  
Dan: dum de dum, huh?  
*Choi runs up and stands on a stump*  
Choi: Grrr, grrr, grrrr  
Dan: Well your a funny little man  
*Mike, Birdie, and Sagat with long flowing dreadlocks and sideburns suddenly run up behind Choi and into the village, followed by lotsa badguys*  
Dan: Cripey! They are attacking the town!  
Villagers: Eeep! *run this way and that*  
Go: Hey now! Whats this?  
Sagat: Get them!  
Go: No you dont!  
Sagat: You dare challenge me! En garde!  
Go: *punches Sagat in the stomach*  
Sagat: Ow!  
Go: Flying Fancy Uppercut! *does a flying fancy uppercut*  
Sagat: *gets knocked on his butt*  
Sagat: Oh well you surprise me but you wont survive! Tiger Uppercut!   
Go: Ouch no!   
Dan: Ouyaji!  
Go: Stay back Dan! AAAUUURRGGHHH!!!  
Dan: No your killing him!  
Sagat: *is giving Go a noogey*  
Go: Arrgghhh *feels around and grabs a spork*  
Birdie: Look out hes got a spork!  
Sagat: What? *gets sporked in the eye* Oww!! My Eye!  
Go: *Grabs hair remover and tosses it on Sagat*  
Sagat: Eh? What! *dreadlocks fall out* NNNOOOOOO! MY HAIR!  
Go: *smashes Sagat with his Self Portrait*  
Sagat: Now you die! *grabs Go's head*  
Go: Doh!  
Sagat: *breaks his neck*  
Dan: OUYAJJIIIII!!! *runs at Sagat*  
Sagat: Look at the little boy running to challenge me! Havnt you heard of Live and Let Die?  
Dan: *kicks Sagat in the shin*  
Sagat: Ow! *hops on one foot*  
Dan: *pushes Sagat down a cliff*  
Sagat: Ouch, ouch, oof, ouch ouch,  
Birdie: He pushed boss down a cliff, grab him!  
  
Who knows what they came for, money, women, something to do. My Lord was taking North with the other children   
  
Dan: Whats this place?  
Mike: Its your torture place! Get to work! *hands him a Rubic's Cube*  
Dan: Whats this?  
Mike: This is a rubics cube factory, your job, is to fix them so they are same color on all sides so we can ship them  
Dan: Crumb!!  
  
Years passed and my lord was summoned away from the factory   
  
Big Guy: Sit here  
Dan: What!?!  
Big Guy: SIT HERE!  
Dan: *sits across from Ratsu*  
Dan: Hey dont i know you  
Ratsu: Eee hee hee hee  
  
*later*  
Big Guy: Ok place your bets!  
Dan: Bets? Eh?  
Ratsu: Prepare yourself! *punches Dan*  
Dan: Ow! That hurt!  
Ratsu: *karate kicks*  
Dan: Ow! CRUM!  
Ratsu: *hurricane kicks*  
Dan: nnnoooo!! *falls down*  
Crowd: Booo boooo, who booked this fight?  
Dan: Grrr! *bites Ratsu's neck*  
Ratsu: OOOOWWW A biter!!  
Dan: *scratches Ratsu's eyes*  
Ratsu: Ow my eyes! Ahhhh! I give up!  
  
And so, years passed and the time came where Dan's winnings could not easily be counted with one hand, and that is when he was bought and went east, to learn the secrets of the Hado   
  
Dan: Ok, lets get this show on the road so i can kick Sagat in the face and avenge my pops  
Gouken: Vengence is not the way of the shoto, we ar...  
Dan: Yeah yeah, come on teach me the fireball  
Gouken: No  
Dan: Yes  
Gouken: No  
Dan: Yes  
Gouken: First spar with my disciples  
Ryu: Ok, lets go Dan! hadoken! What is this? A jump! Oh no i didn't expect that!  
Dan: *jumps over fireball and kicks Ryu in the face*  
Ryu: Ow! Waaaaahhh! My nose! Waaahhh!!  
Ken: My turn! *jump kicks at Dan*  
Dan: Koryuken!!! *knocks Ken out cold*  
Gouken: Hmmm, that move was pretty good, i think ill teach it to Ryu and Ken, and take credit for it   
Ryu: Wow what move was that  
Dan: It was the..  
Gouken: Ahaha! I see you know the Dragon Punch!  
Dan: The what? Its not called a...  
Gouken: Anyway i cant teach you the Hadoken (If i did then he would be stronger than anyone ever, i wont be top dawg anymore, and that would suck )  
Dan: WHY NOT!?  
Gouken: Because, um, you are angry! Too angry for the Hadoken!  
Dan: Thats it Im going off!  
Gouken: Good riddance!  
Akuma: Me Suit! *Raging Demon*  
Gouken: Oh no i have died!  
  
So my lord set off on his solo journey to find the man that killed his father   
  
My Lord Dan continued on his journey and crossed miles and miles of territory. He came across villiages and cities, looking for the man that killed his father, looking for the man named Sagat   
  
Dan: Sagat, oh Sagat!  
Sagat: Well hidey hoe there dude!   
Dan: What? are you Sagat? *gets into fighting stance*  
Sagat: I sure am!  
Dan: You killed my father! PREPARE YOURSELF TO DIE!  
Sagat: Whoe guy, hey man, I didn't kill nobody!  
Dan: Huh? Are you Francis Sagat the kick boxer?  
Sagat: No Im Bob Sagat  
Dan: PREPARE YOURSELF TO DIE!!!!  
  
But my Lord was not destined to face his arch nemisis quite yet. Fate something more important planed for him   
  



	2. Enter the Liberman

*Dan is laying down and napping in a plain*  
Dan: zzzz zzzz zzzz  
*suddenly, the air sparks around him and energy gets gathered*  
Dan: CRUM!!!   
*There is a flash of light and a big capsule is inside of a crater*  
Dan: Ack! Aliens!  
*The Pod opens and steam comes out, and we see an omnious sillouette inside the capsule*  
????: A ha ha ha ha! Fools! They have underestimated my power! I may be powerless in the future, a mockery, but now, with the help of this time machine, I can crush them now! Their power is nothing at this time, and i can shape the future in my own image! *a slimey looking guy in a suit walks out of the capsule*  
????: Now, is the time of my reign! I must waste no time to thrust my influence into the world's population. Every second that passes, is a second wasted!  
Dan: Hey pal! Shut up! Im trying to get some sleep over here!  
????: What!?!? YOu! You are one of them! How dare you raise your voice at me! You will be the first to be converted!  
Dan: Hey, just who the hell are you!  
????: Prepare to face the wrath of Senator Liberman   
Dan: Who?  
Liberman: Your violent ways are at an end! *pulls out a whip and whips at Dan*  
Dan: CRUM!!  
Liberman: Change your violent ways boy! Vengance is not the answer! *whips Dan's tush*  
Dan: Ow! Hey stop that *punches at Liberman*  
Liberman: *sidestepps* Your not cut out to be a fighter, here, you can star in my next big game! *pulls out a SNES from timepod*  
Dan: What?!?  
Liberman: Try it out, its Street Debater 2 Turbo!  
*on screen*  
Gore: I do NOT have to much mascera on!   
Bush: *cough* Fairy *cough*  
Akuma: ..........Me Suit!  
Dan: CRUM!! *begins to watch*  
Liberman: Yes now for my final blow! *rips off buisness suit, exposing his BDSM get up*  
Dan: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!   
Liberman: Dont run away baby!  
Dan: *gut punches Liberman, then uppercuts*  
Dan: Korryuken!!!  
Liberman: Ow what strength!! *puts on a earphone and scans Dan*  
Liberman: Wow, that power level is the highest I've ever seen! *pulls out a needle*  
Dan: Hey man, I am not into those enemas! What am i talking about, im not even into guys at all!  
Liberman: This is no enema! This is used to take a sample of your DNA so i can use your DNA to make a league of super warriors!  
Dan: Well im sorry Mr.Badguy, but your S.O.L. on that one!  
Liberman: Really how about this! *sticks dan in the arm*  
Dan: ACK! Nooo! Draining, my life fluids, cant, go, on, getting weak! *passes out*  
Liberman: Strange, I only withdrew a 3 milligrams, hmm *kicks Dan's limp body*  
Liberman: Now, off to my mountain of non violence *opens up his umbrella and flies away*  
  
But this was not my lords final stand, for the gods smiled upon him this day. But that is another part of this story,   
  
*far off, a Black Van is driving closer, with 3 people sitting in the front seat*  
  
Dudley: *looking at map* I say, are you sure this is the right way to Aunt Jemima's house? The last family reunion we had I didn't take this way at tall!  
Elena: She lives in the country,   
Dudley: But we have be traveling off road for hours now, and we seem to be in some sort of 80's medival movie parody  
Mr.T: Shut up with the Jibber Jabber! I know where Aunt Jamama's house is, I all the time be getting my Syrup from her! Just leave the drivin to me!  
Dudley: Pardon me Archibald, but I believe we pronounce our dear old aunt's name Jameeemah!  
MrT: Shut up fewl!! Dont you know my name aint no Archibald! Thats a white boy name! They call me Mistah Tee! Cuz Im tough!! Mister Tough! HUughh! *flexes* now i gotta step on it, I dont want Aunt Jeemeemee pancakes to get cold,  
Dudley: I beg your pardon!  
Elena: Look out! Cracker in the road!  
Dudley: Oh, i do need some Crackers for my tea *sips* cant we stop?  
*Mr T slams on breaks and gets out*  
Mr T: Uh oh, there is some dead honkey layin over here!   
Dudley: Oh poo  
Elena: Hey he aint dead  
Dan: eeehhh  
Elena: I know a medicine man that can save him!  
Mr T: Nuh uh, Im gettin' outta here, you fewls can stay here and get busted by the Man if you want to, but I aint gonna kidnap no white boy!  
Elena: Not kidnap! Take to the healer!  
Dudley: Oh pretty please Mr T?  
Mr T: Shut up Girlie Man! I dont wanna hear any of your jibber jabber!  
  
And so, they took our hero to the ghetto, and brought Dan before me   
  
Elena: Oh wise Oni, please help us  
Oni: I will one day be a legend! Bow to me! Cant you hear the choir?  
Elena: Yes Oni!  
Dudley: I say, it appears we have come across some common trailor trash  
Elena: Just play along!  
Oni: Bow! Bow before your kiiiaaannnngggg!  
Dudley: *bows*  
Mr T: You just a fewl seeing things that aint there!  
Oni: You! *pointing to Mr T* Sing with the choir!  
Mr T: *clenching fist* You gonna be singing in high notes after I stick my fist down yo throut sideways and backwards!  
Elena: Sing!  
Mr T: I aint singing for no fewl!  
Elena: Ill hold my breath! *holds breath*  
Mr T: .......  
Elena: *turns red*  
Mr T: .......  
Elena: *turns blue*  
Mr T: Fa la la la la, now give whitey the antidote!  
Oni: Hmmmmm *looks at Dan*  
Oni: !!!!! He is da chosen one!  
Dudley: Egads!  
Elena: Wow!  
MrT: What you talkin bout fool!  
Oni: We must revive him, in order to do that we must leave his body in the heart of the ghetto, then at midnight, the hoodrats will come to try and claim him. If they do he will be for ever gone, but if they fail he will revived!  
Elena: Lets do it!   
  
*that night*  
  
Elena: Are you sure you tied him down good?  
MrT: Shut up fewl, Im sure, and if that dont work I can just run up and sit on him. This guy better be rich or something, because Im missing out on Aunt Jeminias's pancakes!  
Dudley: dear me, I think someone is coming!  
Hood: Yo man get his wallet!  
Hood2: Hurry up!  
Elena: Nooo! *jumps out of bushes* You cant take him, he is the chosen one!  
MrT: I pity the fewl that trys to mess with my friends!!  
Dudley: Lets rock! *bring bring* Oops tea time!  
*Elena holds Dan down as Mr T throws all the hoods over his head*  
Dan: Eh what happened?  
Elana: *holds Dans head* Not even the gods themselves could seperate us, our love is stronger than reality itself  
Dan: Ummm, can i get your digits first?  
MrT: Hold on now! Aint no Cuz of mine gonna smash it with no long haired hippy cracker!  
Elena: Oh come on!  
  
  
*back at Oni's place*  
Oni: King! King I tell you!  
Elena: Oni, we have saved the chosen one!  
Dan: Chosen one?  
Oni: Eurekaa!!! You are the chosen one!  
Dan: Chosen one for what?  
Oni: To head down to the ABC store and pick me up some wine! I would go but i lost my licsense  
Dudly: oh my  
Oni: Here, ill give you the money! *hands Dan 5 bucks*  
MrT: Hold up, we went though all this so some scrawny suckah could get him some wine. You better be serving up some Pankakes with that wine, fewl!   
  
*At Liberman's HQ*  
  
Liberman: Ahhhh ha ha ha ha! Perfection! My morality beam is finished!   
Ky: Impressive My Liege.  
Liberman: Yes, yes, Ky, it is. We will rule the world with fluffy cloads and good ole Democratic morals! WE WILL MAKE YOU DO WHAT WE THINK IS RIGHT!!!! HAHAHA!! NOTHING CAN STAND IN OUR WAY, NOT EVEN THE REPUBLICANS!  
*Ronald Reagan crawls to Liberman's leg*  
Reagan: Nnnoooo  
Liberman: Such heroic nonsense..... *kills Reagan*   
Ky: But my leige, how can we inforce such morals without resorting to violence ourselves  
Liber: Ky, I am glad you asked, you see, there can be love expressed through pain and punishment, thats why I formed the BDSM Christians!!! *looks out window*  
*Their is an army of leather clad BDSM Warriors outside*  
Liberman: You, Ky, must lead them to a world without hentai!!  
Ky: Yes my master!!   
Liberman: And if you fail, I have the Dan Clones!   
Ky: The Dan Clones are ready?  
Liberman: They will begin production soon, but I have right here the Dan Prototype  
Dan Clone: *pops neck*  
Liber: Yes, magnificient, it has 100% of Dan's potential awakened and is under my control!  
Dan Clone: No I'm not  
Liberman: I brought you to life, you must obey me!  
Dan Clone: I dont have to do anything  
Liberman: Verywell, PLEASE help me  
Dan Clone: Whatever, hey whats my name  
Liberman: *has flashback*  
Dan: Well Im sorry Mr.Badguy, but your S.O.L. on that one!   
Liberman: Yes your name will be Sol Badguy!!!  
Sol: Phef, whatever  
Liberman: Now Ky! Fire the morality ray!!  
  
*Meanwhile, back at Oni's front porch*  
  
Mr.T: I cant beleive we saved some poor honkey instead of going to Aunt Jaymama's house  
Dudley: Its pronounced Jemima  
Mr.T: Shuttap fool! I pronounce it "Good Pancakes"  
Dan: Thanks you guys, I owe you guys one  
Mr.T: Shuttap fewl!!!! I better go call Aunt Joojoomee collect by using 1-800-collect *goes inside*  
Dan: But we gotta go save the....eh?  
Radio: *music starts* BIG BOOTY HOES! HUMPWITTAHHH!   
Dan: *turns around and sees Elena doin a dance for him*  
Elena: *jiggles her booty*  
Dudley: My word cousin Elena...  
Dan: You aint nutin but a hoochie mama!! *starts dancing with Elena*  
Elena: tee hee hee!  
*Suddenly Oni's door disentegratres*  
Mr.T: I PITY THE FEWL THAT BE GRINDIN' WIT MY CUZZZ!  
Dan: Uh oh!  
Mr.T: *Pick Dan up over his head and throws him up against a brick wall*  
Dan: Ooooff!  
Elena: Oh Cuz, why you bugging for?  
Dudley: My word, what is that?  
Mr.T: Its a good as dead crackah is what it is! *picks up Dan*  
Dudley: Beg your pardon, but i was talking about that  
Elena: Huh?  
*A shaft of light goes acroos the ghetto, and suddenly the all the drug dealers drop their wares and pull out a chess bourd, the Cops decide to treat the perps to a Banana Spilt, and in general everyone stops robbing, stealing, and anything immoral*  
Dudley: My word, how odd  
MrT: This some strange shit goin down, stranger than that white fewl that thinks he is king  
Oni: *from inside* I am destined!  
Dudley: This is not right atall  
Dan: Ooo  
MrT: *turning around* Elena get your hands outta his pants!  
  
*Later*  
  
Oni: This, this is not good at all!  
Dudley: *sipping tea* My word,   
Oni: Yes, the entire world has taken on the mindset of the Barney's Hide And Seek Video Game Champion, 4 year old Stinky Jim!  
Dudley: My....word. I have ran out of English phrases so I must begin to repeat myself.  
Mr.T: Shut up fewl, dont you have any cuss words or somethin'  
Dudley: I beg your pardon, but it isn't mannerly to  
Oni: SHUT IT!! I AM KING AND I AM TALKING!!!  
Mr.T: Quit that Jibber Jabber! I dont remember no King buisness, Im trying to teach my cuz here to act like he has grown some testicles in the last few mintues!  
Oni: Such Insolence!!! Guards! SEIZE HIM!!! *Throws Ninja Turtle Action figures at Mr.T*  
Mr.T: ....ok sucka i once thought you were messed up cuz your a white boy living in the middle of the ghetto, but now your jus gettin scary  
Oni: Its gonna get scarier!!! Look at this! *turns on TV*  
Liberman: Whos the baddest cat around? Liberman! Liberman!  
Mr.T: WHAT!?! Im the baddest cat around fewl!!  
TV: Liberman, Liberman  
MrT: Mr.t! Mr.t!  
TV: Liberman, Liberman  
MrT: Mr.t! Mr.t!  
Dudley: Hmm, where is Dan and Elena?  
Mr.T: They betta not be doin no hanky panky!  
Oni: Dont worry, they are in the Playboy suite, performing a ritual....  
Elena: *from through the door behind Oni* Give it to me Give it to me!  
Oni:... A ritual asking the gods for guidence  
Elena: Yeah baby! Oh baby! Baby baby baby!!!  
Oni: And, the ritual for fertility  
Elena: Oh yeah, I been bad baby spank me! Spank me SPANK ME!!!  
Oni: And the ritual asking for discpline over our transgressions  
ELena: Stick it in deep! Deeeeeeepppppp  
Oni: And scuba diving instruction!  
Elena: Oh yeah, once you go black baby, you dont go back, yeah, uuuuuhhhh, uh huh, thats right  
Oni: And the ritual of screwing a poor white boy's brains out  
Mr.T: Outta the way fewl!!!  
  
And so, my lord shared the first lay of his life with Elena, the African Princess   
  
Oni: Now that i have all of you together, i will tell you all what is going on! Liberman and his army of BDSM Christians have taken over the world!  
Dudley: Not very gentelmenly of him  
Mr.T: Oh shut up fewl!  
Oni: He used his Morality ray to tame the entire world! now nobody wants to kill, fight, or have sex!  
Elena: Except me!  
Mr.T: Not when Im around!  
Dudley: But, Oni ole chap, how come we are uneffected?  
Oni: Hmmmm *thinks* It has to be my computer  
Dan: Your computer? Why?  
Oni: It is pure hentai and pornography, and not the nice lesbian porno, but the dirty stuff. The pure essense of perversion, and it must have repelled the morality ray!   
Mr.T: Ok, nobody takes ovah the world when Im around!  
Dudley: Yes, let us begin a prilgramedge to his mountain of power!  
Oni: You dont need to get involved, the HAMMER PANTS NINJA CLAN will take care of the job  
Mr.T: The what?  
Oni: HAMMER PANTS NINJAS! ASSEMBLE!!! *thrusts hand into the air*  
*silence*  
Dudley: Excuse me ole chum, but where are they?  
Oni: *hand still in the air* You cant see or hear them because they are Ninjas  
Mr.T: This fewl talking to ghosties that aint there, lets go! *sees Dan and Elena in the yard*  
Dan: Now, whenever you jump really high, say YAHOO like me!  
Elena: *jumps high* Hoo!  
Dan: *jumps* Yahoo!  
Mr.T: Quit messin around Elena, if you are intent on making Dan your personal ho, me and him gonna have ta have some talkin, get in the van!!  
Dudley: Talley ho then!  
Mr.T: No ya dont sunshine, white boy is riding shot gun so me and him can have a man to man. Elena and you get in the back  
  



	3. Dan vs Liberman

  
  
*Our heroes get into the van and begin their journey to the Mountain of Powahh, where Liberman has his Morality beam, holding the world under his thumb*  
  
Liberman: *is holding a small "Captain Planet" brand globe under his thumb*  
Liberman: haa haa haa! King of the World!  
Liberman: *grabs a nearby Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Action figure*   
Liberman: *talking in Turtle voice* Whoe dude! We gotta save the world, lets kill this mo fo!  
Liberman: *taking out a Megatron transformer*  
Liberman: Sorry Turtles, but that is too violent. Morality Beam, TRANSFORM!!  
Liberman: *transforms megatron to a gun while making the transforming noises  
Liberman: Quuaaa quuuaa quuaaaa! Eat this! *fires!  
Liberman: *in turtle voice* Oh no, now I would rather pick daisy's and enjoy the pleasures of anal sex and using the gameshark!  
Liberman: Thats right! Bow before me! *gets out April Oneil toy*  
Liberman: *April Voice* Oh Mr Liberman, your sooo powerful, I think Im falling in love  
Liberman: You cant help but love me!  
Liberman: *april* Yes, yes, I think I am! Yes I think so, wait, no wait Im not  
Liberman: Thats right, because extramarital sex, dating, and expression of emotions is immoral!  
Ky: Master!!  
Liberman: *hiding toys* Your suppose to knock!  
Ky: Dont worry I didn't catch you ripping off Space Balls!  
Liberman: Uhh, good! Because that would be immoral!  
Ky: Yes sir!  
  
*Back in the van*  
  
Dudley: I say, it seems as if Mr T is teaching that Dan chap the way of our people,   
Elena: Our people?  
Dudley: Yes, people of our racial decent  
Elena: But arnt you from England  
Dudley: Born and bred, but we are still related by color, even though your an american  
Elena: Im from africa  
Dudley: Africa? *edges away*  
Elena: What?  
Dudley: You're, your not gonna eat me are you?  
Elena: No! I promise!  
Dudley: Oh good *van hits pothole*  
Dudley: *looks up front* I say, watch the holes chap!  
MrT: Shut up fewl, go back to eatin your scrumpets and lookin at little boy porn!  
Dudley: My word that was rude! ahh, ahhhchoo! I say? Pepper? What in the world is pepper doing in the air?  
Elena: Pepper? *hides shaker*  
Dudley: Egad, it is all over me!  
Elena: *stomach growls*  
  
*back at Liberman's domain*  
Liberman: Impossible! A small group of people has evaded my Morality beam  
Ky: Dont worry master! Ill prepare to fire it again  
Liberman: yes.....no wait! No no!!  
Ky: Why not?  
Liberman: It has been to long since i have heard the whimper of a man unwilling being violated by me, let the come, hah hah haaa, let them come! Hahahaha! LET THEM COME!!!! AAAAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAAA HAAAAAAAA! Right Ky?  
Ky: Yes, let them come! haaa haa haaa! LET THEM COME! AAAAHHAAAAHAAAA! Right Sol Badguy, the Dan clone!  
Sol Badguy: Uh, whatever,   
Liberman: Laugh with me Clone! AAAHHHH HHAAA HAAA HAA!  
*our heroes arrive at Liberman's Mountain of Power*  
  
Elena: Well this is it, we need climb this mountain and get into the tower on top to disable the beam of Morality  
Dudley: I say, a good challenge,   
MrT: Shut up fewl! This aint no game, we are playin with power now!   
*The passenger door opens and Dan steps out*  
Dan: *wearing mirrored sunglasses and 15 pounds of gold chain* Wassup fewl!!  
MrT: SUp Brother!  
Elena: Dan!? What happened?  
Dan: Dont worry my ho, everything is chill, T-man here hooked me up with some skillz yo  
Elena: But, i loved you the way you were!  
Dan: You dont love me, you just love my doggy style! Now go fix me some Fried Chicken and Kool Aid!  
MrT: This aint no time for no romantic confrontations, we gotta sneak past the BDSM Christian guards!  
Dudley: That will be easy chaps, just follow suit!  
Dan: Whats your plan man?  
Dudley: Simple.....  
  
Liberman: Ahhh, they have arrived,   
Ky: Let me kill them sire!  
Liberman: Ok sure, just get in my chair and spin it around, so when they come into my office they think Im in the chair, thats always a good dramatic thing to do  
Ky: Yes sir!  
Liberman: Now, Sol, we have work to do!  
  
*in the tower*  
Dan: Wow Dudley, your plan to sneak into the tower during the cutscene worked like a charm!  
MrT: Yeah Dudley your the man!  
Elena: *nibbles Dudley's neck*   
Dudley: Now now, cousin, its improper to get fresh with...  
Elena: *bites into Dudley*  
Dudley: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *gushes blood* NNNNOOOOO!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!   
MrT: Stop that screaming fewl!! *knocks out Dudley*  
Dudley: *lays on the floor bleeding*  
Dan: Lets go on ahead, he will catch up  
*our heroes make their way into Liberman's office*  
MrT: I pity the fool that messes up the chaos of the Ghetto!  
Dan: We are here to break some bones suckah!   
Ky: Well well, look who we have here!  
Elena: hey your not Liberman!  
Ky: *standing on the desk* Thats right! You fools have fallen into a trap! You will never find my Master, his vision will live on! Now prepare yourselves for your, hey, hey whats going on?  
MrT: *picks Ky up over his head and throws her out the window*  
Ky: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh *pip*  
  
MrT: That crazy Crackah had to have some kinda secret passage or something, start looking around!  
Elena: *starts looking through Liberman's Desk for a switch*  
Dan: *looks at the books on the shelves*  
MrT: *shines his gold*  
Dudley: *still is bleeding back in the hall*  
Dan: Hhhmmmm *pulls book entitled "Secret Passages for Dummies"*  
Secret Passage: *opens*  
Dan: Yahoo! Lets go!  
*Balrog runs out of Passage in a BDSM get up*  
Balrog: You must submit to the BDSM Christian ways!  
Dudley: *running in with a bandaid on neck* I say chap, that is no way to make an entrance!  
Balrog: Your isn't much better  
Dudley: YOu disrespect me? Lets fight like Gentlemen! *gets in fighting stance*  
Balrog: I AM CHAMP!!  
Dan: WAIT DONT FIGHT!!!  
Dudley: Huh? I say why not?  
Dan: Brothers shouldn't fight  
Balrog: Brothers?  
Dan: Yeah, arnt you all you people related?  
Elena: *slaps forehead*  
Balrog: *groans*  
Dudley: *shakes his head*  
Dan: What?  
MrT: *picks Dan up over his head and throws him against a brick wall*  
Dan: OW!  
Dudley: Dont worry lads, Ill hold of this ruffian, you guys go up ahead. I only hope that I have enough blood in reserve after my cousin snacked on my neck  
Elena: Soorryyy!!  
*Elena, MrT, and Dan run off through the secret passage*  
Dudley: At least with this opponent I dont have to worry about cannibalism  
Balrog: *grabs Dudley and bites his ear*  
Dudley: OOWWW!  
Dan: Forget it, lets go!  
*Dan, MrT, and Elena go through the secret passage, leaving Dudley to fight Balrog*  
*They arrive in the Cannon Control room, a room that is competly dark except for an overhead spotlight, and a glowing red EXIT sign in the back. Liberman and his Morality Cannon are visible*  
Dan: Liberman! I am back!!!  
Liberman: Yes, you, I remember you  
MrT: I pity the fewl that mess with the ghetto, we come for that beam that turns people into fairys  
Liberman: Ghetto? Ha! Fool, you fail to grasp the purpose of my plan!  
MrT: Purpose? What chu talkin bout fewl!!!  
Liberman: Imagine if you will, a world without Ghettos, a world without hate, without fear, a world where everyone loves each other equally, a world where childrens fathers dont get murdered...  
Dan: What?  
Liberman: Thats right Dan, no one should ever go through what you did, join me, and it wont happen again  
Elena: Dont listen to him Dan, he just wants your sweet booty  
MrT: Elena is right Dan, he just wants strap you to da wall and stretch your ass, not that I know anything about that stuff  
Liberman: A perfect world, join me.....  
Dan: Hmmm, nahh, I like having extra marital relations  
Liberman: Whhatt?  
Dan: Espically with Elena  
MrT: Whhatt?  
Elena: Once you go black you never go back!  
Dan: And Once you do white, your doing it right!  
Liberman: Enough! If you will not join me, you will have to face your CLONE! *pulls out walkie talkie* Sol Badguy, come here  
  
*Elsewhere*  
Sol: *is banging Chun Li*  
Chun Li: *in Liberman's spell, duh* Oh, this is wrong, it is immoral, but it feels so good!  
Sol: Yeah, squeal for me  
Intercom: SOL BADGUY!!!  
Sol: Crap, excuse me hun, I gotta go see what he wants,   
Chun: Must you go?  
Sol: No I dont have to, just your not really good at this, so Im gonna go see what Liberman wants, dont worry, if he wants me to do something silly Ill just kill him *grabs sword*  
  
*Back in Cannon Chamber*  
  
Sol: What you want  
Dan: Hey thats me!  
Sol: Huh, oh great  
Liberman: This is a proto type super soldier whom i have termed "Gear", and he is not JUST a clone of you Dan! He has a long life span, he will live on for hundred of years without aging, and also, he has 100% of your realized potential, how is that for a plot twist?  
MrT: What is this, some kinda messed up DBZ? I dont want to hear about no fighting potential, I wanna break your face!!  
Liberman: Not so fast MrT, Moral cannon, TRANSFORM! Quee quee queee!  
Dan: Quee Quee Quee?  
Liberman: Yes you fool its what a transformer noise is!  
Dan: I thought it was Chee Choochoo?  
Liberman: Never the less! Sol! KILL DAN HIBIKI!!!  
Sol: Nothing better to do.... *pulls out sword*  
Dan: Ack! You gotta sword that isn't fair  
Sol: Your right, its not *begins advancing*  
MrT: Been nice knowing you Crackerman, I would help you beat this fewl ass but I gotta stop this fewl  
Liberman: Easier said that done my friend, behold Devasator!!   
*the giant moral cannon has transformed into a big robot*  
Violator: Prepare for extermanation!  
MrT: Wanna play rough eh fewl!!  
  
Dan: Dah! *dodge's Sol's sword swipe*  
Sol: *cuts on flames on sword*  
Dan: Dang! Its got a flamethrower too!!  
Sol: Die!  
Dan: Gadoken!!  
Sol: Ha! Its so small! *gets hit in the eye by gadoken*  
Sol: OWWW!!! You poked me in the eye!  
  
MrT: Take this fewl!! *drop kicks Devastator*  
Violator: Puny Human!   
MrT: I aint no human, Im Mistah TEE!!!! *punches through Devastator*  
  
Dan: Elena help me!  
Elena: *drools*  
Dan: Dont just stand there do something! Ahh! *ducks another swordswipe*  
Elena: 2 Dans! Yummy!  
Sol: Yummy? *stops fighting*  
Dan: *Sucker punches* Gotcha!  
Sol: *catches fist* Cut it out!  
Elena: Hey guys, how about a train?  
Dan: This is no time to be playing with models!!  
Elena: Not that kinda train, i mean we ... *MrT lands on her*  
Sol & Dan: ELENA!!!  
Violator: Hahaha!!  
Dan: He threw my homey!  
Sol: He squished our hoe!!  
Violator: You two have no chance!! *shoots lazers out of fingers*   
Dan: Dodge left!  
Sol: Right!  
Dan: No LEFT!  
Sol: I know, we going left, right?  
Dan: Too late! DUCK!! *lazer impacts around*  
Violator: *begins walking forward*  
  
MrT: *cough* Dan! Get your white ass over here!  
Dan: Im busy now T! *dodges another lazer volley*  
MrT: I AINT ASK YOU NOTHING!!  
  
Sol: Tyrant WAVE!! *hits Devastator with a big fire wall*  
Violator: Argh!!  
Sol: Damn! No effect!!  
  
Dan: *Holding up MrT* T? Your gonna pull through!  
MrT: I know that fewl! But you gotta worry about yourself! Sol is distracting him now, but you cant do no damage, not without this... *takes off a huge Gold chain with a statue of Mai Shiranui*  
Dan: What is this?  
MrT: It is a medallion of fairy bane +15 Only those who wear it can damage the queer steel that Violator is made out of   
  
  
Violator: *has Sol in his grip and is squezzing, squezzing*  
Violator: Haha!  
Sol: Ow!   
Violator: Now i will drain your heterosexuality!!  
Dan: Not so fast!   
Violator: What? You dare stop me!  
Dan: MY girlfriend wants a train, and he is a vital part of that plan!! Eat this! *Punches Violator*  
*Crack crack*  
Dan: *hand is broken* OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!  
  
MrT: Uh oh, must have gave that pitiful cracker the wrong knecklace, I got so many of them  
Elena: How you go to the bathroom with all that on?  
  
Violator: *tosses Sol against the wall and grabs Dan*  
Violator: And now I will drain you of all your skills, knowledge, and charm, as have done the entire world. Just as Liberman has commanded it! I will drain you of your Pimp Essence! *begins to drain*  
Dan: Nnnnoooo!  
Violator: Yes, give me your Essence! *energy begin to be drained*  
Dan: I must...resist!!  
Violator: Wow, your pimping level is high! I must kick my draining to overdrive!  
Dan: *begins to feel weak*  
Sol: *tries to get up* FIght...it....Dan *passes out*  
Elena: Come on Dan, we beleive in your sexy ass!!  
Mr.T: No we dont!  
Elena: Encourage him! Come on!  
Mr.T: I aint doin none o that feely mess, Im gonna pass out like that guy over there so i aint gotta talk none of that beleive jibber jabber! *passes out*  
Violator: Yes, you are a strong one *spark* Eh? What? Im begining to overload!  
Dan: *comes to* Eh? What?   
Violator: Strong, too strong! I cant absorb it all!  
Dan: *see a switch marked "Suck / Blow" and kicks it, switching it to blow*  
Violator,: What? Noo!! *charges Dan full of all the Pimp Essence*  
Dan: AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! *hair becomes blonde and spikey*  
Violator: He is draining my energy! All of the sex, drugs and violence I have abosorbed in the world! Aaaahhhh!!!  
Dan: YAHOOOI! *rips Violator's arms off*  
Violator: Liberman, I have failed you....  
Dan: SAIKYO RYU!!! *fires a huge beam of pure pimp energy*  
Violator: Nnnooo!!!! *melts away*  
Dan: Yes!   
Elena: *wets her pants in lust from residual pimp energy and feints from pleasure*  
Dan: Wow! I feel so strong! I am the Omega Pimp! I will rule the world from my pink, furred, fluffy throne! Hahahahahaha! Now for Liberman! *runs off*  
  
*liberman is standing on his temple, overlooking his BDSM Army*  
Liberman: The day of reconing is at hand!! Today, we will wipe the slate clean! We will go forth, and destroy anything and everything in the world, leaving it a paradise for us, the BDSM CHristians, to rule the world!  
Army: Oooooooooooooo, coooooooooool  
Dan: I dont think so!  
Liberman: What? Dan?   
Dan: Call me, FABIO DAN! *grabs him by his knotty head*  
Liberman: No please!  
Dan: Dont like video game violence eh? You havnt SEEN Video game violence YET! *ripps Liberman's head off*  
Army: *gasp*  
Dan: *throws head down the steps to the temple*  
*all female members of the Army begin to do various naughty things at the look of Fabio Dan, while all the male members get sssssoooooo jealous*  
Dan: *stands their lookin all buff* Hmmm, the world, it is mine! *stands there some more*  
Dan: I dont want the world, i just want......REVENGE!!! *explodes, sending Pimp Energy All over the world, returning all the Pimp Essense that every person has, even if its just a little bit, to the people all over the world, returning it to normal*  
  
And so, Dan returned the Immorals of everyone, and he watched as the BDSM Army went home with, sad, sad, faces, disappointed that they didnt get to spank anyone that day....  
  
Elena: Yay Dan! Congrats!  
Dan: Elena my love! Your ok!  
Elena: Whoe, you just say love?  
Dan: Uh, yeah, that ok?  
Elena: Whoe whoe whoe, I dont think so  
Dan: But, what we had was special, wasnt it?  
Elena: No, what we had was good, best I ever had and all, but you see, there is a diffrence from being loved, and being laid  
Dan: Huh?  
Elena: Samuel L Jackson is for being loved, you see, buT you, your for getting laid. Get it? Bye! *walks off*  
Dan: uh, what? I....  
Mr.t: Aww man, that was cold. Hey look on the bright side, at least she didnt eat you like she did Dudley. So what you gonna do know?  
Dan: I have to go get revenge for my father!  
MrT: Well, good luck, I trained ya well, you gonna do good, for a white boy anyway. *begins to walk off*  
Dan: T wait!  
MrT: Yeah whats up?  
Dan: Think you could stick around for a few hours? You see the suns about to go down, and i need somone to stick behind and watch me walk into it  
MrT: What you talking about fewl? I aint got no time to stick around watching peoples walk!  
Dan: But you dont understand... THE FIGHT IS ALL!!!!  
MrT: What? Where you hear a stupid line like that? The Shoto handbook for game endings?  
Dan: AAh, forget it, *begins to walk west, waiting for the sun to set, and waiting for his chance for, REVENGE*  
  



	4. Dan vs Sagat: Showdown at Barnes and Nob...

*Sagat is at Barnes and Nobles at his book signing for "Scars of Street Fighting: THe Sagat Story"*  
  
Mr.Big: Wow, I really loved your book, its should be the bible of all video game bosses, we should all be tall and bald!  
Sagat: Thanks, next  
MrClean: Great book, couldnt put it down! Your an inspiration to all bald people!  
Sagat: Im glad you liked it, next  
Akuma: Me Suit!  
Sagat: Nice hairstyle, next  
King: Please sign it "to my love"  
Sagat: Oooohh kay, next  
Axl Rose: Love your word usuage, can I write a song about it?  
Sagat: Sure sure, thanks, next  
Dan: Great book, I read it 15 times in one day  
Sagat: really? What was your favorite part? *notices on the book cover, he has devil horns, a mustache, glasses, and no teeth  
Dan: The part where you KILLED MY FATHER!!! *rips table apart and kicks Sagat in the face*  
Sagat: What!?! What is this?  
Dan: Take this!!!! *punches at Sagat*  
Sagat: *blocks with a copy of "The Complete and Udder Collection of Crappy Dilbert Comics"*  
Dan: Oh my hand!  
Sagat: What are you doing kid?  
Dan: Avenging my fathers death!! *kick him in stomach*  
Sagat: Ooof, listen kid, I killed many kids fathers, if you want a chance for revenge you will just have to take a number!  
Dan: Ok, *holds up one finger* Number One! *uppercuts*  
  
*meanwhile, in an house that seems to have nothing to do with this story right now*  
  
Jin: *arrives home at noon after his college classes*  
Jin: That Prof is so screwy! I don't want to right an essay about Barney! Ill write one about smashing in his face instead! Now for some Lunch!  
Jin: *opens the freezer and grabs a box of Pepperoni Hot pockets*  
Jin: Yeah! Allright hotpockets! Ill just heat...huh? WHAT! THERE IS ONLY ONE! WHAT KINDA PERSON ONLY EATS ONE!?!?! BLOODIA!  
Felicia: *while munching on a hotpocket* Meoooww!  
Jin: FELICIA! AHHH! I HATE YOU! IF YOU WEREN'T SO CUTE I WOULD KILL YOU! *begins squeezing his anger managment squeeky head* STUPID CAT GIrl, why I aughta, I was looking forward to those hot pockets....   
Felicia: Why don't you eat the other one?  
Jin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN! YOU CAN'T JUST EAT ONE!!!!!!! AHHH! *opens the freezer*  
Jin: Oh man, we only have turkey and ham left! Now what!  
Felicia: Why not eat those?  
Jin: HA! Pizza is the ONLY kind of hotpocket there is!  
Felicia: Ok then, order pizza!  
Jin: Pizza! You drive your dagger of hotpocket theft deeper into mine heart! I could not eat pizza without my mind thinking that the same warm cheesy goodness could be trapped in a flaky crust for my afternoon meal enjoyment.  
Captain Commando: You guys be quiet in there! The Tyson fight just started!  
Jin: You need to sh..  
CapCom: Nevermind, its over  
Jin: *walk into the living room*  
Felicia: *curls up in Cap's Lap*  
Cap: Hey Jin, can you go do a beer run for us?  
Jin: Beer run, why I look like some kinda..  
TV: We interupt this cutscene for an important announcement... Choas at Barnes and Nobles, we take you there live!!  
  
Dan: Nice Scar Bob!  
Sagat: My name isnt Bob! I dont even think you read my book! Tiger Knee!  
Dan: *sends Dan flying into the coffee resteraunt* OOof!  
Sagat: I would say something witty right now but a phrase eludes me  
Dan: *Pours hot coffee on Sagat's crotch*   
Sagat: *screams like a little girl*  
Dan: Too hot for you? Hahaha! How many lumps you want? Ill give you two! One! *punches Sagat in the stomach* Two! *uppercuts Sagat in the chin*  
Sagat: Grrr, your making me angry kid, TIGER UPPERCUT! *sends Dan flying*  
Dan: Oh he wants to use special moves, I wasnt gonna use them but ok, ok  
  
*on the other side of the store, kiddes are gathered around LeVar Burton, who is reading a story*  
  
*Reading Rainbow music is playing*  
LeVar: What part in the school play did Grace want?  
Kid1: The Pimp!  
Kid2: The Dog!  
Kid3: The Pornography producer!  
Kid4: Dr Wily!  
LeVar: Have you kids been listening to a word I have said?  
*Dan lands on the kids, killing them on impact*  
LeVar: Kids!  
Dan: Eh? Huh? *comes too* wha!? JORDY!!! Quick Jordy Im getting beat up you gotta fire your proton torpedos!  
LeVar: What? I cant do that?  
Dan: Oh no! You dont have your visor your blind without it!  
LeVar: No Im not, what are you  
Dan: *grabs onto LeVar* DO NOT WORRY, I WILL GET YOU TO A SAFE PLACE TO BEAM BACK UP  
LeVar: Quit yelling Im not deaf!  
*Sagat runs into the clearing*  
Sagat: Come 'ere you little twerp! You stained my Joe Boxers!  
Dan: Ahh! Gotta go! *runs off*  
  
*Dan runs down some isle, and ducks into one*  
Dan: Gotta hide!   
Sagat: *runs by*  
Dan: Man o man, what have I gotten into? I never knew he was so strong, I better run away before he kills me like he killed my father! Sob sob  
????: Snaaap, out of eet.  
Dan: Who said that?  
Bruce Lee on the Cover of "The Tao of Jeet Kun Do": Yoo mast nevar give aaap, mistah Hibiki. Now, concetrate, you must strike with feeeelling, we need, emotional content  
Dan: Yeah, dont worry Bruce Lee, I WILL AVENGE MY FATHER!!  
*the book flies off the shelf and hits Dan in the head*  
Dan: Ow!  
Bruce: I said emotional content, NOT ANGER! Now twy again!!  
Dan: I WILL avenge my FATHER!?!  
Bruce: No, dat toooo much like Will Shatner  
Dan: I will avenge my FFAAATTHHHERRR!!! *cries*  
Bruce: Dats it, go gettem!  
  
Sagat: I could have swore he was, what? A Penthouse, cool! *sees Penthouse, Chun Li is on the cover*  
Sagat: Wow, thats latest one, sold out everywhere!   
*Meanwhile, at Ryu's house*  
Ken: So how about some Yatzee?  
Ryu: Sure Ill get the game out of my closest *opens closet*  
*tidal wave of Penthouse with comes flowing out, burying the two*  
Ken: Hey, Ryu, why am i surounded by pictures of Chun Li spreading her Kootch with a butterknife and a sock puppet? Ryu? Ryu? *looks over at Ryu*  
Ryu: *is blushing radioactivly*  
Ken: Ahhh the light! Ryu your face is a Cocacola label!  
*back at Barnes and Nobles*  
Sagat: Mmmmm, butter *bends down to pick up*  
Book: *runs away*  
Sagat: What the? *gives chase*  
*The Book runs to the foot of a giant wall of magazines, all smut*  
Sagat: Wow, such a huge section! *stares wide eyed, er wide eye*  
Dan: *appears on top of the wall*  
Dan: AAAHHHAAAHAA! Burn Sagat, Burn in your porno hell! *kick*  
Sagat: What? Noooo! AAHHH!!! *Screams like a little girl as the wall of porno lands on him*  
Dan: *stands on the wall on top of Sagat* Well thats taken care of, now, for some entertainment *pulls on a string and brings the Penthouse to him*  
Dan: *opens the book and a green light shines forth* What the? *a black orb emerges from the book*  
????: Greetings, I am David! The God of Video Game perversion, and you have finally released me from my prison! You have called down the reign of David!  
Dan: Hahaha, David? Your kidding right?  
David: Whats wrong with David?  
Dan: Nothing, *begins to walk off while unfolding the centerfold*  
David: Stop right there! You cant look at that!  
Dan: Why not?  
David: I am the protecting spirit of video game girls! Its my job to make sure nobody ever seen any of them in any sexual situations,   
Dan: I hope you never read Fanfiction.net then, some that stuff is off the hook  
David: Yes, I may be bad at my job, but thats because I was locked in that book!  
Dan: Thats an awful lame excuse on Oni's part  
David: Shut up, plot holes are the least of your worries now! I, DAVID! Will destroy the human race  
Dan: No you wont, we have too many Davids, you would kill them all  
David: Ok, how about if I change my name to Billy?  
Dan: nah,   
David: How about Scott?  
Dan: Get lost  
David: Wait I can think of a good one! What about X-Orb? VampireMan?  
Dan: your not a vampire  
David: Uhhh, *looks at a nearby Marvel Comic, the caption on the title is "Final Confrontaion with Abyss!*  
David: What about Abyss?  
Bystander1: WHAT? ABYSS!!?!?!? RUNNN!!!!!!  
Bystander2: ABYSS WILL KILL US ALL!!!!!!  
Reporter: Abyss destroys the world, film at eleven!  
Dan: Your name is still David  
David: The news has reported me as Abyss!  
Dan: So, lots of times they report me as gay  
David: Whats wrong with being gay?  
Dan: Is their something wrong with not being gay?  
David: Why are you wearing pink then?  
Dan: During my training I had laundry duty, and I accidently washed one of Ryu's gis with Ken's, so they gave it to me and Ryu got a new one.  
David: Your not gay? Awww what a let down, I guess I better go destroy the world then, if your not gay *flies away*  



	5. Marvel vs Capcom: New Age of Zeros

Flying high above earth, The One-eyed Pirate Lady named Ruby Heart, witnessed David er, Abyss's arrival.  
  
Ruby: So, it has begun...  
First mate Joe Shmoe: What has begun?  
Ruby: Oni's crappy naming of my crew  
Crew Member Cloakman: What ever do you mean?  
Guy that looks like Remy in a cowboy suit: I think she is talking about our names  
Ruby: SILENCE! We dont have time to worry about your names! You only appear in this one scene!  
Joe Shmoe: Whats wrong Ruby?  
Ruby: We have traveled the stars robbing booty, its just what Pirates do, but you know what our cheif purpose is  
Cloakman: To travel the stars and rob booty?  
Ruby: NOO! It is to protect the world from supernatural beings named David! It is EVERY Pirates duty, all the greatest pirates have done it, Blackbeard, Bluebeard, Sony Executives, and now US! Or, more specficly, ME!  
Cloakman: But I thought his name was Abyss?  
Ruby: Thats just a trick he pulled to fool half-assed characters that only appear in one scene and never again  
Cloakman: ...damn  
Remy in Cowboy suit: But what are we gonna do?  
Ruby: Your gonna linger off screen and only come out for my victory poses  
Joe Schmoe: Dammit!  
Ruby: Now everyone be silent! I must gather all the heroes of Earth with a telepathic message.....  
Ruby: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!  
  
  
  
*Storm, Rogue, and Marrow are standing on a street corner*  
  
Storm: Slow day huh.  
Rogue: Yeah   
Marrow: You thinks its because of me?  
Storm: No no no! Not at all!  
Rogue: Storm is right.  
  
......  
  
Rogue: Maybe its because I can't touch anyone.  
Storm: Hmm, you got a point there.  
Marrow: Nah its got to be me.  
*You hear some bass playing a good distance away*  
Marrow: Im just to ugly.  
Storm: Don't worry, maybe we can get another job  
Rogue: Maybe, like at a club or something  
*Tires squeel as a OldMobile turns into the street with music blasting and hydrolics pumping*  
Storm: Hey look who it is  
*the car pulls up and the window rolls down, revealing a leapord skin interior and a fog of smoke emits from the car  
Sabertooth: Where my money!  
Storm: Its a slow day S-Dog, we are doing our best  
Sabertooth: You betta git my money! Drive Birdie  
*Telepathic message: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!*  
Storm: Lets go! *flys off*  
Rogue: S-dog will just have to wait for his money! *flies off*  
Marrow: Wait guys, i cant fly!  
  
*Strider is on a movie set*  
Director: Ok Strider baby this is THE part for you, you play a ninja that doesn't know whats going on but he runs around with a statue and gets chased by badguys ok?  
Strider: Uhh, ok  
Director: This is the scene where you get shot in the bar,   
Guy: Ok, Ninja Guiden Scene 4  
Director: Action!  
Actress: *pulls a gun*  
Strider: Look out everyone she has a real gun! *kills Actress*  
Director: CUT!! How many times do I have to tell you! It isn't a real gun!  
Strider: But with that Brady Bill all fake guns have an orange tag in the front!  
Director: That wasn't the Brady Bill!  
Strider: Yes it was but thats beside the point, it was real because it didn't have an orange point, so I killed her, I'll be in my trailer, maybe you should do background checks on all these actresses....  
*Telepathic message: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!*  
Strider: The world needs me again....  
  
*at the Olympics*  
  
Announcer: That long jump was really high! It was almost the new world record! She is a sure fire winner for the Gold, next up for the high jump the Marvel contender, Juggernaunt.   
  
Juggernaunt: *spits out a turkey leg* Im Juggernaunt!   
  
Ok he is starting the run....   
  
Juggernaunt: *begins to lumber forward using the pole as a toothpick*   
  
Ok here it is..   
  
Juggernuant: *stops and looks up* Hmmm! *holds his arms up and makes a short hop, then annother* Damn, shouldn't have went to that Chinese Buffet. *begins to make hop after hop.   
  
Announcer: Can he do that?   
Guy: Im not gonna stop him.   
  
Juggy: *reaches up and grabs the pole and bends it downward, steps over it, and lets it back up*   
Juggy: Im UNSTOPPABLE!!   
*Telepathic message: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!*  
Juggy: I better go, even though technically my helmet stops telepathic attacks, I shouldnt have been able to hear that  
  
Ryu and Ken are riding in a car   
  
Ryu: Do you know what they call a quarter pounder in Japan?   
Ken: Yeah   
Ryu: They don't have pounds in Japan, they have the metric system   
Ken: Ryu I know! I spend most my life training in Japan, remember? I ate a few fucking quarter pounders!   
Ryu: Sorry man I was just trying to set the mood!   
  
*knock on a door*   
  
The Rock: Hello?   
Ken: *Kicks the Rock in the face*   
Rock: *pees his pants* Oh my god don't kill me!   
Ryu: Shut up Fewl! We are delivering a message from Zangeif, he says he don't ever want to see your sorry ass on TNN again, they took out his favorite fishing shows and he doesn't appreciate that   
Rock: Please please leave me alone   
Ken: *kicks him in the ribs and laughes*   
Ryu: *Laughes*   
Rock: *Craps his pants*   
Ryu: Hey Ken do you smell what the Rock is cookin'?   
Ken: *removes the Rocks head and throws it across the room*   
Ryu: *Laughes*   
Ken: *laughes*   
Ryu: *laughes*   
Ken: What would Akuma say in this situation?   
Ken and Ryu: Me Suit! BWahahaha!   
Ken: *laughes*   
Ryu: *laughes*   
Ken: *laughes*   
Ryu: Thats no way to get ahead in life!   
Ken: *laughes*   
Ryu: *laughes*   
Ken: *laughes*   
Ryu: *laughes*   
*Telepathic message: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!*  
Ken: Lets....   
Ryu: ...go   
  
*Cable is standing in the unemployment line*  
  
Cable: Man what a long line! Ahh! *begins to think to himself*  
Cable: (I wonder how Storm, Rogue, and Marrow or doing....)  
Cable: (Hmm, somebody stinks in here,) *sniffs* (smells like Wolverine)  
Cable: (I need to remember to run by the grocery store on the way home and pick up some milk and bread)  
Cable: (Hmm, I wonder why Domino told me to get Milk and Bread, why not ham and cheese. I understand the milk part, because she only drinks that certain kind to keep her skin that shade of white, but bread?)  
Cable: (Oh My God I forgot what kind of Milk she drinks! Doh, lemme think, 5%? 10%? Percent of what? Oh well I'll just get her some liqour instead)  
*a little kid runs up to Cable*  
Kid: Hey are you Cable!?  
Cable: (cool a fan) Yup thats me!   
Kid: Man your really cheap, but I heard your friends with Dan, do you know where I can find him so I can get his autograph?  
Cable: ......yeah, go jump off a cliff, you should find him  
Kid: fuck you then  
Cable: (kids now a days, no respect for there elders, hmm, but seeing how Im born like a long time from now, these guys are older than me, so I should respect them. Nah, if I think of it like that then I should consider myself negative in years and then I wouldn't exist. Maybe it is possible to be negative in years, hmmm. I'll ask SonSon next time I see her. But how can I be sure its a her? Maybe its just a little monkey guy, I dunno)  
*Telepathic message: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!*  
Cable: (Man, i hope who ever gave me that telepathic message didnt hear my thoughts, that would suck. It would suck more if they knew I dont know what kinda milk to get and the blackmail me)  
  
*Jill Valenite, BB Hood, and Gambit are driving through the woods at night. No they all arn't driving, Gambit is driving, Hood is shotgun and Jill is in the back, that enough detail for ya?*  
  
Boom, boom, boom  
  
Gambit: What was that?  
Jill: What was what I didn't hear nothing  
Hood: *lights up a cigarrette*  
  
boom, boom, boom  
  
Hood: I heard that boomie boomie sound too!  
Gambit: What is it?  
Jill: I dunno maybe its a flat, pull over and check it out  
  
*the trio stand outside the trunk*  
  
Boom boom bomm  
  
Jill: *opens the trunk*  
Akuma: *all bloodied* Meeeee,  
Jill: Don't say it!  
Akuma: Meee, mee, meeee  
Jill: Doooonnnn't Say it!  
Akuma: Suit  
Jill: I told ya not to say it! *begins beating up Akuma*  
Hood: *pulls out a knife and cuts his throat* Abayo!  
Gambit: *pulls out a gun and shoots Akuma in da face*  
Jill: I told him not to say it.  
Hood: Tee hee hee, your a funny girl Jill.  
Jill: What do ya mean by that?  
Hood: Huh? I jus said you was funny Miss Scary Zombie Lady!  
Jill: Zombie lady? I'm a Zombie Lady to you?  
Hood: Yeah!  
Jill: What you mean im some kinda misstress of the night, that I wear black dresses and walk around with big boobies so you can oogle and pause the tape when I bend over just so you can rub one off while watching horror movies?  
Hood: No, I just ment your Scary Zombie lady  
Jill: I am a zombie lady....  
Hood: Yeah don't get offended!  
Jill: Offended?   
*Telepathic message: Heroes of earth, your planet is in grave danger, you must band together to defeat the evil, meet me and XX Coordinates in OO, god speed!*  
Gambit: *gets in the car and drives off*  
  
And so the gathering began....  
  
Jin: *arrives at the gathering place with Cammy, CapCom, and Felecia* Hmm, this looks pretty chill, Looks like everyone is here eh  
Captain Commando: Yeah, hey girls, lets go see what this is about  
Jin: Ok, ill just hang here in the back *Cammy, CapCom, and Felecia walk off*  
Dan: Yo!!  
Jin: Huh? DAN! Whats up, I havnt seen you since you left the Cappa Comma fraturnity! What you been up to?  
Dan: Well, saved the world, avenged my fathers death, you know how it goes. You here for the gathering of heroes?  
Jin: Yeah, seems like fun  
Charlie: Popcorn, get your popcorn here!  
Jin: I'll take a bag!  
Dan: Hey, you wanna go for a drink after the meeting?  
Jin: Sure, see you then  
Dan: Ok, see you, sorry this conversation didnt have that many jokes  
Jin: Oh, thats ok, your not funny unless your drunk anyway. And besides the plot needed a bit of developing  
  
ANd so the heroes were gathered....  
  
Ruby: greeting heroes of earth! I am Ruby Heart, and the world is in danger! Get ready for the ride of your life! Im gonna take ya for a ride! Duh na nuh, na na nuh! Gonna take ya for a ride!!!  
Cable: Shut up bitch! *throws a grenade*  
Ruby: Ahhh! You dont like my singing!  
Storm: *strikes Ruby's podium with lighting*  
Ruby: Ahh! My podium!  
Cyclops: We dont need these Capcom heroes to help us save the world, do we baby? *fondles Iceman's ass*  
Iceman: No, I say we just kill them all!  
Ruby: NO! No you should fight, Abyss is the one we need to be fighting!  
Juggernaunt: *standing up* Lets get them!  
Sonson: Down in front!  
Juggernaunt: Shut up   
Ruby: Be quiet! The world needs all of your help!!  
Amingo: Dont tell SonSon to shut up!  
Hulk: Hulk smash small stupid character!  
Ruby: Please Clam down....  
Blackheart: Hey Ryu, you sold your soul to be hero of Street Fighters, I've come to collect!  
Ken: Ha! You will have to get by me first! *jumps at Blackheart*  
Cable: *shoots Ken in the chest*  
Ken: Ow, you...shot...me *falls back into Ryu's arms*  
Ryu: Ken, Ken, talk to me! You cant die Ken! I havnt returned your headband yet.  
Cable: *face in shadow* Give it to him in hell, *aims gun and Ryu's head*  
Akuma: Me Suit! *hits Cable with Fireball*  
Cable: Gah!  
*by now the everyone has erupted into an all out rumble*  
Sakura: Ryu! Ryu wait up!  
Shuma Gorath: *jumps on her back* Your going no where hunney, Im gonna make you into a star, a HENTAI star! Muhuhauhahaha!   
Sakura: Ahh, ahh, stop, dont touch there, drop the tentecles, some one help!!!  
Hayato: *watching* Im not helping  
Strider: Me either  
Rogue: Hiyah! *rips Amingo in half* ha ha ha I am overpowered and invincible!!  
Zangief: Oh yeah!?  
Rogue: Yeah!  
Zangief: *turns mech*  
Rogue: *punches him*  
Zangief: *grabs and throws her*  
Rogue: Oh no, I cant punch him, ahhhhhh *dies*  
Psylocke: Crap, if I cant Air Combo him, Im as worthless as a Hooker in a wheel chiair!  
Zangief: Die! *kills Psylocke*  
Iceman: Oooo hey sexy in the underpants!  
Zangief: Who me?  
Iceman: yeah!  
Zangief: I kill you!  
Iceman: Icebeamicebeamicebeamicebeamicebeamicebeam!  
Zangief: Ooo!  
Cable: *sticks finger in Icemans butt*  
Iceman: Ooo, hey Cable!  
Cable: Allow me Madam  
Iceman: Of course!  
  
Jin: Damn, its a warzone out here!  
Dan: you said that right, we gotta get outta here, the world is in danger, this aint the time to be fighting *ducks a flying Marrow*  
Jin: We need to regroup, I came here with Cammy, Captain Commando, and Felicia, Ill go and get them, you need to get a hold of Ruby so we can go whip the badguy!  
*suddenly the floor is ripped apart by a tentecle*  
Omega Red: Omega Destroyer!  
Morrigan: He is attacking Dan and Jin, time to strike while he back is turned, SOUL ERASER!  
Omega Red: *magically blocks*  
Morrigan: What the!  
Omega Red: *shoots above Morrigan, then attacks her 25 time with his tentecle on the way down*  
Chun Li: Ah ha! He is in the air and distracted, time for my Air Demon! Hiya!!!!!! *fizzles* Uh oh!  
Megaman: I wonder what happened to Chun Li's moves?  
Chun Li: oops, its that time of the month, sorry!  
Guile: I will get him when he lands, Sonic Hurricane!  
Omega Red: *ducks down so low, he begins to merge with the ground and the ground covers him*  
Guile: Where did he go!?!?  
Omega Red: Right behind you!  
Charlie: SOMERSAULT! *kicks Omega Red*  
Omega: Oh no my Capcom Issue Cheesey Super Auto Guard has been defeated by your Capcom Issue Supreme Priority Anti Air Attack! *dies*  
  
*elsewhere*  
Jin: Cammy, Cammy!  
Bison: Get him Cammy!  
Cammy: Lock on!! Hiyah! *flies toward Cyclopes*   
Cyclopes: *taunts Cammy, making him invincible, while Juggernaunt body splashes Cammy in Mid Air*  
Cammy: What the?  
Juggernaunt: Power up!!  
Cammy: Grrr, Lock on!  
Juggernaunt: *tuants again, apparently making him intaginble, Cycops Drop kicks in*  
Cammy: What is going on? This is impossible!  
Jin: Cammy! There you are!  
Cammy: Oh Jin, there you are *juggernaunts is running up behind her*  
Jin What the, Cammy! Behind you, nnnnnnnnnooooooooooo!  
Juggernaunt: Juggernaunt PUNCH! *hits Cammy*  
Cammy: nnnooo!! *everything gets dark, everyone turns and looks at Cammy, only her heartbeat can be heard as she flys through the air*  
Jin: Cammy!! *Captain Commando, Felecia, Servbot, and Anakaris back Jin up*  
Jin: nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooo! *Music suddenly starts, Jin and company dance*  
Jin: As he came into the battlefield, it was the sound of, an assist call...ha!  
Jin: As she flew through the air, she was the victim of, Juggy Punch  
Jin: She was rolling on the ground, you could see, she was disabled  
Jin: Cammy are you ok? Cammy are you ok?  
Jin: Are you ok Cammy?  
Jin: Cammy are you ok? Cammy are you ok?  
Jin: Are you ok Cammy?  
Jin: Cammy are you ok? Cammy are you ok?  
Jin: Are you ok Cammy?  
Jin: You been hit by, you been punched by, you been hit by, a Smoooooth, Glitcher  
Jin: *begins solo dance as backup singer sing*  
BckupSingers: As he came into the battlefield, it was the sound of, an assist call  
BckupSingers: As she flew through the air, she was the victim of, Juggy Punch  
Cammy are you ok? Cammy are you ok?  
Are you ok Cammy?  
Cammy are you ok? Cammy are you ok?  
Are you ok Cammy?  
Cammy are you ok? Cammy are you ok?  
Are you ok Cammy?  
Jin: *throws hands up in air* HHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! *energy flies everywhere, killing everyone nearby*  
Captain Commando: Good shot Jin!  
Captain America: You should be worried about your shots! Hiya! *smacks Commando on the back of head with shield*  
CapCom: Captain America eh? There is only room for one Captain in this battle!  
CapAmer: Oh yeah! Bring it on! *they lock*  
CapCom: Grrrrrr, you bastard!  
CapAmer: Bring it up!  
CapCom: You mean on!  
CapAmer: Whatever!  
CapCom: You fool, you forgot to bring your teammates to the fight! Mummy Comando, Ninja Commando, Baby Commando, attack!  
CapAmer: Oh yeah, I didnt forget, Iron Man, back me up!  
Iron Man: oh yes, yes of course *hic* Avvvveeennnngeerssss Assblybly! *hic* *takes a swig from a bottle marked XXX* Yes now Im gonna, gonna, what was I gonna do againsss? Oh yesshh, courshh! Protin Cannin! *hic*  
*on a satilite*  
War Machine: Oh yeeaaahh beeatttcchh! Mmmm hmmmm! Suck it baby yeeeaaaa yeeeaaaaa!   
*a button labeled, Proton Cannon lights up*  
Button: Beep beep beep  
Scarlett Witch: Mmmmphhh?  
War Machine: Wait dont stop bitch!  
Scarlett Witch: Mmmm hhmm hmm mphhh!  
WarMachine: baaah, what he be wanting now!!! Proton Cannon den maybe? How about this?  
Iron Man: Prrrroooton Canon! *hic* Hey whatwsh the dealio, io?  
*Proton Canon appears 20 feet above IronMan's head, falls on him and kills him instantly*   
  
*elsewhere in the battle*  
BB Hood: DIE!!! THIS IS FOR LEAVING ME IN THE WOODS WITH JILL!! *sprays Uzi at Gambit*  
Gambit: Whoe cher! Don be worrin bout da tings!  
Hood: You dont know the things she made me do!!!   
Jill: *bouncing a pingpong ball in her hand*  
Jill: Im a member of STARS! *throws ball over her shoulder and gets into fighitng stance*  
Gambit: Credit Card!! *throw cards at Hood and Jill*  
Dan: *sneaking past the battle*   
Dan: Man, this is off the hook, huh?  
Wolverine: *lands in front of Dan* Come On Bub!  
Dan: Oh yeah!?!?! *hits Wolverine so hard, that the fabric of space and time rips, and he knocks Wolverine so hard that Wolverine becomes two seperate entities*  
Wolverine1: Ow!  
Wolverine2: Crap, that hurt!  
*Sentinal lands*  
Sentinal: Destroy Capcom  
Dan: No dont destroy Capcom!  
Sentinal: I must use my attacks with great skill, because I am so slow  
Dan: He is slow, I'll run  
Sentinal: Rocket Punch! *hits dan with light speed*  
Dan: OW! What? I thought you were suppose to be slow!!  
Sentinal: It takes a lot of skill! Sentinal Drones! Mouth Beam! Sentinal Force!  
Dan: Ahh! Ack ack!   
Sentinal: Now to terminal your life, DESTROY HIM DRONES! *drones fly at Dan*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!!  
Sentinal: Impossible, my drones have been blocked?   
*Tuxedo Mask music plays as Ruby stands above the battle field on a street light (anyone know how the hell Tuxedo Mask always gets on those things anyway?)*  
Ruby: Im sorry, I cannot allow you to destroy that man,   
Dan: Yahhooi!  
Sentinal: Why not?  
Ruby: Because he owes me three dollars! *flys at Sentinal*  
Sentinal: Ack! *dies*  
Dan: Wow! You saved me!  
Ruby: Yeah I did, no cough up my three.... what?  
Dan: Huh?  
Ruby: DOH! I thought you were Sol Badguy, HE owes me three bucks, not you, whoever you are  
Dan: Im Dan Hibiki! Sol is my clone!  
Ruby: Im Ruby Heart, now you better get off this planet while your still alive, its about to be destroyed by Abyss  
Dan: You mean David  
Ruby: Wait? *grabs Dan by the scruff of the collar* What do you know about it!!  
Dan: I let him loose, and now me and my college buddy Jin are going to kick his butt!  
Ruby: *Hmmm, this guy let him out? I cant defeat Abyss alone, but what if this guy can help...if he is telling the truth about Sol being his clone, then he must have the same power as, Sol. We might stand a chance*  
Dan: *watches Ruby stand there silent*  
Ruby: *He is kinda cute, in a pink sort of way. But I dont think even with him we can stand a chance*  
Dan: *Begins to pick his nose*  
Ruby: *Maybe if we had a Big Robot*  
*The Bloodia II lands, making Magneto, Thanos, Colossus, Marrow, Venom, and Spiderman all bloody smears on the ground (Bloodia got big feet)*   
Jin: Dan, come on, hop in we gotta go!  
Ruby: Count me in! 


	6. The Confrontation With Abyss

*Jin, Ruby Heart, and Dan Hibiki are in the Bloodia, en route to do battle with Abyss*  
  
Jin: We will be at Abyss's temple in a few minutes  
Dan: Good!   
Ruby: So where did you meet Jin?  
Dan: A few minutes ago, I approached him in the crowd, I was gonna ask where he got that cool suit, and he thought I went to college with him, and we just hit off  
Ruby: Ahh, I see *sigh*  
Dan: Whats the matter?  
Ruby: Its, nothing really, its just I think I have failed.... Abyss has won alraedy and the fight hasnt started....  
Dan: *slaps Ruby* SNAP OUT OF IT!!!  
Ruby: What the? *decks Dan*  
Dan: Oww!! Jeezus  
Ruby: I AM FOCUSED!!!  
Dan: Jeez, ok, ok. Im a little unnevered and the fact that everybody died in that last chapter, who comes back in the chapters after this?  
Ruby: Oh when we beat AByss everything goes back to normal and they come back  
Dan: Your kidding  
Ruby: Nope  
Dan: Thats just something Oni wrote in because he realized he killed everyone in that last chapter isnt it  
Ruby: Yeah, aint that lame?  
Ruby: *Strange, this guy doesnt look so strong, but he has something about him. A determination to win. Its strange, but Abyss will spit him up. Sad, but he is gonna get butchered, yet, I dont want him too. What is this tingling sensation in my pants? I feel so, warm....*  
Jin: Uhh, sorry about the heat guys, the heater has been acting up, oh and Ruby, get off my Ant Farm please, your sitting on it...  
Ruby: Oh sorry...  
Dan: So what kinda system you got on this mech Jin?  
Jin: Well twin vulcan cannons, 100k horsepower engines, 6th generation turbo hydrolics systems, and a Dimensial Time Rift that allows it to punch through space and time to hit people that I am fighting while on the ground!  
Dan: I mean Speaker System, cuts some fight tunes on  
Ruby: Oh I got just the CD *produces "Ruby and the Pirates's Greatest Hits*  
Jin: Let me see it  
Ruby: *gives CD  
Jin: Hmmm *puts CD in*  
Radio: Gonna take ya for a ride  
Jin: Blah!!!  
Ruby: Its our hit single!  
Dan: Ahhh!  
Jin: *chunks CD out window* Dan pick something....  
Dan: *flips through CD book* Hmmm, metallica, Floyd, Floyd, Alien Ant Farm, Micheal Jackson, Black Sabbat, More Floyd, System of a Down, what the? Donny Osmond?  
Ruby: Donny Osmond?  
Jin: uhh, its my mom's CD  
Dan: Oh... why do you have all these copies of Eninem?  
Jin: I like listening to the first few seconds, then breaking that peice of crap CD and throwing the pieces out the window, I do that to reassure myself that I still fit the IQ requirement to realize whats sucky music sounds like  
Dan: Hmm, ok how about some Slipknot  
Jin: Sure whatever  
Radio: *begins playing "Spit it Out"*  
Ruby: Did you evah give a damn in the first place, maybe its time you had the tables turned!!!!  
In the interest of all involved, i got the problems solved ah ROOOOOR ROROROARAOOOO HOOTOTOROROOORORRORRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
Dan: Jeezus!  
Ruby: SPPPIIITTT IT OUT!!!  
Dan: You dont have to sing if ya dont want to Ruby  
Ruby: SSSSPPPPIIITTT IT OUT!!!!  
Dan: *strange, as she manaically screams allong with the screams on the tape in bad tune, spraying spittle everywhere, she seems kinda, unique, kinda, cute*  
  
Later, Bloodia landed, and our heroes, The Hero Team of Ruby, Dan, and Jin enter the temple of Abyss....  
  
Abyss: ha ha ha, only three heroes have enough courage to fight for thier planet? Pathetic!  
Jin: We will show you how pathetic we are!!  
*The Floating Ball brings armor around itself*  
Dan: Jeesus! Its a jello keg!  
Jin: Ill take care of him!!  
Ruby: Becareful Jin!!  
Jin: Spladddaa!!! *punches gut* Got ya!  
Abyss: *bitchslaps Jin*  
Jin: AhhH!  
Ruby: Leave him alone!! *flies into him as a fireball*  
Abyss: hahaha! *fires a huge beam, toasting Ruby*  
Ruby: Blllaahhh!  
Dan: Here i come big guy! Koryuken!  
Abyss: *charges Dan, ramming him into the wall*  
Dan: Blah!  
Jin: Get of'em!!! *uppercuts*  
Abyss: Hmmm? ha ha! *throws a green jello spear through Jin*  
Jin: Ow!   
Dan: I gottem! *jump kicks Abyss*  
Abyss: Hahaha! *calls Jello Rain down*  
Dan: What the? *blocks*  
Abyss: What? *swings at Dan*  
Dan: *blocks*  
Abyss: Impossible!  
Dan: *punches Abyss a few times*  
Abyss: *fires a HUGE beam*  
Dan: *blocks*  
Abyss: Nnnooo!!  
Dan: AHAAA! I have found your weakness! IF I BLOCK YOUR ATTACKS THEY ONLY HURT A ITTSY BITTSY BIT!  
Jin: Wha!?!? Ingenious!!! Who would have ever thought of it! *double kicks Abyss*  
Ruby: What a sly trick! *tosses an anchor at Abyss*  
Abyss: *fires a beam at the trio*  
Trio: *all block*  
Abyss: NNnnnnooooooo *dies*  
Ruby: Yay we did it!!!  
*Jello Man Abyss arises*  
Jin: As i thought, he went to the Capcom school of bosses, Final Bosses always have more than one form, be it a Shin form, or just excessive, zany vehicles like Dr Willy!  
Abyss: Thats right! Now face your death! Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *fires flamethrower*  
Jin: *is 20 feet away*  
Dan: Ooooo, Im scared!  
Abyss: *suddenly switches to a pen lazer and hits Dan in the chest*  
Dan: Ow! That is a Purple Nurple gun! *holds nipples in pain*  
Jin: Remember to block Dan  
Ruby: Ill take care of this, Chevet Seller! *Blue Energy hits Abyss from under him*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *flamethrower*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *flamethrower*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *flamethrower*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *Purple Nurple gun*  
Ruby: *blocks*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *flamethrower*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *flamethrower*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: Ha ha ha ha! *flamethrower*  
Ruby: Chevet Seller!  
Abyss: *dies*  
Ruby: Yay!  
Dan: Wait for it!  
Jin: *waits*  
Ruby: *waits  
Dan: *waits*  
*Big huge red Abyss appears*  
Abyss: I cannot be defeated!!!  
Dan: Triple Team!  
Jin: Bloodia Punch!!!!  
Ruby: Million Phatoms!   
Dan: Shinku Gadoken!!  
Abyss: Nnnnnooooooo *dies*  
Dan: Yahhoiii we saved the world!!!  
Jin: Yeah! Time for ticket tape parades, all the babes we can get!!!  
Ruby: Celebrity Status, Millions of Dollars!!  
Dan: Yeah!  
God: Your name will be inscribed on the pages of fighting history  
Jin: wwwhhaaatttt?  
Dan: What a jip!!! Oh well might as well do our victory poses....   
Jin: *pulls out sword* Im gonna slice up that orb!  
Dan: Yatteze OUYAJII!  
Ruby Heart: Wow your such a hottie, how can I ever repay you?  
Dan: How about dinner at my place?  
Ruby: Its a date!  
Dan: No its a house....  
  
*That night*  
  
Ruby: *looks at Dan's Pink leapord skin decqua*  
Ruby: Wow I love pink, its so, passionatte.  
Dan: You wait in the dinning room while I fix dinner *gives himself thumbs-up as he turns away*  
Ruby: *calling from the dining room as she has a seat* Whats for dinner?  
Dan: *Walks over to fridge* How about some leftover singapore rice noodle?  
Ruby: I would like that.  
Dan: *Open's fridge*  
Akuma: Me Suit!  
Dan: AHhhhh! *slams fridge shut*  
Dan: How about we go to my bedroom instead?  
Ruby: Great idea!  
  
*They go to the room and close the door*  
  
Dan: See, check it out!  
Ruby: Oh wow! Its so BIG!  
Dan: Yeah!   
Ruby: What are you gonna do with it?  
Dan: Play with it of course!  
Ruby: Could I play too?  
Dan: Sure, how about this?  
Ruby: Oh, I love that! Quick stick it in!  
  
*There is a knock on the door*  
  
Dan: Comeing! *Opens* Hi, what took you so long? Wait! Your not the Trojan Man!  
*A black robed figure stands before him*  
Man: I'm a censor, I've come to shut this story down!   
Dan: Why whats going on?  
Mod: YOU know whats going on! This story isnt NC-17!  
Dan: What? Me and Ruby where about to play Sega on my big screen TV, we were about to Stick in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo. Wanna play!  
Mod: Your coming downtown with me!  
  
*Censor throws him in the squadcar*  
  
Dan: So where did you get that funny robe?  
Censor: Hmm? You think Me Suit is funny?  
Dan: What did you say?  
Censor: I said do you find my clothes funny?  
Dan: THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID!!! Ahhhh!  
Censor: *throws off robe*  
Akuma: Me Suit!  
Dan: *begins to walk away from the raging demon*  
Dan: Leave me alone!  
Akuma: Me Suit! *follows*  
Dan: *hides behind a tree (yeah didn't you know Dan lived in the woods?) and trips Akuma as he floats by*  
Akuma: Me Suit! I got Mud on Me Suit!  
Dan: *runs home*  
  
*When Dan arrives he finds Ruby in bed with Remy!*  
  
Ruby: Who's yo daddy? Who's yo daddy?  
Remy: I dunno! I dunno!  
Dan: Taidyma Sanjo!  
Ruby: Oh yes! Im through with the appitizer *tosses Remy away* Now for the man course! *jumps on Dan*  
  
Dan: *Gives thumbs up as credits roll*  
  
But as the end credits for this adventure are mearly the opening credits for another.... 


	7. Whats Pink Got to Do With It?

*the morning after*  
Dan: Snore, snore snore  
Ruby: *wakes up*  
Dan: *is drooling on her face*  
Ruby: Aww thats so cute...  
Dan: Hmm? *wakes up*  
Ruby: Hey baby!  
Dan: Hey sugar... *conks out again*  
Ruby: Wake up!  
Dan: Hmm? Oh, hey sugar  
Ruby: I got a Pirate meeting today, I gotta go, er, whats that poking me?  
Dan: Raising the flag, salute the morning bone!  
Ruby: Sorry, no time today, I gotta go   
Dan: Hey, I'll call your house later, lets go do something   
Ruby: K, *exits*  
Dan: Ahh, oh well.   
Phone: *ring, ring*  
Dan: Hmm, who could that be?  
  
*at the Pirate Meeting*  
Ruby: What do you mean I cant go out with Dan?  
Pink the Leader of the Pirate League: Im sorry but we cant have out Pirates going out with the likes of him, Dan Hibiki  
Ruby: But Pink, thats stupid, why cant I see him?  
Pink: Because I dont think its right!!!   
Ruby: Who cares what you think!  
Pink: YOU BETTER CARE!  
Ruby: .......pimp  
Pink: *gasp* What was that  
Ruby: PIMP!!!  
Pink: Nnnooo!!  
Ruby: PIMP PIMP PIMP PIMP!!!!  
Pink: AAAHHHH how dare you!!!   
Ruby: PIMPPIMPPIMPPIMPPIMPPIMP!!!  
Pink: AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!! Thats it!! If you dont drop your relationship now then Ill kill you, now im assigning you to the Great Lakes!! Go rob ships!  
Ruby: Great Lakes!?!? But Pink!  
Pink: You should have thought about that before you spoke the forbidden word!!   
  
*CapCom, Felicia, and Dan are standing in Captain Commando's Yard*  
  
Cap: Ok Dan, you be careful with the house, I only hired you as a house sitter because Akuma was busy cleaning Me Suit. Somehow he got mud on it.  
Dan: Don't worry Cap'n, you and Felicia have a good time at that beach your going too.  
Fel: Happy happy, Joy joy  
Dan: You guys need change for the vibrating bed?  
Cap: Nah I think we can handle it, we will be back in a week.  
Dan: Ok!  
  
*Dan walks into the domesticated house*  
Dan: Hey cool this is house is like something out of Austin Powers, Im kinda hungry, wonder whats in the fridge...  
*Dan opens the fridge*   
Dan: Let's see, we got soda, purple stuff, Sunny D!!  
*Dan pours him some Sunny D*  
Dan: Mmmm that hits the spot! Time for a house party! *calls up Ryu* Hey Ryu its me Dan! Im getting a party togeth-, hello? Hello? *calls Sakura* hey Sakura its me Dan! Im-, hello? hello? *calls up Ken* Hey Ken its me, da...hello? *calls up Jill*  
*at Jill's house*  
*bring bring*  
Jill: *answers her walkie talkie* Yes!  
Dan: Hey Jill I am getting up a party at..  
Jill: Im a member of stars  
Dan: ohhh kay, look you want to come over?  
Jill: *jumps up and down* Come on! Come on!  
Dan: Yahhoooii! Can you run by Ruby's house and pick her up!  
Jill: Yes!  
*Dan hangs up*  
  
Dan: Yes! Jill and Ruby are coming over, all to myself! I need entertainment, maybe Captain Commando has some filty movies or something, or at least a copy of Darkstalkers 3  
  
  
*Dan walks into the bedroom*  
Dan: *flips over the matress* no not under there...  
Dan: *spies some red glasses on the nightstand*   
Dan: Hey cool! Sunglasses! *puts them on*  
*Dan is surrounded by a beam of light and becomes Captain Saikyo*  
CapS: Hey look at me! Im a super hero! YAHHOI! Captain Fiyahh! *burns a hole in the wall*  
CapS: Captain Corridah! *knocks a hole in the roof*  
CapS: YAHHOI! nobody can stop me! *doorbell*  
CapS: Yes! Jill and Ruby will dig me for this! *answers the doorbell*  
Ruby: *is crying with Jill pating her back*  
CapS: Hey babe! Look at me!  
Ruby: *sniff* Dan I got some bad news...  
CapS: Im not Dan! Im Captain Saikyo! Why you crying?  
Ruby: We cant see each other anymore Dan, I've been told by my superiors, Pirates just cant go around banging Pink-Clad street fighters.  
Dan: But Im not wearing Pink anymore, look, Im Captain Saikyo!  
Ruby: Whatever, we cant love each other anymore, goodbye....  
Jill: Your finished!  
CapS: Wait! Whats love got to do with it!  
(Ruby walks into the sunset)  
Jill: Dont worry about it, why not go on a picnic with me and a few friends, it will cheer you up!  
CapS: Well, I guess so, as long as I get laid.....  
.  
.  
.  
.  
  
  
Remy: Excuse me, but is my father home?  
  
CapS: He went to da beach kid, and quit bothering me! Captain Fiyahh! 


	8. Resident Evil: Code Chouhatsu

Later that Evening...  
  
Dan: Man this is the last time I go on a picnic with you guys!  
Jill: *slams the door* Man that was close  
Wesker: Wow!.................What a mansion!  
Dan: *looks at Wesker* Hey dude I love your cartoon show, Mr. Bravo  
*bang bang*  
Jill: What was that?  
Wesker: Maybe its Chris?  
Barry: I'll go and check! *goes to the door*  
Jill: Ill go with you! *goes*  
Dan: Me too! *goes*  
Wesker: Let me handle this!   
Dan: *turns around* Arn't you coming?  
Wesker: Let me handle this!  
Dan: You cant handle it standing there! Doh wait up guys! *runs after Jill and Barry*  
Barry: What!?!? What IS this?  
Dan: Looks like blood  
Jill: What is it?  
Dan: I just told you all  
Barry: Blood!!  
Dan: Duh!  
Barry: Go look for more clues, Ill be examining this  
Dan: Hey, Santa Cluase, its just a pool of blood  
Barry: *looks at the pool of the blood from top to bottom, and repeats, Jill walks off*  
Dan: Ummmm, so when are the DNA tests gonna come back Barry!  
Jill: Look out its a monster! *runs in being chased by Maryln Manson*  
Barry: Look out Jill! *barry then takes out his magnum and shoots Marylin in the head 5 times before he dies*  
Dan: I thought that was a magnum not a cap gun! It took 5 head shots to kill him!  
Barry: We better report to Wesker *exit*  
  
  
Barry: WESSSKEERR!  
Dan: wow, what an unexpected turn of events this is  
Barry: We should split up and cover more ground!  
Dan: Another stunning revelation!  
Barry: Here Jill, take this lockpick, you the master of unlocking my make use of it!  
Dan: ........ What the Flying Fuck are you talking about, your crazy!  
Jill: Thanks later!  
Dan: Hey Barry can I have a gun!  
Barry: ......  
Dan: Grandpa! Gun! Now!  
Barry: No, your didn't say please  
Dan: Hey Barry, take this foot, you the master of shoving things up your ass, might make use of it!!!  
  
  
*Later*  
Dan: Hey cool a shotgun! *click* hmmmm  
Jill: Great lets go!  
Dan: Butt...  
Jill: Your always talking about my butt, lets go.  
*the ceiling begins to falls*  
Dan: Crap!  
Jill: The door is locked!  
Barry: *knocks on the door* Jill are you ok in there?  
Jill: Just a minute *we hear a flushing sound*  
Dan: I could shoot the door with this shotgun I found!  
Jill: That will never work! Its made of wood!  
Dan: .....  
Barry: Im gonna kick this door down!   
*kicks door down, they escape*  
Jill: Weren't you going to the dining room to do some research?  
Dan: Research? What you gonna look up blood in the encylopedia or something?  
Barry: I found a weapon its really powerful!   
Dan : *yoink* what is it? It looks like a bowling ball case.  
Jill: What about you?  
Barry: I have this! *holds up cap gun from earlier*  
Dan: *pats on shoulder* Good Luck!  
  
*later still*   
  
Dan: *busts down door*   
Jill: *screams* Its the real Slim Shady!  
Dan: *shoots in the head with shotgun*  
Dan: Wait a minute that wasn't the real Slim SHady!!  
Jill: There he is over there!   
Dan: *shoots shoots shoots....*  
  
* Even More Later*   
  
Barry: Don't worry guys, I got this rope here and I will let you down this hole, I promise!   
*Dan and Jill go down the rope*   
Barry: Doh! I dropped the rope by accident, really I did!   
Dan: You peice of crap!   
Barry: Sorry guys.   
Dan: Go get another rope right now!   
Jill: I guess we better go deeper..   
Dan: Why can't we just wait for more rope?   
*Dan and Jill are alone in the dark*   
Dan: So lets get started   
Jill: What is this big thing?   
Dan: Is it hard?   
Jill: yeah, big and hard. Im scared   
Dan: Don't worry it won't hurt you, let me push   
Jill: Be careful!   
Dan: Ill be gentle.   
Dan: eugghhh!   
Jill: OOOo! I think it moved.   
Dan: Its right over a hole, you want me to push it in?   
Jill: Yeah   
Dan: EEEEUUUGGHHH! Its a tight fit! There!   
Dan: Wow this hole is bigger than I thought,   
Jin: Don't fall in!   
Dan: Its huge, doh!   
*Dan falls through the hole into the basement*   
  
*more later*  
  
Jill: Hmm, an art gallery.  
Dan: Ick  
Jill: All these peices of art have something to life span, and they all have switches, so we need to hit the switches starting with the newborn and ending with the...  
Dan: *rips down the last painting, revealing another crest* You looking for this?  
  
*after that*  
  
Wesker: *points gun at Jill* Hahahaha! Thats right I was behind it do you why?  
Jill: Because you are bitter that you are nothing but a funny memory of the Rap Community?  
Vanilla Ice: Thats right! Everybody liked Ice Ice Baby! But not my second song!  
Jill: What was your second song anyway?  
Vanilla Ice: Even I don't remember that!  
Dan: *walks in* Ahhh! *shoots Wesker with shotgun*  
Jill: Phew, thanks Dan.  
Dan: Don't worry I didn't like Wesker anyway.  
Jill: He was Vannilla Ice  
Dan: AAhhhh! *sets the body aflame*  
Jill: Check out this labratory!  
*Tyrant appears*  
Tyrant: Rarr  
Dan: *rips off Tyrant's heart and steps on it*  
Tyrant: *dies*  
  
Jill and Dan: Yahhoooii!! We did it! Lets get on the helicopter  
Jill: na, na, na, na I'm the only J, I, double L  
Dan: na na na na Im the only D, A, N!  
  
*fly into the sunset  



	9. Evil Intent Dead

*Dan, Sakura, and Ryu all go to mountains for some rest, Ryu to take a break from training (hell has froze over fyi) Sakura to try and catch Ryu in the shower, and Dan to try forget about his fiasco on his date with Jill, oh and to catch Sakura in the shower*  
  
"Evil Intent Dead"  
  
Dan: Hey look at this old bridge! Its the only way across, if it falls down we will be trapped on the other side! I better floor it across to give it a good Shake!  
Ryu: No wait dont! *vrooom*  
  
*The Bridge still stands*  
  
Dan: WTF!?   
Sakura: Just go Dan!  
Dan: No! Im the strongest I can beat a old bridge!  
Ryu: If it falls then.... *Dan backs up over it vrooommmm*  
Sakura: Dan go forward before it caves in!  
Dan: Shut up I know what Im doing!  
  
*The Bridge begins to creak and it collapses as Dan drives off*  
  
Dan: YAHOOI!  
Ryu: Great, now we are trapped on this side of the ravine.  
Dan: Nah, their has to be anohter way around.  
Sakura: You just said thats the only way.  
Dan: I did? Oh yeah I did! but I must have lied. Here we are at the house!  
  
*They all get out and go inside, Ryu finds a tape player*  
  
Ryu: I found a tape player.  
Dan: Hey cut on some tunes! *cuts on player*  
Voice of Akuma: Hello and welcome to "Akuma's little ole cottage of Evil Intent" Enjoy your stay here and if you would like to be possesed by demons, please fast forward, if not stop the ta....  
Dan: Boring! *fast forwards, tape stops*  
Akuma: Me Suit, Your Suit, His Suit, Her Suit, Me Suit, Your Suit, His Suit, Her SUit  
Ryu: *Shuts it off* Ha I'll never go Evil, that is so 1990's  
  
*Night falls, Dan and Ryu are playing Ballz (10 cool points to those who remember that game)*  
  
Ryu: Man I lost! GGggrrrrrr......  
Dan: Chill out Ryu, here have some nachos with Chili dip, oops  
Ryu: Me Suit! You got chili on Me Suit! *Turns Evil*  
Dan: Ahhh! *jumps out the window with a crash*  
Ryu: *turns to Sakura* Rarr!  
Sakura: IIiiiiii!!!! *runs into the woods*  
  
*Sakura runs through the woods, the trees begin to get thicker, suddenly she can't move! THe branches are ripping at her clothes....*  
  
Sakura: Help! Help someone! *notices the string attached to the braches*  
Sakura: Dan would you cut it out!  
Dan: *Jumps down from tree and drops the puppet strings* Sorry Sakura.  
Evil Ryu: *jumps out from behind a tree* Me Suit!!  
Dan: *hits him in the head with an apple core* Dah!  
Evil Ryu: *dies*  
  
*Dan and Sakura run back to the house*  
  
Sakura: Man whats gotten into Ryu  
Dan: I dunno  
Dan's sockpuppet: Me either  
Sakura: Quit playing with your sock puppets! This is serious!  
Dan: Sock puppet? *turns to sock puppet* Do you know what she is talking about.  
Sock Puppet: Nope  
Dan: Ahhhh! A Sock Puppet!  
Sock: *bites at Dan's neck*  
Dan: Ahh help help!  
Sakura: *turns evil*  
Sakura: Me Sailor Suit!  
Dan: *runs through the house*  
Sakura: *takes out cepter and begins to twirl it around*  
Sakura: Moon, Sailor, Evil, Cepter, Elimi... where'd he go?  
  
  
Dan: *is in kitchen fighting with his sock puppet*  
Dan: Ikozura!  
Sock Puppet: You won't kill me! Im your only companion.  
Dan: There are many fish in the sea, just like there are 2 hands on my arms! *cuts hand off with a dull spoon*  
Dan: Victory!  
Sock Puppet: =P ppffffffttttt  
Dan: Hey!  
Sock Puppet: Whats the matter you need a hand?  
Dan: Shut up!  
Sock Pupper: *runs off, or slithers, whatever dismembered sock puppets do*  
  
Sakura: Me Sailor Suit!  
Sock Puppet: He went around back! Get him!!  
Sakura: *runs off after him*  
  
*there is a knock at the door*  
  
Voice: uhh, Domino's  
Sock Puppet: Me Suit?  
Voice: Uhh, I have a submarine sandwhich and some, uh, hand cream.  
Sock Puppet: Whats the password?  
Voice: Uhh, Me Suit?  
Sock Puppet: *Opens the door*  
Dan: *cranks up chainsaw hand* Who's taunting now!! HAHAHAHAAHAH!  
Sakura: *Runs up behind Dan* Me Sailor Suit!!  
Dan: *turns and swipes her in half* I told you to learn Saikyo Ryu, but you didn't belive me, WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE ME!  
Sakura: The horror..........the horror......  
  
Dan: *turns to Sock Puppet* Now its your turn!!!  
  
*A time warp opens, and sucks Dan into it*   
  
Dan: YAHOOI!  
Dan: *Looks around*   
Ryu: Hey who are you?  
Sagat: Why are you wearing pink?  
Dan: I've landed in Street Fighter One! Now I can beat Ryu and take his place as the main character of the series! YAHOOI!  
  
THE END?  
  
  
Remy jumps out from behind a voltswagon!  
Remy: Are you my father?  
Dan: This is the past, you suppose to be a baby!  
Remy: *Turns into a little baby*  
Dan; Look at the cute baby!  
  
Baby Remy: Me Suit! *raging demon's Dan*  
Dan: Ahhh! *runs*  
Remy: *grabs Dan*  
Dan: BBBWWWAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *wakes up at his desk*  
Dan: What the? Where am I?  
Chun Li: Your at your desk rookie  
Dan: Rookie!?  
Chun Li: Yes of course, after you escaped from that mansion Jill recommended you to Interpol, remember?  
Dan: *short term memory catches up Dan* oh yeah!!  
Chun Li: Now come on Detective, we have a case! 


	10. Seven: Capcom's Deadly Sins

*Dan is wearing a pink trenchcoat and at the scene of a crime with Chun Li*  
Chun Li: Detective Dan!  
Dan: Yow! Phew you scared me! What is the crime?  
Chun Li: Cable has been murdered!  
Dan: Hmm, let me look at the body  
Chun Li: He has been shot 110 times and looks like he has been burned spereatly 20 times.  
Dan: Hmmm, hp, hp, hp, hp, hp, viper beam until death  
Chun Li: How can you tell?  
Dan: the burns multiplied by 5 equals 110  
Chun Li: Wow, your really good!  
Dan: There has to be clues somewhere  
*Chun Li and Dan look around, then see the writting on the wall in blood  
***ChEaP!!!**  
Dan: Hmmmm, cheap what does it mean?  
Chun Li: Dan! I just got word, there has been another murder!  
  
*Dan and Chun Li arrive at Iceman's crib*  
  
Dan: Hmmmmm  
ChunLi: It looks like he had been running around his house, trying to get close to the perp.  
Dan: Yeah  
*Chun Li walks up to Iceman*  
Chun Li: Dan look at this  
Dan: What?  
*Chunli points to the yellow writing on Iceman's chest*  
"Keep away"  
Dan: Hmmm, I think whoever is responsible for this is also responsible for Cable's death  
  
The Following Day....  
  
Chunny: This is the third death  
*Dan is standing over Akuma's body*  
Dan: Hmmm, he was electrocuted and then hit with many fireballs  
Chunny: Yeah, and we have evidence of this happening in mid-air as well. Sounds like a scrub did this.  
Dan: Hold on Cammy..  
Chun Li: My names Chun Li  
Dan: Oh sorry, wishful thinking. Anyway I don't think we are working with a scrub here, it doesn't make any sense.   
Chun Li: I think we are, he even wrote scrub on the wall in blood  
Dan: What? A ha! All of these have one thing in common.  
Chun Li: Teah! They are all one of the seven deadly cheap characters!  
Dan: Yes! That means the next victim should be...  
*Dan and Chunny pale, then run out the door*  
  
  
Dan: Wolvirine? Wolverine you home!?  
Chun Li: This door has been broken....  
*Dan and Chun Li walk into Wolvies home*  
Dan: *bumps his head on the door jam* Oww! Accursed midget houses?  
ChunLi: *pulls a gun* Shh!  
Dan: *pulls a banana* Hmm, the chief still wont let me carry a gun  
Chunny: Shhh!  
Dan: *Runs into the kitchen*  
*they see a bloodied pulp on the floor*  
Chunny: What is that jam?  
Dan: *bends down and touches it* No, its Mash, Mashed Wolverine.  
Chunny: Look at this  
Dan: What?  
Chunny: Mashing is written on the wall, whoever the perp is he was just here and couldn't finish the word, and look at this. *she holds up a hair pick*  
Dan: A hair pick? We better run tests on it, to the batcave!  
*batman, the TV show music starts playing*  
  
*later that night*  
  
*Dan is at home in his highrise apartment preparing to go out*   
Dan: *combing his hair in the mirror* All you ladies leave your man at home! The club is something something is full grown! And all you fellas leave your girl with your friends, cuz its 11:30 and the club is JUMPING JUMPING!   
???: Help!   
Dan: All you ladies leave your man at home! The club is something something is full grown! And all you fellas leave your girl with your friends, cuz its 11:30 and the club is JUMPING JUMPING!   
???: Help!!!   
Dan: Wassat?   
Dan: *opens his window and see Gambit flying up from the street skyward*   
Gambit: Hhhhheeeeelllllpppp! *flies past, leaving a trail of fliers behind him, Dan grabs one*   
Dan: Hmmm, ''Glitches''   
  
The Next Day, the Deaths Continue  
  
(Dan is at the morguary with Chun)   
Dan: But I don't get it, Throwing isn't cheap   
Chun: But some consider it cheap, looks like if you are consider cheap anyway shape or how, this guy is gonna get you.   
Dan: Hmmm, *looks at Zangief's stiff body*   
Dan: Its a shame   
Chun: He got taken from behind while he was watching porngraphy.   
Dan: And you found the note saying ''Throwing'' on a post-it note on his Sex Doll.   
Chunny: Yeah   
Dan: *examines Exibite A* Hmm, a ''Tonya Tickles'' doll, a nice one too, good shape, only been used maybe 3 times.   
Chun: ......   
Dan: oh yes, well I got a hunch I want to follow up on   
Chun: That is?   
Dan: The only guy evil enough to do all this, Dr. Doom. Bring the car around Chun, Ill be examining this doll.   
  
  
  
Chun: What makes you think its Doom  
Dan: I think he has cheap-o envy, he is the cheapest character and wants to keep it that way.  
*Dan and Chunny arrive at Dr Doom's castle*  
Dan: OK Mr Doom! *draws his banana* Lets dance!  
Chunny: Oh would you cut out the melo drama already?  
Dan: *Kicks in Dooms door, one of those big 20 feet high deals*  
Chunny: Wow how did you kick that door in?  
Dan: With my god givin' superhuman strength and good looks  
Chunny: Uh huh, or maybe the fact that this door was knocked of its hinges and replaced already to make it look like normal...  
Dan: Nah, I like my way better  
Chunny: Why would Doom knock his own door in?  
Dan: He didn't! I did!  
Doom: *from inside* NNNNnnnooooo!!!  
Chunny: We will discuss this later! Lets go!  
*Dan and Chun enter the castle and find Doom paralysed, standing there with his cape over his shoulder*  
Dan: Freeze!  
Chun: *check* He is dead, chipped to death.  
Dan: Doh!   
Chun: We are out of leads.  
Dan: I don't get it, he was the cheapest, nobody should have been able to kill him  
*a noise is heard over in a corner, Dan and Chun turn to see who it is*  
Dan: Oh course! It makes perfect sense!  
Chun: It cant be! It's...  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
  
Eddy Gordo!  
Eddy: Yo, you done found me out, now its time fo' you to die!  
  
  
  
Dan: Why'd you do it Eddy!  
Eddy: You said yo' self, when MvC came out, I wasn't the cheapest anymore, now I am again! *cuts on music* I'll prove it to you!  
Dan: *tosses away his banana* This will be easy  
Eddy: *Starts dancing and yelling "yayayayayayayay"*  
Dan: *runs up but gets kicked in the head and falls away* Why you! *dashes in* Koryuken!   
Eddy: *gets knocked back* Ow man that hurt!  
Dan: Come on, Robert Downey Jr put up more of a fight than that!  
Eddy: *Starts dancing again and kicks Dan 20 times!*  
Dan: Ahh! You really are cheap!  
Chun Li: *takes out Eddy's Tekken BGM CD*  
Eddy: Oh no my tunes! I can't dance without them!  
Chun Li: Don't worry, I got some tunes you will like *inserts "Ruby and the Pirates Greatest Hits*  
Boombox: Im gonna take ya for a ride  
Eddy: Nnno! I can't fight to this music!  
Dan: Nether can we, but you will get used to it where your going, Hisshou!........  
*later Chun Li watching Eddy get hauled away in a squad car, and its raining, like it always is in these types of deals*  
Dan: Well he won't be cheaping anyone to death any time soon, *turning to Chun* I would like to thank you for your help in there.  
Chun: Don't mention it, you fought bravely  
Dan: Say, now that Pink won't let me date Ruby anymore, Im a free man  
Chun Li: really?  
  
*later still, in Dan's bed room*  
Dan: YAHHOOI YAHHOI!  
Chunny: Oh Ryu, Ryu!  
Dan: What?  
Chunny: I mean, Dan! Dan!  



	11. Dan vs Silent Hill! ...and Bob Segar

And so Dan and Chun Li moved in with each other, Dan eventually lost his job at the precinct, but as long as he dressed up and acted like Ryu, Chun Li didnt mind  
  
Dan: The Fight..... is ALL  
Chun Li: Oooh baby do me!!  
  
*Some time later, on the way to a house party at Ken's House, Dan drives along the road as Chun Li doodles in a scetchbook*   
  
On the long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha,   
you can listen to the engine drumming out it one long song   
you can think about the woman, the girl you knew the night before   
But your thought will soon be wandering the way the always do   
when your ridign 16 hours and theres nothing much to do   
and you don't feel much like riding, you just wish the trip was through   
  
Dan: Ow Ruby baby!   
Chunny: What did you say! *thwap*   
Dan: Oh sorry hehe   
Chunny: *Looks at the map* We are nowhere near Ken's House   
Dan: Well, we arn't lost!   
Chunny: He lives in seattle, we are east of Omaha!   
Dan: Well Here I am on the road again....   
Chunny: look at this picture I drew of us starring in a play!   
Dan: There I am, up on the stage   
Chunny: Hey Dan, Im feeling kinda hot, why don't you put on that red headband I gave you and lets play pretend   
Dan: Here I go, playing the star again, here I go   
  
Turn the Page   
  
Well you walk into a resteruant, strung out from the road   
you can feel the eyes upon you as you shake of the cold   
you pretend it doesn't bother you but you just want to explode   
  
*Dan and Chunny walk in a diner*   
  
Dan: Im not lost!   
Chunny: We need some help!   
*All the characters from Tekken are present and stare at the them*   
Dan: *pretends it doesn't bothers him*   
Chunny: We are trying to get to Ken Master's house for a party, and fast, Ryu will probly leave early and I want to try and get him drunk   
*Everyone stares at Dan as he slowly edges away from Chunny*   
Chunny: Hello! Anyone know?   
Dan: Chunny, lets go now, I saw a Burger King, maybe they can help us   
  
Sometimes you can hear them talk, others times you can't   
  
King: Is that Dan, the guy that took down that Eddy?   
Armored King: mrmrmmrmrmmrmrmmposermrhmrmhrh   
  
all the same old cliches, is that a women or a man?   
  
Dan: Sonson, what are you doing here?   
  
And you always seem outnumbered, you don't dare make a stand   
  
Dan: *gets kicked out of the diner* Here I am, on the road again   
Chunny: Don't worry, look at my new picture, we are Romeo and Juliet   
Dan: There I am, up on the stage..   
Chunny: and here is a picture of you dressed like Ryu   
Dan: Here I go, playing the star again, there I go   
  
Turn the Page   
  
Out there in the spot light   
your a million miles away   
every once of energy you try to give away   
Later in the evening you lie awake in bed   
As the sweat pours out your body like the music that you play   
  
Dan: YAHHOOII! YAHOOI!   
Chunny: Ryu! Ryu!   
Dan: Chunny? Helllo! Its me Dan!   
Chunny: Talk to me Ryu yeah! Oh baby!   
  
Later in the evening you lie awake in bed   
as the echos from the amplifier ringing in ya head   
you smoke the days last cigarrette, remembering what ya said   
  
Dan: *driving again* Here I am, on the road aga *VROOM* what the?   
*A Cop drives by on a motorcycle*   
Dan: Hmm, wonder where the fire is....   
Chunny: *waking up* Hmm? what? look at this picture of me, Ryu, and you.   
Dan: *Looks* Where am I?   
Chunny: Your the one locked out of the room right here   
Dan: oh *drives by motorcycle*   
Dan: Thats funny....   
Chunny: Dan look out!   
Dan: *sees a girl standing in the middle of the road* Ahhhhh! *screams like a girl and swerves*   
  
  
Dan: *wakes up in a cafe*   
Cybil: How do you feel?   
Dan:................Like Ive been Run over by a truck, but Im ok   
Cybil:.................Glad to hear it   
Dan:..................Tell me, have you seen a chubby girl? just turned 38 last month? big, thick, sexy thighs   
Cybil:..............Sorry   
Dan:*gets up*   
Cybil: Hold it where do you think your going?   
Dan: Chunny, I have to find her, she is the only girl I know that will lay me besides Ruby, and we broke up.   
Cybil: Its dangerous out there, have you got a gun?   
Dan: Umm, no   
Cybil: Oh, ok, well later.   
Dan: Arn't you going to give me your gun?   
Cybil: No   
Dan: But you need to look out for the innocents! Your a cop!   
Cybil:Im a cop from the next town over, so this is out of my jurisdiction   
  
*Dan leaves anyway, and walks down an alley*   
  
Dan: Chunny! Chunny! Chun Li! *He spies some paper in the corner*   
Dan: Isn't this Chunny's sketch book? This picture is of her and Ryu, its the first picture she drew in it after I gave it to her for her 35th birthday. Hmm, she is at the school.   
  
*The world gets dark and rusty*   
Dan: Uh oh! WHat the hell? *pulls out his Glow-worm flashlight*   
*Noises are off in the distance*   
Dan: Eeek! *he runs deeper into the alley until he reaches a dead end, the noises getting closer and closer until its origin comes into the flashlight beam   
Dan: Oh no! Its, horrible! Discusting! Its....   
Sailor Mini-Moon: Rar!   
Dan: OH MY GOD!! NNNnnnnnooooooo!!!!!   
  
Dan: *grabs a nearby wheel chair and bashes Sailor Mini-moons head in*   
Dan: Phew!   
  
*An old lady and Chunny appear*   
  
Old Lady: I didn't know the tailisman of metramonoicon was being used!   
Dan: What?   
Old Lady: She is half the soul! I will be the mother of god!!   
*Cybil runs up*   
Cybil: Freeze!   
Old Lady: Chunny doesn't exist anymore   
Dan: What!?   
Old Lady: She is right in front of you!   
Dan: Pfft, whatever *bashes Old Lady's skull in with the wheel chair and exits with Chunny*   
  
Chun: That was awful anticlimatic don't you think?  
Dan: Shut up and lets go.  



	12. Dan: The Excorcist

The scene is a Ski Resort......   
  
Yo listen up, here's there story   
about a little guy that lives in a blue world   
and all day and all night everything he sees   
is just blue like him   
inside and outside   
Blue is his house, with a blue little window   
and a blue corvette, and everything is blue for him   
and hisself and everybody around, cuz he ain't got nobody to listen.....   
  
  
Megaman: Im Blue, I will ski, I will die!   
*start skiing*   
Megaman: Im Blue, I will ski, I will die!   
Megaman: Im Blue, I will ski, I will die!   
*he hits a tree and gets smushed into a blue goo*   
  
*Roll begins to cry and goes to a party at Dan and Chunny's House....*   
  
  
*at Dan's Party*   
  
Dan: Yo let me bust the funky lyrics!   
Dan: Fresh new kicks! And Pants! You gotta like that now ya know ya wanna dance!   
Dan: So move, Outta your seat! Get a fly girl and catch this beat while its rollin!   
Dan: Pump a little bit and let her know its going on like that, like THAT! Hold her dimensions and lettem know! That your to much and this is a beat that, U cant touch!   
Dan: Yo, I told ya, U can't touch this   
Dan: What ya standing there for? U can't touch this   
  
*Roll walks in the party and up to Dhalsim*   
Roll: Your gonna die Dhalsim! *pees on the floor*   
Dan: My Fake Leopard skin Rug!   
Chun Li: Oh no Roll! Come on up to bed, you don't mean that! Dan, put her to bed.   
Dan: *grabs Roll* Off to bed!  
  
*Dan tosses her on the bed*   
Roll: You suck Dan! You will never be a real contender.   
Dan: Oh, like your perfect.   
Roll: I am Lucifer! *spits Green gook at Dan*   
Dan: DaaahH! Yuck!   
*The bed begins to shake*   
Roll: Dan help me! Ahhhh!   
Dan: Roll! *jumps on the bed and grabs her*   
Dan: YAHHOOOII! Ride those demons!   
Roll: Ahhhh!!!  
*Chun Li runs in*   
Chunny: Oh my god! *jumps on the bed*   
Dan: Kinda like our honeymoon huh?   
  
*At the Doctor's Office*   
  
Chun Li: Whats wrong with her doctor?   
Dr Doom: She is crazy!   
Chun Li: She said she was lucifer!   
Dr Doom: My point stands   
Chun Li: But she was being thrown around   
Dr Doom: Muscle spasms   
Chun Li: The bed was shaking! Like crazy!   
Dan: Yeah, and we didn't even put a quarter in!   
Dr Doom: Well, there is one thing we can do, an excorcisim.   
Chun Li: How do we do that?   
Dr Doom: Get a Rabbi or Priest to do it?   
Chun Li: Great, Dan can do it then   
Dan: WHAT!?   
Chun Li: Your jewish right?   
Dan: No   
Chun Li: But your circumsized, Mr Big Boy   
Dan: Shush Chunny! Ok I will do the excorism tonight.   
  
*Dan is dressed in a rabbi outfit, widebrimmed black hat with 2 brown curls on the sides of his face*  
  
Dan: *walks in the room*  
Roll: Your soul will swim in urine as your body is burned and eaten medium rare!  
Dan: *walks out of the room*  
Chunny: Is she better?  
Dan: Uhhh, yeah!  
*A pantagram is etched into the door behind Dan by unseen hands*  
Chunny: Get back in there!  
Dan: *gets pushed back in the room*  
Roll: I will feast on your organs and call your mother and tell her how they taste!  
Dan: What you say about my momma?  
Roll: *Latches on to his kneecap with her teeth*  
Dan: *screams like a girl* Get off!  
Dan: *Knees the bed, trying to knock her off*  
Roll: *hits the ground*  
Dan: *Football punts her across the room* Raksho!  
Roll: *Floats up in the air* Your face is like a pizza, cheesy, and loaded with toppings.  
Dan: Get outta Roll dog dangit!  
Roll: No! She is mine!  
Dan: Get out of her!  
Roll: No!  
Dan: Yes!  
Roll: No!  
Dan: Yes!  
Roll: No!  
Dan: Yes!  
Roll: No!  
Dan: Yes!  
Roll: I refuse!  
Dan: The power of Christ commands you!  
Roll: Ha!  
Dan: The power of Christ commands you!  
Roll: You will have to do better than that!  
Dan: The power of Christ commands you! *Hits her with a baseball bat*  
Roll: Dink! *Flies up against the wall*  
Dan: The power of Christ commands you! *hits her in the ribs with bat*  
Roll: Noo! You have won!  
Dan: Really?  
Roll: No! *grabs his manhood*  
Dan: Jesus!  
Roll: *twists*  
Dan: NNNNNOOOOOOOO!! *hit her in the head with the bat*  
Roll: Me suit! *does Raging Demon towards Dan*  
Dan: *smacks her with the bat, knocking her across the floor*  
Roll: You will not beable to Exercise me, boy!  
Dan: Exercise, thats it!  
Dan: *cuts on Richard Simmons tape*  
Richard: Ok lets get in shape! flex those butt muscles, let me see it!  
Roll: NNNNNnnnnnnnnooooooOOOOO!  
Roll: *head spins while she spits green goo*  
Dan: Eww!  
Roll: Cut it off please!  
Dan: No! Hahaha! *looks at screen*  
Richard: Come on, lets Dance those Calories off!  
Dan: EEEEWWWWW!! Ahh! *cuts it off* Phew   
Roll: *jumps in Dan's hair*   
Dan: Ahhh! That little tart is in my hair! She is in my hair!  
Roll: *crawls around Dan's hair*  
Dan: *runs around the house screaming like a girl*  
Chunny: Whats wrong?  
Dan: She's in my hair! She's in my hair!  
Chunny: Quick in here! *sticks Dan's head under a water faucet*  
Roll: Bah! *falls out* You mother fucker I gonna fuck your virgin ass!  
Chunny: You will what!? *shoves soap in Roll's mouth*  
Roll: NNNNNooooooOOOOOO!!! mmmphh  
Dan: Yeah eat it! Hahah!  
Chunny: I don't care if your a demon or not, you WILL behave in my house!  
Roll: Ick, Poo! I will feast on the worms that will crawl through your belly!  
Dan: KNock it off!  
Roll: Arn't you scared!  
Chun and Dan: NO!  
Roll: aww, your no fun *collapses*  
  
*days later*  
  
Roll: Thanks Dan, your my hero, you saved my soul, if there is anything I can do for you, ANYTHING at all, ANYTHING, just name it ok *walks off*  
Dan: Haha, that littl girl is growing into a little ho  
Chunny: Yeah, oh well, come on lets get it on!  
Dan: YAHHOOI! 


	13. The Betrayal of Dan (Unlucky 13 Chapter)

Dan's Betrayal (its the unlucky 13th chapter)  
  
7:30 - Dan Hibiki's Apartment building, hallway   
  
Ken: Capcom vs SNK Here we come! We are gonna kick some rip-off ass!  
Ryu: We better hurry, the sign up is over at 9.   
Chunny: You think we have enough time to pull over so I can break some off? *wink*   
Ryu: No, we need to hurry!   
Chunny: *looks to Ken*   
Ken: Hey Im married! Don't even think about it!   
Ryu: Don't you feel the least bit guilty about what we did to Dan?   
Chunny: Nope, I don't want to hang around that loser anymore.   
Ken: But arnt you the mother of his child?   
Chunny: WHAT! Who told you that?   
Ken: Dan did, last night.   
Chunny: *evil villin laughter* Hahaaha, I don't think he was very creditable last night, hahaha! Dont you agree baby? *clings onto Ryu*  
Ryu: Uh, whatever, Ken, go pull your car around.   
  
*Dan stirs, he is laying on the floor of his apartment, he lifts his head up, a courd of saliva attaching his mouth to the puddle on the hard wood floor*   
  
Dan: *yawn, blinks, feels around next to him*   
Dan: Hey where did Chun go? Huh? *splashes into a puddle that isn't drool* She was here just a minute ago.... its still warm!  
Dan: Wait a minute! Today is the sign up day!   
Dan: *gets up and notices a note on the door*   
  
Note: Dear Dan, sorry, but I, Chun Li, am leaving you to join Ryu at the Capcom vs SNK tourney. I know we planned on going together, but we cant anymore because I drugged you with enough LSD to keep knocked out for days. By the time you read this, the deadline will be over   
  
Dan: *reads with a puzzled look, trying to make heads or tails out of the swirling scribbles*   
Dan: What kinda 3 year old did this? *hears car doors close, and looks out the window*   
Dan: Uh oh, they are leaving me!   
  
7:35 Street in front of Dan's apartment house   
  
Ryu: Ok Ken, hit it!   
Ken: *begins to drive off*   
  
*Suddenly, there is a giant boom and the car roof dents in*   
????: Saikyo!   
Chunny: It cant be!   
Ken: What did you drug him with?   
Chunny: Enough LSD to knock out a horse!   
Ryu: LSD isn't a knockout drug you moron!   
Chunny: Im sorry, Im not a crack head like you!   
Ken: Shh!! Whats that?   
Ryu, Ken, and Chun: *look out left side as Dan peeks from the roof on the right*   
Ryu: I don't see him....   
Dan: *punches through window and grab's Ryu's head band*   
Dan: SNAKE!! ITTSA SNAKE!!   
Ryu: AhhH! Floor it!   
Ken: *floors it*   
Dan: Illgetitillgetthesnakelemmegetitillgetitholdstillgetit   
ChunLi: *smacks Dan's arms with her spiked Bondage Cuffs*   
Dan: *hisses and falls*   
Ryu: Phew, thanks Chun Li! That was close!   
THUMP   
Ken: What was that I ran over?   
Chunny: Dan, back up and hit him again   
Ken: *Backs up and runs over Dan, then floors it and runs over him again*   
  
8:15   
Ryu, Ken, And Chun: Koombyya, my lord, Koombye yaaa!   
THUMP   
Ryu: Wassat?   
Ken: Must have hit a pot hole or something   
THUMP   
Chunny: Thats no pot hole....   
*A bloody hand reaches the back glass*   
Chunny: Thats....   
*DAN pulls himself up, his gi torn and bloodied, a tire track across his chest*   
Dan: Let me In! The Weasels will eat me!   
Ryu: My god Chun how much did you give him!!!!   
Dan: *Punches in back glass*   
ChunLi: NNNOOO! I finaly get away from you and Im keeping it that way! *kicks Dan's hand*   
Dan: Ow!   
ChunLi: *Kicks Dan's Hand*   
Dan: Ow!   
ChunLi: *Kicks Dan's Hand   
Dan: Ow!   
ChunLi: *Kicks Dan's Hand   
Dan: Ow!   
ChunLi: *Kicks Dan's Hand   
Dan: Ow! *falls off*   
  
Dan: Chun Li, why, I, I loved you! Your hair, your eyes, I love your spikey cuffs, your melting face, *shakes head*   
Dan: I have been betrayed!   
????: Don't give up hope yet!   
Dan: What? *looks to the skies* Oh no!! A talking Cow!   
Ruby: Look again, my tripping love.   
Dan: Ruby Heart! But, I thought we cant see each other anymore, Pink said...  
Ruby: I killed Pink. Now get on my airship, we can still meet that deadline   
  
*moments later, on the airship*   
Ruby: Help me, the ship needs both of us to operate because we are short hands.   
Dan: Okay!   
Ruby: Unless you want to *cuts eyes to the captians quarters* First   
Dan: Umm, ummm *does a impatient little dance while trying to figure out what to do* Lets ask your parrot!   
Dan: What does Ruby want me to do Parrot?   
Ruby: *doesn't have a parrot*   
Dan: Ok, but we got to make it quick *grabs Ruby and runs off to the room*   
Ruby: Thats your specialty   
  
8:33 *Dan emerges from the room*   
Ruby: You aint done yet!   
  
8:50 *male screams for help can be heard*   
  
9:10 *now there are screams about a giant crab attacking*   
  
9:25 *an audible thump can be heard, as if a rack of meat was just dropped unto the ground   
  
9:50 *a man was seen crawling out, but was dragged back in by his finger nails*   
  
10:10 *the Speed Racer theme song was heard from inside*   
  
10:30 CvS Signup   
  
Dan: *parachutes in* Did I make it?   
Terry: Nope, sorry dude.   
Dan: Doh! *sees blanka signed up*   
Dan: Jimmy! Jimmy! Its up to you to represent Saikyo Ryu now, make me proud!   
Blanka: uwaaoo!!   
ChunLi: hahaha! Look at Dan!   
Dan: *looks over, sees Chun Li standing on a pedestal humping Ryu's leg*   
ChunLi: How does it feel to have me leave you for this better hunk of love here?   
  
Dan: Well, First I was afraid, I was petrified, keep thinking I could never live without you by my side   
Dan: But then I spent so many hours thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along!   
*RMika, Karin, and Blue Mary begin dancing back up*   
Dan: I see your back, from outer space, I just flew in here to see that look upon your face.   
Dan: You shoulda changed your stincky drawers, you shoulda burned them poloroids, they will be back to bother thee   
Dan: So, I, I will survive!   
Mika, Karin, Mary: He will survive!   
Dan: I will survive, as long as I know how to load clothes and work the microwave! Oh I, I will survive!   
*Ruby breaks out the spot lights from her air ship*   
Dan: Ive got all my life to live, Ive got all my love to give, so Ill Survive, oh yeah Ill survive!   
*Andy Bogard and Joe Higashi do the robot*   
All: We, we will survive! As long as we have fans, as long as we are in the plot, oh yeah, we, we will survive!   
  
Terry: *whispering to Ken* Sounds more like complaining to me,   
Ken: Yeah   
Dan: *sigh* Oh well, at least I still got Ruby...  
Ruby: Dont worry hun, I dont mind if your not in the game  
Joe: So, you got the shaft too huh?  
Dan: Yeah, who are you?  
Joe: Joe Higashi, former top tier. I was the Video Game Hero's sidekick for crying out load! Now Im nothing, without this tournament I'll be broke!  
Capcom Exec: Wait!! Dan Hibiki, Joe Higashi, we are sorry you couldnt make it to the sign up, but we need some people to do cameos in the ending, how about it? We will give ya 200 dollars!  
Dan: Sounds good  
Joe: Sure....  



	14. Dan and Joe: Men at Work

Joe: Hey Dan I can't pay my rent and I have no money   
Dan: You dont? Well move in with me and Ruby!   
Joe: Ok!   
  
.   
.   
.   
.   
  
*Dan opens the door to his apartment and waves at you!* Yes you!*   
Dan: Come and knock on our Door!   
Ruby: Come and knock on your Door!   
Joe: We've been waiting for you!   
Ruby: We've been waiting for you!   
Dan: Where the kisses are his   
Joe and Ruby: and his, and hers!   
Dan: Three is company too!   
  
Joe: Come and dance on our floor!   
Joe: *does the cabbage patch   
Ruby: COme and dance on our floor!   
Dan: *slides in* Take a step that is new!   
Ruby: Take a step that is new!   
Dan: We've got a space that needs your face   
Joe: *moons you, yes you*   
Ruby: Three is company too!   
  
Dan: You'll see that   
Dan and Ruby: life is a ball again, laughter is calling for you!   
Joe: Cora om de vu!   
Dan: *gives Joe a funny look*   
Ruby: Three is company too!   
  
Dan: YAHOOI!   
  
  
Dan: Hey Joe, Im broke!   
Joe: Get a job you moron.   
Dan: But, how?   
Joe: Try the paper   
Dan: Good idea!   
  
Paper Manager: Ok Mr Hibiki, here is your bike, good luck!   
Dan: Yahooi! Hey Joe I got a new job!  
Joe: oi, I meant check the paper for jobs you shmuck!   
Dan: *isn't listening, for his is wildy giggling while riding a wheelie*   
Joe: *putting on Food Lion cap* Well, I'll Catch you later Dan, be careful!   
Dan: Be careful how hard can it be?   
  
*Dan goes how to sort out the paper*   
Dan: Hmm, this stuff is heavy, and is too boring for people to read anyway. Ill just deliver my Patented Premium Signs instead, right Ruby?   
Ruby: *passed out on the bed with a jug marked XXX in her weak grasp* MMMmmhhhhmmpphhh, sssaarrttt, daaaa, mmmmclotheshanger, ddaakrh, plah.   
Dan: Yay!   
  
*Dan peddles down the road, flinging premium signs at peoples doorstep*   
Dan: Do be do, *fling* la la la la, *fling* do be doooo! *fling, crash* oops.   
Skatebourd guy: Watch it totally rad dood! *zing*   
Dan: Aaaah! *swerves out of the way* That was close!   
Poodle: Bark Bark!   
Dan: Oh no! *hits dog with sign, stopping it cold* Yahhooi!   
*Suddely an old lady busts out of her house and runs at Dan with mace*   
Dan: Aaaahhh! *pedals faster*   
Granny: Come 'ere you pesky kid!   
Dan: Waaahh! *gets run off sidewalk*   
Granny: *breaks a hip*   
Dan: phew! Ahhh! *car drives by, honking the horn* Whoe!   
*Dan approches two guys carrying a sheet of glass*   
Dan: *crashes through the glass in slow mo* YAAHOOOIII!!   
Dan: *hears a rumbling* Huh? Whassat? *looks behind him and sees a tornado* Cripey!   
Tornado: rumble rumble   
Dan: *squels like a girl*   
Tornado: *stops*   
Dan: phew, huh? whats that up there?   
Death: *approaches Dan*   
Dan: Cripe! Its Death!! Aaaaaahhhhhh! *chucks premuim sign*   
Death: *gets stopped cold*   
Dan: YAHOOI! Im stronger than I thought! Jeez, what kinda neighborhood is this, I've gone up against everything!   
Akuma: Me Suit!   
Dan: Oh no!   
Akuma: *slides along behind Dan, doing the raging demon*   
Dan: Leave me along Akuma, Im working!   
Akuma: Me Suit!   
Dan: *rides off into the sunset, tossing signs over his shoulder at Akuma*   
  
  
  
*Joe is in Food Lion HQ*   
Joe: Joe Higashi reporting for bag duty sir!   
Boss: Very good! Begin   
Joe: Before i start, could I ask what my starting pay is?   
Dr.Wily: *swivles his chair around, revealing himself* Starting pay!? Your worthless! All you care about is money!   
Joe: Ahh your an ugly son of a gun!   
Dr.Wily: Dont you know who I am?   
Joe: Umm, no. Im new in town.   
Dr.Wily: Bah get out of here   
  
*Joe starts working, it is a nice a relaxing afternoon*   
Joe: Wow, this job aint so bad, I can hit on the cashiers in between bagging orders.   
*The Store Radio is suddenly interuppted*   
Radio man: Hi guys, I just want to remind everyone to come on down to Junk Man's Used Auto for some hot dogs. Oh and looks like we have a 2% chance of snow tonight too.   
Joe: Well, that sounds nice   
Joe: *notices his glass of water has ripples in it*   
Joe: Thats weird, hey do you guys here a train coming   
*Suddenly, millions of people flood the store buying canned goods and bread for the coming blizzard*   
Joe: *voice cracks* Jeee*zus!   
Joe: *is suddenly the only bagboy on duty*   
Joe: Waaaahhh!! *rushes to bag thousands of canned goods and maxi pads*   
Dr.Wily: JOE!!! We are out of carts! Go retrieve them from the parking lot.   
Joe: *exits the building, and picks up the only 5 carts that are outside, and returns them inside, where they are quickly taken up by people waiting for them*   
Cable: Hey your out of carts!   
Joe: So sue me!   
Cable: Go get them quicker biznatch!   
Joe: There are no more! They are all being used up old timer! Even if I was as quick as Chun Li dropping her panties at a Ryu convention, there arn't any carts out there, they are all being used by morons such as yourself! THERE ARE NO CARTS OUT THERE STOP TALKING TO ME AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! IM NOT YOUR SLAVE IM JUST HERE TO HELP!!!!!!!   
  
*the 5th hour of the onslaught, there is still a steady stream of customers. Joe again leaves to get carts*   
Mike Hagger: Do be do be do....hmmm?   
Mike Hagger: *leaves his cart in the space around a handicap parking meter*   
Joe: *suddenly appears behind Mike*   
Joe: Hey wait a minute?   
Mike: eh? Oh, what?   
Joe: *looks around* Im looking for something   
Mike: What?   
Joe: *Looks up at the sky* No I dont think its here   
Mike: What is it   
Joe: The "Return carts here" sign, SCREW UPPER!!!   
Mike: Wwwaaahhh! *dies*   
  
*the 8th hour*   
Joe: *has been promoted to cashier*   
Megaman: Hello, I'll take this please *sets a 12 pack of Bud Ice on counter   
Joe: *rolls eyes* Can i see some ID?   
Megaman: ID? But Roll said you were cool and wouldn't ask.   
Joe: Can I see some ID Junior?   
Megaman: Waaah, Im sorry! *runs off*   
  
*the 11th hour of Joe's shift*   
Joe: Finally, the rush is over *mops the floor alone on an isle   
????: Tee hee hee   
Joe: *turns around* What? Whos that?   
????: hahaha   
Joe: *Spins around* Who is that!! This isn't funny!   
Joe: *suddenly loses balance and gets toppled over* Waah!   
Alex from River City Ransom: *jumps on Joe's Chest* hahaha! You shall never see the light of another day!   
Joe: Holy Murdering Midgets!   
Alex: *punches Joe in the eyes*   
Joe: *screams in Pain* His pudgey little fists are the perfect size for my eye sockets!!!!   
Alex: I was the best fighter!! It was me! ANd you took that from me!   
Joe: How dare you strike a man in his boxers! *grabs some nearby Kraft singles*   
Joe: *SOCKO*   
Alex: Ahh, how can the cheese be so hard! *gets knocked away*   
Joe: That takes care of that!   
*The dust clears and Alex is still standing*   
Joe: *makes DBZ fear noises* wha oh ah! Im...im...possible!   
Alex: You cant defeat me, my head is so huge it would take a thousand cheese attacks to puncture my skull cartilage!   
Joe: *moons Alex*   
Alex: *makes DBZ fear noises* ah.....er....oh!   
Joe: TIGER KICK!!!!   
  
  
*After 15 hours of working, Joe finally gets off, and is walking to his car in the empty parking lot as it snows*   
Joe: Why, why god? *looks to the skies and screams*   
Joe: WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME????   
*Drums start to play*   
Joe: Huh? Whats that?   
????: *Parachutes down*   
Joe: Are you god?   
Bionic Commando: Nope! *runs off*   
  
Fin   
  



	15. M Stands for Maniac

*After a hard days of bagging groceries, Joe is in a video store renting some videos*   
Joe: Uhmm, here I would like these.   
Kyosuke the clerk: *adjusts glasses while reading the title* Hmm, a, ah, interesting selection   
Joe: Yeah yeah here is the money *throws money at Kyosuke*  
Kyosuke: Allow me to get a brown paper bag   
Joe: Ha ha very funny gimmiethat! *snatch*   
  
*as he is exiting the video store he hears a cry from a nearby ally*   
  
???: Help!   
Joe: damn! *runs into the ally*   
  
*Kei (sakuras friend, I am told her name is Kei) is laying on the ground looking spooked*   
Kei: But, I already gave you all my money!   
Sodom: Eeeheehee, yes and thanks, but I want to take something of more value to you, eeeheeeheee   
Kei: Like what?   
Sodom: Eeeheehee, you know   
Kei: My purse?   
Sodom: Something you save for someone very special, and I will take it!   
Kei: My shoes?   
Sodom: No, something you can only give to someone once, and then you can never get it back!! Not without reconstructive surgery, of course?  
Kei: What are you gonna do with my socks?  
Sodom: Let me show you what I mean!   
Joe: Wait!   
Sodom: Eh? Who are you? *reads Food Lion name tag* Ok Joe, move on out before I have to thrast you!   
Joe: *Throws movies on the ground* You obviosly don't know who your dealing with! *rips Shirt and pants off revealing his boxer shorts and his taped fists*   
Sodom: Sorry pal, but your jumping the gun I think, I caught her first, so you get sloppy seconds!   
Joe: I don't wanna help you I wanna hurt you! Hey is it drafty in here?   
Kei: oooo, heeeheehee   
Joe: Doh! Stupid fly! *adjust boxers accordingly*   
Sodom: *rushes at Joe slashing with his Sai thingies*   
Joe: *Dodges, then grabs his arm and knees his elbow*   
Sodom: AAARRGGHH!   
Joe: TIGER KICK! *knee to da face*   
Sodom: *A star twinkles over Sodom's head*   
Joe: You should have joined the Nintendo Fun Club, you Ass! SCREW UPPPAAHH!   
Sodom: *dies*   
Kei: *getting up* Oh wow! Thanks you for saving me *hugs Joe* I was so scared!   
Joe: Hey don't worry about it, I'll walk you home.   
Kei: Oh you dont have to do that, lets go back to your house and watch your videos, its the least I could do to repay you *picks up video* Lets see what you have here.....   
Joe: No, wait umm   
Kei: oh wow I love dogs!   
Joe: I don't think ya understa...   
Kei: *hooks arm* Lets go!   
  
*back at Joe's room at Dan's pad*   
  
Joe: So you like these kinda movies huh?   
Kei: Oh wow they are so cool! *is entranced by the film*   
Dan: *peeking through the door with a polaroid camera*   
Joe: Dan git atta here!   
Dan: Oh sorry, I thought I heard a dog barking in here   
Joe: Oh sorry, Ill cut the volume down   
Dan: *does a double take at the TV Screen* Hey I didn't think that was legal in this state   
Joe: GET OUT!   
Kei: Wow! This is so cool!   
Joe: If you think Fido knows how to do it why don't you let me show you some of my moves   
Kei: Ewww thats gross!   
Joe: Eh? IM GROSS!   
Kei: Hehe, yeah! Your a boy!   
Joe: Wha...but, hey!   
Kei: Hehe you are kinda good looking and all, but Im not ready for..that yet.   
Joe: Whaaaaaaaaaaat   
Kei: Me and my best friend Sakura said we would wait until we can get laid together!   
Joe: *picks up phone* Whats her number?   
Kei: Hehe, no silly, not with one guy! Just at the same night or something   
Joe: OK OK, what if I set her up with someone   
Kei: She likes Ryu a whole lot. She said she wants him to be her first   
*movie ends*   
Kei: Call me sometime, k Joe?   
Joe: OK   
  
*Joe goes into the kitchen and gets a some food and then sits down in the living room and snaps into his slim Jim*   
Joe: *is so deep in thought he doesn't notice Dan sitting on the coach with a big grin on his face*   
Dan: So?   
Joe: AAAH! You scared me!   
Dan: Give me the juicy details   
Joe: Oh, nevermind   
Dan; Come on and tell me, pretend I dont have a camera hidden in your room.   
Joe: She wont get laid until Sakura gets laid   
Dan: *picks up phone* Whats her number?   
Joe: That wont work, she wants Ryu something awful   
Dan: BWahahah!   
Joe: Whats so funny   
Dan: Ryu doesn't have time to have a life, he is training to much.   
Joe: Then what?   
Dan: I have an idea *picks up phone*   
Dan: Hello? Hey   
Phone: blahblahblah   
Dan: This is Dan, wait dont hang up! Sakura's purity is at stake!   
Phone: Blah! Blah blah!!   
Dan: Come on over. We will sort it out.   
Joe: Who was that?   
Dan: You'll see when he gets over here, which should be any minute now....   
????: BLOOODIAA!!! *crashes down door*   
Dan: Jin, my man! Meet Joe!   
Jin: Yo Joe! WHere is my hoe?   
Dan: Whoe, hold your horses, its not that simple, this is what we are gonna do, *whisper whisper*   
  
  
*a few nights later, Kei, Joe, Dan, Ruby, Jin (dressed as Ryu), and Sakura all go out to eat at the China Buffet*   
Joe: We spared no expense!   
Jin: I hate Chinese food   
Sakura: But Ryu, you once told me you liked Chinese Food   
Jin: Did I say hate, I meant, um, Hadoken!   
Sakura: Tee hee hee, your so cute!   
Kei: Thanks for setting Sakura up with Ryu, Joe   
Joe: Dont mention it, me and RighYou go along way back   
Kei: Righyou? whose that?   
Joe: Oh I meant Ryu   
Dan: Hey, Ryu, pass the garlic suace   
Jin: *doesn't notice*   
Dan: Ryu!   
Jin: *eats dupling*   
Dan: Jin!   
Jin: What?   
Sakura: Jin?   
Jin: Um, Shoryuken!   
Ruby: Hey, Im kinda tired, lets all go home.   
  
*that night*   
  
*In Dan's bedroom*   
Ruby: It sure did turn out nice today didn't it   
Dan: zzzzzzzzzzzz   
Ruby: Didn't it?   
Dan: zzzzzzzz, don worry, I'll rescue you Zelda!   
Ruby: *cuddles up under Dan's arm*   
Audience: Awwwwwwwww   
  
*In Joe's Bedroom*   
Joe: Holy crap!!! Aaaaahhhh!   
Kei: Can ya feel that huh? Does it feel good you jiggalo Joe? Thats what you are, your my Gigalo Joe!   
Joe: *voice cracks* JEE*ZUS!   
Kei: *smacks him* Weee doggie! Show me that Screw Upper!   
  
*On the fold out coach bed*   
Jin: Wow that was fun   
Sakura: *smoking a cigar* Sure was...   
Jin: Sakura, I have a confession to make, Im not really Ryu, Im Jin   
Sakura: Oh, ok   
Jin: Your not mad   
Sakura: Not really, see Im not really Sakura   
Jin: What?   
Sakura: *takes off mask*   
Jin: Noo! It cant be! eeeehh, Im possible!   
Cable: Dont be so surprised, you said you liked it.   
Jin: Noooo!   
Cable: Lets do it again, come on!   
Jin: What have you done with Sakura!!!   
Cable: Tied her up, would you like me to do that with you baby?   
Jin: AAAHHH! *runs out of the house*   
Cable: Wait come back!   
  
Cable: Come on back! Ill wear the Sailor Suit again!   
Jin: *stops running* No, I cant run from my problems. This psycho has kidnapped Sakura, and its up to me to save her and tap that ass!   
Jin: *turns around* You! Stop right there!   
Cable: Oh, finaly turned to your senses girlfriend.   
Jin: *clenches fist* Why you..... BLOODIA! *flaming punches Cable*   
Cable: Whaaa! *flys into a store window*   
Jin: *runs up to the sidewalk* Where is Sakura sicko!   
*Grenade bounces out of the store into the sidewalk*   
Jin: DDaaahh!   
*grenade explodes causeing Jin and debri to fly everywhere*   
Cable: *walks into the street* You want to do it the hard way, thats ok, you don't have to be conscience for what I want to do to ya....   
Jin: *walks out of the dust all dramatic like* Where is Sakura!   
Cable: I am Sakura, I have the sailor suit to prove it *Does Crack Down punch*   
Jin: *counters and slaps*   
Jin: Where is she!!   
Cable: GGGgrrrr! *grabs Jin and throws him, attaching a grenade to him before he leaves*   
Jin: *lands in a parked car* Owie! *Car explodes* Double Owie!   
Cable: Ha that finished him off for sure, I would be wasting my time to wait 5 seconds for the dust to clear to start laughing so I will start now, hahahaahah!   
Jin: *emerges holding a street light pole*   
Jin: Blooodia! *smacks Cable up beside the head with it*   
Cable: *pulls out his gun and shoots at Jin*   
Jin: EEEEEKKK A GUN!   
Cable: Fall before my phallus gun! Bang bang bang bang bang. Viper Beam, HYPER Viper beam!   
Jin: WWWWAAAAHHHHH!!! *falls down*   
Cable: Haha, now I will have my way with him, what?   
Jin: Thats cute, ya want to break out the hard-ware huh? *holds hand to the sky*   
Jin: I need Megazord power now!! *does a ballerina dance and hops into Bloodia*   
Cable: Uh oh!   
Jin: Lock on, FIYAAHHH!! *shoots machine guns*   
Cable: AAAHHHH!!! *runs away like a little girl with the gun explosions hitting the pavement behind him*   
Jin: Squeal Piggie!   
Cable: I need a TIME FLIP! *another Cable appears*   
Cable2: Its Magic!   
Cable: I need an air Hyper Viper Beam   
Cable2: I shall do one with me!   
Cable1&2: *jumps in the air and fires Hyper Viper Beam*   
Jin: Bwahaha, that gun cant effect my Cyberbot!   
Cable: What am I gonna do?   
Cable2: I should cross the streams!   
Cable: But I said I should never cross the streams!   
Cable2: I was wrong, do it!   
Cables: *cross the streams and blow up Bloodia*   
Jin: Ow that hurt!   
Cable: If you think that hurt, wait till you feel the pain of what I will do to you after I get done with you   
Cable: 2 for 1 baby!   
Jin: No way!   
Jin: WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH *Turns Super Satome and glows yellow*   
Cable: ehhh eeeeehhhhh heeh eeehhhhh   
Cable2: Im- impossible!   
Jin: *gets spikey blonde hair*   
Jin: *jumps in the middle of the 2 Cables and does*   
Jin: Ultimateeee, Typhoon/cyclone/thingie!!!!   
Cable2: *fades away*   
Cable: Doh, you beat me!   
Jin: Now tell me where Sakura is.   
Cable: I sold her to M Bison as a science experiment.   
Jin: M Bison the boss of Food Lion!   
Cable: yeah,   
Jin: Great, on my way!  
  
*Jin arrives at Dan's Pad the morning after*   
Kei:*is taking a pill* Hey Jin, where is Sakura?   
Jin: M Bison the boss of Food Lion has her   
Joe: M Bison isn't the boss of Food Lion   
Jin: Cable said he was   
Dan: That must have been a typo on Oni's part.   
Jin: Damn, then where is he?   
Ruby: *Is reading the paper and smoking a cigarette, one of those long Cruella Deville deals* Hmm, Charlie has been kidnapped I see.   
Jin: Focus on the situation!   
Kei: Doesn't Bison have a mansion up on a spooky hill   
Joe: Yes he sure does   
Jin: Ill go save her   
Ruby: Wait, you cant do it alone, M Bison probly has that place trapped and you will need help   
Jin: So your gonna help?   
Ruby: Oh not me, Dan you go   
Dan: Whhhhaaaatttttt?   
Kei: Oh Sakura, boo hoo hoo, my best friend, go rescue her Joe, or I wont be able to love you ever again   
Joe: *is already out the door* Lets go!   
Jin: Lets take Dan's car!   
Dan: I have a car!!?   
Ruby: You sure do honey, its in the garage   
Dan: Oh yeah, I remember, I hid it in there, but I could never find it I hid it so well! Im a genius!   
  
*Jin, Dan and Joe are standing at the top of Bison's driveway*  
  
Jin: Ok this looks like the old mansion, Im sure I saw Bison take Sakura in here. Its up to us to get her out!  
Joe: *opens a can of Mountain Dew*  
Jin: *turns to Dan and Joe* This could be dangerous, if anyone wants out...  
Dan: Ok Im outta here!  
Jin: Dan, dont be a tuna head, its Sakura were talking about here!  
Dan: Oh, OK  
Joe: Let's Dew It! *crushes empty can and tosses away, then slaps the sides of his head* Ora Ora!!   
Dan: So how do we get into the mansion?  
Jin: Uhhhmmm.... We can try looking for a key under the doormat.  
Joe: So simple its impossible to fail!  
  
*the trio run up to the porch*  
  
Dan: *tries door* Its locked  
Jin: *pushes mat and gets key* I got the *DING DONG*  
  
...cutscene!...  
  
Geese Howard: Cripey!!! That must be my package!  
  
...Back to our heroes...  
  
Jin: Dan! I got the key right here!  
Dan: *giggling* Come on lets go hide!  
Joe: *hides in the bushes  
Jin: Waaahh! *hides beneath the porch*  
Dan: Hee hee hee, this is so funny! *hides under the doormat*  
Geese: *busts into the front porch*  
Geese: What! Someone is playing tricks on me! *looks down* Whats this? *picks up a note*  
  
The Note:  
  
*picture of Dan giving thumbs up*  
  
Your my number one Fan!   
Remember Saikyo is Number one!  
~Dan Hibiki  
  
Geese: *crumples note* I'll get them next time!  
*The Heroes Emerge from there hiding places*  
Jin: Phew that was close, now I'll unlock the door  
Joe: Yeah, Lets go gettem!  
Dan: *is rolling on the floor laughing*  
Joe: Come on Dan! *grabs collar and drags him as they walk through the doorway*  
Jin: Wow, what a mansion!  
Joe: I'll search this floor, Jin you go upstairs.  
Dan: I'll take the kitchen!  
Joe: Ok!  
Jin: Are you sure splitting up is such a good idea?  
Joe: It works in the movies  
Jin: But in the movies something always horrible happens to them like that  
Joe: But the good guys always win in the end  
Jin: Oh yeah, dont want to jinx that now do we  
Joe: Nope, good luck!  
  
*Dan slowly walks into the kitchen*  
Dan: Im kinda hungry, where is the fridge?  
Dan: *looks across the room and sees the fridge open and a nice ass in a thong*  
Dan: I could recognize that booty anywhere!  
Cammy: Hey, wheres the Sunny D! Im gonna get so fat eating all this food! Hey a leftover Turkey leg!  
Dan: *smacks Cammy's right Glutuos Maximus* How ya doing sweet thing!  
Cammy: EEEKKK!! *turns around* Dan!!! Your mine!  
Dan: Whoe, I thought you where a good guy!  
Cammy: Have you forgot that Im Bison's duaghter?  
Dan: I thought you where his wife?  
Cammy: Actually im his clone, but who cares about story when your in a fighting game! Now Im gonna make ya pay!  
Dan: EEEEKKK!! *goes for a knife thats hung on the wall*  
Dan: Dah! They are glued to the wall, whats up with that!?!  
Cammy: Hahah!  
Dan: Ha! I don't have anything to worry about, I can take you! *gets in fighting stance*  
Cammy: *grips Dan's "meat and two"*  
Dan: *freezes* Ok ya got me!  
Cammy: Dont make me sqeeze, now come along queitly!  
  
*Dan is tossed face first into the dungeon*  
Cammy: Next time I will tie you to my bed!! Ha! *slams and locks door*  
Dan: *rubs his precious materials* In that case, I have to excape!   
Dan: *looks around and sees a big vault door*  
Dan: Hmmmm, *reads spraypainted message on door*  
Dan: "Seecrit Labertory: Ets a seecrit" I dont think thats the exit  
Dan: *finds a brick labeled: "Please dont push, thanks you: The Managment"  
Dan: Ha! Eat this managment! *pushes brick*  
Door: *opens*  
Dan: YAHHOOOII!! *makes a mad dash for the door*  
Door: *slams in Dan's face*  
Dan: *nose breaks* OOOOOWOWWWWWWWIIIIIIIEEEEEE! Why you, Ill show ya! *runs back over to the brick and pushes it*  
Door: *opens*  
Dan: *makes a mad dash*  
Door: *slams*  
Dan: OOOOWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Meanwhile............  
  
*the books on the shelves vibrated as a another load thump was heard, followed by a muffled scream of Owie*  
Joe: *looking up at ceiling* House must be settling, Oh well, *goes back to reading a book entitled "The Karma Sutra for Super Villians with Psycho Power"*  
Joe: *brow furrows as he is deep in thought* Sure, they can draw it, but can they do it *sigh* Ok, back to buisness *closes book and places it back on the shelf*  
Joe: There is always a secret door in these mansions, all I got to do is find the right book. *begins going through books*  
Joe: Hey whats this? *opens a book and find that its one of them book safe deals, y'know, fake book used to store things*  
Joe: *takes out a cassette tape and a polaroid, and looks at poloroid*  
Joe: Well, I guess they CAN do it *looks at cassette label*  
Joe: "Fatal Fury verses Barney: By Onikirimaru" Wow this is so cool! You bet I'll take this, Oni is the man!   
Joe: Now that the first floor is clean, I guess Ill go upstairs....  
  
Jin: *walking along the hallway* Hmm, this really bites, what sucky wallpaper. Whats this? *reads a sign on door*  
Jin: O-f-f-i-c-e Off Ice? Orafice? Bison's Orafice? No wait, Office! Its Bison's Office! Hooked on Phonics, works for me! *enters office*  
Jin: Damn, no lights! *rummages around*   
Jin: *trips* ooof!  
Jin: *thump* Ow!  
Dog: woof!  
Jin: dang!   
Cow: moo!  
Jin: Thats not right...  
Woman: Eeeek! *slap*  
Jin: sorry, its dark!  
Jin: *finds light* Click!   
*Jin has cut on the office desk lamp, there is a large file on the desk*  
Jin: Whats this? *opens*  
Jin: Hmm, a newspaper clipping, about Charlie being kidnapped.....  
Jin: What? A page from the Yellow pages with plastic surgeons...  
Jin: Name change deeds? For Ryu and Ken's last names........  
Jin: DNA information? Blanka's DNA sample? What is all this about?  
Jin: Ohhhhhhh crap *looks at a sheet of paper*  
Jin: My, god. Bison is a madman! Im-possible  
Jin: I have to find the others! *pockets the paper*  
Jin: *leaves the office just as Joe walks past it, and goes downstairs*  
Joe: Alot of steps, uh oh! Busted!  
E Honda: Feed me!  
Joe: I give up!  
Honda: Feed me and you can pass!  
Joe: What?  
Honda: Look, I dont care that you broke into the house, I don't care that you want to kill Bison, I don't even care if ya want to steal my Billy Idol tapes, I just want some food and Im to much of a fat ass to fit in the kitchen to get it.  
Joe: Oh, well, *digs around in his pockets* I got a Baby Ruth...  
Honda: Bay Bee, Rooth?  
Joe: Yeah...  
Honda: Bay Bee Rooth! Bay Bee Rooth! *begins jiggling with excitment*  
Joe: Gawd! Take it thats disqusting! *chucks candybar*  
Honda: *Begins munching on candy bar* Yummy yummy yummy I got choclate in my tummy  
Joe: Now why dont you like, leave or something.  
Honda: Okie Day! *climbs up the stairs*  
Joe: *accidently gets a glimpse under the towel* Ahhh! *voice cracks* Jee^zus!   
Joe: *is at the top of the stairs*  
Joe: Damn, so many rooms which one should I pick, I will start with this one...  
Joe: *opens first door, its Geese Howards Room*  
Geese: HALT! Are you the delivery boy?  
Joe: Me? No  
Geese: Yes you are! Where is my package boy!  
Joe: Im not the delivery boy  
Geese: Your not? to the dungeon!  
Joe: Wait! No! I am! Ha ha I was joking  
Geese: Where is my package!  
Joe: Um, in the truck, I'll go get it!  
Geese: Hurry up, I must stop Bison!  
Joe: phew, that was close, now Ill try another door.   
Joe: Hmm, a bathroom, someone is in the shower too.. heee heee, I cant resist *sneaks up*   
Joe's Logic Sense: WAIT what if its E Honda, or Raiden!  
Joe's Booty Sense: Nope, it defintally isn't Honda, Im the booty sense and I get a off the scale reading  
Joe: *pulls back curtain*  
Mai Shiranui: EEEEEKKKK!!!  
King: Whoops!! *hides behind Mai*  
Joe: *jaw hits the floor*  
Joe's Pleasure Sense: JJJJEEEEEZZZUUUSSSS!!!!   
Joe's Booty Sense: I told you all  
Joe's Pleasure Sense: *buys Booty Sense a drink*  
Joe's Logic Sense: *jumps out the window*  
Joe: Its, Mai! Mai and the twins!!! And then there is King! King IN THE SHOWER WITH YOU!! AAAAAAHHHHH Weee! Weee! Wee! *begins to drool and studder* Dahhh, dah, dahhh, dah. Kah, Kah, Keeennnggg. Mai mai mai mai, heeheeheeheee.  
  
*Joe wakes up in the dungeon, finding Dan chanting over him*  
Dan: Yo Joe, You Got to Get tough! Yo Joe!  
Joe: Where am I  
Dan: In the dungeon, King brought you in here with a bathtowel rapped around her, what was that about?  
Joe: King? bathtowel, OH YEAHH!! Kah, kah King, hee hee hee! And Mai, shower, heee hee *begins to zone out*  
Dan: *slaps* snap out of it! We got to get out of here!  
Joe: How!  
Dan: Let me show you  
Dan: *walks him over to the brick* When I press this, the door opens, like so. *presses*  
Joe: The doors open!   
Dan & Joe: *Make a mad dash*  
Door: *slams in there faces*  
D&J: OOOOOOWWWWWIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!  
Dan: I almost had it this time!  
Joe: Lets try it again!  
D&J: *go back to brick*  
Joe: Ready?  
Dan: Yeah! *presses brick*  
D&J: *make a mad dash*  
Door: *slams in there faces*  
D&J: OOWWWWWWWOWWWOWWWWWIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!  
Joe: We almost had it!  
  
  
Later On....  
  
Dan & Joe: *Panting and fatigued* We just arnt fast enough!  
Door: *opens*  
D&J: Lets go!! *mad dash*  
D&J: *plow over Jin*  
Jin: Dah!!  
Dan: YAHHOOII! We did it!  
Joe: RARA!  
Jin: You morons! I unlocked the door!  
Dan: Oh, hi Jin, did you see us just escape from the dungeon?  
Joe: We where great!  
Jin: ........  
Dan: So you find Sakura yet?  
Jin: No, its much more important than that now!  
Joe: Nothing is more important than that booty Jin  
Jin: No, THIS is! *takes out peice of paper from Bison's office*  
Joe: What is it  
*The paper has 2 pictures on it, on the top it has "Prof. Baldhead's surgery plan" the picture on the left is of Bison, with BEFORE written under it, on the right is a picture of Rual Julia with AFTER under it*  
Joe: Hey its Gomez!  
Dan: I don't get it  
Jin: Dont you see???? *camera starts spinning around Jin as he divulgeous supremely important information  
Jin: Bison wants to look like Gomez Addams, he kidnapped Charlie and and wants to combine him with Blanka's DNA, he wants to change Ryu and Ken's last names, HE WANTS THE STORY OF STREET FIGHTER THE MOVIE TO BE REALITY!  
Dan: Oh my GOD! *shrieks*  
Joe: Jee^zus *voice cracks*  
Jin: We have to stop him!  
Dan: I found the door to the lab! *points to himself as if there was more than one person "I" could refer to*  
Jin: Good Job! Show us!  
*the three go to the door*  
Jin: Damn, thats 3 foot steel!  
Joe: Now what?  
*The 3 stare at the door for 5 min 33 seconds*  
Dan: Wait I know! *opens the door*  
Joe: It was unlocked?  
Dan: Well, duh  
Jin: Yo Joe! Lets go!  
Dan: I'll catch up, there is one more thing I must do....  
  
Joe and Jin run into the inner sanctum and skid to a halt  
  
Jin: Wow would you look at this place  
Charlie: *is trapped in a glass tube* Help Im trapped in a glass tube  
Mexican: Hola, I am proffesor *reads his script* Dhalsim  
Joe: Your not Dhalsim, your a mexican! *punches him in the stomach many times*  
Jean Claude Van Damme: Hoy geys!  
Joe: What he say?  
Jean: Um jeanclaudevandaaaaaaaammmmmmmm  
Jin: Sakura!  
Sakura: Jin look out behind you  
Jin: Oh no!  
Sakura: Quick turn around!  
Jin: Its always to late when someone says that!  
Sakura: Its not to late, turn around, well now its too late  
SOCK-O!  
  
DING DONG!  
  
Geese: *Comes running out of house*  
Geese: Where are you!!! Show yourself! Bring me my Commando Package!  
Dan: *giggles in the bushes*  
Geese: *Slams door*  
Dan: Well that was fun, now to help my friends, wha!?! Geese locked the door!!!! Whaaa!!  
  
*Jin and Joe awake tied to the wall of Bison's domain*  
Bison: Aha! Welcome! To the rebirth of history!  
Jin: You psycho! Let Sakura go! And me too! so I can Tap that ass!  
Sakura: Oh Jin *blushes*  
Joe: Dont forget about me!!  
Jean: ha ha Ull neber excap fun beer  
Joe: What he say?  
Jin: Something about fun beer?  
Bison: Dont worry about what he said! Just know that your life ends now. Well, not know, but sooner than later  
Jin: *struggles at restraints* You'll never get away with this Bison!  
Bison: Oh yeah? Watch me, nanny nanny boo boo!  
Jin: Bison! GGGGGGRRRRR!! Why did you bring Sakura into your twisted sceme, why couldn't you just be content with that cartoon series that you produced?  
Bison: Well, the lab was kinda dull, and I thought a captive girl would spruce the place up some  
Jin: Bison, you will get yours!   
Bison: from who? You? Your chained up. So is your friend. Your finished.   
Joe: If i could get down I would whoop you good  
Jean: Ull bave two get buy me herst!  
Joe: Yeah, you can bet I/ll buy you a hearse when we are through!  
Bison: Jean Pual hasn't had a good movie since Street Fighter, so I happily hired him, in fact he is the key to my plan. When I am done he will be the leader of the Street Fighters!  
Joe: Let me go or I will destroy THIS! *brings out Fatal Fury vs Barney tape*  
Bison: Go ahead, I can Download the Mp3 on Napster  
Joe: But what if the search brings up nothing?  
Bison: I would put Oni-sami on my Hot List and DL it directly from Onikirimaru!  
Joe: But Napster isnt working anymore!  
Bison: Im sure that I can just review his story and request it in my review, and he will email it to me  
  
*Oh No! With Jin and Joe locked up, and Dan locked out! Who will save the day?  
  
  
*Dan is sitting on the porch counting the stars*  
  
Kyo: Hey punk!  
Dan: What?  
Kyo: Sign for this package before I whoop you good!  
Dan: Your just a delivery boy!  
Kyo: Shut up! I can make fire!  
Dan: What is this package?  
Kyo: Its for Geese  
Dan: Ill sign for it  
Kyo: *hands over sheet*  
Dan: *signs sheet, shows it to Kyo, and throws it at him*  
Dan: This must be Geese's Commando package *takes off wrapping*  
*Captain Commando is on the box with the Caption "You too can be a Super Commando Elite and save the Day"*   
Dan: YAHHOOIII! *opens box and dumps contents on the ground*  
Dan: *pops the poppy paper* Pop pop pop! YAHOOI!  
Dan: Whats this? Sunglasses? *picks up red glasses*  
Dan: Sunglasses!! *puts them on and is surrounded by a beam of light and transforms into...*  
Captain Saikyo: YAHHOOII!! Im a Commando Elite just like Captain Commando! Now to vanquish evil!   
CapS: *Runs up to door*   
Caps: *poses Captain FIYYAAHHH!! *burns door down*  
CapS: *poses*  
Geese: Hey you got my Commando Package!   
CapS: *poses*  
CapS: Captain COORRIDAHH!   
Geese: *gets smacked* Looks like Geese Howard is blasting off again........*pip*  
CapS: *poses*  
  
*Captain Saikyo runs into Bison's inner Sanctum*  
CapS: *poses*  
CapS: BISON!!!   
CapS: *poses*  
Jin and Joe: Dan! Unlock us!  
Caps: *goes to unlock Joe*  
Sakura: Dan? Is that you!  
Bison: Dan, you cant stop me! Get him Jean!  
Joe: Dan! You take Bison, Ill handle Jean Crap over here!  
CapS: *poses*  
Bison: You fool! You cannot stop me! *does Sissors kick*  
CapS: *poses and blocks*  
CapS: Eat this! *attaches lighting arm to Bison's chest and begins electrocuting* SSSAAAAIIKKYOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
Bison: Ahhh! *breaks hold* Childs play! *flies up in the air to do head stomp*  
CapS: Captain COORIIDAAHHHH!!  
Bison: *teleports behind Dan*  
CapS: WHAT!?  
Bison: PSYCHO CRUSHAHHH!  
CapS: WWWAAAHHHH!! *is sent to the wall*  
Jin: Dan! NO!  
Bison: Imputence! I will not have you in My Movie! *starts to beat down Dan*  
Bison: Ha! Your finished *walks off leaving Dan crumpled in the corner, his moral broken*  
Joe: *knocks Jean Claude's head off and it rolls in front of Dan*  
Jean's Severed Head: Don, do bave bo bet bup und faght, bor Biyson bill took over da whorld, dome peoplies cun not be talkened too, use habe tos fight!  
CapS: I don't know what you just said, but your right!!! I have to defeat Bison!  
CapS: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *gets blonde hair*  
Bison: Wha-what?  
CapS: WWWWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *powers up*  
Bison: Impossible!!!!  
CapS: YYYAAAAAHHH YAAAAHHH YAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! YYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOIIIIII!!!!!! *gets surrounded by a giant Pink Fire*  
Joe: My god!  
Jin: His energy is incredible!  
CapS: *poses*  
CapS: Saikyo Crushah! *flies into Bison, a spinning in Pink Inferno Fury(tm)*  
CapS: *poses*  
Bison: NNNNOOOOO!!!!! *burns up* Whatta world! Whatta World!  
CapS: *poses*   
CapS: *rescues Jin and Sakura*  
Sakura: Oh Jin! You came to rescue me, and Ryu didn't even care! Lets go to a movie!  
  
So, Bison was defeated, Jin popped the Cherry of Sakura's Cherry Blossum Kick, Joe got a girlfriend, Dan got Super Powers, the plot of Street Fighter The Movie was forgotten once and for all, and Joe got to see King and Mai in the shower. I think thats 100 Groove Points for the good guys  
  
~Fin  



	16. Dan's Christmas Special

The Dan Hibiki Christmas Special  
  
*Sakura is in the kitchen humming an Xmas tune while preparing a big dinner for Christmas time*   
Sakura: Deck the halls with bowls of Holly, fa la la la laaa, la la la la. Tis the season to be Jolly , etc, etc   
Sakura: I wonder if my roast is done...   
*Joe and Jin peek from around the corner*   
Joe: Oh man, what are we gonna do! Sakura doesn't know how to cook!   
Jin: I don't know, it always gives me gas, and the pukes.   
Joe: yuk   
Jin: Ruby is helping her too, and thats not much better   
Ruby: What was that?   
Jin: DDaaahhH!   
Ruby: *hits Jin with an anchor*   
*back in the living room, Dan is shaking his gifts*   
Dan: Shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake your Christmas, Christmas Presents!   
Jin: Dan stop messing around!   
Dan: Leave me alone Satome!   
Kei: *jumps out of her room dressed as an elf with pointy ears and a short skirt/long shirt thing that Link from the legend of zelda would wear*   
Kei: Merry Christmas! Ho Ho Ho!   
Joe: What? You want your stocking stuffed or something?   
Kei: tee hee hee, no silly, here, help me hang up the stockings for Santa   
Joe: Bah, humbug   
Kei: Oh, dont be a fuddy duddy   
Jin: *whispering to Dan* she is talking that baby talk again   
Dan: *snickers*   
Joe: Hey Kei me and the boys are gonna make a run to the liqour store to get some egg nog stuff, be back soon   
Kei: Ok!!   
  
*the trio exit the house and hear someone screaming*   
Jin: Hey, is that Guile?   
Benimaru: *runs up* Please help me!   
Jin: Gahh, its another fruit!   
Benny: No! Im not!   
Dan: Uh oh, check it out!   
*Benny has been followed by 3 people, the first dressed in a sailor outfit, the second dressed in a get up similar to storm, and the third dressed in a Psyclocke ninja bathing suit*   
Cable: Come on, dont act like you dont like it   
Cyclopes: Come on and join our group!   
Iceman: Icebeam!! Icebeam!! *makes a phallous made of Ice and attaches it to his arm*   
Benny: NNNnnnooooo!! Im not like that!   
Cyke: Sure, sure.   
Jin: You! I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again!   
Cable: well, you didn't   
Jin: You blew up my Mech!!!   
Joe: Benny, get behind us, we will take care of this terrible trio!   
Dan: Ikozura!   
Joe: Lets get the show on the road! *does a quick uppercut that cuases a mini tornado* hurricane uppah!!   
Cyclopes: *backflips away*   
Dan: *runs at Iceman*   
Iceman: *swings the Ice Phallus at Dan*   
Dan: *punches the Ice contraption and shatters it while making a Bruce Lee noise* wwwwoooooooooooooooo!   
  
  
Iceman: Dahh! You broke my toy!   
Dan: Im gonna break your face! Ikozura!!! *grabs Iceman but Iceman wraps his arms around Dan in a bear hug*   
Iceman: You need to chill out!   
Dan: Oh, your so punny, AhhhH!   
*Iceman has frozen Dan in a casing, but lets see how the other battles are faring*   
  
*Jin bum rushes Cable with a lunging punch*   
Cable: You wanna play huh? *grabs Jin's arm and does a backward flip toss thingie, landing Jin on his back*   
Jin: Ooof!   
Cable: Your nothing without your Mech! *pulls out gun and shoots Jin with it* Piyo! Piyo!   
Jin: TYhoooooonnnn!! *spins into Cable, knocking him around some*   
  
Cyclops: Optic Blast!   
Joe: *gets hit in the chest and staggers back* Heh, your gonna have to do better than that, THRUST KICK! *lunges forward and kicks Cyke in the chest, sending him reeling*   
Joe: *runs to follow up his attack* Here I come!   
IceMan: ICE BEAM!   
*Joe gets hit by the side and his upper body gets covered in a fine layer or ice*   
Joe: What? grrrrr! *shatters the ice and breaks free*   
*Joe turns to Iceman, but while distracted he is tackled by Cyclopes*   
Cyke: I'll hold him while you hit him Iceman!   
Iceman: Yeah! OOOooooo??   
Dan: *has kneed Iceman in the small of the back* We arnt finished yet, bbboooooooyyyeeeeee!   
  
Cable: *jumping high in the air* Viper Beam!!   
*the viper beam inpacts around Jin, causeing the earth around him to be broken up into dust*   
Jin: Ultimate Typhoon! *the dust turns into a tornado as Jin sweeps Cable into it and sends him spiraling towards the ground*   
  
Back at Iceman...   
Dan: *has Iceman by the collar* Freeze! *punch* Chill out! *punch* Cool move! *punch* you sound like a Prima Fighting Game guide! *sneezes* Damn I think I cuaght a cold from you, that makes me mad!   
Iceman: *has used the sneeze to his advantage and made a sword arm out of Ice*   
Iceman: Die! *runs it through Dan*   
Dan: *looks at Iceman funny* You stabbed me!   
*the fight stops and everyone looks at Dan*   
Dan: He stabbed me!   
*Iceman breaks off the Icesword from his hand and Dan staggers back a bit*   
Dan: Ow! This is suppose to be a funny fanfic! We where suppose to be drunk right now and be telling Me Suit jokes, but now I got stabbed. That ruined my day! *coughes up blood like he was in an anime* Ack! Im coughing up blood! This sucks! You ruined Miller Time!*passes out*   
Jin: DDDDDDDAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!   
Cable: *Eye twinkles as he presses his Hyper Viper beam to Jin's back* Hyper, VIPER BEAM!!!!   
Jin: WWWAAAHHHHH!!!!!   
Ruby: *bust out of the house* Dan!!!!!! NO!   
Ruby: *turns Period of the Blood Ruby*   
  
  
Ruby: *runs at Iceman and swings her anchor at him*   
Iceman: *blocks with his Iceshield and counters with a devestating(tm) kick to her stomach*   
Ruby: *gets knocked back, but rolls to her feet* Chevalle, Sellah!   
* a pillar of water/blue fire erupts under Iceman launching him upwards*   
Iceman: I would say something but I've run out of puns!   
Ruby: *turns into a ball of Fire and drives through him*   
Iceman: Doh!   
*As Ruby descents from her mid air attack, Cable tosses a stun grenade where she would land, and it explodes, sealing her in place as Cable drop kicks her and she flys into the house, Cable follows her*   
Cyclopes: Iceman give me a hand over here!   
Joe: *knees him in the stomach and then kicks him in the nads*   
Iceman: Alright! ARTIC ATT...what?   
Dan: *grabs Iceman from behind* Oyajiiiiii! *performs Otoko Michi and explodes*   
Joe: This will teach you some pride! *drives his knee into Cyclopes face, breaking his eyepeice*   
Cyke: Uh oh!   
Jin: Joe look out! *knocks Joe out of the way and gets hit with the full blast*   
*the full blast knocks away Jin and destroys the house*   
Joe: Cyclopes, your fly is undone!   
Cyke: *looks*   
Joe: *turns away, not wanting to see such a feat of horror*   
Cyke: *dies*   
Joe: There, now lets go get ...  
Cable: Nobody move!   
*Joe turns, and where the porch used to be he sees Ruby and Sakura laying unconcsioce at the feet of Cable, who has his gun pressed to Kei's head*   
Joe: Kei! *begins to make a move*   
Cable: Ah ah ah! you forget she isn't a fighting game character, one shot will kill her easily, unlike you who will take minimum damage   
Joe: Grrr, LET HER GO!!!   
Cable: Not until you tell us where Benny Baby is!   
Joe: I dont know, he just went into the house when you arrived   
Cable: Not good enough *readys gun*   
Kei: Joe!!!!   
  
*a blimp hovers above the battle*   
????: To protect the world from devestation!!!   
????2: To unite all people within our nation!!!   
????: To denouce the evil of truth and love!!!   
????2: To extend our reach to the stars above!!!   
Mature: Mature!   
Vice: Vice!   
Mature: Team Lesbo blast off lickedy split!   
Vice: Faster than men, who pack their shit!   
  
*Mature and Vice jump down from the blimp*   
  
*Mature slashes Cables arm as Vice sweeps him out form under his feet*   
Kei: *runs to safety* Run! Run!   
*Mature and Vice go crazy on Cable*   
Cable: *dies* X_X   
Mature: Ha! Easy win!   
Vice: What happened to that pink guy? Is he with Cable too?   
Ruby: No! He is my boyfriend! Somebody help!   
Kei: Ill help! *puts hand on Dan's wound and begins to glow*   
Joe: Hey what are ya doing!   
Kei: Healing!   
Sakura: I never knew you could heal   
Kei: Well I never was around when you got beat up! I only appear after you win a fight!  
Kei: Uh oh! Im to weak to help him! Maybe if I release all my energy all at once!   
Kei: *takes off her clothes*   
Joe: Ahh puttem back on puttem back on!   
  
*After a while, all the heroes are back to fighting strength*   
Dan: Oh man! My house! Its ruined!   
Joe: Some Christmas this turned out to be..   
Kei: We need a Christmas Miracle!   
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, thats my speciality!   
Ruby: Santa Cluase!   
Dan: Santa I want a new house for Christmas!   
Joe: I want a new job!   
Jin: I want a new robot!   
Sakura: I want some new panties!   
Kei: I want Joe to marry me!   
Joe: ack!   
Santa: Hold on now, I can grant all of your wishes.....for a price   
Dan: WWWWhhhhhaatttt? I thought this was the season of giving?   
Santa: Well, you thoght wrong, its the season of rushing to stores and beating others to the toys   
Joe: Well what do you want?   
Santa: Simple really, a day off   
Dan: But you only work one day a year   
Santa: Thats right, and I've been working without a day off for eternity. Now I want someone to take over   
Dan: I'll do it!   
Santa: But your a rookie, choose one person to go with you and help   
Dan: Joe! I choose you!   
Joe: Sake sake Ikuzee!!!   
Santa: Here Dan, you will need this *sprinkles magic dust on Dan*   
SC: * dons a Pink Santa Suit minues 400 pounds and beard, thus turning into Saikyo Clause* Yahooii!   
Joe: *dons a Green Link costume, to which he promtly rips off, exposing his usual attire of Boxing Shorts* Ok Dan, lets get going!   
SC: On Roger, on Amatuer, on Scrubby and whiner, on newbie on loser, on geek and A Wine-O!   
Joe: We only have one reindeer   
SC: He deserves the attention that he demands doesn't he?   
  
*Joe and SC are flying above the world*   
SC: Ho, ho, ho! Whats our first stop Joe?   
Joe: Hmmm, *reads list* Terry Bogard's house, he wants a new hat because Ken stole his.   
SC: Ho, ho, ho! Ok!   
*at Terry's pad, Terry is hanging up the stockings with care*   
Terry: Oh, its gonna be a Bluuuuueeeee, Christmas, with Youuouuuouu in my bed!   
Blue: Oh, Terry! Hurry up and come to bed or Santa wont give you anything, you naughty boy   
Terry: Hey, OK!   
*Terry scurries off to bed as a rumbling is heard*   
SC: YAAAHOOIII!! *thump* OW!   
Joe: *lands on top of Dan, the Saikyo Clause!*   
SC: Dah! Get off of me!   
Joe: *walks out into the living room* I see Mr Big Shot Im in Capcom vs SNK is doing ok   
Joe: *looks at a pic of Blue and Terry in a cutsie hugging pose in some park somewhere*   
SC: *fumbling with his magic sac*   
Joe: *steals the expensive looking picture frame*   
SC: Your suppose to be helping me.   
Joe: Yeah yeah, just let me look in the fridge *walks down the hall*   
Joe: *walks by Terry's room*   
Mary: STOCK MY STUFFING ARRGGHH!   
Joe: *ear perks up*   
Terry: Hey come on! come on!   
Joe: *bends over and looks through the key hole*   
Joe: Wow, those grapplers sure are flexible   
Mary: Show me the Geyser of POWER!   
Terry: Oh yea baby!   
Joe: *eyes widen* Wow! Go Terry, go Terry! Its your birthday!   
*Mary's dog chomps Joe's ass*   
Joe: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *sticks hand over mouth*   
Terry: Was that you Mary?   
Joe: *runs down the hall into the living room*   
Dan: *is wearing Terry's new hat and admiring himself in a mirror* Oh hi Joe!   
Joe: *hand still over mouth* Mmmphh!! mpphhm!   
Dan: Oh cherades! Lets see, you want some suntan oil for Christmas?   
Joe: *bangs the dog on the wall, hard*   
Dog: Relp! *hits the floor*   
Joe: *kicks the dog* that'll teach ya!   
Dog: yelp! *scampers off*   
Joe: *turns to Dan* Ok next house.   
Dan: *has a stern face on*   
Joe: What?   
Dan: That dog, you kicked it   
Joe: Yeah? so?   
Dan: *frowns*   
Joe: Dont be so sensitive!   
Dan: Im not talking to you anymore   
Joe: Come on, lets get outta here! *begins to walk rowards the chimely*   
Dan: Your in exile buddy! I cant see or hear you *continues talking has he goes up the Chimely*   
  
The Saikyo Clause has just started his trip, and the night is young!   
  
Saikyo Clause: Ok, next house is Morrigans!   
Joe: What's she want?   
Dan/SC: A Vib-Master 3 Million EX Edition?   
Joe: Whats that?   
Dan: I dunno, if only I selected Ruby to come she could show me!   
Joe: Oh well, lets go!   
Dan: Arrg! Why am I talking to you, your in exhile!   
Joe: Whatever   
*Joe and Dan slide down Morrigan's chimely and emerge in the living room*   
Joe: My god, it smells like fish in here!   
Dan: P U!   
Joe: I'll go make sure Morrigan is in bed while you unload the stuff   
Dan: Ok, *begins rummaging through the sac*   
Dan: Do be do be dooooo   
????: pppsssstttt   
Dan: Eh?   
????: Psst, psstt, up here   
Dan: *notices that Lilith is tied in leather straps and is hanging from the cieling*   
Lilith: Morrigan said to just give me her present   
Dan: this? *holds present up*   
Lilith: Yeah   
Dan: Here, take it *holds present up*   
Lilith: No, give it to me   
Dan: Well, take it   
Lilith: No, ggggiiiiiivvvvvvveee it to me   
Dan: I don't think I under- oh god no thats sick your only like 12 years old!   
Lilith: Im five hundred and some odd years old!   
Dan: Ick Im outta here, ask Joe to do it   
Joe: *Enters* do what?   
Dan: *points to Lilith*   
Joe: Jailbait! Arrgghh!!   
*Dan and Joe exit and make there way to the next house*   
  
*Joe is sitting in a chair sipping coffee as Dan is going through his sac*   
Joe: Its not in there   
Dan: There HAS to be a Playstation 2 in here somewhere!   
Dan: Lets see, we got a Slinkie...   
Joe: Ill take that   
Dan: Gameboy Color, Pokemon Blue, Gold, Silver,   
Joe: Slinkie Slinkie!   
Dan: Teddy bear, whats that? Oh a Tickle Me Elmo.   
Joe: *throws Slinkie down stairs*   
Joe: Im tellin ya its not in there, just give Yuri my phone number and lets call it even.   
Dan: I thought you had Kei   
Joe: doh! Your right, the old ball and chain   
Dan: Lets see, PS2, PS2, we got a squeky toy, some legos, train set, GI Joe, whats that?   
Bag: Me Suit!   
Dan: AhhH!   
Akuma: *pops out of the bag* Me Suit!   
Akuma: *starts the Raging Demon*   
Dan: Ack! Quick! Run away!   
Akuma: *notices he cant keep up with Dan and Joe, and pulls something out of the bag*   
Joe: *hiding around the corner* phew, that was close   
Akuma: Me Suit! *has a roller skate on his sliding foot*   
Dan: Wuh oh! RUN!   
Akuma: Me Suuuiiittt!! *skates*   
Joe: Quick in here! *pulls Dan into Yuri's bedroom*   
Akuma: Me Suit? *keeps on sliding past, and goes through and open window*   
Dan: Phew!   
Joe: Now, THAT was close *gets hit with mace*   
Yuri: AhhH! Perverts! *sprays Dan*   
Dan: Dah! I cant see! *runs away, then falls out an open window*   
Joe: *has been sprayed with mace so many times, has developed a resistance to it* Cut it out! Im not a pervert, well, maybe I am but thats beside the point, we are the good guys!   
Yuri: *hits Joe with a baseball bat*   
Joe: Damn! OK OK Im leaving!   
*As Joe enters the living room, Dan busts in the front door and slams the door behind him*   
Door: *THUMP* *muffled* Me suit!   
Dan: Lets get out of here!   
  
And our heroes go to the next house....   
  
*Joe and Dan are standing in Remy's bedroom, Joe is looking at the list*   
Joe: He wants to meet his father   
Dan: Doh, I hate these emotional ones. They make me feel like Im in some sort of Christmas special. *scratches head*   
Joe: Hey I got an idea....   
  
????: Remy! Awaken!   
Remy: *wakes up* wha?   
*A giant cloaked figure holding a plastic lightsaber is in the room*   
Vader: Remy, I am your father!   
Remy: Father?   
Joe: (hey man, did you fart?)   
Vader: (shut up and hold me steady)   
Vader: Yes, my son, I am your father. Um, Hi   
Remy: You bastard! You left my sister to die!   
Vader: Um, I did?   
Joe: (now you did it, hes gonna kick our asses)   
Vader: (shut up, let me handle this)   
Joe: (Go right ahead, Suck-o Clause)   
Vader: Um, Im sure I had a good reason   
Remy: To be a warrior? Ha! I been waiting to do this for along time! SUPREME RISING RAGE FLASH!!   
Joe: (lets run before he thinks that we are his parents)   
Dan: (good idea) *throws the cloak on Remy and runs off*   
Remy: *emerging from the cloak* Ha! I defeated you father! Vengance is mine! Ha ha ha!   
  
Dan: Ok, Felicia wants a ball of yarn....   
*Dan and Joe walk over to Felicia's basket where she is snoozing*   
Dan: Wow! Sexy!   
Joe: Ick!   
Dan: Ick!?!?!!?   
Joe: She is a cat!   
Dan: But she has boobs!   
Joe: Yeah, but she's a cat monster, Im not doing a cat monster   
Dan: .....   
Joe: What!?!?   
Dan: Your racist arn't you?   
Joe: WHAT!?!?!   
Dan: You've kicked dogs and now snuff Felicia, even though she is so cute   
Felicia: Meow =^.^=   
Dan: Awwww!   
Joe: I just dont believe in interspecies relationships   
Dan: Joe, how many black people are in King of Fighters?   
Joe: Um, we have a basketball guy   
Dan: A Basket ball guy, that is one stereotype, one!   
Joe: Look Im not racist!   
Dan: *hands Joe a white sheet* Here ya go Mr Wizard   
Joe: Would you cut it out! Im not racist!   
  
*they argue back up the chimley and onward to the next house*   
  
*Joe and Dan emerge in Raiden's home*   
Joe: Hahaha, hey look, Raiden left his love doll out!   
Dan: *sees Beddy Blow-you (tm) doll* Bwahahaa!   
Joe: Im gonna go keep the sleigh warm, *exits*   
Dan: Hmm, I have to move this doll... *picks up Doll*   
Raiden: *yawn* Santa?   
Dan: *freezes* Um, yes?   
Raiden: Why are you taking my Doll Santa?   
Dan: Oh well, um   
Dan: There is a boob on the left side of her, that wont inflate fully, so Im gonna take her to my shop, fix her there, and bring her back here!   
Raiden: Dah, ok!   
  
So our heroes go to the next joke as Oni realizes he is running out of jokes and ask's Real Life Santa for a really funny one to end this story with   
  
Dan: Well, looks like he is the last guy   
Joe: *yawn* yeah lets get it over with   
Iori: *snores quietly and turns over in his bed*   
Dan: *thinks for a moment* Hey Joe, how are we suppose to give Iori his Riot of the Blood back?   
Joe: I dunno, check the bag   
Dan: *checks the bag* I found something!   
Dan: *hands Joe a bag of blood*   
Joe: Don't give that to me!   
Dan: Your suppose to be helping out!   
Joe: Yeah, but that don't mean I have to touch any gore or anything!   
Dan: You whine to much!   
Joe: No I don't!   
Dan: Shut up and help me!   
Joe: I'll help you but I ain't doing it!   
Dan: FINE!   
Joe: OK THEN!   
Dan: WELL ALLRIGHT!   
Joe: THATS FINE THEN!   
Dan: WELL OK!   
Joe: SO DO IT THEN!   
Dan: I WILL!   
Joe: WELL OK THEN!   
Dan: SO LET ME!   
Joe: I WILL!   
Dan: SO DO IT!   
Joe: I AM!   
Dan: *thumps Iori's arm searching for a vein*   
Joe: You've done this before havn't you   
Dan: Shut up   
Joe: Druggie   
Dan: Shut up!   
Joe: Crack head!   
Dan: Silence!   
Dan: *sticks a needle in sleeping Iori's arm and blood gushes out*   
Joe: Oh god! *passes out cold*  
Dan: *attaches bag to Iori*   
Iori: Eh? *wakes up*   
Dan: *grins* Merry Christmas Iori!   
Iori: *tears into Dan* UUUWWWAAAAOOO!!   
Dan: AAAAHHHHH!   
Iori: Weee Weee weee!   
Dan: *jumps back and gets into fighting stance*   
Iori: Candy! Candycandycandy!   
Dan: Candy? Um, here! *holds out a Jolly Rancher*   
Iori: *bites into Dan's Hand* Munch!   
Dan: Ahh get off me!   
Dan: *kicks Iori in the face*   
Iori: Boogy boogy booo! *Tosses Dan up beside the wall*   
Dan: Ack! Im getting my butt kicked! I hope Joe wakes up soon enough to help me out!   
Joe: *sipping tea in the corner* What are you talking about Dan, I've been over here the whole time   
Dan: HELP ME YOU MORON!   
Joe: Hey Iori! I got some beef Jerky!   
Iori: *gets distracted*   
Dan: *slips on his Commando Glasses*   
Captain Saikyo: Here I go! Time to stuff your stocking! YAAHOOOII!!   
C.S: Captain fiyaaa!   
Iori: *dodges*   
Dan: Uh oh!   
Iori: *kicks Dan in the nuts*   
Dan: Yooooowwww!   
Iori: *snickers*   
Dan: *begins crying*   
Joe: Bwaaahahahaha!   
Iori: Bwwwaaaaaaahahaha!   
Dan: Hee hee, Bwaaahaahahaha!   
Joe: Bwwwaaaaahahaha!   
Dillinger: Bwaaahahaha!   
Iori: Bwaaahaaahaaa!   
Dan: Merry Christmas everyone! Bwaahaahaa!   
Joe: But its past new years!   
Iori: Bwwaaahahaha! This isn't that funny! Bwaahaha!   
Dan: I know, but maybe if we laugh some more they will start laughing, bwwaahhaha!   
  
So, Santa came through on his end of the bargin and built Dan a super delux mansion with pink leapord skin interior, jaccuzi, and everything. And Joe got his new job, he now works at an arcade. I however, didnt get my wish, and had the end that story with something resembling the jokes that Bob Sagat turns DOWN. 


	17. Dan's Big Balls

To celebrate Dan's brand new house, he starting throwing ball after ball in his ball room. They had food, live music, everything! Everyone was invited, and, surprisingly, everyone came, which made the size of the party really big!.   
  
Terry: Wow, look at the size of this ball!   
Andy: Yes, this certainly is a big ball!   
Mai: everyone from Capcom and SNK has come   
*Dan appears in a pink smoking vest and a bubble pipe*   
Dan: Oh, hey Terry, Andy, how do you guys like my ball?   
Mai: Your balls are the best Dan   
Andy: Yeah! I love all your big balls you have Dan   
Dan: You cant help but like my balls   
Terry: I'll drink to that   
Dan: I got to go, you guys enjoy my ball!   
  
Morrigan: Laaaaaaa!   
Raptor: *putting up guitar* Phew,lets take five Morrigan   
Morrigan: Ok, Attention everyone, the darkstaler band will be back in 5!   
Raptor: boy, did you see the size of Dan's Balls?   
Morrigan: Yup! I love playing balls, especially Dan's Balls because they are so big!   
*Dan appears again with Ruby Heart in tow*   
Ruby: Boy, you guys sure can play good!   
Morrigan: Thanks! So Dan, why do you have such the big balls?   
Dan: No reason really, whenever I hold my balls for fun, everyone comes!   
Morrigan: Maybe i can hold your balls at my place sometime   
Dan: That sounds fun!   
  
*elsewhere at the party, Strider is having a staring contest with Hanzo*   
Strider:............   
Hanzo:.............   
Strider:............   
*Dan walks up*   
Dan: Are you two enjoying my balls?   
Hanzo:.............   
Strider:............   
Dan: Arn't my balls the biggest youve ever seen?   
Hanzo:.............   
Dan: Hello?   
Nakoruru: Hey Dan! Over here!   
Dan: *walking up to her* Whats wrong? You dont like my balls?   
Nak: No, its just Ive never seen them so big before, I'm kinda scared   
Dan: Dont be afraid of my balls, they wont hurt you, they might even make you feel good!   
  
And so, Dan showed off his balls to everyone that would see them, and he lived happily ever after.   
  
After all the Balls, Dan plans his next party...  
  
Dan: Hey Ruby, Im throwing a Super Bowl Party   
Ruby: WHAT!   
Dan: Joe and Jin are on there way over here   
Ruby: But they live here though   
Dan: Whatever, Im still having it   
Ruby: Argh! I better get ready!   
*Ruby starts making food*   
*Kei and Sakura walk in*   
Sakura: Hey Ruby, whats going on?   
Ruby: The boys are having a super bowl party, help me get the stuff ready   
*the girls make, cake, nachos, corndogs, hamburger, chips, and chili cheese dip*   
  
Meanwhile....   
Ding dong   
Dan: Jin! Whats up man!   
Jin: Waaassssaapppp!   
Dan: Whaaassssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp!   
Joe: Hey yo!   
Dan: WWWWWWAAAAAASSSAAAAAPPPPP!   
Joe: Waaassaaapp?   
Jin: WWWWWAAAAASSSSSSAAAAAAAPPPPP!   
Joe: Ok shut up   
Dan: Ready for the super bowl!   
Joe: I sure am!   
*the trio walk by the 24 foot screen TV, and down the hall, as Ruby and the girls bring the food into the living room*   
Ruby: What? Where are they? The super bowl is about to come on   
*The hear the sounds of muffled laughter*   
Sakura: They must be down the hall   
*the laughter continues, then falls silent, then is followed by coughing, then by more laughter*   
Ruby: They must be in Joe's room   
*the girls turn down the hall, and come into contact with a thin fog*   
Kei: Thats funny, whats this fog?   
Sakura: Look, its comeing from Joe's room!   
*The fog is seeping though the cracks around Joe's door, on the door there is a sign that says ''Super Bowl Party in progress'' With a picture of a smiley face and some stick figures shooting each other with guns*   
Sakura: Whats going on in there? *they listen*   
Room: *dog barking* *duck quacking* Squassh! Squash! Doooooo, Dum da dum da dum, *duck quacking* Squash Squash Squash *giggling*   
Dan: Shut up you stupid Dog! ARRGGGHHHH!   
Ruby: *knocks on door, the room goes silent* Um, Dan?   
*Suddenly the door flings open, smoke pours out of the room, and Dan is standing inside the room, his eye glowing red with, anger? He is clutching a Nintendo Zapper*   
Dan: Whhaaasssssssaaaaappppp!!!! Bwahahahahahah!   
Joe: Bwaahaaahaaahaha!   
Jin: bwwaahhaaahaahaa *snort*   
Joe: *pointing at Jin* BWWWWAAHHHHAAHAHAHAAAAAA!   
Ruby: I thought you where having a super bowl party?   
Jin: SSUUPPAAAHHHH BOOOWWWLLLL!   
Joe: BWWAAAAHAHAHAHA!   
Dan: Hey cool food! *snatches food and slams door*   
*the Girls stand there with their hands on their hips making ugly faces*   
Doorbell: Ding dong!   
Ruby: Whats that?   
Sakura: The doorbell, duh!   
Ruby: *backhands Sakura without looking* Must be more guests   
  
The Trio of Chicks open the door, and Sakura and Kei are suddenly snatched out!   
Sakura: Wha?   
Kei: Hey!   
Ruby: What the!? Hey!   
Chun Li: *pulls gun on Ruby* Your coming with us, haha!   
Chun Li, Charlie, and Guile are standing outside   
Ruby: What is this all about   
Chun Li: We have warrents for the arrest of Joe Higashi and Jin Satome for Statiotory rape, Dan Hibiki for Tax evasion   
Ruby: Tax Evasion?   
Chun Li: How else could he get a mansion like this?   
Ruby: Santa Clause gave it to him   
Chun Li: Yeah, Uh huh, sure. Your coming with us too! Guile, put her in the handcuffs!   
Ruby: What?   
Guile: Sonic Boom!   
Ruby: The Sonic Boom? Its so slow, wait a minute, NO!   
Guile: *hancuffs her*   
Guile: That one was for Charlie, *looks off* Dont worry Charlie, I will avenge your death, Justice will be served, just like I knew you would want it   
Charlie: *taps Guile on the shouler*   
Guile: *turns, but sees no one because Charlie has switched to his other side*   
Chun Li: Lets search the house!   
*The Coppers get to the smoke filled hallway, and find the door, and kick it down*   
Chun Li: Darn it! Nobody here!   
Charlie: Look what I found!   
Guile: I can sometimes here his voice....*tear*   
Chun Li: Wow, that is a super bowl! Lets get it for evidence   
Guile: We will need to get a forklift or something....   
Chun Li: Hey whats that outside the window   
*It is an ass*   
Charlie: It looks kinda like an ass   
Chun Li: Hey, I know that ass!   
Joe: BWWAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAHHAAAAA! *runs off*   
  
Now that Sakura and Kei have been taken away, Ruby been arested, our heroes are on the lamb from the law! Where will they go for help to take down the Po Po? That was a Rhtorical question because they are headed to Geese's house.   
  
This chapter was dedicated to AC/DC 


	18. Dan vs The World

  
Dan: Dammit Joe, where the hell are we?   
Joe: This is his house, trust me   
Jin: We're in the middle of the freaking desert!   
Dan: Yeah, how did we get up here?   
Joe: The elevator ya morons   
Dan: Elevator? What elevator?   
Joe: The one we just got off of!!   
Dan: Oh   
Jin: Accursed short term memory.....   
Kane: Hey constabiles, you 3 blokes been on the news lately   
Dan: Hey Joe, who is he talking to?   
Kane: You guys got a fag? Im fresh out   
Jin: No but we have GIRLFRIENDS thank you very much   
Kane: Thats not what i heard, anyway you guys sure you guys dont have a fag I can suck on?   
Dan: Ack, thats disgusting!   
Jin: I told you we have girlfriends!  
Joe: Don't worry guys, he's british   
Dan and Jin: Oh....   
Kane: Anyway, let me show ya the way to Mastah Geese   
*Kane walks them over to a building with Geese sitting behind the desk in a buisness suit talking on the phone*   
Kane: Joe Higashi and company to see you Geese   
Geese: Oh yes, one moment. Ok, um hmm, yes, wire the billion trillion dollars to my swiss bank acount. uhmm hmm, yes I will buy 5 thousand shares of Dreamcast as long as they stay.....   
Phone: Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep   
Geese: *slams phone down quickly* Uhhh, Damn AT&T! *eyes Joe and company* Ah yes   
Joe: Geese! The Cops are after us! You gotta help us get our chicks back!   
Geese: Ha! Doing it will not be as easy as saying it my friend!   
*Jin loses intrest and begins wandering around the room, looking at stuff*   
Dan: Your the boss monkey of south town! You got to help us!   
Kane: *snickers*   
Geese: .......   
Dan: What?   
Geese: Did you just call me boss monkey?   
Kane: *snickers*   
Geese: Is that a snicker Billy?   
Kane: Sure is, Hungry? Why wait?   
Geese: Hmmm, *gets sly face on* maybe I should help you, but what in it for me   
Dan: Well, Kane wanted a fag earlier if your into that sorta thing   
Geese: What are you talking about? Oh wait, hahaha, a fag I get it   
Geese and Kane: Bwaaahaaahaahaa   
Dan: Whats so funny?   
Joe: I told you he was British   
Dan: Oh   
Joe: Anyway, back to the story! What do you want in return?   
Jin: *discovers a giant budda statue* Hey Budda! *begins rubbing belly* Rub da budda belly! You's a happy budda!   
Geese: Dont rub the budda belly!   
Jin: Sorry!   
Geese: Now, I would like a cut of the money of course. How 70% sound, hahahaha! *kicks back in chair while laughing* Hahahaahahh!   
Kane: Hahahahahahh!   
Geese: haaaahaaahaaahahhaahah oops! *falls backward in chair*   
Joe and Dan: Bwwaahaahaahahaha!   
Kane: Minus 5 cool points   
Jin: Tee hee hee *snort*   
Joe, Dan, Kane, and Geese: *points at Jin* BWWWAAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!   
Geese: Anyway, now how does 70% of the cash sound   
Joe: But we arn't robbing anyone   
Geese: Hmmmm *spins in his chair and looks at his lava lamp*   
Joe and Dan: *look at lava lamp*   
Lavalamp: *is staying at the bottom in a lump*   
Dan: I think your lava lamp is busted dude   
Geese: SILENCE! ITS NOT BROKE! IT JUST NEEDS TO WARM UP! *begins crying* THE INSTRUCTION SAY IT NEEDS TO WARM UP! Why cant you just leave it alone so it can warm up? *sniff sniff*   
Kane: *pats Geese on the back* Its ok   
Geese: STOP LOOKING AT IT! ITS SHY IS ALL! IF YOU DIDNT LOOK AT IT IT WOULD WORK!   
Dan and Joe: *look at the ceiling and floor*   
Geese: *wiping his nose*   
*meanwhile*   
Jin: Hey a TV *cuts on TV*   
Tv: *Ryu and Kyo are in training mode*   
Jin: Ick, what kinda sorry game is this *messes around with a nearby DC controller*   
Jin: What? No air combos! Bastard!   
*cuts DC power off without saving*   
Geese: *ear perks up* What was that click? DID YOU JUST CUT OFF MY TRAINING MODE!?!?!?   
Jin: Um, *cuts DC back on* no   
TV: Ding ding ding, dreamcast   
Geese: That is the booting animation!   
Jin: No its not, its the new Raging Demon graphics, I was just practicing is all   
Geese: You guys come into my house, make fun of me and my lava lamp, rub my budda belly, cut of my Training mode, now I'll never get Morrigan! What are you going to do next? Pee in my Goldfish lake?   
Dan: *walking back up, zipping his pants* Boy that Big Gulp went right though me, dont worry Geese, I didn't pee on your grass, I found a pee lake, so what you guys talking about?   
Geese: Argh!!!! *gets his gun from his drawer*   
Joe: Hey wait dude! What if we can get you a save file for CvS with all the secrets?   
Geese: *hesitating* I can easily get all the secrets myself   
Joe: Do you know about Bema?   
Geese: Bema?   
Dan: Bema?   
Jin: Bema?   
Joe: Yes guys, BEMA   
Dan: Oh, BEMA! yes yes   
Jin: What The Fuck are you guys talking about   
Dan: BEEEMAAA! *wink*   
Joe: Bema, the super secret char only we know about   
Jin: I dont know what your talking about and Dan, dont wink at me again   
Geese: You have my intrest, I'll help you...   
  
*some where inside Interpol US headquarters*   
  
Chun Li: Ok, lets start this meeting   
Charlie: *kicking back on his desk* Ok, lets go   
Chun Li: Guile?   
Guile: *his head on his desk, clutching his dog tags and sobbing* *Sob, sob*   
Charlie: Umm, just leave'm alone, what do we have?   
Chun Li: Well, the fugitives have escaped custody and are on the loose. Normally we could find Dan at the local school yard, trying to take pictures of the High School senior's panty shots to put on his webpage, but he wasn't there.   
Charlie: What about Jin?   
Chun: We usually found him dancing at Chip 'n Dales for spare cash, but he hasn't reported for work   
Charlie: So whats it mean?   
Chun: It means that Joe is the leader of the pack, at least for now, and we have no previous file on record so we have asked for assistance from some special forces that have dealt with Joe before   
*Ralf, Clark, and Leona enter*   
Ralf: Waassaaapp!   
Leona: *kicking him* Dont embarrass me!   
Clark: Hello Chun Li, Charlie, Guile   
Guile: *lighting up a doobie* Sup   
Leona: Hey, thats illigal!   
Guile: I Yam the Low!   
Clark: We have constructed a plan Chunny, and we think we know we here is going   
Chun Li: Do tell   
Clark: Looking at this suspect behavior pattern diagram *Clark shows a bar napkin with a stick man scribbled on it, label ''Joe'' and an arrow from Joe pointing to another stick figure with MC Hammer pants on labeled ''Geese''* we see that Joe would go to Geese's hideout   
Chun Li: How did you find out this information?   
Leona: We logged onto fanfiction.net and found the story   
Clark: We should begin preperation to raid the place   
Ralf: Not now! I HAVE A 2-40 SITUATION RIGHT HERE!   
Guile: *grabbing his gun and running up* Where?   
Ralf: Right here! *takes 2 fourty ounces out of a paper bag*   
Guile: Allright!   
Ralf: Me and Guile can handle this, you guys run ahead!   
  
*Back at Geese tower*   
  
Geese: OK, I have had my eye on piggie movements and I have some bad news.   
Dan: Ruby is to be executed?   
Joe: they deported Sakura and Kei?   
Jin: Your not wearing anything under that dress?   
Geese: No, they have assigned specialist to the team!   
Jin: Who?   
Geese: Leona, Ralf, and Clark   
Dan: Hey, we just was talking to them at the bar, we even drew them a picture!   
Jin: I drew them the picture!   
Dan: I told you too!   
Jin: I thought of it first!   
Geese: SILENCE!   
Dan: He started it!   
Geese: Anyway! *turns on a big ole screen, has a overhead pic/map of a facility*   
Geese: This is pretty flower virgin encampment, where Sakura and Kei have been taken. It is run by E Honda's wife, a big fat chick that looks like him. *a pic of E Honda with a hair bow comes on screen*   
Geese: Further investigation proves that Miss Honda is actually E honda with a hair bow, but seeing how Miss Pacman was a female and she only had a hair bow, so this is permissable   
Joe: *snickers* The jokes on them, Kei isn't a virgin, tee hee hee   
Jin: Sakura is   
Joe: Say what? I thought you got it on?   
Jin: Well, she TECHINICALLY is   
Dan: What you talking about   
Jin: Two words: Back Door   
Geese, Joe, Dan: Oh   
Dan: What about Ruby?   
Geese: Ruby has been taken to the DCU   
Joe: DCU?   
Geese: Yes, Dyke containment Unit   
Dan: But Ruby isn't 1)an embankment of earth and rock built to prevent floods 2)a barrier blocking a passage, especially for protection 3) a raised causeway 4) a ditch or a channel or 4)a long mass of indgeious rock that cuts acroos the structure of a adjact rock   
Geese: Dammit Dan put down my dictionary!   
Joe: He means lesbian Dan   
Dan: But she isn't a lesbian either   
Geese: She will be soon if you dont rescue her   
Dan: Lets do it right away then   
Geese: You cant do it alone, here, Joe, put this on *tosses a bundle of cloth to Joe*   
Joe: Oh man! What is this? An inviso suit, super armor? or maybe a super hero costume?   
Geese: No, its a pair of pants and a shirt, I dont like grown men hanging around in their boxers.   
Joe: *dons a shirt that reads= Im with stupid -*   
Joe: Allright! Lets go to club med, shall we?   
  
Ruby: Ugh! Let me out of here!   
Dave: Nuh uh girlie girl! Your right where you belong, hahaha!   
Dave: *slams cell shut*   
Ruby: Why you! Where is Dan!   
Dave: Don't worry, as we speak there is a joint attack going on at Geese tower, to kill Dan! HAHAHAAHAHAHAH!   
Poison: Dont worry hunny, well get out of here *pinches Ruby's butt*   
Chizuru: Yeah, you will be safe with us in here *slips arm around Ruby*   
Mature: We will do our best to make you feel comfortable here *sly smile*   
  
Meanwhile:   
  
Clark: This is Chopper 1, prepare to drop the paratroopers into the target zone!   
Radio: Roger!   
Clark: We gottem now!   
Geese: Allow me to give you information that you will need to complete the operation... whats that?   
*drums begin to play*   
Bionic Commando: *lands*   
Geese: crap! *grabs his gun*   
Dan: EEEk! Its the five-oh! *dives behind desk*   
Kane: Here Joe *tosses an Uzi to Joe*   
Joe: Ick a gun! *tosses it to Jin*   
Bionic Commando: Eat this! *fires bazooka*   
Budda* *blows up*   
Geese: You shot my buddy belly! Die! *fires at Commando*   
Commando: Crap! They have guns! That wasn't in the briefing! *jumps off the building*   
Clark: Go! Wave 2!   
Jin: Bloodia! *locks and loads*   
*A metallic thud can be heard*   
Jin: *lights up a stogie*   
Eri: *busts into the wall in a tank* Die!   
Marco: *jumps out of the tank and fires at Jin*   
Jin: *starts spraying*   
Marco: Wow! They're bullets are faster than what we are used to!   
Eri: *fires at the desk, sending Geese, Kane, Joe, and Dan running in all directions as their cover was destroyed*   
Marco: Ow! I got shot! *dies*   
Jin: Bloodia!   
Eri: NNnnnoooo! *jumps out of tank and runs over to Marco*   
Eri: Marco! Marco!   
Geese: Polo! bwwaahhaaahhaaahaa!   
Eri: Grrr *shoots Geese*   
Geese: *gest shot in the chest* ugh! ow!   
Dan: Geese! *runs over to Geese and holds him in his lap*   
Dan: Geese! Geese you cant die!   
Geese: Dont worry, I'll be back, I always come back *cough*   
Dan: Geese...   
Geese: Do not Greeve, soon I will be gone from this place, like the lavalamp, trying its best to do good, but just ends up on the floor in a pool of red   
Dan: Geese...   
Geese: Here Dan, take this, the virgin of leadership *hands over naked Yuri*   
Yuri: Anta Baka!   
Geese: One day, she will.. *cough* light our darkest hour.   
Dan: Yahooi!   
Yuri: *slaps* No feelies!   
Geese: Before I die, tell me, the code for Bema   
Dan: Sorry Geese, there is no Bema, we fooled your stupid ass.   
Geese: What! Gimmie back my Virgin   
Dan: No, you gave it to me   
Geese: No i didn't, gimmie gimmie, ack Blarrgghh *dies*   
Eri: Ok Freeze!   
Jin: *shoots at him*   
Eri: *is in the tank*   
Eri: You all are under arrest!!   
  
Clark: *pointing at Dan, Jin, Naked Yuri and Joe* HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHHAAhAH!   
Dan, Jin, and Joe: *are behind bars*   
Clark: AAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHA!   
Jin: When is he gonna stop doing that, its making me nervous   
Joe: How are we gonna get out of this mess?   
Dan: This sucks, we will never save our chicks now   
Kane: *emerging from a room wearing a red headband and white karate Gi*   
Kane: Well, see you guys later, my lawyer set me up a sweet deal, all i had to do was dress up like Ryu and lay Chun Li, later   
Joe: I want his lawyer   
Chun Li: Ha, ha, ha! Well whats the matter fellas? You look a bit down in the jailcell! AHAHAHAHAAHAHHA   
Clark: AAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAHAAA!   
Dan: Shut up Chun Li, the only reason why your picking on us is because your mad that Im a better lay than Ryu was   
Chun Li: Eh! What? Thats a lie!   
Jin: You mean you had Chun Li?   
Dan: Yeah, we went out when Ruby was forced to break up with me. She would always pretend i was Ryu, it was pathetic really   
Chun Li: Shut up! Leaving you was the best thing i ever done, Ryu is the absolute BEST lover!   
Dan: She is angry that the only way she can get into Ryu's pants is to drug him   
Chun Li: *face turning red* Shuttap! I dont need to drug anyone!   
Jin: Actually, Dan is right   
Chun Li: And how would you know?   
Jin: Im Ryu's psychic phone friend   
Chun Li: It doesn't matter, you will be executed shortly, Im going to get on INTERPOL flying base and go check in on your beloved Ruby, who should be realizing the pleasure of womanhood. Heh, I might even join in, Picture it!   
Everyone: *pictures it*   
Joe: Its times like this that makes me wish I didn't wear boxers all the time   
Chun Li: Come on clark, lets leave them with Incompetent Guard   
Incometend Guard: yes Maam, Sir!   
*chunny and clark leave, leaving our heroes alone with Incompetent guard*   
Jin: *approches the cell door and clears his throat*   
Incompetent guard: Dont even think about it! You think just because my name is Incompetent guard you can trick me? Well IT AINT HAPPENING   
Jin: well actually, I was gonna say   
Incomp Guard: Dont even start! Why, every prisoner has tried that lame sick excuse, even hid in the ceiling to try and get me to come in, but it never worked, I always just   
Jin: DYNAMITE! *explodes outward with energy*  
Incop Guard: *gets impale with flying metal bars*   
Joe: Ok lets go!   
Dan: you guys run ahead, I have a score to settle with Chunny! *takes off after Chunny as the cell breach alarm sounds*   
Joe: *puts naked Yuri over his shoulder and takes down the corridor with Jin behind him*   
  
Meanwhile....   
Ryo: Hey Robert, you seen Yuri?   
Robert: *is watching women arobics* Nope   
  
Jin: Hey Joe, you know where we going?   
Joe: Of course!   
Yuri: Hey! Keep your hand below my knees!   
Jin: Look an elevator   
Joe: Yes! *presses button*   
Elevator: *doors open*   
Keanu Reeves: Uh, whoe   
Carrie-ann moss: Going up?   
Joe: No, down   
Keanu: Oh, whoe dude, thats totally bogus, we are going to the roof, and I recommend that thou doesn't go into the most excellent lobby anytime soon *elevator closes*   
Jin: Its nice to see him back in character *Ping, ping*   
Joe: Cheeze it! Its the fuzz!   
Vicks: Stop or we will shoot!   
Wedge: We just shot at them!   
Vicks: IF you will let me finish my sentance, you would have realized I was going to say, AGAIN!   
  
Dan: Dammit! I should have looked for a map or something before trying to give chase   
Ralf: He went down here!   
Dan: Doh! *runs into a nearby room*   
Dan: Its dark in here, perfect, where is the exit   
Guile: He went into the evidence storage room, hes trapped in there   
*ralf and Guile bust in*   
Guile: Chunny said to show no mercy!   
Ralf: *taking a chug from his 40 ounce* Not a problem, lets split up and search for him   
Dan: *runs deeper into the warehouse-like room*   
Ping ping!   
Dah: Dah!   
Ralf: almost had him!   
guile: This is just like gorilla warfare in nam, with *sniff* Charlie   
Dan: Ill be safe up here! *climbs a pile of boxes*   
Dan: At least for now... hey this box has my name on it!   
Dan: *opens the box*   
Dan: Yahhoi!   
Guile: Over there!   
  
Joe: Come on Jin! Move your ass!   
Joe, Jin, and Yuri are in the parking garage being chased by a big ole squad of cops*   
Jin: Crap! We are out of road!   
Joe: A dead end!   
*the cops turn on dozens of spot lights that illumiate Jin and Joe perfectly*   
Yuri: Turn around Joe, i cant see anything, from over your shoulder all i see is your butt   
Joe: Your the first person to compain...   
  
Ralf: Hey, here is a knocked over box!   
Guile: Yeah, he was here recently   
*a flash of light from behind them, they turn*   
Ralf: There you are Dan! Freeze!   
Dan: You call me Dan, you really shouldn't...   
Guile: Shut up Dan, you'll only be signing Cody's hairy ass where your going   
Dan: Well see about that, CAPTAIN FIYAHH!   
Ralf: Hey, the breifing said it was only a small fireball, ahhh! *guile and Ralf get engulfed*   
Ralf's 40ounce: Uh oh! *explodes*   
  
Vicks: Ready! Aim!   
Wedge: Wait, Im not ready!   
Joe: Im gonna try to unleash the power of the virgin!   
Yuri: Eeep!   
Joe: *trys to spread Yuri's legs*   
Joe: Open, dammit open!   
Yuri: No! eeepp!   
Joe: Geese, you said the Virgin would light our darkest hour...   
Vicks: ready! Aim! *explosion from behind*   
cops: What the!   
Captain Saikyo: Yawayaa hooie!   
Jin: Allright!   
Saikyo: Captain Fiya!   
Cops: wwwaaahhh!   
Joe: I love the smell of fried bacon in the morning!   
Jin: Yeah! We roasted them like the pigs they are   
Saikyo: Stop acting like you did something   
Joe: What now?   
Jin: We need some wheels! *runs to a nearby parked car*   
Jin: No keys! *runs to a nearby parked car*   
Jin: No keys! *runs to a nearby parked car*   
Jin: No keys! *runs to a nearby parked car*   
Jin: No keys! *runs to a nearby parked Bloodia II Custom*   
Jin: Yes! Hope in guys! Lets knock that INTERPOL arial base out of the sky!   
  
*high above South Town, the INTERPOL Arial Base floats*   
Chun Li: From here I can control everything! Activate the make Ryu horny beam!   
*suddenly, there is an EXPLOSION*   
Chun Li: What happen?   
Clark: Somebody set us up the bomb!   
Charlie: We get signal!   
Chun Li: What?   
Charlie: Main Screen turn on!   
*Captain Saikyo appears, and in the background Jin is piloting the mech, and Joe mooning the screen*   
Chun Li: Its you!   
Dan: How are you gentelmen?   
Dan: All your base are belong to us!   
Dan: You are on the way to destruction!   
Chun Li: What you say!   
Dan: You have no chance to survive make your time! Ha ha ha ha   
Charlie: Captain!   
Chun Li: Release every zig!   
Chun Li: You know what you doing!   
Chun Li: Move zig for great justice!   
Joe: Hows this for some zig, donkey butt! *moves his butt side to side while mooning*   
Yuri: Yeah, nanny nanny nanny! *copies Joe*   
  
*abourd the Bloodia*   
Jin: We got problems!   
Dan: What?   
Jin: Are intial blast didn't do much damage, it appears the only way we can destroy the base is to fly down a canal and fire torpedo down an exhaust port!   
Dan: Well do it!   
Jin: We have enemy fighters in bound!   
Joe: Those must be the zigs she was talking about!   
Dan: Dont worry about it, just go! destroy the place before   
they catch up!   
Jin: Impossible they are already here!   
Zig: Pechew, pechew! *hits Bloodia*   
Joe: Were gonna die!   
????: Pechew pechew! *blows up zigs*   
Jin: What!   
Dan: Its Ruby's airship!   
Ruby's crew, led by Remy: Yay, im finally back in one of Oni's stories!   
Jin: Now to destroy the base! *cuts on targetting computer*   
Geese: No Jin!   
Jin: What?   
Geese: Let go Jin!   
Jin: Geese?   
Geese: Use the force Jin!   
Jin: No!   
Geese: Trust your feelings   
Jin: My feelings tell me the targeting computer is right   
Geese: Dangit boy do it!   
Jin: Ok ok   
  
meanwhile, Dan and Joe realize Jin has finally cracked   
  
Jin: Now what?   
Geese: Use your instincts   
Jin: Ok, got ya   
Geese: and, while I have your attention, are you sure there is no Bema code? I asked Dan and he said he didn't know   
Jin: Shuttap im trying to concentrate   
Geese: And, do you know why Alex Valle doesn't play with me? It really bothers me sometimes, is it because Im old? People think that when you get old, your not ''with it'' anymore, but I am still ''with it''   
Jin: Geese your making me nervous   
Geese: Hey dude, Dont get mad at me, at least you arnt dead   
Jin: Your not dead Geese, your never dead, your probly hiding in the back with one of those echo voice changing things   
Dan: *notices Geese is sitting beside him with echo voice changing thing*   
Geese: Ok fine!   
Jin: Bombs away! *fires torpedos*   
INTERPOL Arial Base: Doh! *explodes*   
Dan: Yahhoi!   
Remy: Ok guys, where to next?   
Dan: Set a course for the Dyke Containment Center!   
  
Ryo: Hey Robert, Im getting kinda worried about Yuri, lets go look for her   
Robert: *watching female areobics* Yeah, when this goes off   
  
*On the deck of Ruby Heart's airship: The Doobie Heart, our heroes, Dan, Joe, Jin, Geese, and Naked Yuri meet the new crew of the Doobie*   
Jin: Thanks for bailing us out back there   
Remy: No problem, we set out to destroy the INTERPOL Arial base in the first place, to ensure our arial domination   
Dan: But how did you guys get the ship?   
Remy: Ruby gave it to me when she moved in with you, duh   
Remy: Allow me to introduce the crew   
Benimaru: Quick hogging the mirror Vega!   
Vega: Shut up!   
Benimaru: You cant even see your face behind that mask   
Remy: Vega and Benimaru here, Benimaru is the ships fashion coordinator, and Vega is our Dance cheorgrapher   
Remy: And over here we have Choi Bounge, our ship cook   
Choi: *blows a kiss at Yuri*   
Remy: And we have Ukyo   
Ukyo: Hi   
????: UUuukyyyyyooooo!   
Ukyo: AAhh! *runs away and get chased by girls*   
Remy: He is our Public relations guy, and finally we have Hyo Amano  
Hyo: *looks at Dan*  
Dan: *looks at Hyo*  
Hyo + Dan: Nice clothes!  
Hyo + Dan: Jinx!  
Hyo + Dan: ......  
Hyo + Dan: ......  
Joe: You guys cut it out  
Hyo + Dan: He started it!  
Geese: Well its a nice ship, but no women  
Yuri: *hides under Geese skirt*  
Remy: Well, we are on our way to attack the Dyke Containment Center to steal some *checks his pirate notes* Wrenches?  
Choi: No Wenches! HEEHEEHEEHEE!  
Vega: Ok Benny, your 5 minutes are up, give that mirror!  
Benny: Oh, behave yourself you naughty boy!  
Dan: Ok, lets attack the DCC together!  
Remy: We should be arriving in a few hours  
  
Meanwhile...  
Ryo: *gets his coat on* Lets go Robert!  
Robert: Its not done yet!  
Ryo: *walking into room* Dog dangit Robert we gotta... hey! She is hot! *sits on floor and watches arobics*  
  
and elsewhere, at "Miss" E Honda's Virgin Storage Center  
Kei: Argh, this is so boring here, I would much rather being doing it  
Sakura: Yeah! The chapter is almost over and we havnt even had a cutscene!  
Kei: Hey look, we're on!  
Sakura: Yay!  
Athena: Hey, did I hear you say that you've done it?  
Kei & Sakura: Yup!  
Maki: Wow Whats it like!  
Kei: It feels good! Wooooooooooo hoo!  
BB Hood: Oh wow! I wish I could do it here!   
Morrigan: Yeah! I wonder what it is like  
Everyone: *looks at Morrigan*  
Morrigan: What?  
  
*Dan and Joe bust into the lobby of the DCC*   
  
Dan: Wow! Its raining cats and dogs out there! *is holding a phone in his hand*  
Joe: Yeah buddy! *is holding a screwdriver*   
Dan: Whoe Mr Guards, dont get up we wont be a minute just a routine check ok   
Joe: Nothing really, hey nice shirt, wow look at plant over there, real nice huh?   
Dan: Hey where is your main circuit bourd through these doors right ok we got it! *exit*   
*Once inside, Dan and Joe look around*   
Dan: Ok, where are they keeping Ruby?   
Joe: I dunno, look over there!   
*there is a green door at the end of the hall*   
Dan: I make it a point to check behind every green door I see, lets go!   
*Dan and Joe enter the room, and find a large room with lots of women in varios bondage suits and strap on accessories*   
Dan: Whoe   
Joe: 0.0   
Chizuru: Your from the phone company?   
Joe: Yup, we got to test your phone   
Chizuru: Its over there *points to a phone on the wall by a tampon dispenser*   
Joe: Ick! *hides behind Dan* Im not going over there near that!   
Dan: (look Joe, over there, its Ruby, hanging from the ceiling)   
Joe: Yeah!   
Dan: Lets make our move!   
Chizuru: Arnt you guys done yet!   
Dan: Ha! We fooled you! We arnt really phone repairmen!   
Dan: *puts down his phone*   
Chizuru: Wha... such a clever disguise! Your Dan Hibiki!   
Joe: And Im.. *tosses away his screwdriver* Joe Higashi!   
Chizuru: no!   
Jill: Im a member of Stars!   
*explosion, The Doobie has rammed the side of the wall*   
Jin: AAWWWW RIGHT!   
Chizuru: And who are you?   
Jin: *snaps his fingers, the lights go out*   
*the lights fade in, and pink and purple lights illuminate a stage set up on the ship deck, Jin is in his pink suit, with long pink wig and a red star painted over one eye*   
*music starts*   
Vega, Remy, and Benny: *backing him up*   
Jin: Jin!   
Backup: Jin is excitment!   
Jin: Ooooo, Jin!   
Backup: Jin is adventure!   
Jin: OOooooooo   
Bckup: Glamour and glitter, fashion and fame!   
Jin: Jin!   
Back: Jin is outrangous, truly outrangous, truly truly truly outragous!   
Jin: Whoe Jin!   
Back: JIN!   
Jin: The musics contagous   
Back: Outragous!   
Jin: Jin is my name, no one else is the same! Jin is my NAME!   
Dykes: Yaaayy! Woo woo!   
Jin: Thanks thank you! Thank you all! Keep looking at me please! Thank you! Dont turn around!   
Dan: *is cutting down Ruby*   
Joe: Bravo, bravo!   
Dan: Ok, lets go! *grabs Ruby and leaps onto ship*   
Chizuru: hey wait a minute!   
Remy: Reverse! *the ship pulls out*   
Chizuru: Ill show them! NEMISIS AVENGER! After them!   
N.A.: *appears wearing a superman shirt* Baybee Rooth?   
Chizuru: Not now, they took mommys toy!   
N.A.: Baybee Rooth!   
Chizuru: I will give you 2 Baby Ruths if you bring back that pirate!   
N.A.: Baybee Rooth! uhh huh huh! *claps hands and flies off after the ship*   
  
If you dont know what the Nemisis Avenger is, then you just arnt cool are you?   
  
To be continued 


	19. Dan vs The World: Climax!

Dan: Ruby, talk to me!   
Ruby: Mmmm, no, not another Rim Job Chizuru...   
Dan: Nnno, what have those animals done to you? Its a Madhouse, a MADHOUSE!   
*the nemisis avenger lands on the ship*   
*Jin and Joe get in front of it*   
Jin: Joe, Ill distract it, you take Dan and Ruby and get out of here!   
Joe: Don't be stupid man, if we die we die together, hey wait a minute Im getting out of here!   
Remy: A raider! Attack!   
Remy: *assualts NA with girlie punches*   
NA: *backhands Remy*   
Remy: Ick, oh a fainted *sighs and feints*   
Vega: OK Choi, lets get ready!   
Choi: Right: *jumps onto Vega's other arm*   
Vega and Choi: DOUBLE OMEGA GENOCIDE CLAW ATTACK PLUS ALPHA! Weeeeee!   
N.A: *swats them away with his wing*   
Vega: Ow I broke a nail!   
Bennimaru: Oh no! Vega broke a nail! He needs immidate attention! *gets a nail file and runs over to vega*   
Ukyo: Ok, those before me where morons, but I know how to kill you, prepare to meet your.... eh?   
Girls: UUUkkkyyyyoooooo!   
Ukyo: Ahh! *gets chased away by girls*   
Geese: *jumps in front* Come on!   
N.A: *stands there*   
Geese: Arnt you gonna attack me?   
NA: No  
Geese: Damn! I admit defeat!   
Joe: *hits NA from behind with a folded chair*   
NA: *swats joe with his wing*   
Jin: *pulls up NA a chair, and when NA tries to sit in it, Jin, pulls it away*   
NA: *hits the floor with such and impact, it knocks a plank up and sents Jin flying Teeter tooter style*   
Dan: *Getting up* Grr, take this! *runs at NA*   
Dan: Dah! *punches NA in the gut*   
NA: *is uneffected*   
Dan: Siiya! *kicks*   
NA: *grabs Dan's head and lifts him up and uppercuts him*   
NA: *goes for Ruby*   
Dan: Wait!   
NA: *Turns around, his eyes glow*   
Dan: The fight.... is not... over yet!   
NA: *takes a step, but suddenly his mouth explodes in fire and he grabs it*   
Dan: What? Oh NO!   
Naked Yuri: *is sucking on a big, large, purple, ribbed wand of some sort* Please, Nemisis Avenger, please, let us end this now!   
NA: *grabs a sharp shard of wood* Yuri..... *throws stick*   
Geese: NNNNNNOOOOOOO! *jumps in the way and gets impaled*   
Yuri: Geese!   
Geese: I, I think Im gonna die, really this time,   
Yuri: You gave your life for me, your sacrifice will not be in vain! *lays down*   
NA: *Approaches Yuri and Geese*   
Yuri: *stabs herself with big, large, purple, ribbed wand of some sort*   
NA: ARRGH! *grabs his crotch*   
Dan: *runs over to Yuri*   
Dan: Yuri, are you ok? Your bleeding   
Joe: Yeah, it does that  
Jin: *elbows Joe in the gut* Shush!   
Yuri: Dan, kick Nemisis Avenger in the jewels, its possible now   
Dan: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH! *runs at NA*   
Dan: This is for Yuri! *kicks him in the gonzolas*   
Dan: This is for Joe! *punch to the face*   
Dan: This is for Jin! *kick to the throat*   
Dan: This is for Ruby!! *elbow drop*   
Dan: And this is for me! *another elbow drop*   
Dan: And this is for the Giants! *figure four leglock*   
Dan: and this is for SNK! *boston crab*   
Dan: And this, this is FOR THE DREAMCAST! *throws him off the ship*   
Joe: AWWRIGHT!   
Dan: *Running over to Yuri*   
Dan: I did it Yuri, as you said   
Yuri: Good, I just, I couldn't let the one I love be hurt   
Dan: LOVE!?   
Ruby: WHAT! *kicks Yuri in the ribs*   
Dan: Ruby!?!   
Ruby: Love huh! *kicks again*   
Dan: Ruby your alive!   
Ruby: And your cheating on me with this kid! *punches him in the gut*   
Dan: No Im not! Shes just a kid?   
Yuri: A kid? *kicks Dan in the nuts* OOowww!   
Dan: I wasn't serious!   
Ruby: Oh you weren't? *smacks him with an anchor*   
Dan: Wait, yes I was, no, wait, doh!   
Joe: Hey, thats all and well, but we still got to get our girls too   
Jin: Thats right   
Remy: But before we go, lets take a moment to remember Geese, who gave his life so we could defeat the Nemisis Avenger   
Jin: Yeah, good idea   
Joe: Yes, lets do that   
Yuri: Its so sad   
Benny: He will be sorely missed   
Vega: He was such a good guy   
Choi: A master of his art   
Geese: Good looking too   
Ukyo: Very fatherly like   
Girls: Ukkkyoo!   
Ukyo: Dah!   
Ruby: I owe him so much   
Hyo: *emerging from the deck below* Hey whats all this racket?   
Ruby: Who is that?   
Hyo: Im Hyo Amano *winks at her and a little heart floats off*   
Ruby: Oh really? Well Im taking back over this ship, would you like to be my first mate?   
Dan: Ahem   
Ruby: Oh yeah, DAN! Its so good to see you again!   
Everyone: *laughes ala Thundercats ending*   
  
Ryo: Ok man we gotta go look for her! Come on!  
Robert: When this goes off  
Ryo: ok....  
  
*The Doobie Heart, after a long flight, has finally come to bear upon the Virgin Fortress*  
Ruby: There it is  
Dan: YAHHOOOI!  
Joe: All right! Lets bust our chicks out outta there!  
Remy: What are your orders Captain?  
Ruby: Jin, prepare a landing party  
Jin: Yo, EVERYBODY IN MY HOOPTY MECH!  
Ruby: Prepare ramming speed!  
Benimaru: WAIT!   
  
Ryo: Hey this is the 24 hour arobic channel!  
Robert: So?  
Ryo: *grabs him by the neck and drags him into the car*  
  
Ruby: What?  
Benimaru: The fortress is protected by a Hymenfield!  
Dan: Tee hee hee  
Ruby: A what!?!?  
Benny: Hymenfield  
Dan: Tee hee hee  
Ruby: What is that?  
Ukyo: It is a field of protective energy that draws its strength upon the innocence of youth...  
Joe: Yuk, how disgustingly poetic  
Jin: Well, what now?  
Ukyo: I know the secret entrance into the....  
Girls: Uuukkyyoooooo!  
Ukyo: Ahhh! *runs off*  
Ruby: If we cant assualt it what can we do?  
*they all stop to think*  
Dan: I got it! Wait, no  
Jin: Yes I understand now!  
Joe: What!?  
Jin: In order to do Guile's infinite, you have to OTG with a lk before launching them again!  
Ruby: DUH!  
Yuri: This is a tough situation huh  
Joe: Wait I got it!   
Ruby: What?  
Joe: We destroy that which the shield gains its energy  
Jin: But we have to get to the otherside of the force field, only virgins can do that!  
Dan: Well that rules me out *winks at Ruby*  
Jin: Me too, damn!  
Joe: That plan sucked  
Dan: *looks at Yuri*  
Yuri: I dont wanna go! Not alone!  
Geese: I'll go with her  
Dan: Whoe! You can do that?  
Geese:Sure why not  
  
Robert: Where could she be?  
Ryo: I dunno, just keep driving  
  
*on the landing craft*  
Yuri: Wow Geese, I sure didn't know you where a virgin  
Geese: Im not  
Yuri: Then how can you get through the Hymenfield?  
Geese: the what? I been ironing my pants through the last few minutes of dialouge AhhhH! *burns alive as the ship passes through the Hymenfield*  
Joe: Nnnoooo! Yuri is alone! She has no means to break the Hymens!  
Dan: *picks up phone* ok, let me call someone to help  
Jin: Who?  
Dan: The biggest virgin ever  
  
  
Phone: ring ring  
Ryu: Hello?  
Dan: Hey Ryu, want to get laid?  
Ryu: Nope *click*  
Dan: Damn!  
Hyo: Excuse me  
Dan: What is it poser?  
Hyo: Ahem, but if the field runs on innocent emotions, then perhapes I can help  
  
15 minutes later.......  
  
Hyo: Ok, boys, hit it  
*search lights light up a stage on the ship, all the girl in the fortress look out there windows*  
Vega: Lets do it!  
  
Vega is dressed like a policman, Benimaru a Indian, Hyo a construction worker, and Remy an Indian  
  
Vega: Work it boys!  
*they rip of there clothes and are wearing G strings*  
Ruby: *sips her vodka*  
Dan: I could do that y'know  
Ruby: Shush!  
Girls: OOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOO!  
The Crew: *bends over*  
Girls: AAAAAhhhhhhhh! *they all slowly lean back and get glazed looks on there eyes*  
Jin: Hum, I wonder what they could ever be doing  
Joe: I do not know, Jin. Baking Cookies?  
Dan: They certainly are getting the oven warm  
*a light lights up on the fortress*  
Dan: Whats that light? *looks through binoculars*  
Yuri: *is wearing a glow in the dark light up strap on apparatus and is going to town*  
Geese: Arise, Dan's Rod-amus Prime  
Dan: YAAHOOOIII!   
Joe: What? Let me see!  
Dan: No  
Joe: Yes!  
Ruby: ooooooooooooooooooooooo, ahhhhhhhhhhh!   
Benny: Um, captain  
Ruby: Mmmmmmmmm,   
Benny: Captain!  
Ruby: Ahh! Hey, what?  
Benny: The shield is down  
Ruby: Bring me a towel and attack head on!!!  
*the ship flies in and opens up its guns on the fortress*  
Joe: Hey wait, arnt their sweet young peices of ass in there?  
Jin: yeah, two of those are ours!  
Ruby: Ok, dont attack head on, just land  
*the ship begins to set down*  
Thousands of Virgins: *screams in delight*  
Ruby: uh oh  
Dan: Its a riot! EEEekk!  
*they bourd the ship and assualt all males on bourd*  
Dan: cripey! Run! Save yourselves! Scatter! Get me my viagra!  
Joe: You take Viagra  
Dan: Im gonna have to start if I get caught by a thousand horny virgins! Even Im not that powerful  
Jin: We got to get inside the fortress!  
Dan: You guys go ahead, me and the crew will do our best to hold them off!   
Ruby: No you wont, your coming with me! *grabs him and runs into the captain's quarters*  
Dan: What are you doing? We gotta..  
Ruby: Shut up! *Smack*  
Dan: Ow!  
Ruby: Get on the bed! Do it!  
Dan: Yes maam! Tee hee  
Joe: That's a strange couple  
Jin: We cant worry about that now, come on, lets swing ropes to the fort!  
Joe: Swing ropes?  
Jin: We are pirate! We swing rope!   
Robert: Maybe she went to join the circus * driving by the virgin fortress *  
CRASH!  
*Honda Monster Truck crashes into the road in front of them*  
Yuri: Heeelllppp!  
Honda: *fires Uzi at Rob and Ryo, shattering the windshield*  
Robert: Aaahhh my car! *cries*  
Ryo: Lets go!  
Robert and Ryo: *pull out automatic pistols*  
Robert: After 'em!  
*suddenly 5 black sedans pass Rob and Ryo, and passengers hang out the window fireing at them*  
Ryo: WWoooowww! *fires*  
Robert: Look out! I got it! *blows up Sedan*  
Ryo: Wow we made it!  
Robert: Thats it?  
  
*deep inside the Fortress*  
Joe: What the!?!?  
Jin: Jeez!  
*they are in a room with hundred of squirming virgins tied up in leather*  
Sakura: Jin!  
Kei: Joe!  
Joe: What kinda sick, sadistic...  
Jin: crazy, disfigured, perverted  
Joe: Person could do this?  
????: The Holy Kind!  
Joe: Who are you?  
*a tall guy in a long black cloak and a cross necklace stands before them*  
????: I am the leader of the BDSM Christians!!  
Joe: Ehh, ehh ehh,   
Jin: thats im...impossible!  
Joe: The Hammer Pants Ninja Clan wiped you out!  
Liberman: Fool!! The Hammer Pants Ninja's powers pale in comparision to the BDSM Christians!   
  
*somewhere on the Desert*  
Ryo: *blows up another Sedan* WaaahhH!  
Some Guy: *jumps on the hood of their car*  
Robert: *shoots him in the face (so he cant have a open casket funeral)*  
Ryo: Robert look out!  
*a train is passing through, and there is an empty car toting truck thingie with the ramp on the back*  
Robert: Here we go! *drives up the ramp and flies over the train*  
Ryo: Your crazy!  
Robert: Look out!   
*dune buggies drive up from out of the desert and begin shooting at them*  
Ryo: Who are these guys? *blows up Buggys*  
Robert: Look out!  
a train is passing through, and there is an empty car toting truck thingie with the ramp on the back*  
Robert: Here we go! *drives up the ramp and flies over the train*  
Ryo: Your crazy!  
Robert: What are the odds of that happening twice eh?  
Ryo: Look, its big fatty!  
*Robert and Ryo catch up to E Honda's monster truck*  
Robert: *takes aim*  
Ryo: Wait! Yuri is up there!  
Robert: Oh yeah  
.........  
Robert: If you dont have any bright ideas *takes aim*  
Ryo: Your right *takes aim and begins fireing*  
Ehonda: Doh! They caught up, I told you we shouldnt have stopped at KFC  
Yuri: *nibbling on a Extra Tasty Crispey leg* Yum yum yum  
  
Liberman: *tosses Joe to the side* Ha! Pathetic!  
Jin: *punches at him*  
Liberman: Whoops! *trips Jin*  
Liberman: You guys really suck!  
Joe: Aw man, we dont have the strength to beat him  
Liberman: *takes out his whip*  
Jin: What are you going to do with that?  
Liberman: Jump rope of course  
Joe and Jin: phew. We are glad your not gonna whip us!  
Liberman: *eye twinkles*  
  
E Honda: Ack! *dodging bullets* Hand me that roll Yuri  
Yuri: No! Mine! *nibbles*  
Honda: Gimmie! *snatches and tosses out the window*  
Robert: Look out! *hits roll and flies up into the air*  
Ryo and Robert: Whhhaaahhh!   
Honda: Ha! That gottem!  
Roberts Car: *lands on the monster Truck*  
Robert: Gotcha!  
Ryo: Goood Jooob  
Yuri: yay!  
  
  
*Joe and Jin are laid out, whip marks all over there body*  
Joe: Strong, too strong  
Jin: It's fading, fading, fading  
Liberman: Right, your hope is fading fast! Hahahaha! I will control all the virgins!  
Jin: Fading, fading  
Liberman: Your life is fading  
Jin: no, life not fading  
Liberman: What then?  
Jin: my......PROZAK!!!!!!  
Liberman: Eh?  
Jin: BLLLLOOOODDDIAAAAA! *slams Christian*  
Liberman: What!   
Jin: SSPPLLAADDDIAAAA! *kicks him in the face*  
Liberman: Noooo!  
Jin: *slobbers all over himself* EEESSSAAAAAHHH! ULTIMATE CYCLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYAAAATRTTAACCCKKKKKKTTTTHHHIIINNNGGIIIEEEEEEEEEE!  
Joe: allright!  
Liberman: *gets caught in the cyclone* Look like BDSM Christians are blasting off again! *flies into space*  
Joe: Yay we did it! *walks over to Jin*  
Jin: *snaps at Joe's hand*  
Joe: Acckk!  
  
So Dan got laid again, and so did the crew of the Doobie, about 200 times each too (thousand virgins divided into the crew, something like that) and Joe and Jin got their chicks back, the BDSM Christian menace was defeated (for now) but what now  
  
Ruby: well, we blew up a billion dollar Arial Base, a Dyke Incarseration center, this Virgin Fortress, escaped a Police Station, we are wanted people....  
Dan: well think of something 


	20. Dan Goes to the Dentist

*Dan, Joe, Jin, and OJ Simpson are sitting at a table in the waffle house, sipping coffee*   
  
OJ: So i said, ''Not Guilty!'' Haha   
Joe, Dan, Jin: BWWAAAAHHAAAHHAA   
Dan: Thats a good story   
Jin: Hee hee, huh!? How did this bloody knife get in my Omlette?   
OJ: Dont look at me, I was on an airplane at the time   
Ruby: *walks up to the table*   
Dan: Hey Ruby, *sip*   
Ruby: Dan, hun, what are you doing?   
Dan: Im having a cup of coffe with OJ   
OJ: Hi!   
Ruby: *smacks Dan with anchor* No your not! Your sitting in a public place Mr. Public Enemy number 1!   
Dan: Ow!   
Joe: But nobody sees us, see?   
*everyone in the diner stops staring at them and looks at their plates*   
Joe: See? we are flies on the wall   
Ruby: Then how do you explain people not noticing the giant robot in the parking lot?   
Jin: *clicks a button on a remote*   
????: Viper Armed!   
Dan: I didn't know you had a alarm on your mech   
Jin: I dont...   
Cable: Viper Beam!!   
Dan: Look out!   
All: *ducks and covers*   
Dan: Ack!   
Joe: *grabs a frying pan*   
Akkiko: Hey give that back!   
Joe: *reflects Viper beam back at Cable*   
Cable: Ow!   
Dan: Let move out! *Benny Hill music starts as they make their escape*  
  
Meanwhile.... far far far away in space   
Dark Queen: Ha! With the Battletoads finally stomped under my high heels, the universe is mine for the taking!   
Dark Queen: My Empire is emmense, now I will enslave all beings with my Dark Magical power!   
D.Q: But, i must make sure no one can stand in my way! Magic Mirror!   
M&M: Yes my Queen?   
DQ: What is in my future,   
MM: I see in the future you are the ruler of the universe, total omnipotent being, except....   
DQ: Yes? Yes?   
MM: A child, yes, I see a child that has the abiltiy to stop you, an earthling   
DQ: I will send my squads to kill it! When will it be born?   
MM: In Nine months....   
  
At that same moment, in the Captain's Quarters of the Dooby Heart   
  
Dan: Uh oh...   
Ruby: What do you mean ''uh oh''   
*In Joe's room, Kei is asleep and Joe is watching Letterman while drinking some Jim Beam*   
RUBY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Joe: *spits out liqour* Holy Smokes!   
  
  
The following morning...  
Ruby: *emerges from her room in her thin lepoard robe*   
Ruby: *yawn*   
Ruby: *stumbles over to the coffee pot*   
Joe: *walks into the kitchen in his boxers and cuts on the TV*   
TV: MrT: I pity the fool that tries to get me on that plane!   
TV: Murdoch: I can fly I can fly I can fly!   
TV: MrT: Dont you be talkin to no pretend animals   
Joe: Hahahaha!   
Benimaru: *shuffles into the kitchen with his hair a mess*   
Benny: Whats for lunch?   
Ruby: Lunch?   
Benny: Wait, what time is it?   
Joe: 9:40   
Benny: Its to early for lunch, Im goin' back to bed   
*Vega also shuffles into the room and takes a seat at the table while Ruby begins fixing eggs*   
Jin: *from another room* What!?   
....   
Jin: Why cant you do it?   
....   
Jin: Im not being loud, I just dont want to do it!   
....   
Jin: Argh! Ok fine!   
Joe: *sips coffee*   
Jin: *walks into room with his head hung*   
Joe: That time of the month?   
Jin: yeah   
Joe: Grocery store run?   
Jin: uh huh   
Dan: *walks into ship carrying the mail*   
Dan: Hey Joe your Penthouse finally came   
Joe: Aww right!   
Dan: Hhmm lessee, Vega, here is your Vanity Fair   
Vega: yaaaaaaahhhh!!   
Dan: Hey look at this!   
  
notecard: This is a reminder of Mr Dan Hibiki's dentist appointment today at 4:20   
  
Ruby: Your not going   
Dan: Aww why not?   
Ruby: we all are wanted Pirates! You cant tromp around going to dentists!   
Dan: But dentel hygine is important, even for pirates   
Ruby: But its too dangerous, we need to stay out of the public eye   
Vega: The post office knows where we are   
Jin: Duh Vega, thats because they know our address   
Joe: I dont see why he cant go Ruby, well go with him to back him up in case trouble arrives, besides Jin has to leave to go pick up Kotex long super with wings *sips*   
Kei: *calling from the bedroom* pick me up some Playtex Ultras too hunny!   
Joe: ddaarrrgghhH!   
Dan: Ah ha!   
Ruby: Dont think your off the hook mister!   
Dan: Doh!   
Ruby: Run by Gambit's house and pick up an ounce   
Dan: Yahhoi!   
  
*At the Doctor N Pediatric Dentistry office*   
  
Blodia: *lands on a playground* BOOM   
*do to budget cuts the transition from Blodia to the Dentistry office has been ommited*   
*there is a brightly lit waiting room, with blocks and misc. toys on the floor, and a number of cushy seats by tables with magazines on them*   
Receptionst: Hello how may I help you?   
Dan: Dan Hibiki please!   
Receptionst: Okie Dokie please fill out these forms and we will be right with you   
Dan: *scibbles his name on the form, shows it to the receptionist, and then throws it at her*  
  
*meanwhile, Jin has found the blocks*   
Jin: Legos, I love them, Im gonna make a Mini Bloodia!   
Joe: *flipping though the magazines*   
Joe: All they have are Women's Home Journal....   
*back in the Denist section*   
Nurse: Okie dokey, just have a seat in this chair and the someone will be right with you   
Dan: Ok... *sits in seat*   
Dan: ........ *swings legs*   
Anita: *stares at Dan*   
Dan: *smiles*   
Anita: *stares at Dan*   
Dan: Hi!   
Anita: *stares at Dan*   
Dan: You come to visit the dentist?   
Anita: *runs away*   
Dan: hmm......   
  
Joe: *is reading Women's Home Journal with a look of concentration and confusion*   
Jin: Damn! Im out of red! Hey kid! gimmie your red!   
Kid: Noo!   
Jin: Yes, your not using them anyway, what is that a turd or something?   
Kid: Its a fire truck!   
Jin: Its a big red turd, now give me those reds!   
  
Dan: *is looking at the winnie the pooh wallpaper*   
Roll: *peaks around the corner*   
Dan: Hi!   
Roll: *screams and runs off*   
Dan: Oh well *lays back in chair*   
Lilith: *walks by with a frown on her face*   
Dan: Hey sexy!   
Lilith: *cheers up and smiles, exposing horrible braces*   
Dan: EEeeeekk!   
Lilith: *begins to weep and runs off* Waaaahaaahaaa   
Claire Redfield: Hello Mr Hibiki   
Dan: Hi!   
Claire: And how are you doing to day?   
Dan: Good!   
Claire: Wow! Thats great, so lets get them teeth all pearly white ok?   
Dan: Ok!   
  
Joe: *tears out a couple pages and stuffs them in his pocket*   
Receptionist: Im sorry sir I dont think we have anymore black legos   
Jin: uh, ok, you have a black magic marker that I can color them with?   
Receptionist: Im afraid I cant let you do that  
Jin: *slams fist down* Dammit woman!   
  
Claire: *has 5 appliances in Dan's mouth, and is cleaning teeth*   
Claire: So what have you been up to?   
Dan: Muuhhmm, jarrrggg   
Claire: Oh really? I saw you on the news the other day   
Dan: mhhjeee? kllarrggg, baaklarg, ffffssttt   
Claire: I like it that style too   
Dan: mhhjeee? sssaba, de hummheen, blargla?   
Claire: Naa, i dont think so.   
Dan: Mmhhhjjk, ffaa faa, gooloo, krak, ka ka, fuunnn ju ju, beelllvvveeee, hugjuken, crallka, mmphh mpphhh   
Claire: Uh huh?   
Dan: feeenn, guka!   
Claire: yeah   
Dan: huuu funnen, haha   
Claire: All done! *takes things out*   
Dan: so I told him, ''Thats not a 3 liter bottle of Spring Water, thats my wife!'' haahaa!   
Claire: hee hee, ok, the Doc will be right over here soon to check your teeth for cavites   
Dan: ok   
Duke Nukem: Hey little buddy!   
Dan: Hey Duke!   
Duke: I hope you weren't expecting some geek teen with a Nintendo strapped to his belt   
Dan: I never am, but what are you doing back in the Dentist bizz   
Duke: Well it looks like Duke Nukem Forever will be released next millienum, so I gotta make a living y'know   
*BOOM!*   
Duke: What the?   
  
Joe: What was that? *looks out window*   
Jin: *looking* Is that, Jackie Chan?   
Hon Fu: Come out with your hands up!   
Joe: Crap! They got Jackie Chan!   
Duke: *busting out the door with machine guns* She told me she was 18! I swear! BAM! BAM BAM!   
Hon Fu: Fire 2!   
Cannon: *blows open the waiting room*   
Joe: Dan, we gotta get outta here!   
Dan: But I havnt had my flouride treatment!   
Joe: No time, we gotta go now!   
Jin: I'll cover us! Mini Bloodia! Go!   
Mini-Bloodia: Ito Kusen! *flies away*   
Jin: Bloodia!   
Mini-Bloodia: *fires stinger missles and blows up the cannon*   
Joe: In the mech, lets go! 


	21. Hibiki Universe

Dark Queen: Set a course to Earth, we must capture that planet and destroy all unborn fetuses to ensure my reign of terror!   
  
Back at Home: In the bathroom of the Dooby Heart   
  
Ruby: This cant be right! Give me another one!   
Kei: You've tried them all!   
Ruby: There is a 2% margin of error! Im just unlucky today is all!   
Sakura: Is the plus a yes or a no?   
  
*87 tests later*   
Ruby: The plus must mean its positive that Im NOT pregnant right?   
Sakura: Better do it one more time to be sure   
Ruby: No, thats what it means, Im NOT pregnant, right?   
Kei: I dunno   
Ruby: No, it means im not   
Kei: Well...   
Ruby: SAY IT!   
Dan: *peeking in* How goes it?   
Ruby: AAAHHH! Get outta here! *tosses sink at him*   
Dan: Eeek!   
  
DQ: Excellent, we are in hailing distance to Earth, but we are still a few days journey away from them.   
Lueitenant: Shall I open a frequency?   
DQ: Yes, contact my comrade in arms, the most evil being on the Earth, David, the leader of the BDSM Christians!   
Luitenant: *dials number*   
Speaker: Sorry, David, also known as ''BDSM'' has been killed by Dan Hibiki and his friends, if you would like to avenge his death, press 1 now   
Litenant: *looks to Queen*   
DQ: *nods*   
Lootenant: *presses 1*   
Speker: Thank you, your call will now be forwarded   
  
*abourd the Dooby Heart, it is a bright and sunny morning, where our hero Dan is dreaming in his ever so pleasant slumber*   
  
Dan: take this Darth Vader! Gadoken!   
Darth Vader: Impressive, but you are not a Jedi Yet!   
Dan: Well see about that!   
Vader: BARF! *splash spalsh   
Dan: What?   
Vader: BARF! *splash splash*   
Dan: *waking up*   
Ruby: BARF! *splash splash* *flush*   
Dan: Are you ok hun?   
Ruby: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU EVIL SATAN THING!   
Dan: Eeep!   
Ruby: YOU SEE WHAT YOUR CHURNLING SEED HAS DONE TO ME!   
Dan: Im gonna go fix breakfast   
Ruby: I WILL KILL YOU!!   
  
*Dan walks into the kitchen, Jin is fixing pancakes and Joe is reading the newspaper*   
Jin: Whats up man, how you want your pancakes   
Dan: I likem flat   
Ruby: *busting in the kitchen* Did you call me fat!!   
Dan: N,no! I said flat!   
Ruby: *grabs his collar and decks him, sending him flying across the room*   
  
*little do they know, that elsewhere, trouble is lurking abourd the ship, an intruder is hiding on the deck*   
  
????: (hmmmm, there they are, and one of them is pregnant, I bet she isn't even married, I cannot allow this to continue, wait, someone is coming)   
Geese: Do be doo, *sits down in a lounge chair*   
Geese: Time for a nice tan! *picks up tan mirrors*   
Ruby: And stay out! *kicks Dan out on the deck*   
Dan: ooof!   
Ruby: You too! *kicks Jin out*   
Jin: Hey, my pancakes will burn!   
Ruby: *Throws frying pan and hits Jin in the head*   
Jin: Ahh!   
Ruby: What are you looking at!   
Joe: Nothing!   
Ruby: *slams door*   
Dan: *dust himself off* She fiesty today   
Jin: Tell me about it, I wonder whats gestating in her   
Geese: What an ubertramp, eh? GHAAAHH!   
Dan: What the?   
  
*there is a black cloaked person standing over Geese, who now has a sword through his chest*   
Jin: Geese no!   
????: He had such a fowl mouth   
Dan: Damn you show yourself!   
????: So do you, i feel pity for you?   
Dan: What? Pity?   
????: You live on this boat and have sex and do drugs all day   
Dan: yeah?   
????: That is not official storyline, dont worry I will set you straight   
Jin: Enough of this Jibber Jabber, this clown killed Geese! *punches*   
????: *smacks Jin away with the sword*   
Jin: Oh yeah? Take this! *backhand, it hits ???? head and knocks the cloak away*   
Jin: Wait a minute, dont I know you?   
Shi: You fool! I only want to save you from your immorailty! *kicks Jin in da face*   
  
  
Jin: Ow my nose! *falls down*   
Dan: Why you!   
Shi: Dont fight it! That is immoral! I am the keeper of the moral video games, it is my duty to keep everything in their official storyline! Fanfiction is immortal!  
Dan: You killed Geese! That is immoral!   
Shi: ...... shut up! *swings sword*   
Dan: *ducks and sweeps*   
Shi: *Hops*   
Dan: *uppercuts*   
Shi: *gets popped in da nose*   
Shi: Ow! Why you! You dont want to go quietly eh? Feel my whip! *flays whip around*   
Dan: *gets tied up*   
Shi: Dont worry, where you are taking me your emotions wont be violated by being forced to kill people, blow things up, and have sex   
Dan: But I like sex! *struggles*   
Shi: To no avail! It is useless to resist, I am the surviving heir to the BDSM Christians, you cannot defeat me!   
Whip: *gets sliced*   
Shi: What?   
*Jin is standing there with his sword out*   
Jin: ok pal, I've never had to use this before, but you have arrived on a special occasion! *jumps at Shi*   
Shi: *parry's Jin*   
Jin: *swings again*   
Shi: *dodges*   
Jin: *stabs Shi's toe*   
Shi: Ow my toe!   
Jin: Hahah!   
Shi: *slices Jin's shoulder*   
Jin: Haha!   
Shi: What? His micheal Jackson costume isn't just for looks, its impervous to my sword!   
Jin: Thats right sweetie!   
Shi: *kicks him in the nuts*   
Jin: Darn! *falls over*   
Shi: Hahaha, is that the best that you all have? How immoral,   
Dan: We may not be saints, but we can still kick ass!   
Shi: You admit your immorality, victory for me!   
Dan: What?   
Shi: and you think that you suck, double win!   
Dan: What are you talking about? I dont think I suck!   
Shi: Double win over Dan and his pregnant girlfriend!   
Ruby: *kicks door out* WHAT!? I AM NOT PREGNANT!   
Shi: Ha! Fall before my Sword! *her arms splits into 6*   
Shi: Snake Fang Strike!   
Geese: *running out into the deck* Look out Ruby, only 2 arms are real!   
Ruby: only 2 are real, but which ones? *looks at the arms*   
Shi: Hahahahahah! You cant choose in time! Double Victory for me!   
Ruby: I got your double victory right here! *pulls out a double barrel shotgun and shoots Shi in the face*   
  
*Away in space*   
DQ: I've seen enough, terminate the feed. Hmmmm, it appears that the people responsible for the overthrow of the BDSM Christians have a pregnant member, that must be the child, it has to be. Only from parents strong enough to destroy David and Shi could conceive a child strong enough to destroy me. Hahahaha! Captain, prepare your invasion force! 


	22. Dan Goes to Hell

Miss Schmee: Queen we are in range of Ruby Heart's ship!   
Queen: *stops reading Penthouse* Good, put it on screen...   
Operator: Main Screen Turn on!   
Queen: *eyes operator*   
Operator: Tee hee hee thats funny stuff   
Queen: Kill him, slowly   
*Robot guards drag off the operator as an imageof a pirate ship zoom in*   
Queen: Zoom in   
*we see Ruby heart, on deck hurting all male members of the crew while in a wild mood swing*   
Queen: Show me Dan   
*Picture now zooms into Dan laying on the deck, knocked out cold*   
Queen: How could someone so weak produce a seed to creat such a powerful being?   
Miss Schmee: Just lucky I guess   
Queen: That Ruby is kinda sexy, in a pregnant sort of way   
Miss Schmee: .......   
Crew: .......   
Queen: What? A woman glowing with woman hood is a beautiful site!   
*camera shows Ruby chasing Benimaru and Hyo Amano with a baseball bat while screaming obsenities*   
  
Abourd the Dooby Heart, our heroes have not took notice of the looming spaceshift above them....   
  
Ruby: When im through with you your gonna smell like English Leather! Come here!   
Queen: (on megaphone) Attention Ruby Heart and crew!   
Ruby: WWWHHHAaaattt!!   
Queen: I am the Dark Queen and i am here to take over the planet, and you are the only thing in my way   
Ruby: In your way, are you trying to say Im fat?   
Queen: What? N-no, but   
Ruby: Dont lie, you think Im fat dont ya, now come down here right now!   
Queen: Wait I never said, hey wait, Im here to destroy you! Laser Cannons: FIRE!!!   
Miss Schmee: (in background) Wait you cant!   
Queen: What? Shut up im trying to   
Miss Schmee: But .. (whisper whipser)   
Queen: ARgh, hold on a minute, talk amongst yourselves *the microphone is muffled and the Queens muffled screams are heard*   
Joe: Hey Dan, get up we got company   
Dan: Oh, who?   
Joe: Its the Dark Queen this time   
Queen: Ok Ok, can everyone give em their attention one more time. When I said Im here to destroy you, ''you'' means everyone except the Pregant Chick,   
Ruby: Im not pregnant!   
Queen: Oh and that sexy guy   
Dan: Me?   
Queen: No, I mean the guy thats more my age   
Geese: Me?   
Queen: Yup,   
Geese: *smile twinkles*   
Dan: Uh oh, this is gonna get ugly *turns to the crew*   
Dan: They only want to capture Ruby, they dont want you guys, if you guys want to   
Beni: Anchors away!   
Vega: Here we go! *fires off escape ship *   
Joe: Hey wait for me!   
Dan: *grabs Joe* NO ya dont, ya got to fight   
Joe: AAWWW MAN!   
Dan: Hey what ever happened to ''if we die, we die together''   
Joe: Thats was in an anime, so its not offical storyline   
Dan: Oh like fighting the Dark Queen from Battletoads is?  
Jin: *turning to Sakura* Sakura, get out of here, I want you be safe   
Sakura: But they took the escape ship   
Jin: I want you and Kei to take Bloodia and get out of here   
Sakura: But Ryu I love you!   
Jin: Ryu?   
Sakura: I mean Jin   
Jin: Get out of here now!   
Sakura: Jin, I will always, um, like you alot   
Jin: Eh? *ship vibrates as Robot Soldier land on the deck*   
Joe: Get outta here now!   
*the entire deck explodes into a giant robot fight scene*   
Ruby: How dare you call me fat AND pregnant *smashes open an robot with her anchor*   
Dan: *kicks a robots head off* Seeya! *punches through another robots chest* EEEyyyyaaaa!   
Joe: Damn Dan, why you so POed?   
Dan: I am the star and I have only had a few lines so far!   
Ruby: *lays the smack down on another group of robots*   
Queen: Fire the tractor beam! We need to capture that Woman before she wins the battle for them   
Schmee: Um, madam, the tractor beam has been disabled, we had the plunger and rope beam though   
Queen: Grrrr, very well, fire the Grabber Beam   
Schmee: Its called the plunger and rope be-   
Queen: I know what its called!   
Ruby: Joe, Jin, Dan, Man the cannons! Ow! *gets snatched up by the plunger and rope beam*   
Dan: Ruby!!! *hopes in a cannon and starts lighting up robots*   
  
  
Queen: Now that Ruby is clear we *ding dong*   
Queen: Oh, who could that be? *walks to bridge front door*   
Geese: *in a tux and holding roses* Well hello there little lady   
Queen: Hello hello there big boy   
The Shredder: But Queen! I thought I was your lover!   
Queen: Get lost Shredder, go dine or Turtle soup or something   
Shredder: What!?!?   
Queen: Go down and finish off Ruby's friends....   
  
Dan: Well thats the last of the robots, but how will we go save Ruby?   
Jin: Hey look, someones is parachuting down!   
Joe: Crap! Its the shredder!   
Shredder: You fools tonight I dine on Joke Character Soup   
Joe: *cracks knuckles* That line dont work to well anymore does it?   
Shredder: Shuttap! Im making a comeback   
Jin: Dont make me laugh, you must have the same agent as Mr T!   
Shredder: *rips out Jin's still beating heart*   
Joe: Damn! Jin got owned!!   
Jin: Ow! *dies*   
Shredder: He didn't have the heart to go up against me, the Shredder!   
Dan: Oh how Punny   
Joe: Yeah, you can really dish out the PUNishment cant you? *hopes in a cannon*   
  
Abourd the ship....   
Queen: *at dinner with Geese, on her cellphone* Miss Schmee, blow up Ruby's Ship AND the Shredder   
  
Joe: *shot by a lazer* Ack! a Laser! Im done for! *dies*   
Dan: No! Joooooeeeeee!   
Shredder: And now for you! *dashes at Dan*   
Dan: *blocks first attack*   
Shredder: Your mine! *kicks*   
Dan: *ducks and counter strikes*   
Shredder: Why you! Ack!   
*The ship begins to get rocked by reapeated lazer blasts*   
Dan: We got to get in the cannon's and return fire or we will be blown up!   
Shredder: Your trying to trick me! Im no idiot!   
Dan: Shredder, most of your adult life you took order from a glob of jello that thought it was a brain, for once listen to reason   
Shredder: Too late for you! *lunges as the ship explodes*   
  
Schmee: Mission complete, we have won, the Dooby Heart has been disposed off, wait until I tell her the good news *cuts on radio*   
Queen: Yes!   
Schmee: We have won!   
Queen: Yes! Yes! Yes!   
Schmee: You know already?   
Queen: Wonderful, you are so good, keep it up, dont stop, dont stop   
Schmee: I would never stop serving you madam, thank you for the compliment   
Queen: Geese, gggggeeeeeessssssseeeeee!   
Schmee: He is in your custodoy is he not?   
Geese: *on other end* Hey, you hear someone talking? Like a radio?   
Queen: Shut up and dont stop!   
  
*meanwhile, inside the ball of flame and debri that is the Dooby Heart falling at 200 mph to the ground below*   
Shredder: *struggles with Dan* I will kill you before we hit the water!   
Dan: *struggles with Shredder* Take this! *punches Shredder's mask*   
Shredder: *mask falls of, revealing*   
Dan: Hey your really   
CobraComander: Thats right, pathetic fooL!   
Dan: *punches mask*   
Cobra Commander: *mask falls off*   
Dan: Hey, I know you, your!   
Mr.Karate: Show me what you are made off!   
Dan: *punches mask*   
Karate: *mask falls off*   
Dan: You! You fiend!   
Boba Fett: Come on, dont stop fighting because we are in free fall   
Dan: *rips helmet off* What the... Impossible!   
Sodom: Ha ha ha,   
Dan: *Prepares to punch mask, but spies an Umbrella floating down*   
Dan: An umbrella!   
Sodom: What? Give to me Ill take it!   
Dan: No its mine, I have to stay alive to save my love   
Sodom: My lover gave me up for Geese, I have nothing to live for   
Dan: Then give the umbrella   
Sodom: No! I have to appear in CvS Pro   
Dan: WHAT!?! They gave you a part in CvS Pro and not ME!   
Sodom: Thats right, me and Birdie are the new characters! Your not even in the ending! *grabs umbrella and opens it*   
Dan: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!!!!! *falls to his death*   
  
*Ruby Heart is in her cell with the Dark Queen*   
Dark Queen: Ah ha ha! You fool! You are kidnapped, and as soon as your fetus gestates I will slay the baby to be rid of the power, that is the only way to be sure that the power is destroyed once and for all 100%   
Ruby: Whoe your going too fast, thats to much plot for only the second line of the scene sister, run that by me again   
Queen: Ok, I had to keep you alive so I can perform a sacred ritual on your child, insuring that the only power that can stop me in the universe is sealed away forever   
Ruby: Oh, ok, well I guess Ill wait here until Dan comes to rescue me   
Queen: Hes not, hes dead   
Ruby: No matter, he can always time travel   
Queen: No he cant, hes dead   
Ruby: Then who will save me   
Queen: No one you idiot, all the heroes are dead, ALL of them, hahahahaah   
Ruby: What about Geese   
Queen: Geese is submissive to me   
Ruby: Real Geese or Shadow Geese?   
Queen: Stop that Jibber Jabber!!   
  
*far far away*   
Dan: Ow! That fall hurt my back! *getting up*   
Dan: What is this place? Its all dark, I cant see anything   
Jin: Hey Dan!   
Joe: Dan over here!   
Jin: Glad you could join us   
Dan: Whats up Jin, hey man the Shredder Owned you good   
Jin: He was being cheap with that Guilty Gear insta kill junk   
Joe: Hey, arnt we all dead?   
Dan: Yeah, so this dull place must be heaven *the seemlingly endless room begins to light up in a red light*   
Jin: All right, paradise at last!   
Joe: I could use a vacation   
Dan: Yeah, Heaven here we come   
Jin: And I never even been to church!   
Joe: You havn't?   
Jin: nope   
Dan: Me either, does it matter?   
Joe: Well, yeah it kinda does!   
*Giant, Dark, Fiary Gates Appear*   
Dan: Hey, that gates doesn't have pearls on it!   
Joe: Cripey, we must be in....   
Jin: This place must be...   
Dan: I cant beleive were in....   
Joe and Jin: HELL!   
Dan: FLORIDA!   
Joe: What are you talking about, Hell is the place where dead things go   
Dan: Florida is full of dead things!   
Jin: Shuttap! The Gates are about to open!   
Joe: Oh man, this is so scary, the legends say that Hell is a place of such pain that it is unimaginable   
Dan: Ok, then try not to imagine teddy bears   
Jin: No! Im scared of Teddy Bears, such beady eyes   
*The Gates of Hell Swing open, exposing all of Hell's Horrors*   
Jin: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH THE LEGENDS ARE TRUE!!!   
Joe: SHIT!!! SHIT!!!! LOOK AT THAT SHIT!!!!   
Dan: NNNNNOOOOO GOD NNNNOOOOOO!!!! PPPLLLEEEAAAAAASSSSEEE!!!!   
*a waitress walks out wearing a TGIFridays shirt*   
Dan: GET BACK!!!! STAY AWAY!!!   
Waitress: Its Friday!!!!!! *grabs our heroes*   
Dan: *Digs fingernails into the rock floor, tears streaming down his face* NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!   
Joe: THIS IS SO HORRIBLE!   
*they are in a TGIFridays resteraunt*   
Blackheart *bartending*: Its Friday!   
Jin: No it isn't! Its Wendsday!   
Waitress: Its always Friday in here   
Jin: What weird kinda warp in the space time continum is that?   
Joe: I told you man, This place is no joke,   
Dan: Oh man, I tohught it couldnt get any worse, LOOK   
Eminem: Its Friday!   
Joe: AAAAHHHHH!   
Jin: Over there!   
Fat Guy from Fatal Fury 2 that doesn't even deserve me to look up his name: Its Friday!   
Joe: And there!   
The Teletubbies: Its Friday!   
Dan: In that booth!   
Squall: Its Friday....whatever  
Jin: Well I kinda expected a jerk like that to be in here   
Blackheart: So guys what will ya have?   
All: AAAAHHHHH!!!   
  
Meanwhile....   
  
Queen: Hahaha, look Geese! Crawl over here and gaze at the world, it is now under MY control!   
*in the window the Queen Robot minions are pretty much owning New York city*   
Geese: Yay   
Queen: this is happening all over the world, London, France, Africa, China, everywhere! Hahaha! I am so turned on, lets go to my private chambers! *gets in elevator*   
Geese: *presses ''Bedroom'' button*   
Queen: No I didn't say Bedroom, I said Private Chambers *presses a button with a picture of a whip on it*   
Geese: Ulp   
  
Back in Hell, in a dark and secluded corner booth....   
Chun Li: *sucks on her dry Ice Tea, making that empty sucking sound* I cant beleive we got killed by Dan   
Charlie: Yeah   
Guile: Well at least I finally get to see you again Charlie   
Charlie: Shut up Guile   
Clark: Hey, who are the new guys?   
Ralf: I dunno but they are making quite a fuss   
Chunny: *looks over* Hey thats!   
Guile: Dan!   
Charlie: Jin!   
Ralf: And Joe!   
Charlie: *breaks his beer bottle on the table* Ralf you know what to do   
Ralf: *puts on bandana and walks over to the jukebox*   
  
Back on Earth....   
Queen: Fast, Harder, HARDER, GGGGRRRRRR   
Geese: Ack!   
Queen: Come on dont stop now, eeeeennnngggaaahhhhh, that was great Geese, Geese? Oh crap I killed him again *gets on the phone* Miss Schmee, send more SNK bosses.   
  
*Our heroes are back to back, surronded by annoying celebrites*   
Richard Simmons: Hey guys! Its Friday!   
Jin: I always knew he was of the devil   
AKuma: Me Suit = Friday!   
Dan: What are we gonna do   
*Jukebox cuts on with the sounds of drumsticks clacking together*   
Jin: Whats that?   
JukeBox: Rumors, spreadin' round, in that texas town,   
about the shack outside La Grange, you know what Im talking about   
Dan: Hey i know this song,   
Jin: They have ZZ Top here, this wont be so bad   
Jukebox: Just let me know if ya wanna go, to that home out on the range, they gotta lotta nice girls ah   
*The music picks up as Joe get hit in the back with a chair*   
Charlie: Take this!   
Jin: What Charlie!?!   
Guile: *jumping in* Flash Kick!   
Jin: *flies backward and crashes through a card table*   
Dan: Ambush! *turns and ducks just in time to avoid Chun Li's flying Raging Demon*   
Chun Li: *flies across room*   
Clark: *rushes Dan with a broken beer bottle*   
*screen flashes with left arrow!! Bling bling bling*   
Dan: *dodges to the left*   
*screen flashes A Button! Bling bling bling*   
Dan: *Punches Clark*   
Ralf: *comes up from behind*   
*screen flashes B Button! Bling bling bling*   
Dan: *hits A Button by mistake, BUZZ* Doh!   
Ralf: *drop kicks Dan*   
*Charlie is holding Joe while Guile is punching him in the gut*   
Guile: Fighting together again, just like Cambodia!   
Charlie: I thought it was vietnam?   
Guile: Im pretty sure it was Cambodia   
Chun Li: Hold Joe still for my Air Demon attack Charlie! *charges up*   
Jin: *smashes Chun Li witha 40 ounce liqour bottle* So sorry! You no win, You try again China-woman!   
Joe: *knees Guile in the face and flips behind Charlie*   
  
Charlie: Uh oh!   
Joe: Hiyah! Thrust Kick!   
Dan: Come on Mister Big Shot Ikarai Warriors, Ill take tboth of ya on!   
Ralf: *pulls a knife*   
Dan: Oh!!! Getting Fancy eh, Ill slap the stink off of ya! *grabs the bystanding Emenim and pushes him unto Ralf's knife*   
Emenim: *dies*   
Clark: Yah!   
Dan: *grabs Clark and swings him around, sending him sliding on the counter smashing glasses*   
Ralf: *pulls knife out of Emenim and charges Dan*   
Dan: *grabs a bar stool and breaks it on Ralf hard head   
Ralf: *doesn't stink anymore*   
Dan: Koryuken! *knocks Ralf across the room, crashing through a booth table*   
Charlie and Guile are back to back, getting there owned on both sides by Joe and Jin   
Joe: Ora ora ora ora!   
Jin: Now for the big finish! Ultimate Cyclone! *sucks both Guile and Charlie in along with nearby tables and chairs*   
Guile: ack!   
Charlie: Doh!   
Chun Li: *starts tip toeing away*   
Dan: Hey, grab the ho!   
Chunny: zoinks! *bolts*   
Joe: She is to fast   
Geese: *walking in* Eh!?! *bumps into Chunny*   
Chunny: OOoofff!   
Geese: *slaps Chunny*   
Chunny: X_X   
Everyone in bar: Hey Geese   
Geese: Hey guys, Ill have the usual   
Blackheart: *gives Geese a MilkShake*   
Dan: Geese? Your dead too? Now Ruby has no hope   
Geese: Yup thats a shame, *finishes milkshake* Well cya later *walks out door marked Exit*   
Joe: So thats how he keeps coming back   
Dan: Well that settles it, lets go, *starts walking towards Exit*   
????: *grabs Dan's shoulder* Hold it kid   
Dan: What!?!? Hey watch the Pink!   
????: *face is eveloped in shadow* I am the manager of this place, if you are leaving its through me   
Dan: Your voice sounds familar, show your face   
????: Ha ha ha, if you can strike me, then I will tell you my iden *gets punched in the face by Dan*   
????: Ow!!! *shadow disappears*   
Dan: Who are you? Wait, what the? No!   
Go Hibiki: Thats right, now come Dan, show me what you are made of!   
  
*Dan, Joe, and Jin have been lead to an arena (an arena of HELL) by Go Hibiki)  
Go: Now, Dan, fight me!  
Dan: OUYAJJIII!!!!! *crying*  
Go: Shutaap and fight me!  
Dan: OUYAJIIII!!!!! *tugs on Go's leg*  
Go: Stop it, *shakes leg*  
Joe: Come on man, we gotta get outta here, the Dark Queen stil has Ruby and there is no telling what she is doing to her!  
  
Webmaster: Dark Queen, your new website "All the Queens Men" has had a million bazillion hits!   
Dark Queen: Excellent, now all the world is under my power!  
  
Jin: Yeah man, you got to fight, step into the arena (the arena of HELL) to save your girl and the world!  
Dan: *sniff* Father, I avenged you!  
Go: Really how?  
Dan: This is how it happened.....  
  
Dan: Excuse me....  
Girl: Yes?  
Dan: Do you know where i can find wherehouse number 8?  
Girl: No, Im busy right now, ask me later  
Dan: Walking down the road  
Retard: Dan, I think a good one is about to come out of this toy machine!  
Dan: Ok, ooooo! Virtua Fighter toys! *kicks retard out of the way*  
Dan: Toy Capsules, 100 yen each, ill buy one!  
Dan: *creek creek* What? A super ball!?!?  
Dan: *creek creek* Dice? Aww man come on!  
Dan: *creek creek* What the? Wolf!?! Nobody like WOLF! I better get a soda!  
Dan: *buys a soda* *takes 10 minutes game time to drink it*  
Dan: Now for some Space Harrier ....  
Go: ENOUGH!  
  
Dan: Huh? Oh, right!  
Go: If you want to go back to the land of the living, you must pass Go!  
Joe and Jin: *snickers*  
Go: What? What is so funny?  
Jin: What, are we playing monoply now or something (monopoly of HELL)  
Go: Stop laughing at my name!   
Dan: Enough, lets get this started father  
Go: Give me your best shot!  
Dan: *hits Go in the jaw*  
Dan: Gottem! Huh!  
Go: *uppercuts him fast*  
Dan: Grr! Gadoken!  
Go: *gets hit in the face, then uppercuts again*  
Dan: Whats going on? I hit you!  
Go: Ha ha, I have under gone training while down here (training of HELL) How do you like my auto invincible counter Dragon Punch?  
Dan: What? Shinku Gadoken!  
Go: *uppercuts through it*  
Dan: What!?!? Thats cheap!  
Joe: Ill save you! *jumps in*  
Go: Oh looook, another one wants to join! *throws a fireball*  
Joe: *gets hit 50 times by that fireball, and while he is getting hit*  
Go: *throws anotherone* hahaha! My fireball has increase in energy so it doesn't explode when reaching someone, but, it pushes them back into the wall and when they get there   
Joe: *the ball explodes sending a column of light out, which also hits Dan  
Dan: Ow! Impossible  
Go: IF you learn my techinques, no one can beat you, Saikyo-ryu would be unmatched, we can rule the universe side by side, come, join the Dark Side (dark side of HELL)  
Dan: No! Ill never learn such a cheap tactic  
Go: But Dan, I, am your father  
Dan: I know dad, and I still love you and all that stuff, but I gotta kick your ass to save the day Cant you just, let me win or something  
Go: Ill never give up, not even to you!  
Dan: But Dad  
Go: Stop calling me that!!  
Dan: Wha??  
Go: I am not your real dad!  
Dan: Nooooooooooo!!!!  
Go: Your real father is......Sagat!!!  
Dan: NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
Go: BOB Sagat!!!  
Dan: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
Go: Tee hee hee, just kidding  
Dan: Dang it dad! Stop messing around, I got to go save my loved one  
Go: Love one? You mean you got a girlfriend?  
Dan: Yup  
Go: have you....gotten laid?  
Dan: Sure have  
Go: Thank god, I got worried when you wanted to wear that pink Gi, so who is the lucky girl?  
Dan: Ruby Heart  
Go: ...the doctor?  
Dan: No the pirate  
Go: The pirate?  
Dan: Yeah, you know her?  
Go: She is.... your mother!!  
Dan: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
Go: Hahahaha, Im just kidding!  
Dan: Dangit Dad! Cut it out!  
Go: Hahaha you should have seen the look on your face, anyway, go on and go save her, just talk to Blackheart and he will hook you up with some fancy pyrotechinques for your grand re entry show,   
Dan, Jin, and Joe: Cool  
Go: You boys come back and see me, and bring me some dirty magazines next time  
Dan: Ok Dad, later 


	23. Dan vs The Dark Queen

*at the Queen's Enagriation for Dminatrix of the Universe*  
  
DQ: And in closing, I would like to draw everyones attention to the giant lazer gun behind me, notice that is pointed at the ground and not the sky. I once wanted to stay on Earth because SNK bosses are so good in the sack, but I soon realized that Geese and Mr Big are the only straight SNK bosses, and Big really can use those sticks well. Anyway, that lazer will blow up everything on this planet, including Ruby Heart who is locked in the Technodrome. Well, I gotta be getting on my ship so I can rule the unverse and all that, so  
*rumble rumble*  
*the gound explodes in a ball of hell fire, and demons come up and fly around, and the sun turns into blood, a giant peak is jettisoned upward, with 3 figures standing on it*  
Dan: YAAAHHHOOOOIII!!!  
Joe: Allright! We are back! No silly lazer is gonna do me in this time!  
Jin: Time for a rematch!  
DQ: No! I killed you!  
Joe: We are like Maryln Manson, sister, we just dont go away!  
Jin: And no one takes us seriosly eiter...  
DQ: Ha! NO matter! The lazer will blow up the planet, and Ruby Heart will be killed by the Shredder! All while I leave! *gets on a scooter and rides off to her spaceship*  
Joe: That lazer is pointed right at my house! I gotta stop it!  
Jin: I need vengance! I will kill the Shredder!  
Dan: The Dark Queen is mine! Hey you! *points to little kid*  
Kid: Waaaassssaaaapppp!  
Dan: *kicks kid off scooter and chases the Dark Queen*  
ChunLi: now, while the coast is clears! *Chun Li, Guile, Charlie, and their enterage escapes through the big whole in the ground*  
  
DQ: *riding her scooter into her ship* Hahaha! Dead or not Dan, you will never stop me!  
Dan: Come back here! *his scooter breaks* Doh! I always said these things where cheap!  
DQ: Robots! Attack him!  
Robots: Attack!   
  
Meanwhile: At the TechnoDrome  
*Jin is in a giant control room*  
Jin: Here Ruby Ruby Ruby  
Ruby: Over here!  
Jin: *looks up* Oh Geez! The shredder tied up a whale!  
Ruby: Shut up Jin and get me down from here!  
Shredder: Not so fast Jin! *tries Heart Rip manuver*  
Jin: *blocks*  
Shredder: What?  
Jin: *hits Shredder with a sock full of Nickles* Bloodia!!  
Shredder: ow!  
Jin: *knees*   
Shredder: Ooof! *kicks Jin in the head*  
Jin: Ow! No head shots!  
  
Meanwhile, Dan is inside the Queens ship in the air above the city  
Dan: More Robots huh! Take this! Gadoken! *blows a robot up*  
Dan: Koryuken! *kills another one*  
Robot: Cripey! Send more robots!  
  
Elsewhere, on the lazer control tower  
  
Joe: Hmm, well, it don't look like Oni didn't write a badguy for me to fight *shuts off Lazer*  
  
At that same moment:  
  
Jin: *backhands Shredder* The only thing you will be good for where your going is to chop up chef salad  
Shredder: Your character concept is abstract and silly! *shoulder throws Jin*  
Jin: Hey throws are cheap!  
Shredder: I didn't mean to, Ill give you a freebie  
Jin: *eye twinkles* Oh yeah?  
Shredder: No you idiot! Im not stupid, throwing is not cheap! *greenish liquid lands on his head*  
Shredder: What the?  
Ruby: I AM NOT PREGNANT!  
Jin: *sniffs* Eeeew!  
Shredder: Ack this is gonna stain my cape! *runs off*  
Jin: Ruby! Your water broke!  
Ruby: I am gonna kill that man!  
Jin: Ill get you down!  
  
At the Queen's Dark Spooky Room abourd her ship  
  
Dan: Ok Queen, lets do this! Come out of oyur hiding spot!  
Queen: Very well, I have nothing to fear from you, *walks out in a skimpy BDSM Bikini*  
Dan: Wow! Your hot! I see you have not waxed for your bikini!  
Queen: Eh? Wha..*looks at her trantula* Doh! Grr you will pay for that! *cuts on light blue saber*  
Dan: *cuts on Pink Light Saber*  
Queen: EEeeEyyaaa! *swings*  
Dan: *parries*  
Queen: *swings* Ha!  
Dan: *parries* Seeya!   
Queen: Why not join me, my son....  
Dan: Son!?!?  
Queen: Who now is your mother if it is not me, who gave you the will to live? I am the wellspring, from which you flow, when I am gone, you will have never been, what will your world be, without me? My son... *stares*  
Dan: *looks at her weird*  
Queen: My son...... *stares*   
Queen: *blocks* Hahaha!  
Dan: Grrr, you die tonight hairy!  
Queen: Hairy! You fool! You stand no chance to survive!  
Dan: What chu talkin bout Queenie  
Queen: Hahaha, nobody has the ability to defeat me, except the child in Ruby's belly. That entity alone has the energy to defeat me. Anyone else can try, but that child is destinied to kill me, and by now that child has been slain as it was birthed, now nothing stands in my way, the magic mirror has forseen it, nothing at all can stop me!  
Dan: *slices Queens arm off*  
Queen: ACK!   
Dan: I dont care what fairy tells you read and who readem' to ya, but know this. NOBODY FUCKS WITH ME, MY FRIENDS, MY HO, OR MY KID *gets ready for killing blow*  
Ran Hibiki, Dan's sister: Wait Dan, she is our mother!?!?  
Dan: What!?!?  
Go Hibiki: *takes off mask* Hahahaha, just kidding, you shoulda seen your look! Now kill her quick, Ruby is having her kid!  
  
*Joe and Dan are running to the place where Ruby is dropping her load*  
Joe: Hurry up man! She went into labor a while ago!  
Dan: I hope Im not late! *bust through door* Oh huuuunnnneeyy! Wha?   
*Dan and Joe duck a sudden Flying Table*  
Dan: What?  
*ruby is standing on her bed in her gown and clutching a chair in one hand, swinging at the team of Doctors*  
Ruby: I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!  
Dan: Whoe Ruby! Calm down!!  
Ruby: YOU!!!  
Dan: Urk?  
Ruby: Come here to me! I will kill you!   
Dan: *hides behind Joe*  
Joe: Whoe man you are on your own! *runs*  
Ruby: Ahhh! *clutches stomach*  
Dan: *dashing to Ruby* Whoe hun! Just remember to breath!  
Ruby: BREATH! *grabs Dan at the throat* YOUR THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO BREATH!  
Dan: Ackk!  
Dr: Please Ruby, calm down  
Ruby: *punches him and sends him flying* GET OFF ME YOU BLOOD SUCKERS! Ow! *clutches stomach again*  
Dan: Erk...*gasp*  
Ruby: GET THIS LEECH OUT OF ME!!!!! *tosses Dan against the wall*  
Dan: Push hun push!  
Ruby: GET IT OUT OF ME NOW!  
Joe: *appearing with rubber gloves* Dont worry Im here to help!  
Jin: Yeah me too! *appears with a Plunger*  
Dan: Ok lets go! *puts on helmet*  
*Ruby lays down on the floor as our heroes inch closer*  
Jin: *lifts up Ruby's gown with the tip of the plunger*  
Dan: EEEEEEWWWWW!  
Joe: Jeesssuus!  
Jin: Cripey!  
Geese: *shrieks in terror and jumps out the window*  
Ruby: Shut up! Its not that bad!  
Joe: What is that thing?  
Jin: One things for sure its not the lone ranger!  
Dan: Give me that plunger!  
Plunger: Suck, Suck, *POP*  
Baby: Waahhh!  
Dan: Awww, its so cute! Look hun!  
Ruby: Awww, such a lil cute baby....GET RID OF THE LITTLE BLOOD SUCKER!  
Dan: But!  
Ruby: I cant take care of no kid! Git rid of it!  
Dan: Uhh, ok, hey Geese want a kid? *hands to Geese*  
Geese: *looks a kid* Hmmmm *writes "Rock: Property of Geese Howard" on baby's forehead in black magic marker and tosses out the window*  
Terry: *talking to Charolette on the street*   
Terry: So how about we go out to *kid lands on his head* DOOOWWW!  
Charolette: You got a kid? Pheh, buzz off *walks off*  
Terry: Oh man, that sucks! Oh well, looks like its me and you now kid!  
*back at the room*  
Jin: Well that raps it up! Im gonna head on home now, been fun rocking with you two!  
Joe: Aww man, so ya leaving  
Jin: Yup  
Dan: Later man  
Capcom Exec: Whoe man! You guys just came back from the dead and saved the UNIVERSE!  
Dan: Yeah....  
Joe:....So?  
Capcom: So, I have contracts right here for you to sign, the public loves you so much we will have to recreate CvS just for you!   
Dan: YAHHOI!  
Capcom: And also give you shots in the sequel!  
Dan: YAWAYAHOOI! 


	24. Take Joe Out to the Ballgame

Blue Mary: Ok Rock its almost time for your Baseball game  
Rock: Okie thanks aunt Mary!   
Mary: Here put your hat on  
Terry: Dont sweat it kid your a sure fire winner  
Rock: Uncle Joe Uncle Joe! *runs into Joes room*  
Joe: *is making out with Lily* HHhmmphh?   
Rock: Are you going to my ball game!!  
Joe: Mmmmphhh, mmm, yyyymmphhh!!  
Rock: I cant understand you with your mouth full of boob, Joe  
Joe: *pop* Yeah sure kid count me in!   
Rock: *begins to stare*  
Mary: *walking by Joe's room* Hurry up Rock we gotta, *looks in Joe's room* ROCK GIT OUTTA THERE!  
  
*later, at the ball park*  
Couch Andy: Ok kids, just remember to keep your eyes on the ball!  
Rock: Ok Andy!  
Jae Hoon: Yeah Couch!  
Dong Wan: Sure thing  
Rest of Kids: Yeah!  
Andy: Ok lets go gettem!! We are up to bat first!  
*the kids take the field*  
King of Fighters 99 announcer (aka Guile): Otay, da Capcom deem bakes da field! Fast batt-er, as Jay Han!  
  
*in the seats, everyone has turned out for the game*  
  
Kim: Jae Hoon!!! You idiot!  
Jae: What did I do daddy? *gets a strike*  
Kim: IM not talking to you son pay attention!!  
Kim's wife (miun? I cant spell it): We love you hunny!  
Kids in dugout: Hahahaha  
Kim: Dont say that hun, he will grow up to be a fairy if ya keep telling him that!  
Raiden: Stree Rike 2!!!  
Wife: But we do love him!  
Andy: Keep your eye on the ball Kiddo!  
Raiden: Stree Rike 3!!!  
Wife: We love you anyway hun!  
Kim: Yeah even though you suck!  
Wife: Shut up! He has two strikes left! This is little league remember?  
Kim: He still SUCKS!  
Raiden: STTTTTRRREEEEEEIIIIKKEEEE 4!!!  
Andy: Ok man, just relax, you cant hit the ball if your crying...  
Jae: *sniff sniff*  
Kim: Stop crying! Your brother would never cry!!  
Wife: *snap kicks kim in the nuts*  
Kim: ack!! *falls over*  
Raiden: Strike 5 your out! Get your little juicey hind parts in mah bellayy!!! *rubs stomach*  
Andy: *funny look*  
Raiden: I mean On Da Bench!!  
  
Oni: Ill take this time out to explain the whats going on in a kiddie game to you fewls that dont know. Andy is the coach, so he is on the mound with a pitching machine that gives the kids the same pitch every time! Ok, enjoy the rest of the show!  
  
Terry: I wonder where Joe is, he promised Rock he would be here  
Mai: He probly is a no show, knowing him he is probly doing Lilly right  
Billy: Whhhattt? Where is the bloke??  
Joe: Right here Billy! *walking up*  
Billy: Why you! What have ye done to my Lilly  
Joe: Loved her like she should be loved. No wonder she left you for me, you just didn't know how to do it right  
Billy: Wha? Thats my sister ya bloke!!!  
Joe: Yeah yeah whatever, whose bed is she in NOW huh? *sitting with the Terry, Mary, and Mai* So what did i miss  
Kim: *turning around* My loser kid striking out  
Wife: *kicks him in the nutz again*  
Kim: Oooww!   
Wife: Hes gonna be your last kid if ya keep it up!!  
Announcer: Next Ap, Rock  
Mary: Yeah baby! Wooo!  
Joe: AWW RIGGGHTT!!!  
Terry: Come on, come on!!  
Mai: Woo hoo!  
Rock: *steps up to the plate*  
Coach Andy: Ok, step back from the plate a bit Rock  
*in the seats*  
Mary: Choke up some hunny!  
Terry: Step a bit forward Rock!!!  
Kim: Loosen up your grip, Rock!  
Billy: Widen your stance, little guy!  
Mai: Take of your clothes Andy!!  
Rock: uhhhhh *confused*  
Andy: Here it comes  
Rock: *hits*  
Andy: Good job! RUn to first run to first!!  
Mary: Run ROck run!  
Terry: Go go go!  
Joe: Run like the po' po' is chasin ya!!  
Billy: Thats good kiddo, run!  
*meanwhile, Megaman and Roll run to get the ball, bump into each other and fall out*  
Rock: *rounds second*  
Mel: *picks up ball*  
Andy: Go Go go!!!  
Terry: Run kid run!!  
Mel: *throws it at second base*  
Rock: *gets on third*  
Andy: Stay there, stay there!  
Mary: *gets up and points* RUN HOME RUN HOME!  
Terry: Go GO GOOO!!  
Joe: STAY THERE STAY THERE!!!  
Mai: TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF ANDY!!!!!  
Kim: GO HOME KID!!! GO FOR IT!  
Billy: STAY THERE STAY THERE!  
Rock: *begins to run home*  
Mary: YES GO GO GO!!  
Andy: NO WAIT STAY ON THIRD!!!  
Joe: NO NOO NOO!!  
Kim: YEAH YES!!!  
Rock: *goes back*  
Andy: Yeah! THERE YA GO!  
Mary: WHATS WRONG WITH YOU GO HOME GO HOME!!!  
Terry: DO IT KID I BEEELEEIIVEE IN YOU!!!!  
Joe: ALLRIGHT KID RUN HOME NOW!!!!  
Mai: TAKE IT AAAAALLLLLLLL OFF ANDY!!!!  
Rock: *runs home*  
Mary: THERE YA GOO!  
Terry: SCORE SCORE SCORE!!!  
Joe: YEAH YEAH GO KIDD!  
Mai: LET ME SEE YOUR SCHLONG ANDY!!!!!  
Mel: *throws it home*  
Raiden: OUT!!!  
Terry: SAFE!!!  
Mary: SAFE!!!  
Joe: SAFE!!!  
Kim: SAFE!!!  
Raiden: OUt!!!!  
Terry: Hey ump, are you ok??  
Raiden: SAFE!!!!  
Mary: Yeah! Rock did it!  
Terry: Good job!  
Joe: Thats the man right there!  
Dan: Good job son!  
Ruby: *nudges*  
Dan: I mean, good job total stranger!!  
Joe: *getting up*  
Terry: Hey where ya going?  
Joe: To get some beer  
  
*joe arives at the consecccion stand*  
  
King: Hiya Joe, what'll ya have?  
Joe: Its me, Joe Higashi, the CHAMP! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
King: *rolls her eyes*  
Joe: The CHAMP wants a beer!  
King: We dont have beer, this is a pee wee ball game  
Joe: But ya gotta have beer!  
King: Nope  
Joe: All these grown ups getting mad over their kids and ya dont have beer?  
King: Nope  
Joe: You would make a fortune!!  
King: Oh well, want a hot dog?  
Joe: Sure  
King: What do you want on it?  
Joe: A 40 ounce bottle of beer  
King: Joe...  
Joe: Uhh, everything you can, what the heck y'know  
King: One second  
Joe: Doo ba doo ba doo  
King: Here ya go *hands Joe a wrapped up pile of Cheese, Chili, and Onions*  
Joe: What the hell is this?  
King: Its your hotdog!  
Joe: Where is it?  
King: Its down there somewhere  
Joe: Ok, now that I bought some food give me some beer  
King: We dont have any!  
  
*Joe rejoins the folks at the stands*  
Terry: Hiya Joe, hey what is that? *points at the wrapped up glob of Chili and Cheese*  
Joe: There is a hot dog under this somewhere, whats the score?  
Terry: 17 to 2, SNK  
mary: Capcom is up to bat  
Announcer: Next up, Shoma!  
Terry: Shoma?  
Shoma: UUUUAAAGGGHHHHH!!!! *pounds base with his bat*  
Joe: You sure he is young enough to play in this?  
Shoma: Lets go couch! Throw me the ball!  
Hayato: Here it comes  
Shoma: *hits home run*  
Shoma: Oh yeah, uh huh, who is the man? Who is he? Say his name! *takes off hat and begins to bow*  
Joe: *throws his hotdog at Shoma*  
HotDog: *hits Shoma in the face, knocking him down*  
Joe: *begins to go to his car*  
Mary: Hey where ya going?  
Mai: You promised youd be here for Rock!  
Joe: I am I'll be right back!  
*Joe goes into the parking lot and Mission Impossible music starts playing*  
Joe: *opens trunk* Aha! *puts on a harness, then grabs a stack of cups* I knew this would come in handy for emergiences... *takes out a keg and puts it on his back harness*  
  
*Back at the game*  
  
Announcer: We are going for another inning, SNK has a 20 point lead, Capcom main obsticle to overcome is to get their outfielders to stop picking their noses long enough to play ball!  
Joe: Beer! 5.00 a cup! Alchohol get it here!  
Billy: Ill take two!  
Tery: Gimmie some!  
Mai: Joe what are you doing!!  
Joe: Making some funds! *hands beers out*  
Rock: Uncles Joe! I am gonna be player of the game!  
Joe: good job kiddo, have one on the house!  
Mary: JOE!!!  
Joe: What hey, Im just being sportsman like! 


	25. The Art of Tuanting

Time has passed since the vanquishing Dark Queen, and with peace returning to the world, our heroes have went their seperate ways. But the Second Capcom vs SNK tournament apporaches with all speed, and a dark presense lurks behind it, a presence that will manifest itself all to soon....  
  
*In the Pacific Ocean, anchored miles off the coast of Japan, the noon day sun shines down upon the Dooby Heart II, Dan Hibiki stands meditating on the front thingy*  
  
Dan: hhhhhhmmmmmm........... *wind blows*  
Dan: Hyah! GADOKENN!! *a big blast of energy flies outward from his fist*  
Dan: Ha! Months of dedication, and training have paid off, my gadoken has gotten 2 extra feet of distance! I have finally begun to realize my true power! Ahh hahahah! Now nobody can stop me from winning the tournament!  
Ruby: Hun could you keep it down this is my favorite part!  
Dan: Huh? Oh sorry hun...  
Ruby: *sunbathing on the deck while watching TV*  
Chick on TV: All the gods, they cannot sever us. If I were dead and you still fighting for life I'd come back from the darkness, back from the pit of hell, to fight at your side.  
Ruby: *blows nose* Its so sweet  
Dan: Hey! Tell your crew to set a course for the tournament, I dont want to be late like last time  
Ruby: ..... Dont you remember? Dooby Heart II is completely automated  
Dan: Dont tell me what I do and do not know woman! Set a course!  
Ruby: *picks up a remote and clicks a few buttons* There  
Dan: Good job, so why arnt you going to enter?  
Ruby: Huh? Dont you know that...  
  
*In Osaka, the tournament sign up*  
Jin: What do you mean versus character's arnt allowed!!!  
Sign-up guy: Becuase that would just be silly  
Jin: Come on you gotta be kidding!!  
Guy: Rules are rules, you are just a stupid character design  
Jin: Wha? STUPID!   
Guy: Yes, one of your moves is a big robot fist, thats corny  
Jin: Oh come on, your allowing weapons, That Samurai had a sword, Vega had a claw, that freaky guy had knives and grenades, hell one guy had Freddy Kruger!   
Choi: Monka monka monka! *humps the buffet table leg*  
Guy: Im calling security  
Jin: Oh come on, what if I lose the robot  
Guy: Please leave the premises  
Jin: But I dont want to!  
Guy: *picks up phone*  
Jin: Oh come on, I just want to get some bufflo wings at the buffet line  
Guy: Secruity..  
Jin: Ok, ok, I get the picture, you will be hearing from my agent on this one, HEADS WILL ROLL! *walks off*  
  
*As Jin walks off, Ran Hibiki has arrived on the scene*  
Ran: Hello and welcome to my coverage of the Millionare fighting 2001 tourneyment for Taiyo High School! *is talking to herself*  
Ran: All sorts of fighters have turned out for this invitational only tournement, and I have an exclusive interview with the last year's tourneyment champion, and my big brother, Dan Hibiki! Their is Dan's partner now!  
Joe: *is talking to groupies* So then I told'em, "I better be able to Moon people or I wont show up!"  
Ran: Joe Higashi if I may have a word!  
Joe: Eh? Who are you?  
Ran: Ran Hibiki, little sister of Dan Hibiki, covering the tourey for Taiyo High School  
Joe: Hey, whats up, hows Dan doin?  
Ran: I dont know, Im suppose to meet him here, do you know where he is *shoves mic in Joe's face*  
Joe: Uh, no, but he better show he is suppose to be on my team  
Ran: And what do you think of the change to a 3 on 3 system as opposed to the ratio bout for this tourney?  
Joe: Well I think, huh? They changed it to 3 on 3? News to me. I guess me and Dan need a third member now, I guess.  
Ran: Just kidding its still ratio  
Joe: Oh, ok thats cool  
Ran: That was a trick question its really 3 on 3  
Joe: Crap  
Ran: Thanks for your time Joe I look forward to your next match *runs off*  
Joe: Uh, bye  
Ran: And there you have it, Joe Higashi a bit cocky about the upcoming matches thanks to being paired with my Big Brother Dan. When asked about his anzieties about fighting, he said qoute "Crap." Oh, I see a limosine, perhaps that is my brother's ride *walks up to limo*  
Ran: *taps on glass* Excuse me? Press  
Window: *rolls down*  
Ran: Brother! Hey are you ready for the exclusive?  
Dan Hibiki: Yes, yes I am ready for the exclusive, sister. For I am Dan Hibiki, I assure you. Now get in the limo so we could commence with the interview that I promised you, my sister, that we could have.  
Ran: Alllrighty! *gets in limo*  
  
*a few yards away, Hyo, Batsu, and Kyosuke are sitting on a bench observing Ran's shenadagins while doing a bit of pre-victory celebration*  
Batsu: Whoe man Ran just got nabbed, *cough cough*  
Hyo: Nabbed, ha! Is this the power of friendship?  
Kyosuke: Yo dude that was totally her *holds breath, then exhales* boyfriend picking her up anyway  
Hyo: BoyFRIEND? Wow, the power of friendship IS strong indeed!  
Kyosuke: Shut up and hit this stuff bro.  
Hyo: What, is, this? This is truely the power of friendship!! *cough cough* It is very strong indeed!   
Batsu: Yeah yo, just chill wit it  
Kyosuke: Hey bro, I thought you were dead  
Hyo: Yeah, and you suppose to be disappeared like in your ending, but it just aint fun wit out us around right bro?  
Kyosuke: Yeah, hahaha,   
Kyo: I love you man  
Kyosuke: Your not getting into my super move, Hyo  
Hyo: Damn  
Batsu: Yeah, that guy with the ugly hair and the finger nails just about done us all in y'know. But that was in our game and nobody cares about that, y'know  
Kyosuke: Yeah, what was with that hair anyway?   
Batsu: All swirly and junk looking like princess Leia  
Hyo: Yes, but he underestimated this FRIENDSHIP!  
Kyosuke: Jeez bro, for someone who suppose to hate friendship, you sure do talk about it alot  
Batsu: Yeah, hey man what about that chicks hair with the violin?  
Hyo: That was just plain whack  
Kyosuke: What was she thinking? That we would get scared or something, 2 real big jerry curls of death  
Hyo: My hair rocks though, especially when I style it like Sephiroth's  
Batsu: Yeah and then *BOOM*  
*the bench is torn into*  
Hayato: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!  
Batsu: Coach, I  
Hayoto: I come over here and I see you guys all gathered around talkin' about hair likah bunch of fearies, dont you guys have CHICKS to BONE??  
Kyosuke: But...  
Hayoto: Didn't you guys pay attention in Health Class today? YOU guys are HIGH SCHOOL students, you should be having sex with many annoyomous partners and experimenting with illigal drugs!! Here, have some more samples! *showers the trio with condoms and small baggies*  
Hayoto: Now go forth and act recklessly!  
Hyo: Yes, our friendship will ...  
Hayoto: AND QUIT HANGING AROUND MR. FRIENDSHIP HERE! *walks off*  
Hyo: Wha? *looks shocked*  
Batsu: Haa haa! *points and laughes at Hyo*  
????: KYOSUKE!!!!! PREPARE YOURSELF!!!  
Kyosuke: Who are you?  
Rock: I am Rock Howard, son of Geese Howard, raised my Tery Bogard, my fighting style is a mix of Terry street style, and the power I inherited from my father, and you are my arch enemy!  
Kyosuke: I am?  
Rock: YES!! *takes out a sheet of paper and shows it to Kyosuke* This is a copy of the character screen, rivals are set up opposite one another, you see? Ryu gets Kyo, Akuma gets Rugal, Bison gets Geese, and I get you! Prepare yourself!  
Kyosuke: But Dan is paired with Joe and they arnt rivals, they are friends  
Hyo: Dont underestimate their power!  
Rock: So what?  
Kyosuke: So it means that the character pairings are just related characters, not necessarly rivals  
Rock: But they can be rivals, prepare yourself!  
Kyosuke: We arnt rivals, we are gonna be friends  
Hyo: The power.... of.... friendship.... strong... too strong  
Rock: No we are not, PREPARE YOURSELF!  
Kyosuke: I refuse to fight you....  
Rock: Hmm, very well, then I will tell everyone your secret if you dont fight me...  
Kyosuke: I have no secrets, I will not fight you  
Rock: Ok, very well, have it your way Kyosuke, or should i say..... VERMILLION!!!  
DUM DUM DDDUUUUUMMMMM!  
Kyosuke: *pulls out gold handgun* WHere did you hear that name!?!?  
Rock: Beat me and Ill tell you!  
Kyosuke: Your on! *fires gun*  
Rock: *blurs and appears behind Kyosuke*  
Rock: Haha!  
Kyosuke: *reaches inside his jacket and pulls the trigger to his shotgun, firing it backwards through his jacket*  
Rock: Ouch! Tricky! But you know all to well that bullets cause minimal damage to fighting game characters!  
Kyosuke: Blast...  
Rock: DUNK! *hits Kyosuke over the head*  
Kyosuke: *hits Rock in the forehead with gold shotgun*  
Rock: Ouch!   
Kyosuke: *kicks Rock in the chest*  
Rock: Oooff! *staggers back* You have taken me off guard but you wont....  
*suddenly a giant anchor lands on Rock*  
Rock: AAARRGHHH!!!  
Dan: *slides down anchor* I hope Im not too late!  
Ruby: Be back by dinner time!  
Dan: Ok Ruby!   
Kyosuke: Rock! Quick help him!  
Dan: Huh? Oh! Ooops, my bad. Help me lift the anchor off him  
Rock: *twitch*  
*Dan and Kyosuke grab ahold of the anchor and lift it up together*  
Hyo: I see... the power of FRIENDSHIP has saved him  
Batsu: Would you shut up already?  
Rock: Ow, you idiot, watch where you put your anchor!  
Dan: Sorry kid, whats your name?  
Rock: I am Rock Howard, son of Geese Howard, raised my Tery Bogard, my fighting style is a mix of Terry street style, and the power I inherited from my father,   
Dan: Ok, thats nice (wait a minute, I sense a great power within him, that I last felt when Ruby popped that kid that we gave to Geese, who threw it out and Terry raised it, could this be my own son?) *gets teary eyed*  
Rock: You ok pops?  
Dan: (I shouldnt tell him Im his father yet, nobody knows about it except me, Ruby, and Geese)  
Joe: Dan! Whats up, I see you've met your son  
Dan: (oh yeah, and Joe too)  
Rock: What are you talking about? I am Rock Howard, son of Geese Howard, raised my Tery Bogard, my fighting style is a mix of Terry street style, and the power I inherited from my father!  
Joe: Yeah, whatever, hey you were just born a few months back, how did you grow up so fast?  
Rock: Well you see, this is   
*Suddenly, a Capcom Executive jumps out of a trashcan*  
Exec: Oh my GOD! MAI SHIRANUI IS NAKED! *points over there*  
Everyone: *Looks*   
Dan: Where?  
Rock: I dont see anyone  
Joe: My booty sense isnt going off, hmm, oh well, what where we talking about?  
Dan: I dunno, but I need to find my sister, I promised her an interview  
Joe: Your sister? How many people here are related to you  
Hibiki: *walks by, smiles and nods to Joe*  
Kyosuke: Dan, what are you talking about? Didnt she just leave with you?  
DUM DUM...DDDUUMMMM  
  
Miles away from the arena, across town, Ran is in for a shock  
  
Ran: So Dan, how does it feel to be returning to the ring  
Dan: Well, it feels nice  
Ran: Dont you feel anxiety that Joe, your team mate will over shadow you?  
Dan: No, because he sucks  
Ran: WOW! What a scoop! So why do you think he sucks?  
Dan: Because Im better than he  
Ran: Follow-up question, why have you tied me to this chair?  
Dan: Im glad you asked, because IM NOT REALLY DAN!  
Ran: What a scoop!  
Dan?: Stop saying that  
Ran: Sorry its my favorite phrase  
Dan?: Well I hate it  
Ran: But you look just like Dan, how can you not be him? Are you a clone? Evil Twin?  
Dan?: Sorry, nothing that colorful, you see, Capcom has used me, they did it in the first one, and they did it again! I will NOT be left out this time!  
Ran: What are you talking about Dan? Your in the second one  
Dan?: I am NOT Dan!  
Ran: Then who are you?  
Dan?: Who do you think put the Millionarre in Millionarre fighting?  
Ran: Someone stupid, expecially since the 2000 was called Millinum bout when it wasnt a new millinium, this one should be called the millinium bout  
Dan?: SHUT UP! In that first one I sponcered it, but I didnt get to compete, Capcom just shut me out. WIth the second tourney, i was also on the sponcer bourd, but AGAIN, I was shut out! NO MORE! The world will face the full fury of ROBERT GARCIA!!! Muhuhuhauahahaha!   
Ran: But whats that got to do with me?  
Robert: Simple really, your brother will come looking for you, and when he does I will kill and replace him!  
Ran: Wow I cant wait to write this story! ITs front page material for sure!  
Robert: Uh, wait, you cant do that it would spoil my plan  
Ran: I just cant keep my mouth shut you know! Im a journalist  
Robert: Well I guess I'll have to kill you too then  
Ran: I'll be quiet!  
Robert: Good...good  
Ran: One question though  
Robert: Yes?  
Ran: About your skillful abduction  
Robert: Yes, I left no clues, none at all. It was perfect!  
Ran: How could he follow you back here if you left no clues  
Robert: HA! Well you see its simple really....in fact its comical how simple it is..... the simplicitiy of it all is quite large.... uh....you see.... its like this well, SHUT UP! *snaps fingers*  
*A bunch of scussy women come out*  
Ran: Wait, who are these girls?  
Robert: You see while your here I might as well put you to work for me *sets up a camera* You know what the Garcia Foundation is right?  
Ran: Uh, no  
Robert: ITS A CONGLOMERATE OF PORNOGRAPHY HA HA HA HA!  
Ran: Oooo!  
Robert: Oooo? Arnt you scared about being in a porno, I need to use this to blackmail you  
Ran: No, Im not scared, In fact I have my own section in the amatuer Aisle in Mr Big's Video  
Robert: What? Crap, oh well, begin rolling for Scussy Women Humping Tied Up Reporter 27, begin!  
  
Meanwhile, a dozen floors up, on the top floor  
  
Terry: I have you now Geese! Take this! WHAM!  
Geese: Wha? You are mearly delaying the inevitable boy!  
Terry: I dont think so, hyah!  
Geese: Excellent move, but to no avail!  
Terry: Damn, I need to make a come back  
Geese: Your comeback is non-existant with this manuver, WHAM!  
Terry: Thats just the thing I was looking for, TAKE THIS! HHHYAAAAAAHHHH!!!  
Geese: Ha, I was hoping you would pull a stunt like that! GGAAAHHH!  
Terry: Damn, I just cant stop him, try this!  
Geese: How childish  
Terry: And THIS!  
Geese: If your quite done, then this match is over with THIS!!!  
Terry: Damn, Im done for!  
Geese: Now, for the FINAL blow!  
Terry: WAIT!! You forgot one thing, you forgot to say UNO!!  
Geese: What? DAMN!  
Terry: Draw 5 cards! HAHA!  
Geese: You havnt seen the last of me!  
Terry: Oh but I have, SKIP you, back to me, Wild Card: Draw Two, UNO, color is red, YOUR FINISHED! *slams a red number 8 card on the table*  
Geese: NNNNOOOOOOO!  
*the card bounces up off the table and strikes Geese in the forehead*  
Geese: AAhhhh! *tilts back, breaking the leg of his chair, sending him sparling into the guard rail, and tumbling over the edge unto the street below  
Terry: YEAH!  
Yamazaki: *sigh* Does he have to do that everytime he is beaten? I guess I'll deal the cards this time  
  
*Back at the arena*  
*Shoma walks up to the sign up guy*  
Shoma: Hello, I am a high school boy. WIth a baseball bat. My name is Show-ma, and I would like to sign up for the tourney  
Signup: Your not getting in Jin  
Jin: *throwing hat to ground* Oh COME ON!! MAN! *stomps off*  
Dan: Man, my sister has been kidnapped! This sucks, I have to get some help!  
Joe: And some clues  
Kyosuke: Ill search for clues out here, Ran is my schoomate and I wouldnt want to lose her  
Rock: HA! YOu think you can out do me Kyosuke, I'll find MORE clues than you can EVER imagine!  
Dan: Ill go ask people...  
Joe: Ill go hit on some chicks, er I mean, hit them up, for info.  
Dan: Good *walks over to the crowd*  
Dan: Hmmm, Ryo! Hey Ryo!  
Ryo: What is it Hibiki?  
Dan: Hey, My sister has been kidnapped, do you know anything?  
Ryo: .......  
Dan: Well?   
Ryo: I bet you think thats funny dont you  
Dan: HUh? What my sister has been kidnapped! This is serious!  
  
And so the investigation is underway, but will they find her in time? Or will another porno grace the wall of Mr Big's Video Store?   
  
  
  
Dan: Come on this is serious!  
Ryo: Get lost Hibiki *turns*   
Dan: Dangit! Come on! This is serious!  
Ryo: See ya in the tournament Hibiki!  
Dan: Wait! Come on! I know this has happened to you! What did you do when this happened?  
Ryo: Me? First thing I did was kick Todo's ass  
Dan: Oh.... I see  
*across the room*  
Todo: *at the buffet table* Hmm hmm hmm, ooo a chip! *dips chip* Yummy, ranch! *chews* Hmmmmm *looks slowly to the left, then slowly to the right*  
Todo: *dips the SAME chip in dip again*  
Dan: TODOO!!!!!! *burst up through the table*  
Todo: Whoe! Im sorry!  
Dan: *Punches Todo in the face*  
Todo: Ouch! I just double dipped once! Leave me alone!  
Dan: Where is my sister!!! *kicks Todo in gut*  
Todo: Oooff!! What? Sister? I dont know what your talking....  
Dan: KORYUKEN! *uppercuts Todo*  
Todo: Wwwaaaahhhh! *flies off*  
  
*meanwhile, outside, Kyosuke and Rock had begun their   
search for information*  
  
Kyosuke: Perhaps we should question the eyewitness to the...  
Rock: Shut up Kyosuke, I dont care what your doing Im gonna go question eyewitnesses, and then I will kick YOUR ASS!  
Kyosuke: Very well, lets start with those over their *points to Kyo, Iori, and Sakura standing near the street corner*  
Sakura: So then what happened?  
Kyo: Well, me, Iori, and Chizuru where the only people that could beat Orochi, so we  
Sakura: Hold on, you three are the only people? Who wrote this game?   
Kyo: No, you see we are the only people, the descendants of the clans  
Sakura: So if I was in this game and beat Oreo my ending wouldnt mean jack?  
Kyo: Thats right  
Iori: *shrugs*  
Sakura: Thats messed up  
Kyo: No, you gotta understand, we were the only people that could do it  
Iori: Shut up Kyo  
Kyo: No you shut up! I MADE YOU! I took you from the strings of the just another character and made you my rival! If it wasn't for me you would be just Fatal Fury character caliber!   
Rock: What was that?  
Kyo: What? Who are you?  
Rock: I am Rock Howard, the son of Geese Howard, raised by Terry Bogard, my fighting style is...  
Iori: He can kick your ass Kyo  
Kyo: Hah! No he cant! How old are you?  
Sakura: 32  
Kyo: No not you, Rock  
Rock: Im 19!  
Iori: No your not  
Rock: I am too!  
Iori: Thats Impossible, how are you even here  
Rock: You idiot, I simply...  
*Capcom Executive drives by, honking his horn so load that Rock is momentarily inaudable*  
Horn: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKK  
Rock: ....and so here I am!  
Kyo: wow, thats really fascinating, NOT!  
Rock: What did you say punk?  
Kyosuke: Excuse me, but we are in a hurry  
Rock: No, we aint in no hurry, I just want to ask this little spoon fed hero boy what he said?  
Kyo: Whoe! Dont touch me, I have a contract that says I cant be beat in a game  
Rock: The tournament aint started yet punk  
Iori: Kill him Rock  
Kyo: What? Iori? Come on Iori, you remember your the only one that can kill me?  
Iori: No, I dont remeber, kill him Rock  
Kyosuke: Come on guys, we need to ask you guys a few questions  
*Sound of shattered glass from behind them*  
Rock: What?  
  
*Todo has been knocked through a window*  
Todo: *cut and bruised* he...help me!  
Dan: *jumps out of window* WHERE IS MY SISTER!  
Todo: Help this guy is crazy! *runs off*  
Dan: COME BACK HERE!  
Joe: *walks up beside Dan* Hey Dan!  
Dan: Huh? What?  
Joe: *pats on back* Good job, go get him!  
Dan: BBBLLAAARRGGHHH!!! *runs off after Todo screaming, Joe has stuck a sign with the "Ten" insignia on Dan's back*  
Joe: Bwwaaa haa haa! I love doing that!  
  
Rock: Hmm, strange  
Kyosuke: Anyway, did you guys see which way that limosine went with Ran in it?  
Sakura: Hey Rock tell me about when you were born  
Kyosuke: Come on, see anything  
Rock: Well, I dont remember, it was long ago  
Kyosuke: Can anyone even see me?  
Iori: I thought it was only a few months back  
Kyosuke: *sigh*  
Rock: Look man, can YOU remember back then?  
Sakura: Did they cut ya?  
Rock: Cut?  
Sakura: Ya know, are you "intact?"  
Rock: Huh? Well, yeah, I am?  
Kyo: You are?  
Sakura: Oh really? Wow  
Iori: Im intact too  
Kyo: Oh yeah? Whats it like?  
Iori: No complaints  
Rock: It keeps me warm in the winter  
Sakura: Can you, y'know, like hide stuff up in there?  
Rock: Oh yeah, I got a handgun up in mine right now  
Kyo: Gee, that sounds pretty cool, I wish I still had my foresk.....  
Kyosuke: OH MY GOD SHUT UP THIS IS GROSSING ME OUT!  
Kyo: Yeah if I could only turn back time, I would have stopped that surgeons knife  
Sakura: So when they cut it off, do you get to keep it or anything?  
Kyosuke: Ack, this is discusting  
Rock: Well, they didnt give me mine  
Sakura: What about you Kyosuke?  
Kyosuke: *begins to blush* About me what?  
Sakura: Are you circumsized?  
Kyosuke: What? No! I mean, I'm not answering that!  
Rock: Its no big deal really if you are, nothing to be ashamed about  
Kyosuke: What? Im not ashamed! Im just, wha... why am I talking about this with you!  
Sakura: Come on, tell us!  
Kyosuke: Im not gonna tell you guys my private things!  
Sakura: Show us then, I really want to know  
Kyosuke: Wha? NO! You are guys!  
Sakura: They wont look, will you guys?  
Rock: I really wouldnt want to see it *turns head*  
Iori: I wont watch *turns head*  
Kyo: .......  
Iori: *looks at Kyo out of corner of eye*  
Kyo: .....oh, I wont look either, *cough cough*  
Sakura: *walks over to Kyosuke* Lets take a look  
Kyosuke: What the hell are you doing! Wha? Hey! Dont touch that! *zzziiiippppp*  
Sakura: Oh my god!  
Kyo: What? *starts to turn around, gets kicked by Iori in back of knee*  
Kyosuke: Their, I hope your happy, look, dont touch  
Rock: Ok, this scene has gotten way out of hand, lets cut back to Dan  
Kyosuke: Does this mean we have to go to the movies now?  
Sakura: Im taking you farther than the movies baby!  
King: *walking by* Sup Kyo, Iori, Rock, Sakura, Kyosuke, hey who's the guy in the hood?  
  
*back inside, in the locker rooms of the stadium*  
Todo: *pant, pant, pant* I think I lostem  
Dan: Hey Todo, where you at eh?   
Todo: Damn! *goes deeper into the locker room*  
Dan: I can smell your fear!  
Todo: There has to be another exit, wait, I hear someone in the shower, maybe I can take their clothes and wear them as a disguise... *runs over and grabs clothes*  
Dan: Oh, i hear ya over by the showers  
Todo: Huh? Whats this? These clothes are exactly the same as mine! What the? Uh oh! Here he comes! *ducks out and hides*  
Dan: Ah HA! *jumps in the shower with Kasumi*  
Kasumi: *shrieks*   
Dan: You thought you could fool me by changing your sex, just like that punk Ranma, but I aint falling for it this time!  
  
What will become of Kasumi? Will Kyosuke ever peice together the clues to solve this mystery? Will Oni ever put the "h" on Todo's name? The Legend continues...  
  
*Back in Geese Tower, a high stakes battle is taking place*  
  
Terry: Damn, we just cant hurt him!  
Geese: Muhuhahaha!  
Yamazaki: We cant give up, if we dont win then who knows what will happen?  
Geese: I know what will happen!  
Yamazaki: We know Geese...  
Geese: Pour me another shot Yamazaki  
Yamazaki: Ok *pours Geese another shot*  
Terry: So what are we gonna do? I only got 15 hit points left!  
Geese: 13 now, you forgot about the lesser poison, hahahaha!  
Terry: I dont remember being poisoned...  
Geese: thats cuz you forgot, and before you get a chance to contest, the dragon spits fire at you again! Give me some more saving throws boys, hahahahah!  
Yamazaki: Thats BS and you know it Geese!  
Geese: Nonsense! If you dont shut up its back to Uno!  
Yamazaki: *begins to shake dice* Your a Tyrant Geese! A shady gamer! You hide behind that GM screen, if it wasnt for that we would know just what your game is! There, I rolled 89  
Geese: NOT ENOUGH! YOU DIE!  
Terry: But you didnt even roll anything!  
Geese: Sure I did, I rolled everything before hand for the sake of a faster pace  
Yamazaki: No you didnt!  
Geese: I did!  
Yamazaki: Stop your lieing!  
Geese: Im not lieing!  
Terry: Ok, enough talk, Im gonna use my last ditch attack, sword slash of death! BWWWAAAHHH!!! *rolls* Yeah! Get on it!  
Geese: Hmm, *begins to shake dice* You fool, thats not enough to defeat the maroon dragon! *rolls*  
Yamazaki: *snatches away GM screen* AHA!  
Geese: What, no! Give me that!  
Yamazaki: YOu rolled all ones! Oh, and a two, hahaha!   
Geese: Nnooo!  
Terry: Yeah get on it!  
Geese: Ok, so Terry, you shove your sword deep in the dragons face, blood squirts everywhere, the dragon stands up and says "What? You claim to have killed me? I WONT ACCEPT THAT!" and then he falls through the guard rail of the cave/canyon thing and falls hundreds of miles to the bottom, aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"   
Terry: Yeah!   
Yamazaki: Rock on!  
Terry: What phat loot do we get?  
Geese: Nothing because the room caves in and kills you both, the end!  
Terry: What?  
Yamazaki: Thats a lame ass ending, your just mad because we won!  
Geese: No, the ending is like that to make a life lesson, killing of God's creatures just to take their horde leads to death!  
Terry: How lame  
Yamazaki: You better hope Im not sober enough to remember this later!  
*The Elevator dings*  
Geese: Yeah well, screw you! Get someone else to be your DM then!  
Yamazaki: Your the one that wanted to play this lame game anyway  
*Elevator opens, Robert Garcia steps out*  
Robert: Hey, guys  
Terry: Huh? Oh hey Robert  
Robert: Sup, hey, you guys going to the CvS2 sign up today?  
Yamazaki: Was that today? I thought it was tuesday?  
Geese: It IS tuesday  
Yamazaki: Oh  
Tery: Yeah we are goin' sorry to hear you aint signed up  
Robert: Dont be so quick to make a statment, I plan on participating, you see I got this diabolical plan to kill Dan  
Yamazaki: Are you kidding is today really tuesday?  
Robert: But the plan was so perfect I forgot to leave clues for him to follow, so when you go, be sure to tell Dan that I am holding his sister at a spooky mansion over on that hill over there  
Yamazaki: Today aint tuesday, your just messing, right?  
Geese: Today IS tuesday! Look at the damn calander!  
Terry: Ok, I'll tell him  
Robert: Ok, thanks *goes to leave*  
Yamazaki: Man, I need to stop trippin before I go to bed  
Robert: *turns around* Oh, dont tell him about the plot to kill him, ok guys?  
Terry: Yeah ok  
Robert: *leaves*  
Terry: Hah, like hell, I am SO telling Dan its a trap  
Geese: Narc  
Terry: Shut up! He is my boy!   
Geese: Yeah whatever, speaking of CvS2, you guys bought ready to go?  
Terry: *finishes drink* Yeah  
Geese: Wait, who is gonna drive?  
Terry: Not me, got my licesence revoked. Maybe Robert can give us a ride  
Yamazaki: Is it really Tuesday guys? 


	26. The Ran Hibiki Project

On the Street Corner outside the collosium. Rock and Kyosuke continue their search for clues*  
  
Kyosuke: Hmmm, it would appear everyone saw the same thing, Dan took Ran  
Rock: Thats it! *clasps fist* DAN IS THE CULPRIT!  
Kyosuke: No he isnt, he has an alibi  
Rock: Get ahold of yourself Kyosuke, this is no time for a nap!  
Kyosuke: Wha...huh?   
Rock: Look, its Dan's sister Hibiki, that chick with the sword!  
Kyosuke: Uh, I dont think  
Rock: Hey Hibiki! *runs over*  
Kyosuke: Wait rock!  
Rock: Tell us were your sister is!  
Hibiki: Back home in the past...  
Rock: Time travel! Ah ha! Why did you take her?  
Hibiki: But I didnt take her, I just left her there  
Rock: That doesnt make any sense! Dont lie to me! Dont you know who I am, I am Rock Howard!  
Hibiki: Yeah, I know who you are, so that story should make perfect sense to the likes of you  
Kyosuke: Uhhh  
Rock: What are you trying to say!  
Kyosuke: Guys, I dont think....  
Hibiki: That we arnt even suppose to be here  
Rock: Ha! I dont know who dragged you to this tournament, but I know for a fact that.....  
*A Capcom Executive suddenly parachutes in*  
Executive: Im the bionic commando! Hiyah! Remember that game! Woo hoo! Look at me! *dances in the air* Hey hey hey! Wooo! *flies away*  
Rock: What was up with that guy?  
Kyosuke: He was odd  
Hibiki: So, why are you guys asking me about my sister  
Rock: Well someone looking like your brother has kidnapped her!  
Hibiki: My brother, but Im not...  
*Capcom executive flies back*  
Exec: Hey now! None of that! Woo woo! Look at me, not at the story! *flies away*  
Kyosuke: Damn, executives, when you work for Capcom it feels like your in an X-File episode, everybody is each others brother or clone, or whatever........or are they?  
Rock: Well, at any case, if you see Ran, tell her to stop being lost  
Hibiki: Will do, *walks off*  
*A limo pulls up*  
*Yamazaki, Terry, and Geese step out*  
Robert: And remember, tell Dan Ran is being held at the old spooky house over on that hill  
Terry: Tell Dan that?  
Robert: Yeah, its a trap of course, but dont tell him that  
Terry: *thumbs up* OK!  
Yamazaki: Well, time to get the show on the road, I think the matches have already begun, Ill see if I can find Dan and tell'em  
Yamazaki:*heads over to the entrance*  
Kyosuke: Did you see that, it was Dan in that limo!  
Rock: Terry! Who was that in the limo with you!  
Terry: Huh, Rock!?!?!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED YOUNG MAN! YOU MARCH YOUR BUTT RIGHT BACK HOME AND GET IN YOUR CRIB!  
Rock: Huh? Terry?  
Terry: Don't you give me no sass! *hold hand back threateningly*  
Geese: Hey, who is this kid Terry?  
Terry: Oh Geese, meet Rock, your illigidament son that I took under my wing when you died  
Geese: Oh yeah? Which time?  
Terry: Uhh, *counts* Third I think  
Geese: Geez, you dont take a new kid everytime I die do you  
Terry: no, this time you died for good though  
Rock: STOP THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL! THIS MAKES NO SENSE! YOU TOLD ME MY FATHER WAS DEAD, AND HE IS DEAD, THEN HOW CAN HE EXIST IN THE SAME TIME AS ME!?!?  
Geese: .....  
Terry: .....  
Geese: I think the question at hand is how the hell your here  
Rock: Oh thats simple, you see  
*Capcom Exec stands on a picnic table*  
Executive: Look at me! First person to see me wins a million dollars!  
everyone: *looks*  
Executive: Kidding!  
Geese: Damn!  
Terry: Lousey capcom scams, so what were we talking about?  
Kyosuke: The person in that limo, who was he?  
Terry: Oh that's Robert, he is planing to kill Dan  
Kyosuke: No!! We got to tell him  
Geese: Whoe! Whoe! Dont do that, we promised not to tell anyone, its a surprise  
Terry: Well, I didnt promise, you promised  
Geese: No, you promised too  
Kyosuke: We have to do something Rock!  
Rock: WE? You are just second banana, Im really the hero, I gonna do it all you see...  
Blue Mary: THERE you are young man!  
Rock: Huh?  
Blue Mary: *grabs Rock's ear and twist* I turn my back for one second and you grow up and think you can galavant around with your father's friends? I am not raising no street fighter, you march right back into your room and you dont come out until you fit back into your dungaroos again! Why I got half the nerve to .......  
  
*inside, at the buffet/bar*  
Dan:*sitting at the table with Todo* And so I said, your not gonna pull that ole shower sex change trick on me like Ranma! WAAHAAHAA!  
Todo: WAAHHAAHAA! Now thats what I call a sticky situation!  
Announcer: Next match, Dan vs Ryo, the long awaited grudge match!  
Dan: What!?!? Vs RYO! Finally I get to show him my stuff  
Todo: But, what about your sister? Dont you want information  
Dan: She can wait! Everyone has been waiting for this fight, we got this sweet ass intro for it too.  
*Ryo is standing in the ring*  
Dan: *looks at ring*  
Ryo: *cracks knuckles*  
*1000 of people in the audience await the intro of the famed Dan vs Ryo*  
Dan: *clears throat and walks down the isle*  
Capcom Executive: WAIT! DAN!! *runs up*  
Exectuive: Dan Hibiki, I have here new orders for you! This is your contract, *hands over paper*  
Audience: Awww  
Dan: Huh?  
Executive: We have decided that your not really a joke of Ryo, so you wont have a special intro, your a serious fighter now, a contender, congradulations!  
Dan: .....*mouth agap*  
Ryo: *jumps around a bit*  
Dan: *nears ring*  
Ryo: *becones Dan on, standard intro* Saa Quii!  
Audience: *silence*  
Dan: *silence*  
Ryo: *silence*  
Dan: *silence*  
Audience: *silence*  
Dan: *looks at papers, grabs microphone*  
Dan: Ahem  
Audience: *attention on Dan*  
Dan: What I have here, are my new orders. It seems, that Im a serious fighter now. I can fight normally. My superiors say, the parody is cancelled, I'm a serious character now. All the tuants I have tuanted here, the laughes at me, were all in vain. But, Im serious now. All the ideals of, comedy, slapstick, parody, mean nothing. But Im a real fighter now. I however, will not be a serious fighter. Im gonna march up into that ring, and tuant that Shoto so HARD, that the next Shoto-wanna be is gonna feel it. Now, who wants to pick real characters...AND WHO WANTS TO PICK ME!!!!!!!  
Audience: YAHHOOIII!!!!  
  
Audience: YAY! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!  
Announcer: OK, Fighters! Ready? FIGHT!  
Ryo: hhyyaaahhh! *dashes at Dan*  
Dan: Haaaaa! *dashes at Ryo*  
Todo: Hhhooo! *dashes to the ringside seat*  
Maki: Gggooo!! *dashes to the ladies room*  
Raiden: Baarrggg!! *dashes to the hot dog stand*  
Yamazaki: *running in* Hey, were is Dan I got a message for him?  
Ken: He is in the ring fighting Ryo now, take a look  
Dan: Heeyaa! *kicks*  
Ryo: *blocks* dduraahh! *sweeps*  
Dan: Hah! Predictable! *trips and tosses*  
Ryo: Take this, Kouken! *throws fireball*  
Dan: Gadoken!! *throws fireball, hitting Ryo's and cancelling it*  
Ryo: Grr, Ill need to charge up! HHhhhhhyyyoooooohhhhhh! *begins to charge*  
Dan: If you think Im gonna stand here like a DBZ character and let....you.......charge.....oooooo pretty color, wow, I cant stop watching it, its like a lavalamp  
Ryo: I need to gather all of my energy... remember what master said  
Takuma voice-over: Breath Ryo!  
Ryo: *breathes*  
Takuma: Concentrate.....  
Ryo: hhhmmmm *concentrating*  
Takuma: Gather your spirit  
Ryo: hhhhhhmmmmm *gathering spirit*  
Takuma: Your ready.... now  
Ryo: Yay!  
Takuma: Initiate Super Fire Blow!  
Ryo: HoauShoKooKen! *fires giant fireball*  
Dan: Ow! *gets hit and falls down*  
Ryo: Victory!!  
Crowd: YAAAYYY! CongraylaytonCongraylaytonCongraylaytonCongraylayton  
CONGRAYLAYTONCONGRAYLAYTONCONGRAYLAYTONCONGRAYLAYTON!!  
Dan: *gets up*  
Crowd: *storms ring and lifts Ryo up on theis shoulders* RYO RYO RYO  
Dan: Wait! *dust himself off* Im ok, its not a knockout! It didn't really hurt that much!  
Crowd: *carry's Ryo out of the arena and the mob flows outward as well, leaving only a few fighters still in the stands*  
Dan: Wait! Im really ok! Look! Awww man  
Yamazaki: Aww, that sucks, the man is always trying to keep us down....  
  
Yamazaki: Anyway Dan, I gotta tell ya. Robert Garcia is setting you up in some house at a spooky hill or something  
Dan: What?  
Yamazaki: Yeah he wants to kill you  
Dan: Well, thanks for telling me, Ill steer clear of spooky hills then  
Yamazaki: Yeah no problem... oh wait he has your sister too..  
Dan: RAN! We gotta go now! Lets go! *dashes off into the background*  
Dan: Ran, here we come! *realizes he is alone in the dashing*  
Dan: *dashes back towards Yamazaki*  
Dan: Arnt you coming?  
Yamazaki: What? Where?  
Dan: To save my sister...  
Yamazaki: I dont know your sister  
Dan: Look man, I need help to beat up Robert  
Yamazaki: Oh we jacking Robert? Hmm, that guy is loaded, Im in  
Dan: Great!  
Yamazaki: ......*stands there*  
Dan: So?  
Yamazaki: so what?   
Dan: Go get your car!  
Yamazaki: ......car? Oh, yeah, ok, Ill go get a car *walks off*  
Dan: Meet me in front, *looks around* HEY JOE! COME QUICK, CHICKS IN DANGER!  
Joe: *dashes out of locker room* Chicks? Where is that hot chick in danger!  
Dan: *slaps Joe* Thats my sister your talking about! She is not hot!  
Joe: Ow! Oh, your sister? I guess you wont let me bang her then  
Dan: *slaps* Refrain from banging my sister!  
Joe: Ow! Cut it out, *begins to walk off*  
Dan: Hey where you going  
Joe: Im gonna go rinse off, I ran outta the shower, Im still all lathery *rubs off some bubbles*  
Dan: You gotta help me get Ran back!  
Joe: No I dont  
Dan: Yes you do  
Joe: No I dont  
Dan: Your my side kick  
Joe: No Im not, I just hang around you because.... hey, why do I hang around you?  
Dan: Cuz your my sidekick!  
Joe: No, I always thought I was more like a co-star, Jin is the sidekick  
Dan: No, you both are sidekicks  
Joe: No, I disagree, me and Jin are like the chicks in Three's company, we are present always, but not dependant upon you  
Dan: You mean those two lezzies?  
Joe: No, one was a lez, the other was bi  
Dan: Which one was the lez  
Joe: The one with the short hair  
Dan: Oh, the ugly one, that makes sense  
Joe: Well I wouldnt call her the ugly one, I always favor brown hair over brunettes  
Dan: ...huh?  
Joe: I said I favor brownhair over brunettes  
Dan: They are the same thing  
Joe: No they arnt  
Dan: Yes they are!  
Joe: Look man, I dont care, Im not tagging along  
Dan: What if we split into teams? I'll give you a gimick!  
Joe: What do I look like, a completely original character created for the sole purpose of being a clone of an existing person? Such a character whose purpose is nothing more than to make an appearance and do his gimick, thus cementing in that my real life counterpart will have to like this story simply because he is in it, and I appear along side all other characters like me, so many that it is a little bit more than a coincidense that this story's biggest fans and supporters also make up the main cast of the series?  
Dan: .........What the hell are you talking about?  
Joe: Nothing  
Dan: No really, what the hell are you talking about?  
Joe: Im going to the showers man  
Dan: Wait, don't you want to go with me? Yamazaki is coming! We're gonna ride in his car! And beat up Robert!  
Joe: Robert Garcia?  
Dan: Yup  
Joe: He rich?  
Dan: I guess  
Joe: How much money you think he carry's on him  
Dan: Enough to split three ways between us and make a profit  
Joe: Whoe, you mean TWO ways, you getting your damn sister for this  
Dan: Ok two ways, lets go   
  
Elsewhere, Robert is taking his sports car into the woods*  
Robert: Hahahaha, we are almost their Ran, the place were I will kill your brother! AND you! After I get done taking my pleasures from you, muhuahauhaha!!!  
Ran: Oh! Can we do that first!  
Robert: No your suppose to be scared! We are going to a scary house, Im a scary guy, we are on a scary hill, be scared! Ahhh, this turn is it *turns car*  
Ran: *screams*  
Robert: Oh my god....  
*they are in a Walmart Parking lot*  
Robert: Where the hell is my spooky house!?!?  
Ran: Looks like its a Walmart  
Robert: Nnnooo! *hits head against steering wheel*  
Ran: Well they still got their halloween decorations up  
Robert: Oooh, scary, SHUT UP  
  
*back at the arena*  
Dan: Yamazaki is suppose to pull his car around  
*A phat black Oldsmobile pulls around*  
Joe: Yo, whats up with the hoopty?  
Yama: Get in  
Dan: *gets in shotgun, notices the small Jesus statue on the dashbourd, and the crucifix dangling from the rearview mirror*  
Joe: *gets in the back, pushes aside a box of Christian Rock tapes* What the hell is this?  
Dan: You a religious man Yamazaki?  
Yamazaki: Huh? Oh, yeah  
  
And Elsewhere, and the Bogard residence  
Blue Mary: *slaps Rock in the back of the head* No you march right back into your room and think about what you done, and I dont want to see you come out until your back to your normal size! And I dont want to hear no stories about how you go so big either, they will be no Capcom Fibs in my house!   
Rock: But ma, I need to go beat up Kyosuke  
Kyosuke: Shut up  
Blue Mary: He is much older than you and you arnt gonna beat up such a nice boy *pets Kyosuke*  
Kyosuke: *blushes*  
Mary: Now... IN YOUR ROOM! *tosses Rock in his room*  
Rock: *looks at his ninja turtle wallpaper*  
*back in the living room, the fireplace is on, Mary cuts on Barry White*  
Mary: Have a seat Kyosuke  
Kyosuke: Uhh, thanks  
Mary: Do you mind if I sit...  
Kyosuke: Uhh, no, not at all  
Mary: ....on your face?  
Kyosuke: Uhhh, what?  
Mary: RAR! *pounces on Kyosuke*  
  
*The Oldmobile pulls into Walmart*  
Yamazaki: This is the place  
Dan: Are you sure, you said this was a spooky mansion  
Joe: It was suppose to be, but it got paved over witha walmart, those things are popping up everywhere  
Joe: They are of the devil I tell you, Mr. Walls, whoever he is, is SATAN HIMSELF!  
Dan: I dont think the guys name is Walls, I think it is Sam, they have a franchise called Sam's Club  
Joe: Yes, and Sam's Club cards are a MARK OF THE BEAST  
Dan: How do you know so much Joe?  
Joe: I was reading this book "Hell is on Earth: Buy this book" I found back here, author is some fatcat preacher man, you know anything about this Yamazaki?  
Yamazaki: bout what?  
Joe: Your book, you read it right?   
Yama: Book? Oh, uh huh  
Dan: Dude we are never going to find a parking spot....  
*the next isle over*  
Robert: Dammit, we have been here for hours and I still havnt found a parking spot  
Ran: There are plenty over there *points away*  
Robert: Oh, but then we have to walk!  
Ran: Hey look, there is one!  
  
Dan: Hey look! A spot!  
Yama: I got it! *guns it*  
  
Robert: You aint getting my spot! *guns it*  
  
Yamazaki: Wanna play chicken eh? *goes faster*  
  
Robert: Ahh! Come on sports car! Lets do it!  
  
*Robert narrowly wins the space*  
  
Yama: Dammit! Cripe! *flips off Robert*  
Robert: Right back at you!  
Dan: Dude, its Robert! AND RAN! Quick! Find a parking spot so we can get out!  
Yamazaki: Im tryin!  
Dan: Lets just park over there! *points away*  
Joe: I aint walking all that far, you guys forget you got clothes on, I aint freezing off my man-set!  
Dan: Oh come on you big baby  
Joe: Nope, not me!  
Yama: Cool it, there is a spot...  
*Yamazaki plows the car over a shopping cart return spot, destroying a dozen carts and wrecking the place*  
Dan: Whoe man! You wrecked your car  
Yama: This isnt my car dude *takes knife out of ignition and exits the car*  
Dan: Oh....but then...OH  
Joe: What? Whats going on?  
Dan: Nothing man, lets go  
*Dan, Joe, and Yamazaki run over to the sports car*  
Dan: Damn! They must have went inside, just missed them!  
Yamazaki: *begins to scratch the car with his keys*  
Joe: Can we hurry up and get in guys, Im starting to shrivel  
Dan: Shrivel? Ha ha!  
Joe: Shut up man, I dont want to be all like a scared turtle if some chick decides to to a fly check  
Yamazaki: Fly check, whats that?  
Joe: Well, you know when you walk around in your boxers in front of chicks  
Yamazaki: No, I am in either of the two extremes of clothiedness in front of chicks, I dont galavant around in public in my drawers  
Joe: Well, anyway you know the fly on your boxer shorts?  
Yamazaki: Yeah uh huh  
Joe: Well, the first time a chick encounters boxer shorts, they realize the presence of this fly, and the varying styles, buttoned fly, and free fly. They store this info in their memory, and deduct the truth, sometimes you flop out of your boxers  
Dan: Guys can we go  
Yama: Shut up Dan, I want to hear this  
Joe: So whenever chicks get around men in their boxers, they try to get you to flop out, usually they just watch for a while, and then ask you to do tasks such as sit down in a chair, squat, do cartwheels, ect, ect, these tests are called fly checks  
Yamazaki: So what do you do  
Joe: Regardless on wether or not you want to show your member to this chick, you want to pass the checks, because it makes you look stupid if you dont. You really dont got to worry about being made fun of though, because chick never make a comment, they just stare blankly. If you fail and it falls out, let it hang and act completly oblivious, just hope it is in an currently in an impressive state. If you show them that you know you failed, they will laugh at you and become angered that you have teased them. To prevent fly checks failure right out, try to wear buttoned flys to ensure protection. However, everyone always seems to have a pair of free fly boxers, and I am wearing my pair today, I did not realize how cold it was. In this case, shift your boxers around to your right as far as you can go, like so *shifts boxers* Now my fly is in front of my right thigh, instead of in front of Lil Higashi. This method isn't fool proof, and as you walk long distances it shifts, and if you are are forced to perform repeated fly checks, like kick ups or belly dances, it shifts back more and more, so you should try to remove yourself from the fly check situation without alarming the females that you are on to them. If it seems that you are oblivious when you leave, they will feel like the failed, but if they know you know what they know about the knowledge of boxer shorts know-how, then they will become angered at you for teasing them, and that is usually how guys get killed.  
Yamazaki: I see  
Dan: Wow, that entire spiel was long and pointless, yet somehow, I couldn't help myself to hang on to its every word  
Joe: It was your survival instinct telling you to listen  
  
*Meanwhile, on the floor of the Bogard Residence*  
Mary: sssiiigggghhhhhh wow, that was great, you young guys sure do have alot of stamina  
Kyosuke: Uhh right, where did you throw my glasses?  
Mary: I think they landed in the kitchen sink  
Kyosuke: oh, Ill go get them when I can walk again  
Mary: I think that was the best I ever had! No, wait, there was that time with Andy.  
Kyosuke: Andy?  
Mary: Yeah, I paid Mai to slip him some drugs and to leave the house for a while  
Kyosuke: Wha, thats horrible!  
Mary: Nah, not really. Chun Li does it all the time.  
Kyosuke: How could Mai let you do that?  
Mary: Mai got to have Terry, it was like a deal  
Kyosuke: What? Are you guys swingers or something?  
Mary: Nah, I just know that you shy and solemn fighters are always great in the sack, I should know, Ive had'em all, Andy, Remy, Ukyo, and now you!  
Rock: *opens room door* Ok havn't I stayed in my room long enough oh my god Im gonna puke *goes back into his room*  
Mary: So? Was I great eh?   
Kyosuke: Huh? Oh, yes  
Mary: The best? Be honest! Its like construtive critisim  
Kyosuke: To be honest, you were my first  
Mary: Oh wow thats so sweet!  
Kyosuke: yeah, Im usually shy and insecure around girls  
Mary: awwwww  
Rock: *peeking out of his room* Mom, could you please like, clean yourself off or something so I can look upon you without wretching?  
Mary: Sure honey  
Rock: And Kyosuke, you evil scum, could you put something on?  
Kyosuke: Sorry, your mom sliced my clothes up with a razor  
Mary: Sorry, was in a rush  
Rock: Dammit, well, cover up or something  
Kyosuke: *fasten's Mary weight belt around himself*  
Rock: Ok, can I come out of my room now ma?  
Mary: Sure sure dear, sorry about before, I was a lil hot and bothered, but Im relaxed now. Im glad you grew into a hansome young man, even though it makes no sense how you did it  
Rock: *steps out of his room* Ok, now, can I please kill Kyosuke now?  
Mary: Nonsense! You play nice with your friend! He's a good fuck  
Rock: Grrrrr! Mom, Im gonna have to tell Terry on you!  
Mary: Terry? Whose that?  
  
*at the tournament*  
Terry: Huh? I felt like someone just walked over my grave...  
Geese: I been there before  
Announcer: NExt Fight... King vs Sagat!  
Sagat: Hmmmm  
King: Ha! Are you ready Sagat?  
Sagat: yeah kid  
King: Ok, but first, I think we should both do some stretching exercises  
Sagat: What?  
King: Can you do this? *does a cartwheel*  
Sagat: What? Uhh ok.. *cartwheels*  
Terry: Oh lordy, we're gonna be here all day  
Geese: What? Why, what are they doing?  
Terry: What? Joe never told you?  
  
*speaking of Joe, back at the Walmart*  
Joe: So we are at Walmart, lets make with the sister thing  
Dan: lets go, *the trio walk inside the doors*  
Dan: Excuse me, Mr. Door security guard, but did you see a guy looks just like me come in here with a cute and innocent...  
Joe: ..slut  
Dan: SCHOOLGIRL in tow? She is my sister and Im looking for her  
Scurity guard: *is a 95 year old guy in a wheel chair*  
Yamazaki: I dont think he heard you man  
Dan: EXCUSE ME OFFICER, YOU SEEN A GUY LOOK LIKE ME?  
Security Guard: *is still a 95 year old guy in a wheel chair*  
Joe: Dude, lets just go *walks on*  
Dan: Man, this place is huge! Where should we start looking  
Yamazaki: Gun department  
Dan: What? I know you cant buy a gun!  
Yamazaki: I dont need to buy a gun, I can get a gun, I just need to buy some ammo  
Joe: Yeah gun controls really work allright, I sure do feel safe... as safe as an individuals rights in america! And thats not safe at all!  
Dan: Joe now is not the time for poltical satire  
Joe: What? Im serious!  
  
*Elsewhere in the store*  
Ran: Hey Rob, lets go to underwear, I need a new thong, this one is worn all out  
Robert: Shut up, we are in hiding! *are in the shoe department*  
Ran: Oh come on, I need something to wear with this school uniform!  
Robert: How about I smack you twice!?  
Ran: WHAT A SCOOP  
Robert: Shut up  
  
*Elsewhere, at a diffrent entrance to Walmart*  
Rock: *entering store* Hurry up and buy some new clothes, I have this thing about not beating up naked guys  
Kyosuke: Yeah yeah, its not like I enjoy walking around in the nude, *adjust's Mary's belt*  
Securty guard: *is a middle aged plump woman with a peg leg* OOooo shugah come home to momma!  
Kyosuke: Oh my god run  
Rock: Lets go! *takes off*  
  
*The Hunting department*  
Yamazaki: Lets see here...  
Dan: I dont think my sister is here  
Joe: what the? Deer Urine? Who wants to buy that kinda junk  
Dan: I dunno, I guess some people are just freaky like that  
Joe: *grabs a dropper* But its so expensive, I mean, I can pee a thousand times this amount for the price of the 24 pack *read label* Hmmm, this pee was brought to you by deer number 1477-a. Ooo thats a good deer for pee.   
Dan: What? 20 bucks for some sticks that rub together?  
Yamazaki: *picks up 3 boxes of shotgun shells* We will need these, grab a cart  
Joe: Hmm *looks around* Oh, here is one....  
Dan: But its already got someones stuff in it  
Joe: No matter, *begins to empty the cart*  
Rugal: Excuse me, but what are you doing to my cart?  
Joe: Emptying it you dummy, why do you need all these things anyway? Beer, I can see that, needle and thread, why need that? Explosives? Huh?   
Rugal: Me and Akuma plan on getting drunk together later and blowing up the roof of a castle, and then Im gonna rip up my clothes and get all crazy and go Ultimate  
Joe: Yeah, well you are gonna have to do that without your cart  
Rugal: How dare you!!  
Joe: Oh yeah, eat this! *squirts deer pee into Rugal's eye*  
Rugal: AAAAAHHHHH IT BURNS IT BURNS!  
  
  
*Kyosuke and Rock near the clothing section*  
Kyosuke: Almost there, but it looks like we have to run through the womens underwear section!  
Rock: Cant we go around?  
Kyosuke: No, there is no time for that!  
Rock: Right, remember, look straight ahead, not at any of the undergarments of the female type, and whatever you do, dont make eyecontact with any chicks in here, or you will be labeled a pervert  
Kyosuke: I hope nobody sees me naked in the womens underwear section, they will think Im a pervert....  
Rock: You are a pervert  
*Rock and Kyosuke lock there eyes forward and hurridly go through the underwear section...passing right by Robert and Ran*  
Ran: So what do you think about this one  
Robert: *his hands over his eyes* I dunno, hurry up and get something so we can get outta here before people see me!  
Ran: Hey cool a water bra!   
Robert: Oh lordy  
  
*back in the sporting goods, Dan is pushing an ever growing amount of goods*  
Joe: Hmm, Medical tape! We gotta get some of this. Oooh, and a swiss army knife, I need one of these. And this belt that you can put shotgun shells in is good, and some peroxide.  
Dan: Why do you need all this stuff Joe?  
Joe: *his arms full of misc medical and hunting items* I have a plan, I will buy all of this survival gear like canteens, medical tape, bullets, knives, porn mags, basketballs, artritus pain medicine and the ilk, and create a suit out of it, a suit made out of survival gear, I will become Mr. SURVIVOR and I will not be able to die at all with all of the stuff that makes up my super survivor suit!  
Yamazaki: What did we come in here for anyway?  
Dan: Oh, we came in here for... oh cool look basketballs!  
Dan: *grabs a basketball from a giant cage of basketballs, and the cage breaks and basketballs go everywhere* Yahooi!  
Joe: hmmm, what is this guy? *picks up a harry potter toy*  
Yamazaki: Oh, that is some guy called Pot-man  
Joe: Really!? He doesn't look like a pot man  
Yamazaki: Oh wait, I mean he is a Potter or something, I dunno, Mai's kid was talking something about that thing last night  
Joe: Mai has a kid?  
  
*Back at the tournament*  
*A mini-van pulls up*  
Mai: Ok, here I go, wish me luck hun *kisses Andy on the cheek*  
Andy: Ok hun!   
Mai: And take good of Fritzgerald  
Andy: Dont worry I will, *looks at the baby in the chair in the back*  
Mai: Bye bye!  
Andy: *turns in his seat to look at the baby* Ok Fritzgerald, what do you want to do today?  
Fritzgerald: ..........  
Andy: Fritz?   
Fritz: .......  
Andy: Fritz? *nudges baby*  
Fritz: *falls apart*  
Andy: WAIT A MINUTE YOUR JUST A PUPPET!!   
  
*Back at WalMart*  
Kyosuke: So what do ya think about the new duds?  
Rock: They look just like the old ones  
Kyosuke: No they dont, check out the cufflinks  
Rock: Hmmm? Oh yeah, didnt notice those, nice. *reads initials on cufflinks*  
Rock: BAMF mean?  
Kyosuke: Bad Ass Mother ...  
Rock: Shut you mouth!  
Kyosuke: Im just talkin bout myself  
Rock: I dont wanna be reminded of what you did  
Kyosuke: It was just natural, chicks cant help but dig the shy guy *shoots a smile*  
Rock: What? Now your acting like a pimp or something... *sees Ran and Robert walking away*  
Rock: Shinikes! look! Its Ran and Dan!  
Kyosuke: Thats not Dan, thats Robert! *gets in fighting stance*  
Rock: Let me handle this, *begins to dash at Robert*  
  
*meanwhile, in the grocery department. frozen goods*  
Yamazaki: Whip it!  
Joe: And whip it good!  
Yamazaki: *grabs a few bottles of whip cream*  
Dan: Careful with them!  
Joe: Whip it!  
Yamazaki: And whip it good!  
*Dan, Joe, and Yamazaki preform a ceremonious dance as they grab hand fulls of bottles of whip cream and sing "Whip it"*  
  
Rock: Robert Garcia!!   
Robert: Hmm? Yes? A fan?  
Rock: Fan? FAN THIS! *punches Robert in the mouth*  
Robert: OW! What was that for?  
Rock: I am here to rescue the girl  
Ran: Oooo sexy hero boy!  
Rock: *smiles, teeth tinkle*  
Robert: *wipes lip* Why you....  
Kyosuke: *looks around* ......FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! 


	27. Show down at Walmart

*at the electronics department*  
Dan: What the? Where is all the dreamcast stuff?  
Joe: I dunno  
Yamazaki: Hey look at this thing  
*yamazaki is by two kids playing a gamecube stand up*  
Dan: What is this?  
Kid1: Yeah get that ghost luigi!  
Kid2: Dude you just did that  
Kid1: No I didnt this is a new one!  
Dan: Hey kids, let me play!  
Kid1: Buzz off cracker!  
Yamazaki: *grabs the kids head, palms it like a basketball*  
Kid1: ACK!   
Yamazaki: *throws over his shoulder*  
Kid2: What! Youll pay for that! Pikachu! I choose you! *throws a pokeball*  
Pokeball: *hits Yamazaki in the head* Ow! *catches ball on the rebound*  
Yamazaki: YAH! *throws pokeball like a fastball and hits Kid2 in the face, killing him instantly*  
Dan: *begins playing game* What the hell?  
Joe: *grabs other controller* Let me play!  
Dan: Let me start over with two players  
Joe: Hurry up!  
Dan: Dude, I think its one player  
Joe: No multiplayer? Whats the fun in that  
Dan: I dunno *begins to play*  
Joe: Dude hurry up with this game  
Dan: Im just gonna play it for a bit, relax, I just want to get a feel for the game. Hmm, Ok, thats how I catch ghosts, allright. Hmm? Maybe if I catch more ghosts I will go to the next level. There are some more, gottem, huh? Why are the credits rolling?  
Yamazaki: I think you beat the game  
Joe: Switch the game, I want to play something with blood and boobies  
Dan: Allright, lets see, Monkey's Balls  
joe: Im not playing with no monkey's balls  
Dan: Pikmin? The Hell?  
Yama: Did you say Pimpin?  
Joe: Dont got blood nor boobies  
Dan: Hmm, their arnt any games?!  
Joe: Well Shit  
Yama: *grabs the gamecube* Its so small...  
Joe: What is that, a handle on the back?  
Yama: *grabs handle and hold gamecube by the handle*  
Benimaru: ooo, hey there big boy, I didnt know you...  
Yama: *puts down Gamecube*  
Beni: Oh nevermind  
Yama: *picks up Gamecube*  
Beni: Hey their sexy!  
Yama: *sticks his knife in Benimaru's face*  
Beni: Ahhhh! *runs off*  
Dan: That thing is small, small and purple  
Joe: Let me see it  
Yama: *hands over GC*  
Joe: Hmmm, *tests weight* well *sniff GC* Hmmmm, its like playing with one of Yuri's boobs, just purple and cubed, and, stupid. Ive got cookie jars bigger than this  
Yama: Cookie Jar? Thats it! *grabs gamecube*  
Yama: *eats the Gamecube* Crunch, crunch, crunch *slurps up the power and videocords like spagitti* sluurp  
Dan: Thats just weird man  
Yama: Now, let me play it some... *grabs controller, it breaks and crumbles in his fingers*  
Yama: Dang it! Its so small and fragile! I am a grown man! I need a controller thats made for a man, not a whiney baby with this kinda stupid little controller made for circus folk!  
Joe: Circus folk?  
Dan: Cant trust them, small hands *holds hands up*  
Yamazaki: When will someone make a controller for ME!  
Bill Gates: Ahem  
Yamazaki: Huh? *turn*  
*Bill Gates is standing by the Xbox stand up, a green light from heaven is beaming down on it and the Halo chorus are singing*  
Yamazaki: What is this? *walks over*  
Bill Gates: *points to Xbox controller* Try it, feel the weight*  
Yamazaki: *slowly grabs controller, there is a hiss of air as Yama's hands perfectly fit the controller*  
Yama: A perfect fit! I can play video games now!  
Joe: I want to play!  
Dan: Me too! *Dan and Joe grab controllers*  
Joe: Wow, multiplayer, the replay value is limitless!  
voice from afar: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!  
Dan: Fight?   
Joe: A fight!  
Yama: Huh? *looking at screen*  
Dan: Lets go!  
Yama: You go on ahead, Ill be examining this  
  
*back at the fight*  
Rock: Deadly Rave Neo!  
Robert: Ho' Sure You Can! *throws fireball*  
Rock: Blarg!  
Kyosuke: Gettem Rock!  
Ran: Sexy sexy boy!  
Rock: *wipes lip*  
Robert: You think you can stop me, fool? Cold can! *throws fireball*  
Rock: Reppuken! *throws fireball under*  
Robert: Ow! hot foot!  
Rock: Shiney Knuckles! Bling Bling! *flies at Robert with a his rings sparkling really bright*  
Robert: aaahhh! *Falls out*  
Dan and Joe: *arrive at the fight*  
Ran: Oh Rock, your so sexy *kisses Rock*  
Rock: *kisses back*  
Joe: Roberts out, quick grab his wallet!  
Kyosuke: Ill take his shoes!  
Dan: Ran! Your safe!  
Ran: Dan! Yeah, Rock saved me!  
*over at Robert's body*  
Joe: Are those new threads Kyosuke?  
Kyosuke: Yeah, Blue Mary cut my colthes up with a straight razor  
Joe: Ahhh, ya fuck Mary?  
Kyosuke: YOu know it  
Joe: Did you give her the old virgin routine  
Kyosuke: ALways do, us shy guys got to keep up our appearance you know. That way the poon just keep rolling in  
Joe: Yeah, I hear ya  
Dan: Well Im glad Rock was here to save your ass before me,   
Rock: No problem Dan  
Ran: Hey bro, Im gonna have to get your interview later, ok? I promised Rock that he could do an "in-dept" number on me, *wink*  
Dan: Ok, were you going?  
Rock: Well go to the movies, after that, who knows?   
Joe: *pocketing money, walks over to Dan, Ran, and Rock*   
Dan: Ok, you two behave!  
Rock: Later!  
Ran: Seeya  
Joe: Dan, whats going on?  
Dan: Ran and Rock are a couple, there going to the movies and then gonna get it on, aint that great? A happy ending after all  
Joe: ...........................  
Dan: *Smileing*  
Joe: Dan your stupid  
Dan: What?  
Joe: What is Ran?  
Dan: Your sister  
Joe: No, YOUR sister  
Dan: Right, thats what I said, your sister  
Joe: Ran is the Sister of you!  
Dan: Yeah, right, I know. Ran is my sister  
Joe: Right, and what is Rock?  
Dan: Um, your sister?  
Joe: NO  
Kyosuke: Terry and Blue's son?  
Joe: NO! thats what SNK wants you think  
Dan: What are you trying to say Joe  
Joe: Dammit Dan, dont you remember such a big milestone as Ruby having her kid  
Dan: Yeah I remember that, we gave it to Geese and he named it Rock  
Joe: EXACTLY!  
Dan: Exactly what?  
Joe: Dude, ROCK IS YOUR SON!  
Dan: Oh, Ok, I follow you, I remember that  
Joe: Right, so what are we gonna do about it?  
Dan: About what?  
Kyosuke: *catches on* Blarg! *pukes*  
Joe: RAN IS YOUR SISTER!  
Dan: DUDE I KNOW THAT  
Joe: AND ROCK IS YOUR SON!  
Dan: Why you getting all loud?  
Joe: YOUR SISTER AND YOUR SON ARE GONNA HAVE SEX!  
Dan: Huh? oh, OH! Blargh! *pukes*  
Joe: What are we gonna do about it?  
Dan: Well, we gotta stop them!   
Kyosuke: We better hurry!  
Yama: *walking up with an Xbox with games and stuff*  
Dan: Yamazaki, we gotta stop Rock from having sex with my sister  
Yama: I thought we were suppose to jack Robert for cash to buy all this stuff with  
Joe: We did *shows credit card*  
Dan: We cant use that, they will check us for ID  
Joe: *smiles*  
  
*at the check out*  
Cashier: Im gonna have to see some ID to clear this check Im afraid  
Dan: No problem, here you are madam *hands over Robert's driver's license*  
Cashier: Hmm, ok Mr Garcia, here ya go  
Joe: Yeah! Worked like a charm  
*they begin to walk out*  
Robert: Their they are! They beat me up!  
Yama: Crap! Go get the car!  
*the security team of 80 year old men in wheelchairs begin zooming into the area*  
Yama: Ill handle these ruffians! *kicks over first wheelchair* Eat this!   
Dan: Lets go! *begins to run*  
*3 security guards zoom closer*  
Joe: We cant outrun the wheelchairs!  
Dan: Quick! Hop in this cart!   
JoeL *hops in shopping cart*  
Kyosuke: *grabs side of cart*  
Dan: Wwwwweeeee! *begins to push*  
80 year old man: No escape!  
Dan: Yahooi! *gets on other side of cart as Benny Hill theme begins to play*  
*back inside*  
Yamazaki: *swings wheelchair at another guard, topping him over* Too many of them! *hits another*  
Dan: Quick! Get in the car! *climbs in*  
Kyosuke: I got shotgun *gets in*  
Joe: *gets in* Ack, NO! *an 80 year old wheelchair man has grabbed his ankle* Get it off! Get it off!  
Dan: Hold on! *squeels tires and backs up really fast, squishing the security guards*  
Dan: YAHOOI!   
*back inside*  
Yama: Argh! Bastards! *has 80 year old men latched unto his arms*  
Yama: They are gumming me to death!  
Dan: *drives car through doors* Saikyo-ryu da!   
Joe: Quick 'Zaki get in!  
Yama: Yuuraaah! *throws off old men and jumps into car* Gun it!  
Dan: You got it! *drives out of Walmart and into the night, leaving behind showers of sparks from the 5 wheelchairs attached to the bumpers 


	28. American Booty: Dan vs Rock!

Ran: *clutching onto Rock* Sigh, wow Rock your so groovy  
Rock: Yeah, I know. Lets get our movie on so we could go back to my house *sparkling smile* Ding  
Ran: Oh yeah, you bet  
  
*at the ticket booth*  
Shoma: *sits at his station, picking his nose*  
Dan: *grabs him from behind and chloroforms him* Gottem, ok Joe, get up, we gotta make sure they dont do the deed!  
Joe: Allright, *gets into ticket booth uniform*  
*Rock and Ran approach*  
Joe: Hello, what can I do ya for?  
Rock: We want to see Titanic!  
Joe: Titanic? *looks under counter at Dan, who is hiding*  
Dan: Romance. *makes cut throat sign*  
Joe: You dont want to see Titanic  
Ran: Yes I do!  
Joe: You dont know what you want, Titanic is too long, and stupid. Its not even based on a true story!  
Rock: Yes it is, I saw a few documentaries on it and I read about it in the history books  
Joe: Oh thats just movie hype. The great hollywood hype machine at its best. Titanic wasnt real, they just made it up to make movies about it, same thing with World War 2. Besides Titanic is like 5 years old, its not in the theaters!  
Ran: Thats not what the marque says  
Joe: Look, I never change that marque anyway  
Rock: Ok, how about American Beauty?  
Joe: What the hell? That movie is old too, your better off going to blockbusters!  
Rock: American Beauty, give us the tickets!   
Joe: *looks to Dan*  
Dan: *shakes head no*  
Joe: How about American Psycho?  
Rock: Seen it  
Ran: Ooo what about that movie American Pie?  
Joe: Look, what is it with this hang up on American something something movies?  
Rock: Just give us the damn tickets  
Dan: (Childish comedy about sex is a no go)  
Joe: Sorry, I cant let you see that, that movie was made for pathetic virgins only  
Ran: Well, its not for me then!  
Joe: Yeah, your not a virgin, just pathetic  
Rock: Why you! If this 3 foot of plexiglass wasnt here I would give you what 4!  
Ran: Thats showing them honey!  
Rock: *looking at list of movies* Ok what about Underground Asian Imports?  
Joe: What?  
Rock: Right here, Underground Asian Imports  
Joe: Huh? I seen that movie before... *checks movie list*  
Dan: *stands up* Is that the one you showed me that time with the greased up lesbians fucking each other in the back yard and the nightclub singer makin that asian chick that looks a little like Athena get naked while that old chick fucked the guy that looked like my teacher from the 6th grade?  
Joe: Yeah... amazing you remembered that much about it  
Ran: Hey Dan! *waves*  
Dan: Hey Ran  
Rock: Look just give us tickets to a something with a dark room and one of them fat people love seats so we can lay down and ...  
Dan: Hey! I know, why dont you guys just break up instead!  
Rock:....  
Ran: ....  
Rock: How about no?  
Joe: Another victory for Captain Subtle  
Ran: Ooo here is a good sounding one "Vampyros Lezbos!"  
Joe: No, I think that one...  
Dan: *puts hand on Joe shoulder* That will be fine  
Joe: Are you sure? Its about lesbian vampires!  
Dan: I've seen it, its just a big tease. Only got one nudy scene and in that nobody is doin anything. AND its french, so there ya go  
Joe: Oh, ok. Sure, two for Vampyros Lezbos coming right up!  
Rock: Bout time, they begin to go inside  
Dan: Well, mission accomplished Joe, that movie is sure to frustrate them with its many cut aways and teases, they wont be in the mood at all!  
Joe: All in a days work *leans back in chair*  
Ran: Yay! Lets go get some drinks, and popcorn, ooo and chocolate!  
Dan: Crap!  
Joe: *sits up suddenly* Chocolate is an aprodiziac! I think  
Dan: We cant take no chances, We gotta stop them!  
  
  
Rock: Sorry about that little fiasco at the ticket counter  
Ran: Oh dont worry, as long as Im with you everything is perfect   
*Behind the concession stand*  
Joe: *peeking up* Awww, that so cute, its almost sad that they are blood related  
Dan: *straddling a bloodied Takuma beating him in the head with a large rock* Did you say almost sad?  
Joe: Well, I meant almost sad instead of discusting, not almost sad as in its good  
Rock: Service! Service!  
Dan: Oh, *rips off name Takuma's nametag*  
Dan: Hello! What can I do for you today  
Rock: hey, dont I know you  
Ran: Oh, you look just like my brother Dan! Thats so cool  
Joe: Psst, Dan, your sister is a moron  
Dan: *kicks Joe in the mouth* Ahem, anyway, what can I get for you  
Rock: 2 Sodas, a jumbo bag of popcorn and a large chocloate bar  
Dan: We are out of chocolate  
Ran: But you have some right here *points to the glass container showing the choclate bars  
Dan: Huh? Oh those? They are just testers, you dont want those  
Ran: Testers? Well then can I test them out? Im really having a choclate fit!  
Dan: No, they are broken  
Ran: ooooohhh come on, are you sure?  
Dan: Yes  
Ran: I cant have any  
Dan: No  
Ran: No? So I can have a peice  
Dan: No, no you cannot have any  
Ran: thats a double negative!  
Dan: Actually its a triple  
Ran: Just a little peice  
Dan: Nope  
Ran: Just a..  
Dan: Uh uh  
Ran: Cant I...  
Dan: nnnnnnope  
Ran: But I...  
Dan: pssp!  
Joe: *from under the counter, reaches in and takes all the candy bars*  
Ran: What was that!  
Dan: What?  
Ran: Someone took all the candy bars!   
Dan: What? *looks down* Huh? Oh! Damn Gremlins! Always taking the candy bars! Good thing it isnt after midnight, Oh well, I guess its just soda and popcorn for you! That will be 55 dollars!  
  
Rock: Hmm, things just dont seem to be going our way tonight do they?  
Ran: Thats allright, the movie is starting, lets go get a seat!  
*rock and Ran go into the darkened theater and sit down, its empty*  
Rock: What the? This movie is in french!  
Ran: Ooo, the language of love!  
Rock: Why Im gonna give that ticket.... oh, so you like french movies?  
Ran: Love them? YES!  
Rock: Wow, me too!  
Ran: Oooo kiss me! *pounces on Rock*  
Rock: *kisses*  
Ran: *kisses and groaps*  
????:*fart*  
Rock: What?  
Ran: Was that you?  
????: *fart*  
Ran: Ew that was you!  
Rock: Wasnt me! Fess up!  
????: *fart*  
Ran: Ewww! Cut it out! We are the only ones in here!  
????: *fart* *fart* *fart*  
Rock: Dang yo! What you have to eat!  
????: *fart* *fart* *fart* *fart* *fart* *fart*  
Ran: Thats not me!   
Rock: Its ok, chicks fart too!  
????: *fart* *fart*  
Ran: Im going to the ladies room to freshen up! Ill be back when you get this out of your system! *plugs nose and walks off*  
*meanwhile, behind Rock and Rans chairs in the row behind them*  
Dan and Joe: *making fart sounds with their armpits*   
Joe: Your plan seems to be working!  
Dan: Yes! Now, to make the plan complete, to the ladies room!  
  
In the ladies room...  
Ran: Hmm hmm hmmm *goes into a stall*  
Door: *cracks open and Dan and Joe peek in*  
Joe: Shhhh, looks like the coast is clear *creep inside*  
Dan: This will sure be a turn off, *drags a large wollen sack in behind him*  
Joe: *begins looking under the stalls*   
Dan: *tip toes behind Joe*  
Joe: *sees some feet and makes motions with his hands*  
Joe: *She is in this stall*  
Dan: *motions back*   
Joe: *what?*  
Dan: *Oh, I thought you were talking about Tony Hawk 3*  
Joe: *no, Ran is in this stall*  
Dan: *ok, lets do it*  
*Dan and Joe grab the sack, and on the count of three, dump its entire contents over the top*  
????: ARGHHH!!!!!  
Dan: Hide! *jumps in the trashcan*  
Joe: *runs to the corner, grabs the paper towl from the dispenser and twirls, wrapping it around him like a mummy*  
*The stall door opens and hundreds of fish come flooding out*  
Chun Li: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS! *brushes dozens of fish off herself*  
Dan: *has legs hanging out of trashcans*  
Joe: *is still twirling, making his paper towl mummy*  
Chun Li: Ill find you, you cant hide from meeeEEEEE!!! *takes out a fish from her pants* GRR!!! *stomps off*  
Ran: *walks out of the stall* Hmm, this wasnt here before, *walks over fish pile*  
Joe: Bogus! We got the wrong stall  
Dan: *climbing out with various ladies personal supplies stuck to his head and face* Well, its time to get a bit extreme then  
Joe: Dude, check out the mirror  
Dan: Huh? *looks* Oh, ah AAAHHHH *screams in mortal terror*  
  
Ran: Ok, now I feel better *sits down and snuggle ups to Rock*  
Rock: Ok baby, come to poppa my little stinker  
Ran: Tee hee hee  
*Joe and Dan are back behind them*  
Joe: Crap, they are using our methods against us, starting to call each other pet names  
Ran: You will always be the one for me luv! So hows the movie?  
Rock: All I know is no chicks have got it on, I havnt seen any breasts, and I dont even think they are vampires!  
Dan: Allright, I pains me to do this, but I dont think I have any choice....  
Joe: What?   
Dan: I.....want you to make love to my sister!   
DUM DUM DUMMMMMMM  
Joe: What? Dude!  
Dan: It must be done, better you than my own son!  
Joe: Oh, yeah, so how?  
Dan: This... *shows Joe a bottle of "Extreme Lax: Laxative so powerful, its only used for pratical jokes"*  
Rock: *making out with Ran*  
Dan: *about to put a few drops in Rock's soda* Hmmm  
Dan: *replaces Rocks soda with the bottle of laxative*  
Rock: Boy, your making me hot hun, I need a drink *chugs bottle of laxative*  
Ran: Tee hee hee  
*behind the seats*  
Joe: Ya think its gonna work?  
Dan: It has too *Ran's skirt lands on his head*  
Joe: What the? *her shirt lands on his head* Your son works fast, a chip off the ole block  
Dan: Yeah, just not on my sister!  
Rock: *working on the bra* Stupid...thing. What is this? A latch? A button?  
Ran: Here let me get it   
Rock: No I got it...damn, ya need a password to get into this thing! *stomach growls* OOooooohhh crap! *bolts off*  
Ran: Rock! Where ya going? Hmmph.  
Dan: Nows your chance Joe! Rock will be in the can for a while, you gotta get Ran outta here! *puts the top of a mop on Joe's head* Here is your disguise, pretend your Rock!  
Joe: *appearing next to Ran* Hiyah Ran!  
Ran: Rock! Your in your boxers!  
Joe: Huh? Oh, yes, yes I am!  
Ran: Could you pick up that quarter on the ground?  
Joe: Huh? Oh, *squats down and gets quarter*  
Ran: Ok, now how about some cartwheels?  
Joe: How about I give you some ole Higashi luvin instead?  
Ran: Higashi luvin?  
Dan: *over Ran's shoulder* He means Howard *see's Ran in her underwear* OH MY GOD YUCK!!!! *runs off* IM BLIND IM BLIND!  
Ran: Dan?  
Joe: Forget about Dan, its just me and you now  
Geese: And me!   
Joe: *sees Geese in the back with a camcorder*  
Joe: And Geese, me you and Geese, so.... RAR *pounces*  
Dan: *running by Geese* Geese? You've been recording them? Thats sick  
Geese: Yeah well I came here to record the movie, but what they were doing was so much better  
Dan: But thats your son!  
Geese: No, thats your son remember, thats the entire point of this story  
Dan: Oh yeah!  
Rock: *walking back in, dreanched in sweat* Man, where did that come from? Huh? Ran?  
Dan: Sorry my boy, but it looks like someone beat ya to it  
Rock: *sheds a tear* But, we where perfect together  
Geese: Dont worry, I hear that that chick Maki is single!  
Dan: Yeah, single and very very easy, if ya know what I mean, so stop chasing your aunt!  
Rock: Aunt?  
Dan: I mean my sister!  
Rock: Sister? AHA! Now it all becomes clear! You have been working against me all along havn't you! PREPARE YOURSELF DAN HIBIKI! I will unleash the power of my bloodlines, raised and trained by Terry, son of Geese Howard  
Dan: Yeah yeah, you still aint gettin laid tonight are you *begins to walk off*  
Rock: Dont you walk away from me  
Geese: Shhhsh, this is a theater, no talking! Your messing up the audio!  
Rock: Grrrrrr, I will have my revenge Dan Hibiki!  
Dan: Come get some! *exits theater*  
Rock: Oh you want to take this outside eh!  
  
  
*Dan and Rock exit the theater, they are in a deserted parking lot*  
Rock: Prepare yourself Dan, you will pay for ruining my love!  
Dan: Oh yeah? Are you challenging me?  
Rock: Thats right! Im tired of you walking around like your tough stuff, your nothing! A joke character, a point and laugh fighter! And you messed with the wrong dude this time! En Guarde! *gets in stance*  
Dan: Oh yeah, Im about to give you a beatin like you were my own son and I caught you doing it with my sister!  
Rock: Yeah right! Get ready to die!  
Dan: Whoe! Die? No way, are you stupid? We arnt gonna fight  
Rock: What? Why not?  
Dan: You challenged me, so I pick the challenge, and it isnt fighting!  
Rock: *getting in Dans face* What you scared? Thats allright Hibiki, I would be too, but I can beat you anyway you so choose! And then Ill go back and claim my girl!  
Dan: And if I win?  
Rock: If you win, Ill leave your sister alone, but you wont win! BECAUSE IM ROCK HOWARD!  
Dan: Oh yeah!  
Rock: Yeah! Now pick your challenge!  
Dan: First to say his ABCs!  
Rock: EASY! ABCDEFGHI....  
Dan: "His ABC's!" I WIN!!!  
Rock: What?!? Nnnnnoooooooo!  
Dan: YAHOOII!  
Rock: I want a rematch!  
Dan: Sory pal, let me introduce you to a chick called Maki....  
Rock: Never! *punches at Dan*  
Dan: *dodges* Whoe their tiger, you want some more? allright! Ill be happy to give it to ya!  
Rock: Name your challenge, and nothing cute this time!  
Dan: Ok, staring!   
Rock: Staring contest? Easy!  
*Dan and Rock get centimeters from each other's faces*  
Dan: No blinking, or laughing!  
Rock: Right!  
*a minute passes, they are still locked in a gaze*  
Rock: Your as good as dead Dan! I can see the fear in your eyes, it wont be long until they are closed!  
Dan: Oh yeah Mr. "Bogard" You look like your about to cry, maybe its because you just found out that your not big shot Geese Howards father!  
Rock: *looks confused*  
Dan: Whats the matter? Scared that you wont be anyone unless you carry around daddy's name? Why not try my name on for size Rock, because your daddy IS me! Your mother is Ruby Heart, you were born right after I defeated the Dark Queen and saved the earth after coming back from the dead by defeating my own father in a fight! Try that on for size!  
Rock: ........ BWAAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA! Ohh lordy! *falls to the ground*  
Dan: Wha? I was..serious  
Rock: BWWAAHAAA Oh, oh boy you win that round Dan *clutching stomach, wipes away a tear* That was a good one, heheheh, *gets serious* BUT NOW! best of 5!  
Dan: Whhaaatt?  
  
*later at a local Ice Cream Shop*  
*Dan and Rock sit across from one another holding spoons*  
Dan: Grrrrrr  
Rock: Grrrrrr  
Waiter: Here you go, one Honda Killer Special! *drops a super large bowl of ice cream down*  
Rock: Go! *digs in*  
Dan: YahooI! *digs in*  
  
*later still, at a bowling alley*  
*Dan with Icecream all over his gi is messing with the control panel while Rock, likewise with Ice cream all over himself ties his shoes*  
Dan: Ok, looks likes its your turn... *presses a few buttons* ....loser  
Rock: What? *see's that his name is "Loser Howard" on the score bourd*  
  
*After that, at a brothel*  
*Dan and Rock lay naked in two seperate beds in the same room, naked expect for wearing silk sheets and looking rugged and tired*  
Rock: Ok, my score?  
Lilith: nice rythym, an adaquate penis size, showed me a few tricks but nothing I havnt seen before, still felt good though, but you started rushing 35 minutes into it, I give you *holds up a sign with a "8" on it* 8 Orgasms!!  
Rock: Ha! Beat that!  
Dan: And mine?  
Morrigan: *wipes something off her lips* Hmmm, very enduring, perfect size, good tongue technique, the sex was good, you went limp for a few minutes after you got off, but I found that cute *holds up a sign "9.5"* 9.5 Orgasms!  
Rock: Nooo!  
Dan: Ha! You young guys need to slow down, and savor the woman  
Rock: I want a rematch in this event!  
Dan: YOUR ON!   
  
*later still, back at the theater*  
Rock: Well, Dan, looks like you won fair and square, as a gentleman I will observe your wish and stay away from Ran,   
Dan: Thanks, and I give my respect to you, any man that can hang with the Morrigan/Lilith challenge for 7 rounds with me deserves my respect  
Rock: Yes, I hope that Ran isnt too upset with never being able to see me again  
Ran: Ni ni ni ni niiikiikiii  
Dan: What?  
Rock: Where did that come from?  
Dan: The bushes! *runs over*  
*Joe and Ran are "shakin the bushes*  
Rock: Well, I think she is taking our break up rather well...  
Dan: They must have kicked them out when the movie was over... Joe! Dude! Mission accomplished!  
Joe: *looks up at Dan, with insanity in his eyes* Ahhh hahahaha! Latia no mosipatmea?  
Rock: Oh my god, he is speaking in tongues!  
Dan: Joe, I told you to sleep with my sister, not to enjoy it!  
Joe: Happy happy Im so!  
Ran: Pee pee!  
  
And so, Dan has succesfully averted inbreeding in his bloodline, but will Rock ever truely learn and accept that Dan is his father? Of course not. So ends another chapter in the Legacy of Dan Hibiki. 


	29. Dan Hibiki: Saik-yo-mama

*somewhere in the heart of southtown, Joe Higashi was desperatly fighting for life*  
  
*In King's Bar, I dont know the damn name of it*  
Joe: Come on..... come on..... just a little bit closer..... dam it... *sweat falls off his forhead* Bastard!  
King: Let it go Joe! Its finished, its over!  
Joe: NO! Dammit Im not gonna give up on this!   
King: Its OVER!  
Joe: ITS NEVER OVER!  
King: The chip is too small Joe!  
Joe: I WILL GET DIP ON IT! Watch and mourn!  
Joe: *attempts to gather remaining dip on the iside of Tostito's Resteraunt Style Salsa Con Queso*  
King: There just isnt enough left to get on a chip!  
Joe: Silence woman!  
King: Your just gonna have to eat it dry...  
Joe: Ill be damned! I paid my money to get in here, I will have my fill of chip and dip!  
Yamazaki: *sits on stool* Sup  
Joe: *notices the large Green X on Yamazaki's shirt*  
King: What will you have?  
Yama: Ill have some Jin because I AM A MATURE ADULT VIDEO GAME PLAYER AND DONT LIKE KIDDIE GAMES!!!!!!!  
King: Jesus!   
Yama: Well its true  
Joe: Uh.... Enjoying your Xbox there Yamazaki?  
Yama: Xbox? Oh, you are refering to THE GREATEST AND MOST POWERFUL GAME SYSTEM EVAR?  
Joe: Uh, yeah   
Yama: WELL THEN I AM!  
Joe: ...right  
Yama: ITS THE BEST EVER!   
Joe: Shut up about the Xbox man  
Yama: NEVAR!! XBOX OWNS jOO!  
Joe: Zaki, you are way to cool of a character to be thrown away to being a single gimick.   
Yama: .... your right, why should I limit myself?  
Joe: Good, now that you are focused, use your strength to gather all of the dip in the jar upon a single chip. *hands over jar*  
Yama: But there is nothing in there  
Joe: Always the pessimist!   
Yama: Pessimist nothing, there is nothing in this jar  
King: *sets drink down*  
Joe: And is your glass half full or half empty  
Yama: My glass is full, this jar is empty  
Joe: Dont focus on what isnt there, look to what IS, there.  
Yama: But, nothing is there, the jar is empty...  
Joe: And that, is why you fail  
  
*Dan walks into the Bar*  
Dan: Sup everyone!   
*Dan pauses as the audience claps and cheers at his entrance*  
Everyone in Attendance: Hello Dan!  
Dan: I have an annocment to make! *shows everyone a Yoo-Hoo Lite bottle* Yoo Hoo Lite, tastes like Essence of Shit. Not regular shit mind you, as regular shit has peices of corn and food inside that are still edible. Pure Essence of Shit.  
*Dan pauses as the audience begins to laugh*  
Dan: *tosses bottle over shoulder* So Joe, what do ya know?  
Joe: *glass breaks and a woman screams* Eh nothing much, just been hanging out, you know how it goes  
Dan: Yeah, when is Capcom gonna do another tournament?  
Joe: I dunno  
Dan: I got bills to pay, bar tabs to settle, stuff like that, I just cant sit around on my duff all day  
Joe: Yeah, I feel it too man, my skills have been getting rusty too  
Dan: Huh? But dont you have the King of Fighters' tourneys to fight in?  
Joe: They dont count man, anything that has Kyo as the main hero is rigged, you know that  
Dan: Yeah, yeah, I forgot  
Joe: So anyway, whats up with you?  
Dan: Well, me and Ruby been...  
Joe: Thats nice, check out this dip dillimma Im in...  
Dan: Huh? What?  
Joe: Is there or is there not any dip left in this jar?  
King: Are you still praddling on about the dip?  
Joe: Silence woman! Or I will give you something to whine about!  
King: Yeah right....  
Joe: Dont let me remind you who the CHAMP is...  
Dan: Shhh, check it out Kyo just walked in with his new boyfriend, check it out....  
*Kyo and Vega sit down at a table*  
Joe: Man, he is so flaming.... he needs to simmer down  
King: What? Having a drink with your friends is gay now?   
Dan: Its not that he's gay, its just that cannot hide it at all  
King: He is just having a drink with a friend, like you two are doing  
Joe: No no, its not the drink part, nothing wrong with that  
Dan: Nothing wrong with being gay either  
Joe: OF COURSE NOT, just as long as nobody is gay around MY personal Ass.  
King: Ok, but how can you tell he is gay? He is just having a drink with Vega  
Joe: They are making way to much eye contact to be straight....  
King: What? Nothing wrong with eye contact...  
Joe: Thats a females point of view, but when Men are having a drink with each other, their eyes are either in their glasses, or on some woman's ass. Thats just how it goes.  
King: pfft  
Joe: Its true! Back me up on this Dan  
Dan: Oh yeah, its true, its true  
Joe: See? What do you think Yamazaki?  
Yama: *has been staring at Mai's ass*  
Joe: See? Now do you understand? Signal yes by giving me a blowjob  
King: *begins to climb over counter* ...Wait! You tried to trick me!  
*Toad walks into the bar with an envelope*  
Toad: Message for the CvS combatants  
Joe: Hey.... arnt you one of those little bitches from Super Mario Brothers?  
Toad: *hands Dan the envelope*  
Dan: Eh, whats this? A tournament invite?  
Joe: Woo hoo, cash money!  
King: Gather round everyone!  
*everyone in the bar gives Dan his attention as he begins to read*  
  
Dan: Title reads: Capcom vs SNK 2 : Eeeeassssyyyy Operation  
Joe: Sounds like a hentai game, Im there!  
King: Shush  
Dan: What the? This new tournament has new rules....  
Joe: Such as?  
Dan: Well, autoblocking will be enabled  
Kyo: YES!!!!!  
Iori: *shoots Kyo in the face with a shotgun*  
Dan: Also.... what? Everyone's special moves will be enabled at the movement of a joystick?  
Joe: *edging up to King* I can show you my special moves hun, ya just gotta touch my joystick  
King: *slaps*  
Yama: Sounds like a PR game, newbie friendly, no biggie, we've done it before  
Dan: Wait, there is more...  
Dan: No cursing,   
Yama: Shit....  
Dan: No Spitting....  
Hoahmaru: Awww....  
Dan: No weapons....  
Hoahmaru: DAMN! *puts sword away* At least I still got my gord...  
Dan: no alchohol....  
Hoahmaru: Dammit! *throws gord away*  
Dan: No blood, no nudity, no hanky panky, and "I look forward to seeing you on the Nintendo Gamecube" signed "M"  
Joe: *slaps head* No nudity, what the hell am I gonna do as a tuant then  
King: What about that "naaaannn chaku" thing you did in some Fatal Fury games  
Joe: Man, I was on halluciongens when I was doing that  
Yama: Nintendo? Capcom sold us out! This game is gonna suck  
Dan: But we'll be paid  
King: Look on the bright side, at least we didnt go to the Xbox?  
Yama: Whats wrong with the Xbox?  
King: Well..... *dream sequence*  
  
Bill Gates: *measuring King* No no no, this will not do! Here! *inflates King's breasts to Triple D* There! Next!  
King: How can I fight in this thing?  
Yuri: I dunno, whoops *falls over from the weight of her implants*  
Bill Gates: *talking to all CvS females with Triple Ds* Ok, now here are you costumes everyone! *begins to hand out shoe strings*  
King: This is ridiculous  
*end dream sequence*  
  
King: .. now do you understand?  
Yama: Yeah, perfectly, but thats why Im saying I wish we would have gone to the Xbox  
Dan: Come on everyone, we all know that that stuff about GC being a kiddie system is just fanboy insults made up to run down the GC to make the Xbox owners think that they actually have a GOOD system and to give them self esteem, this wont be that bad....  
  
*a few days later, at the Eeeeasssyy Operation tournament arena*  
Dan: *looking at the crowd* This is bad....  
Joe: Damn, there are more kids here than rough spots on my nut rag!  
  
What will become of our heroes now? Forced to water down their fighting for a younger audience? Will they play by the rules, or go for broke, and truamatize young children with their wild antics? And what of the mysterious M character? Is there more to this than what it seems. Of course there is, you find out later. 


	30. Dan vs Nintendo

When we last left our heroes...  
  
*a few days later, at the Eeeeasssyy Operation tournament arena*  
Dan: *looking at the crowd* This is bad....  
Joe: Damn, there are more kids here than rough spots on my nut rag!  
  
*Children mill about talking amongst themselves as Dan and Joe look upon the ring*  
  
Joe: Oh well, lets make our way to the ring, get this over with  
Dan: *grabs shoulder* What, Joe, I sense something...  
Joe: Eh? What?  
Dan: Something isnt right here, Hmmmm. Easy Operation.... where have I heard that before?  
  
*High above the arena in the control room*  
Guile: Reasy Operation, waa waa waa haa! Re rerrly gonna get those guys... right Miraroto?  
Miyamoto: Ooooo, lucky day! We weelly gonna destwoy these stupid fools! Ahh hahhahaha, me laughing forever. Ah hahahaha  
Guile: Res grab rem all and make them rice for roll family! I family ran!  
  
Dan: Lets just hang back in this crowd for a bit, and see how this stuff goes...  
Joe: Ok, but how are we gonna blend in in this crowd of kids sitting indian style on what appears to be some sort of storytime carpet?  
Dan: Just kill a kid and take his clothes.... *grabs a kid*  
Joe: We gotta kill them?  
Dan: Huh? No of course not just knock them out  
Kid: *squeals*  
Dan: *kick kid in the teeth*  
Joe: But you said Kill  
Dan: No I didnt your hearing things  
  
*Dan and Joe are in a back hallway, Dan in exactly what he was wearing before except with an Ash cap on, Joe in a pikachu costume*  
  
Joe: This little costume aint funny man, Its way to small  
Dan: *is beating his kid in the face*  
Joe: Dan, cut it out, he is just a kid  
Dan: Dont let his cute little smile fool you, this little bastard will sell his mother for a Pikachu Playing Card...  
Joe: but he doesnt have a cute smile anymore Dan, you knocked the poor bastard's teeth out....  
*Kid's head then explodes*  
Joe: Whoe! That kid was a robot!  
Dan: A robot?  
Joe: *examines a peice of debri* Yeah, made by.... Nintendo. It was pretty smart to go with your gut instict on this one Dan and kill the kid. Pretty sly that you knew it was a robot...  
Dan: Robot? Uh..... yeah.  
Joe: But, whats up with the robots?  
*down the hall their is a scream*  
Joe: That came...  
Dan: ... from the locker room  
  
*meanwhile, in the arena*  
Terry: *pulling on gloves* Hey Rock, where is Mai?  
Rock: I dunno, come to think of it, I dont see any of the chicks here  
Terry: What the hell? This isnt my hat! *looks at hat: It has a large "M" on it*  
Rock: Shh... do you hear something?  
Terry: *looks out into the audience*  
*All the children are dead silent and watching the fighters around the center of the ring*  
Terry: Ooooohhhh shit..... *backs up*  
Iori: *bumps back to back with Terry* This, doesnt look good  
Kim: *appearing alongside them* Their eyes, for gods sake look at their eyes!  
Rock: They are cube shaped!  
Terry: But thats impossible!  
Cubeboy: ATTACK!  
Rock: CRAP!  
*thousands of children attack the contenders of the tournament*  
  
*back in the halls*  
  
Dan: *shh, quietly*  
Joe: *yeah yeah*  
*the duo sneaks down the corridor*  
Dan: What in these room?  
*Dan opens a door and peers into the room*  
*Inside, there is a normal guy sitting in a chair with a tiny video game controller in his hands, a gamecube controller*  
Joe: The hell?  
TV: Luigi: Mario? Mario?  
Dan: Joe, look over there....  
*There are two people in lab coats working on computers*  
Woman: Sexual Urges?  
Man: .1 percent...  
Woman: Response to Gore factor?  
Man: 0.0 percent..  
Woman: Mature themes  
Man: 0.0, wait, 0.01 percent  
Woman: Excellent, well within acceptable Parameters.... Inititate Protocol Cube  
Dan: What?  
*The Gamecube system suddenly shoots out some arms and grabs ahold of the guy's head, and then jump at it and bites his face, murging with the guys head*  
Joe: Jesus!  
Woman: Transformation underway  
*The guy slowly shrinks down, and in a few moments he is a little child with Cube eyes*  
Dan: *busting in* WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?  
Woman: Ahh, Ash, just in time to see the latest recruit?  
Joe: Recruit?  
Man and Woman: *stare at Joe*  
Joe: I mean, Pikachu  
Dan: What kinda recruit?  
Woman: Hahaha, your kidding, pretending that you dont know about Miyamoto's plan to take over the world by subjecting all adults to the Gamecube, reducing all sexual and violent urges, transforming them into the little gamecube robot kid hybrids you see before you to go forth and buy thousands of pokemon games and cards. With the entire population of 16-28 year old children tied up at oogling collectable cards, that means that the internet porn rings will be destroyed, and when they fall, the entire internet will go out of buisness, and the world of children will turn to Poke-net, a world wide web of Pokemon and Nintendo merchandise, that will eventually make the entire world little robots, and Miyamoto will rule the world!!!  
Dan: ...... go on, your doing fine  
Woman: The only peice of the puzzle is that more people are needed on the Gamecube, so Miyamoto has replaced the braindead robots that are Capcom's main bourd members with braindead robots that are under HIS control. And now, all of the Street Fighter have been abducted and are going through treatment processes to become soldier in the Nintendo Army! HAHAHAHA!  
Joe: Nice touch with the laugh...  
Dan: But how does someone stop you.... I mean us  
Man: No one can, its impossible  
Joe: Come on, there has to be a way  
Woman: *looks at Joe*  
Joe: I mean, Pikachu!  
Dan: Come on, where is the hole! You got to tell us or it wouldnt be fair!  
Woman: I dont think your Ash at all! Your an imposter! Ill never tell you that the only way to stop the plan is to switch out the program disk in the main super gamecube in Miyamoto's lair!  
Dan: oh, really? Well dang, gosh darn it, I guess we better leave now...   
Joe: Before we use anymore evil villian cliches....  
Dan: Unless you have any other evil plot disableing information for us...  
Man: Well, there are the plans of converting all the heroes.. you see we are going to....  
Woman: SHUT UP! Dont give them information stupid  
Man: Why not? You gave them the whole plan, you think your better than me?  
Woman: Your letting them escape!  
Man: Oh, IM letting them escape, oh yeah right, your the one that fell for their lame disguises...  
Woman: Just sound the ALARM!  
Man: No. Im done taking orders from you! I should be number 2! Not you! I am infinatly so more competent!  
Woman: SOUND THE ALARM!  
Man: You sound it  
Woman: I cant! Im the boss here, your the one to press the button!  
Man: Not anymore, you do it!  
Woman: We are going to have a long talk ....  
*The door opens and Mr. Miyamoto (hence forth known as "M" for sake of my little fingers)*  
Miyamoto: Oooo rat is we going on in heres!  
Woman: Miyomotablasama! I was just telling Man here to sound the alarm  
Man: Im not going to do it! She is a bitch!  
M: Ooooooo confuscious say, Man who not sound alarm for woman suprereriors, must be punished!  
Man: No he didnt, I was a philosophy major  
M: Roo DIE!!! *points at Man*  
Man: Ahh! *jumps* ..... *stands there* Is, something suppose to happen now?  
M: Roo DIE!!! *points at Man*  
Man: *looks around* Am I standing on a trap door?  
M: DIE!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!  
Man: Look, Im just gonna get outta here... *begins to walk away*  
M: RUN! RUN AND DIE! I must to completed my actions of the day!  
  
*In the Girl's locker room*  
  
Yuri: *adjusting her jump suit*  
Mai: Hey Yuri, could you help me tie my suit back?  
Yuri: Sure Mai....  
King: I think Ill sport the grey suit..... *posing in the mirror, mimicing Micheal Jackson in Smooth Criminal*  
*Peach? walks into the dressing room*  
Sakura: Hello, you must be Princess Toadstool  
Peach?: What? Yes much so. I am to do with the Peach. Ha Ha. Silly Girl.  
Maki: Ummmmm.. kay  
Chun Li: *whispering to mai* Hey Mai, do you remembering Peach having a mustache and glasses?  
Mai: No, no I dont  
Peach?: Congradulations. Please ate this the Cupcakes making of myself!  
Sakura: Ok, thanks   
*the girls begin to eat the cupcakes*  
Mai: Um, no thanks Peach, I need to watch my weight...  
Peach?: CUPCAKES FOR YOU GO NOW! *throws cupcakes*  
Mai: *watches as the cupcake skitters along the floor, inches from Peach?'s feet*  
Mai: You throw like an 80 year old pedophiliac Game developer...  
Chun Li: *striking a dramatic pose in front of Mai* I dont think your Peach at all, much less Princess Toadstool!  
Peach?: A winner is you! But frighting, your friends are join the nintendo fun club!! Ha ha!  
Chun Li: What? *all the other girls are knocked out*  
Peach?: There is no escape!   
Mai: Nnnnooo!  
  
*outside the arena Dan and Joe have escaped*  
Dan: Damn, what are we gonna do? It looks like we are the only ones that made it out...  
Joe: I think I got a plan... to the Porn Store!  
Dan: Porn store? Whats there?  
Joe: Porn, what do you think?  
Dan: Well I know, but whats the plan?  
Joe: When you see it, it will all be clear  
  
*meanwhile, down in the depts of the Nintendo Dungeon, the male heroes have been gathered*  
Iori: What the hell is going on?  
Terry: I dunno, and I dont like it!  
*Dr Mario entered the dungeon*  
D.Mario: Ah yes, me see. I think we can work with some of these people. Others will need a complete overhaul  
Rock: Whats he talking about Terry?  
Terry: I dont know...  
Mario: Yesa, that one will be the first of many! *points at Terry*  
Terry: What!  
Rock: Terry!  
*hordes of little children come in and swarm Terry*  
Kim: Dont let them take him! *kicks kid as it explodes in circuits and gore*   
Rocky: Shiney Knuckles! Bling Bling! *carves holes in a few kids*  
Ken: There are too many of the little bastards!! *kicks the head off one and throws another*  
Terry: Blargh! *gets dragged out*  
Dr.Mario: Dont worry, Ill be back for all of you, tee hee hee  
Rock: Dammit! What are you going to do to Terry!  
????: You dont want to know  
Rock: What? Who are you? Show yourself!  
????: Its no use trying to fight, they are too powerful...  
Kim: Ill be the judge of that!  
????: I was once a star. But then I was approached by Miyamoto's flunkies, they wanted me to play ball, sell out. I told'em I wasn't for sale. So they stuck me in here to rot, and they replaced me with a evil robot....  
Iori: But who are you?  
????: *stepping out from the Shadows*  
Rock: I know you... your Zelda right!  
Link: NO DAMMIT! MY NAME IS LINK! ZELDA IS THE NAME OF THE GAME, NOT ME!  
????: I am Zelda... *steps out from the shadows too*  
Rock: *whistles*  
Iori: Hot mama sitah!  
Kim: Shwing!  
Kyo: Eh, Im not into chicks  
Ken: Woo woo woo! Love the elf look hun!  
Benimaru: Nice dress!  
Zelda: Thanks, but it looks like me and Link will never see the light of day  
Link: Yeah, they didnt change us....  
Rock: Change?  
Zelda: Yes, they have some kinda of procedure, they can change a person, make them nice, friendly, innocent  
Link: A twisted version of themselves  
Rock: Why didnt they change you?  
Link: We are still of use, they make us compete in their Smash Brothers tourney's to fight for our lives for their amusment...  
Rock: Tournament? If you win do you get your freedom?  
Link: No, just the satisfaction of defeating our captors. Then its back in here  
Zelda: Dont worry hun *hugs Link* We will be set free, some how, some way....  
  
*Back outside, at the porn shop*  
Joe: Hmm, where is it?  
Dan: Hey, Ebony Ass Bangers #25 Alpha! I luv me some hot choclate! What else we got here, toying chicks, hmmm, lesbians, Asians, Asian Lesbians, Asians with toys.... ACK! *suddenly panics and looks at the ceiling*  
Joe: Accidently walk into the gay porn section Dan?  
Dan: Uh no! I mean, yes, by accident! I mean....  
Joe: Stifle it Dan, we are here for a purpose  
Dan: And that is?  
Joe: Here! Behold! Our salvation is at hand! *indicates an item*  
Dan: ...... Joe, I fail to see how our salvation is 64DD Backdoor Barnyard Extravaganza  
Joe: Dont you see? It costs 3 bucks to rent it, Ive got 1. You chip in 2 dollars, I keep it for tonight, and then you keep it for the other 2 nights!  
Dan: Dammit Joe! Arnt we gonna save the world!  
Joe: Shit naw, thats the worlds problem!  
Dan: But we live on the world!  
Joe: Thats just a matter of perspective and what you define as "The World"   
Dan: Come on man, we gotta take down Miyamoto's evil scheme!   
????: I might be of service....  
Dan: Who's there?  
Joe: It came from the Gay Porn section  
????: Huh? Oh no no, thats just a strange consciedence! Its not my fault the Gay Porn is in between the Fat And/Or Old Section and the Beastality  
Dan: Oh, well you really saved face there didnt you  
????: Cut the crap, you want to save the world or not?  
Dan: Yeah  
????: Well then come over here  
Joe: No no no, you come over here Gay Porn Man!  
????: Im not looking at that!  
Joe: Then you wont mind coming over here...  
????: Very well...... *DUM DUM DUM*  
Dan and Joe: BILL GATES  
Bill Gates: Thats right, and Ive got the perfect solution to your problem...  
Dan: Wait, how do we know we can trust you?  
Bill Gates: Im Bill Gates, you can trust me!  
Joe: Strike one Billy-bob, try again...  
Bill Gates: Well, if you cant trust me, then trust.... MY MONEY *flashes a handfull of million bazillion dollar bills*  
Joe: SOLD!  
Dan: *elbows Joe in the stomach* We cant be bought, strike two Bobby  
Joe: Who you kiddin? Fucking Homerun!  
Dan: Shush!  
Bill Gates: Look, I cant make my money if the world is ran by Nintendo, I just want to make sure they dont take over the world, I value my freedom just as much as you!  
Dan: Keep talking Bubba  
Joe: Skip to the money part  
Bill Gates: Well *takes out a green disk from his coat* All you need to do is put this disk into Nintendo's machine, and it will backfire. The world will return to its normal sexually driven and violent rampant self, and everyone will like games with guns and women with big boobies in it.   
Joe: And we will be millionares!  
Dan: Hmmm, ok, we'll do it, but how do we get back inside, Biggity Biggity Bill Bill Booby?  
Bill Gates: There is a press conference tonight where Miyamoto will showcase his new games, I just happen to have some press passes right here...  
  
*In a lab in Nintendo HQ*  
Lab Tech: Miyamotasamasimiblahblahsama, our progress is going well, we have converted over 80 percent of the fighters  
M: Excellent, now give me a progress report...  
Lab Tech: Ok uh....... we have converted over 80 percent of the fighters  
M: What is this one here look bad shape! *points at Terry*   
Lab Tec: Its difficult to convert them sir. They put up quite a resistant, they werent as easy as these.....  
*Kyo and Benimaru are singing YMCA*  
M: And.... this pretty one? *looks at Mai*  
Mai: *chained up topless on a scientific looking wall thing*  
Lab Tech: We were about to begin her procedures *two sucking cups grab ahold of her breasts  
Mai: Procedures? What about my anstetic? Ummm, not that I know about how these procedures are done...  
Lab Tech: Dont worry, the only thing this will hurt is your pride, right Miyamotosamamablahsimisamahiddeyho?  
M: *is playing with himself*  
Lab: MIYAMOTO!  
M: Hmm? Oh, me so sorry, this story almost is lemon! Get underway, I have a press conference!  
Lab Tech: Yes! *presses a few buttons*  
Mai: What the? *her boobs get smaller as a large glass container beside her fills up with a liquid* NNNOOOOO!  
Lab Tech: Yes, we cant have the new star of smash brothers be in such skimpy clothes, you will be shrank so you can fit into a giant pink dress! And then nobody will ever see your panties ever again! AH HAHAHAHA!  
Mai: NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
*Miyamoto is holding a press conference about his upcoming games, and is showing them off. Dan and Joe have snuck into the conference in an attempt to inflitrate the compound*  
Miyamoto: So you see, we decided to use this format for Legend of Zelda to use emotional expressions on the characters. See, here Link is visiably afraid of being shot out of the cannon...  
Dan: Excuse me sir, in this early build of the game, it looks like the hero is a pussy, will this be fixed in the final version?  
Miyamoto: Pussy? What is this pussy?  
Joe: You know, he's a pussy. A Vagina. Something ment for fucking.  
M: Yes we enjoy this much so. Love love! Next gaming! Here look. We talk competition. Xbox, all Xbox have is First Person shooter! Nobody like First Person shooter. Why people by Xbox First Person shooter very bad bad thing. We have good games like Metroid! Metroid is much to revolutionize games! First person Perspective! It is new and very new and shiney thing! You like all game I tell you to! Ha ha ha!  
Dan: Enough talk! *rips press tag off* Im really Dan Hibiki!  
Joe: And Im... Joe Higashi! *rips tag off*  
M: OOooooo. I am scared like virgin schoolboy at Space World! DIE! *presses button*  
*A Door Opens and in comes Terry, Rock, Ryu, and Iori*  
Joe: Guys! Thank god!  
M: Look again  
Dan: Joe, their eyes!  
*They have cube eyes*  
Joe: The bastards got to them!  
Dan: What are we going to do?  
M: Ha ha ha ha! Now you are to feel Easy Operation!  
Terry: Power Wave! Power Wave! Power Wave!  
Ryu: Hadoken! Hadoken! Hadoken!  
Joe: No sweat, seems like they are just fireball scrubs.... *jumps over Power Wave*  
Dan: En Garde! *rushes Ryu*  
Terry: Rising Tackle!  
Joe: Blargh! *gets knocked down*  
M: Hee hee hee, hah hah hah!  
Joe: Damn, they are so fast....   
Dan: *is knocked backwards next to Joe* Gah! They seem to have instantaneous special moves! Its like the combination of your local scrub, with the tact of an expert!  
Iori: Doushita!  
Rock: Shiney Knuckles! Bling Bling!  
Dan: *evades Iori's projectile* Got you! *punches*  
Iori: *parries* Hiya! *cuts Dan*  
Joe: Screw Uppah! *screw uppers Kim*  
Iori: *blocks, and grows stronger*  
Dan: They have all styles's strengths, none of their weaknesses!  
Joe: *is grabbed by Terry and beaten up*   
Dan: *fights off Ryu and Rock, but is overcome and knocked backward with a Roundhouse*  
Joe: Looks like this is it Dan, beaten down like a couple of pussies...  
Dan: Pussies! Thats it! *gleam in his eyes*  
Joe: What?  
Dan: Our only chance....  
Rock: Shiney Knuckles!   
Dan: *grabs fist* Rock! Think! Think about the Poon!  
Rock: Poon?  
Joe: I got ya Dan..... yo Terry! *runs over to Terry*  
Rock: What is Poon?  
Dan: You remember... remember Lilith, Morrigan, and Ran!  
Rock: Poon? *head starts sparking*  
Dan: Yes! The Poon!  
Rock: Uhhh... *back of head explodes as the controll system fails* Ahhh! *rubs back of head* Where, am I? Dan?   
M: Noooooo! Im finished! Im outta here!  
Joe: Terry! Dont fight me! Your fighting for the wrong side, if you win, then you'll never get laid ever again! Dont you remember what its like to get laid?   
Terry: Uhhh... yeah, *head sparks*  
Joe: Remember Blue Mary?  
Terry: Mary? *head sparks and pops* Mary! I remember!   
Joe: Remember how tight she is?  
Terry: Yes!  
Joe: And how she can do that thing with her ass?  
Terry: Uhh, yeah Joe  
Joe: And how she knows just when to squeeze her ....  
Terry: JOE! I GOT IT! IM GOOD!  
Iori: *rushes the group* Ill destroy you!  
Dan: No! You want to kill Kyo!  
Iori: Kyo?  
Joe: You hate him!  
Iori: Hate? Hate is bad!  
Joe: Nnnnooo, Hate is good... without hatred, your character concept is nothing!  
Iori: Your right! *Head pops* Im free again!  
Ryu: Shinku Hadoken!  
Dan: Look out! *Dan, Joe, Terry, ROck, and Iori jump for cover as the hadoken explodes where they where*  
Joe: Ryu! No! Remember the Poon!  
Ryu: Poon? There is no Poon, only the fight! Poon is for Pussies! HADOKEN!  
Joe: *gets hit* Blargh!  
Dan: Damn, I dont think we can affect him, he has no personality... no weakness to mind control!  
Iori: I guess we should just kill him then...  
Terry: Good Idea, Dan, you and Joe go stop Miyamoto, we will murder Ryu!  
Dan: Uhh, ok, Yo Joe! Time to Roll!  
Joe: Right Behind you!  
  
*and so, Dan and Joe rush off to Miyamoto's Inner Sanctum, while Ryu is pounced upon by superior numbers*  
  
Miyamoto: *rushes into his inner sanctum* No! Jig is upwards! Guile! Protect me!  
Guile: *escapes*   
Miyamoto: Nooo! Guile! You have deserted me!   
*Door slides open and two lone figures run in*  
Dan: Miyamoto! This in the end of the road!  
Joe: Yeah, get ready, we are about to give you a first hand look at violence!   
Dan: *cracks knuckles* This Ass Beating has been rated M for Mature!  
M: HAHAHA *Throws head up and laughes, then suddenly is back to solemn expression* Yes, I think the Ass Beating is rated M, but the assbeating is that of belonging to YOU! *holds his hands up, and the finger tips begin to smoke*  
Dan: Joe, Ill go right, you go left  
Joe: Got it  
M: DIE! *points fingers towards Heroes, bouncing fireballs erupting from them* BLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIP!  
Dan: Scatter! *dodges left*  
Joe: *Dodges right, bump into Dan as their surrondings explode*  
Dan: What are you doing!  
Joe: You said go right!  
Dan: No time to debate! Incoming!   
*Dozens of Fireballs are fired, knocking holes into the walls and floor*  
M: Hee hee hee! BLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIP!  
Joe: *ducks behind a desk* Huh? *catches a glimps of a machine out of the corner of his eye*  
Joe: Dan! Its the Main Device over there, Im gonna make a run for the disk! *dashes*  
M: No you dont! BLIPBLIPBLIPBLIP!   
Joe: *gets hit by fireballs* Argh!  
Dan: *rushes M from behind* Saikyo-yu-OGGI!  
M: What? BLIPBLIPBLIP   
Dan: Gadoken Gadoken! *cancels fireballs*  
M: Impressive!  
Dan: Hiyah! *does a quick flurry of punches and kicks, blocked by Miyamoto*  
M: HAHAHA!  
Dan: Damn! Ill destract him, Joe, switch the Disks!  
Joe: Dont be stupid man, if we die, we die together!  
Dan: *is giving Miyamoto everything hes got* Huh...... WHAT? JUST DO IT!  
Miyamoto: Your distracted! DIE! BLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIP!   
Dan: *is hit with a flurry of fireballs* OOOOOUUUUYYYAAAAAJIIIIIII!!!!   
Joe: DAN!!!!  
M: HAHAHAHA! A WINNER IS ME!  
Joe: Why you..... *rushes Miyamoto*  
M: Oh yeah? Show me your power! BLIPBLIPBLIP!  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
M: Ow! What? *punches*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
M: Grrr *roundhouse kicks*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
M: *Moonsaults*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
Miyamoto: *Chicken Wing Suplexes*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
M: *reverse Gut Buster*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
M: *Windmill backbreaker*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
Joe: Had enough?   
M: No, im only getting started, COUNTER THIS! *drop kicks*  
Joe: *counters and slaps*  
M: *COUNTERS AND SLAPS*  
Joe: ARGH! How could he analyse my moves, in the middle of my Counter and Slap?  
M: Your finished! *begins autocombo*  
Joe: Blargh!  
M: *holds Joe by his head* And now, for the final blow...  
Dan: WAIT! *gets up to one knee*  
M: You again? You want more? *tosses Joe away*  
Dan: *reaches into his vest* Dont count me out yet....  
M: How can I not? Your style is weak, you thought you escaped my grasp before, but the truth is I didnt want you to join my army!  
Dan: What?  
M: Thats right, I spared you and your friend, we would actually LOSE money by fitting you with Cube Upgrades!  
Dan: *begins to chuckle*  
M: What? What is so funny? I have defeated you and your friend, your death is at hand, and you laugh?  
Dan: Im afraid its... YOUR DEATH AT HAND  
M: No, Im sure that the death at hand DOESNT BELONG TO ME!  
Dan: The only way you could kill me is to MELODRAMA ME TO DEATH!  
M: SILENCE FOOL!  
Dan: NO YOU BE SILENT! *background flashes diffrent colors* SAIKYO POWAH! *takes red sunglasses out of vest and flicks them open*  
M: What the?  
Dan: *puts on Sunglasses and is consumed by a light from above*  
Captain Saikyo: CAPTAIN SAIKYO!  
M: Oh what kinda lame DBZ mess is this? Die... BLIPBLIPBLIPBLIPBLIP  
Saikyo: SAIKYO FIYAHH! *Saikyo's flames consume the fireballs*  
M: What the? Impossible!  
Saikyo: *runs in* SAIKYO GLITCH THROW! *grabs Miyamoto*  
Saikyo: YYYAAAHHHH!!!! *electrocutes Miyamoto*  
Miyamoto: ARGH!! *is shocked to death*   
Miyamoto: BARF! *dies*  
Saikyo: YAHOOI!   
Joe: *springs up* Yeah! We did it! Yahooi! *dances over Miyamoto's corpse*  
Saikyo: *dances over Miyamoto's corpse*  
Joe: Dan, wait, lets not forget what we came to do  
Saikyo: Yes, the disk  
Joe: *walks up to the machine and opens the disk drive*  
Saikyo: Time, to end it all  
Joe: Yup *takes out the Disk with a Green X on it* Here goes nothing *puts disk in tray and is about to press the button*  
Saikyo: WAIT!!!  
Joe: What?  
Saikyo: Dont do it, I mean, think about it. If we put Bill's disk in, sure, Nintendo will lose, but then we will be doomed to play First Person Shooters and Fan Service games until eternity! We will be consumed with Violence, Sex, and 3d Fighters!   
Joe: Yeah, whats your point?  
Saikyo: The world isnt only about FPS and Sexy characters, if we stick that disk in, we will just be trading one evil empire for another...  
Joe: Then what should we do?  
Saikyo: Destroy it!!!! Stand back! *raises hands* SAIKYO.... *out of nowhere, Yuri, Sakura, and Baiken jump beside Dan*  
ALL: SWWOORRRDDAAAHHH!!!! *slices the machine with a giant beam of light*  
Machine: Doh! *blows up*  
*Yuri, Sakura, and baiken jump back into the nowhere they came from*  
Captain Saikyo: Well thats that, lets go home!  
Joe: Yeah, and completely ignore that giant dust cload we made, because nothing could be left standing, after all  
Saikyo: You got it! *they begin to walk away*  
????: HAHAHAHAHA!  
Saikyo: What the?  
*giant footsteps sound off*  
Joe: Crap....  
Giant Robo-Miyamoto Sunshine: You fool! Now you will pay for destroying my creation! SUNSHINE BEAM! *fires a beam of energy from his hand*  
Saikyo: You surprise me Miyamoto! SAIKYO FIYAH! *flames hit RoboM, but have no effect*  
RoboM: Ha ha ha! *tries to step on Saikyo*  
Saikyo: SAIKYO CORRIDAH! *lighting strikes the foot*  
RoboM: Grrr, How annoying! *fires a volley of beams, obliterating the wall and structure* 


	31. Dan vs Nintendo: Climax!

Joe: EAT THIS! SCREW UPPER!  
*the Giant Tornado engulfs RoboM, but has no effect*  
RoboM: Ha! I am invicible!   
Joe: Grrr... TIGER KICK!  
RoboM: *giant Robo Backhands Joe, Sending him crashing through the wall*  
Saikyo: Joe! Grrr... You'll pay for that Miyamoto....  
*leaps up at Giant Robo Miyamoto*   
RoboM: I think not! *grabs Captain Saikyo and palm blasts a energy beam, sending him up against the wall*  
  
*elsewhere, in the lab*  
Joe: *comes crashing in through the wall*  
Joe: Ahh! *lands at the feet of Mai*  
Mai: JOE! JOE! You gotta help me!  
Joe: Huh? *seeing stars*  
Mai: Joe! The Lab techs left when the explosions started, you have to hit the boob machine to reverse!  
Joe: Boob..... boob machine? Huh? MAI! What happened to your melons!  
Mai: The evil Nintendo drained them with that machine *nods at the machine with the jar of boob juice on top* Switch it backwards so I can get my breasts back!  
Joe: Your boobs? *walks over to the machine*  
Mai: Yeah, hurry this place is gonna fall apart! *the room is shook with an explosion*  
Joe: *gets shit eating grin*  
Mai: Joe, what.... what are you doing?  
Joe: *grabs the 10 gallon jug of boob juice*  
Mai: What?  
Joe: AAAAHHAHAAAHAAAHAAA! *chugs down Mai's boob juice*  
Mai: Joe NOO!!!!  
Joe: *chug chug chug chug* Ah! *drops empty jug* That hit the spot!  
Mai: Joe..... how... why....  
Joe: I always wanted to know what they taste like Mai, kinda like buttermilk... huh? *begins to glow with a faint pink aura* Whats, happening to me?  
  
*back at the battle*  
Saikyo: *lays in a pile of rubble, armor cracked, coughing up blood*  
RoboM: Over so soon? Surely you have more fight left? Oh well, no matter, now I finish this!  
????: PIMP KICK!!!  
RoboM: What?   
*a bolt of "bright bright oh my god hide your eyes" Pink energy flies into the battlefield, striking Robo-Miyamoto Sunshine, doubling him over*  
????: JIGALO KNEE!! *The Energy flies upward and hits Robo-M in the chin, knocking him back*  
RoboM: What? Who, WHO ARE YOU?  
*The Energy Lands, and the colors fade a little, showing that the source of the bright light and energy are enemating from Joe Higashi's Bright Pink Boxer Shorts*  
Joe?: Whats the matter Miyamoto? Beaten at your own game?  
RoboM: But I killed you!  
Joe?: You might have killed Joe, but not..... JIGALO JOE!!  
RoboM: What?  
JigJoe: Eat this! *his boxers get bright again* SCREW UP HERS!!!! *A Giant Tornado of Pure Sexual Energy erupts from Joe and engulfs Robo-Miyamoto*  
RoboM: What is this? Strength.... fading! Strong.... too strong! NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!  
JigJoe: He is done for, but when he goes he is going to take us all with him! I gotta get all the babes out of here! *runs out of room*  
Saikyo: Ummm.... Joe? Help?  
Joe: *flies back into the room, arms full of all the SNK/Capcom women* Crap, forgot about you Dan! Quick, jump on!   
Saikyo: But, there is no room!  
JigJoe: Just grab unto Chunnies Love Handles!  
Saikyo: OK! Lets get outta here!  
*Flies out of Nintendo HQ as Miyamoto explodes, destroying the entire facilty in a giant ball of energy*  
  
*our Heroes watch it all from a nearby cliff in silence*  
Joe: ......  
Dan: ......  
Sakura: This means..... its all over right?  
Terry: Yeah.....  
Joe: *takes off boxers and throws them off the cliff*  
Dan: *grabs microphone* OOOOOOOHHHHH AAAANNNGGEEEELLLLLL COME MEET THE SUN ITS A BRAND NEW DAY!!! OOOOOHHHHH ANNNNGGEELLL!  
Mai: SHUT IT DAN!  
  
And so, thanks once again to Dan and Joe, as they pulled the world's asses out of the fire yet again. Ryu was killed by Terry, Iori and Rock, but Capcom quickly made an excuse to bring him back to life. The Hammer Pants Ninja's hunted down and murdered the surviving Nintendo Fanboys, but The Real Link and Zelda's bodies were never found. Some have spotted them in Nude Beaches in Jamaica. As for Mai's globes, they eventually healed back 


	32. Dan Goes On Vacation!

It is a nice warm sunday afternoon at the beachfront of Southtown. The sun is shining, the surfing is good, the seagulls are divebombing people with food, the young children are being swept out to sea by rip currents, life at the beach is good until......  
  
*A group of cars pull up to a beachfront house*  
  
Joe: *getting out of a car* Finally, we are here!  
  
Dan: *climbing out of the driver's seat* I told you I know where we are going!  
  
Ruby: *getting out from the back* How did you manage to get us lost on the way to the beach, when me and you live on the ocean?  
  
Dan: Stop complaining, we're here arent we?  
  
*Ken and Eliza step out of the sports car pulled up next to Dan, as Dan and Joe begin to unpack the car*  
  
Ken: Wow, what a crappy house   
  
*the house is painted puke green, with storm shutters hanging off, glowing eyes can be seen through holes in the porch, and a skeleton is sitting on the porch swing*  
  
Eliza: *walking to the trunk* If your gonna complain about the house, why dont you rent a better one, Mr Millionare *opens trunk*  
  
Ken: *helping Mel get out of the car* Hey, I might be a millionare, but I still cant afford beachfront real estate baby  
  
Ryu: *climbing out of trunk* Least you can do is buy a bigger car  
  
Terry: Hey you! *Terry waves over to the group as Blue Mary, Mai, Andy, and Rock get out of his SUV* This place rocks!   
  
Andy: Yes, it sure was nice of Kyo and his Dad to let us use it  
  
Mary: Oh god, dont remind us of it  
  
Mai: Why not?  
  
Ruby: Kyo's annoying to be around, you ever hung out with him?  
  
Mai: No, he just seemed to always enjoy the company of single men  
  
Ruby: Well, hes pretty annoying, first of he is a re-joker  
  
Mai: A re-joker?  
  
Terry: Yeah, you know when someone makes a little joke. And I mean a little one. Like a pun, or a smart aleck quip.  
  
Andy: Yeah, something like "Why is Mai gonna be in SNK vs Capcom CHAOS and someone says "I can think of two reasons"  
  
Terry: Exactly Andy, someone says that, and really doesnt expect an uproarious laughter, they get a "Heh" at most, its not really that funny  
  
Andy: Kinda like Oni's stories  
  
Mai: Ok, I follow you so far  
  
Terry: Well, when someone does a little joke around Kyo, he makes it a point to make it again  
  
Andy: And again and again  
  
Terry: The previous example, Kyo would say something like "Yeah, two reasons, HER BOOBIES! HAHAHAHAHAH!"  
  
Mai: Ok, thats not really funny  
  
Terry: Thus one of the many reasons why he is annoying  
  
Andy: There he is now with his old man  
  
*Kyo and Saishu pull up, with Benimaru and that big guy on their team in the back*  
  
Kyo: Hi everyone! Welcome to the beach house!  
  
*Leona, Clark, Whip, and Ralf get out of a hummer*   
  
Ralf: I call the top bunk!  
  
*A new Volstwagon beetle pulls up, and Athena, Bao, Sensou, and Ghin get out*  
  
Sensou: Finally, at the romantic beach side, I shall where down Athena and get laid!  
  
Bai: Look at me Im annoying and you wish I wasnt here dont you!  
  
*Heavy D! rolls up on his bike*   
  
D!: Yo yo yo!  
  
*Bison lands a plane and all the Killer Bees get out*  
  
Bison: Finally! A vacation!  
  
Dan: SSSSSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: *stops and looks at Dan*  
  
Dan: There are WAY to many character in this fic! Im the star and I'd only said two lines and an emote this whole time! If one more person gets here, Im gonna snap!  
  
*Yamazaki walks up and walks into the house*  
  
Dan: OK, thats it, we're gonna have to do some cutting!  
  
Athena: But what about the fans? If we are all here, everyone will like your story because everyones fav character will be in it!  
  
Dan: Oh really? Well how about this, Psycho Soldier team, Get out!   
  
Sensou: But what about the frigid virgin girlfriend jokes?  
  
Dan: Benimaru and Kyo can make those jokes, your gone  
  
Gin: But what about my booze *hold up a 6 pack*  
  
Dan: You brought a 6 pack? You'd chug that just to say you contributed, and then drink OURS, we have plenty for us, thank you, and last I checked, the legal drinking age wasnt 80, so we can buy more. Get out.  
  
Psycho team: Awww, *leaves*  
  
Dan: Ok, me, Ruby, and Joe are the central cast members, so we stay. Andy, Mai, Terry, and Blue Mary will be needed for crucial sex humor later on, so they stay. Rock however, is dead weight. Get out.  
  
Rock: But what about dramatic Irony about your my father?   
  
Dan: Your gone, come back for a cameo or two at the beach  
  
Rock: Awwww  
  
Dan: Yamazaki is an almost sidekick he stays  
  
Yamazaki: *laughs maniacly*  
  
Dan: Bison, what are you doing here?  
  
Bison: Um, ready for some fun in the sun?  
  
Dan: Your a villian and this is suppose to be an easy going fic, so get out, but drop of your bathing suit clad bunnies at the beach for eyecandy later  
  
Bison: Dangit  
  
Leona: Ha ha ha! Get lost Bison! Only real characters stay!  
  
Dan: Speaking of staying, your not Ikari warriors  
  
Ralf: Wha? But what about the scene where me and Clark play Desert Storm on the beach and find Sudam Hussain and beat him up  
  
Dan: Sorry, the window for politcal humor has long been closed, your outta here.  
  
Ikari Warriors: You will pay for this!  
  
Dan: Ken, your family stays, Ryu doesnt. Make jokes of how he is boring is getting boring.  
  
Ryu: I would rather train anyway!  
  
Kyo: I bet you would, because you ALWAYS train!  
  
Dan: Kyo, shut up, the only reason you and your dad is staying is because its there house. Benimaru stays because of the homosexual jokes...  
  
Benimaru: Homosexual? I dont get it  
  
Dan: But that big guy has got to go  
  
Kyo: What big guy?  
  
Dan: That guy, the writer doesnt even know his name  
  
Kyo: You mean Daimon  
  
Dan: Whatever, get lost  
  
Daimon: THe writer knows nothing about me, he cannot formulate a response, THE END *vanishes*  
  
Dan: Well, that takes care of that, now, lets move in everyone  
  
*The remaining people grabs there bags and begin to move in*  
  
Dan: Ah, now that that was taken care of, we can look forward to a nice relaxing vacation!  
  
Joe: Yup, going to the beach everyday  
  
Terry: Going fishing!  
  
Mai: Going to the boardwalk!  
  
Dan: And everynight, have sex with your girl, knowing that all your friends are doing the exact same thing  
  
*Ken puts arm around Eliza, Terry looks at Mary, Ruby grabs Dan's ass, Mai strips naked and runs circles around Andy*  
  
ALL: DAMN RIGHT!  
  
Saishu: WRONG!  
  
Dan: What!?  
  
Saishu: Here are the sleeping arangments! *hands Dan a peice of paper* Split into pairs by room, women on the top floor, men on the bottom! No hanky panky in my house!  
  
Dan: Nnnnnooooo!  
  
Saishu: Thats right! *walks off*  
  
Joe: AH ha ha ha! Looks like Im the only one getting laid here!  
  
Terry: But you dont have a girlfriend!  
  
Joe: Exactly, Im gonna meet her at the beach and have some fun, being single is great!  
  
Terry: This sucks, *looking at the paper showing the room assignments* all the guys in the same room  
  
Benimaru: I dont mind!  
  
Terry: ...yeah I bet you dont  
  
Kyo: HA HA HA HA Yeah I bet he doesnt Terry! You know that he is gay!  
  
Terry: Shut up Kyo  
  
Kyo: HA HA HA Good one!  
  
*Inside the house*  
  
Dan: Wow, outside it looks like a dump, but insides its pretty cool!  
  
Joe: Surround sound, HI-def TV, DVD player, *walks into kitchen*  
  
Dan: Nice kitchen too, *opens Fridge*  
  
Joe: Hmmm, *cuts on water spicket* What? *sniffs water, then sticks finger in it and tastes it* Thats Tequila!  
  
Dan: *looking into bedroom* Wow, waterbeds, silk sheets, this place is cool, I wonder which one is my room...  
  
Terry: *walking in with Map* You two arnt on the list  
  
Dan: What?  
  
Joe: Your kidding!  
  
Saishu: Oh, Im sorry, forgot to tell you, you two are outside, over there *points out window to a rinkety small shack*  
  
Joe: The OUTHOUSE?  
  
Saishu: It was an outhouse, but we converted it into a bedroom  
  
Dan: Gross!  
  
*Inside the outhouse/bedroom*  
  
Joe: Jeezus!  
  
*The floor is dirt, with a few 2x4s strawn about on the ground, the walls are wood with gaps big enough to see out of, a small bed in in the corner, and a toilet is in the other corner with a small, waist high curtain around it*  
  
Dan: What the hell is this old man?  
  
Saishu: What? Its a bedroom  
  
*A rat crawls over Joe's foot*  
  
Joe: Eeek!  
  
Dan: A bedroom? You call that a bed? Its a pillow with stilts!  
  
Saishu: What you talking about! Its a twin!  
  
*while Dan and Saishu argue, a giant rat appears and bites Joe's leg, and begins to drag him off*  
  
Dan: Come on man! Everyone would fit in the house if you allow the couples to bunk up!   
  
Joe: Yikes!  
  
Saishu: No unions of sin in my house! Im an ancient monk you know, or something like that. My family is holy, and the house is holy, and we must keep it that way!  
  
Joe: Help!  
  
Dan: Oh come on, your just this cranky because you dont have a Mrs. Kusanagi to kiss your Mr Winky in the morning  
  
Saishu: Im a monk, Im celibate, and under my house, your celibate too!  
  
Joe: Ahhh *rat shakes Joe from side to side*  
  
Saishu: You and your friend here are notorious for your sexual antics! Therefore I put you out here, far far away from the ladies! Maybe that will teach you to keep it in your pants for a few days!  
  
Joe: Argh, thats gonna need a technishot......  
  
Dan: Oh, you havnt heard the last of this by a long shot! I will have sex in your house! I SWEAR IT!!!  
  
Saishu: Sex in the holy house? NEVER!  
  
Joe: It doesnt hurt anymore.....  
  
Dan: Huh? JOE!!!  
  
*Inside the house, people are unpacking*  
  
Yamazaki: *walking into living room with box marked "Xbox! T0tally l33t Rad 2 d maxors!"*  
  
Yama: Now, to hook up my oh so totally cool and mature Xbox up to the TV... Huh?  
  
Mel: *Ken's child is playing his Gamecube on the TV*  
  
Yama: What the? Kid, what are you doing? Unhook this childish stupid Gamecube from the TV so I can play Halo!  
  
MeL: Hmm? Oh hi! Want to play Smash Brothers? I unlocked a secret character the other day, but I dont know how to do them all, but we can play anyway!  
  
Yama: Oh hell no! Im not playing that childish game! Im a grown man, Xbox is my system you suck!  
  
Mel: Oh come on please! We can take turns with our systems, you play a game of Smash Brothers and then we can play Halo OK?  
  
Yama: Grr, I guess I have to suffer through it... damn kid.... *starts picking character: Hey! I want to be Ron Jeremy!  
  
*Outside, the sun is setting on the Beach, for the first night of the vacation*  
  
Dan: *walking towards the house with Joe* Damn, how in the heck am I gonna get laid while on vacation?  
  
Joe: *limping* Dangit, my foots turning green now...  
  
Dan: This is the perfect oportunity for banging! Nice romantic air, the beach, the sun, the sand, the sound of the ocean, the moonlight reflecting of the beach.....  
  
Joe: Oh, gimmie a break, save that lame stuff for your ball and chain  
  
Dan: Oh, come on Joe, Im serious, this is like, THE romantic location, we are gonna be the ONLY people at the beach not makin babies!  
  
Joe: Speak for yourself, Im looking to head to the bars and finding myself a moderately cute and moderatly drunk female with commitment problems that Ill never see again  
  
Dan: Moderately cute? Lowering your standards?  
  
Joe: No, mearly adapting to my urgancy. I usually prefer women that are Very Drunk and Very Beautiful  
  
Dan: Then how come I always see you leaving the bars with a Completely Sober woman thats Not drunk at all?  
  
Joe: Because, Dan, sometimes I am the Very Beautiful person that gets Very Drunk....  
  
*the two walk into the house, and Join Terry and Andy having drinks on the dinner table*  
  
Andy: Im telling you Terry, I really dont care if Im in it or not, as long as the fans cant get enough of Mai Bursting Gown, then MY Wallet will never burst. Ill never have to work again!  
  
Joe: Suo guys, what you all talkin about?  
  
Terry: The roster for the next SNK vs Capcom game is out, have a look see *passes Joe a newspaper*  
  
Joe: *reads* SNK vs Capcom CHAOS, the next action packed installment of the fighting crossover the fans cant get enough of, yadda yadda yadda, Character Rostor Including... Kyo, Iori, Mai, Earthquake, Terry, Ryo, Shiki, Choi, Mr Karate, Kasumi, Kim, Genjiryo, Ryu, Ken, Chun Li, Hugo, Guile, Tabasa, Gouki, Dhalsim, Balrog, Bison, Sagat, and Vega.   
  
Dan: *sits down quietly and has a drink* ....  
  
Joe: WHAT THE? Me and you arnt in it Dan! Whats up with that? They picked DHALSIM and EARTHQUAKE over US? Why would they do something stupid like that?  
  
Dan: Its Affirmiative action man, they needed an indian and a superhumanly fat man...  
  
*Somewhere in a 7-11 in India*   
  
Dhalsim: *opens a letter*  
  
Dhal: Hereby invited to the Chaos tourneyment? *faints*  
  
*back at the beach*  
  
Terry: Relax Joe, there are still secret characters to be had  
  
Joe: Oh yeah right Terry, you forgot we are dealing with SNK here. There version of secret characters are 6 or 7 versions of Kyo. 96 Kyo, 97 Kyo, Kyo with a jacket, Kyo with a tank top, Kyo with Boxer shorts, Kyo with briefs, Kyo 1, Kyo 2, Kyo 3. And lets not forget Evil Ryu, Nice Ryu, Happy Ryu, Ryu on a Bad Day, Como Estas Muy Bein Ryu, Not So Fresh Ryu, Ultra Dry Ryu, and, Regular Akuma, True Akuma, Akuma with sprinkles, Ryu merged with Akuma with sprinkles, Cyber Akuma, l33t Akuma, Not-so-Fresh Ryu merged with Akuma with wings ph balanced for our cheesieness! I tell you, its not about the character diversity anymore, its about the masses. They make video games and fill it with versions of everyones favorite character, or at least what character the company thinks are everyones favorites. The 2d fighting genre is all based upon name recognition, any game made that doesnt have your average 3-letter named hero headlineing it, fails, no matter how great. Look at Rival Schools, Darkstalkers, Power Stone, the companies are so afaid that their next big budget fighting game will fail they think they have to fill the game up with uber-powerful characters to draw in the masses of people that think the number of fireballs a character can have onscreen is an attesment to how badass they are. Its not about haveing colorful, new, and innovative characters, anymore, its all about how many Shoto knock-offs they can squeeze into the game, that way the masses might TRY to play a new character, as long as they are exactly like the old characters, they just throw the fireball with one hand, or do their anti air move with a Foot instead of a fist. Sell outs, thats all these people are, sellouts, and anyone in this game is an attestment to selling out!  
  
Dan: Damn right! Who needs to be in SNK vs Chaos!  
  
Joe: Exactly!  
  
Terry: Not even as a secret character?  
  
Joe: Hell no! You guys are all sell outs, me and Dan, we would never sell out! We are all about the fans, right Dan?  
  
Dan: Uh, well wait a sec....  
  
Joe: All them sell outs dont know anything about real INTEGRITY, do they Dan?  
  
Dan: Uh, nope  
  
Joe: *reading more* Hmmm, screen shots huh? *turns page*  
  
Dan: Screenshots? *looks to Terry*  
  
Terry: *grins and nods* Yup, screenshots of all the sell outs  
  
Joe: Look at'em all, selling out, there is Guile, sold out, Bison, Geese, Sold out, Earthquake fighting *squints eyes* some guy in Pink  
  
Dan: Oh my God look over there Joe!  
  
Joe: He looks kinda lik Ryo in pink....  
  
Dan: Quick Joe, LOOK!  
  
kyo: *walks in*  
  
Joe: What the... is that...  
  
Dan: LOOK OVER THERE IS KYO WE SURE DO HATE HIM RIGHT?  
  
Joe: Huh? Oh yeah, we sure do! Grrrr!  
  
Dan: *grabs newspaper and tears out page with the pictures on it*  
  
Kyo: *sighs* *walks out*  
  
Dan: So, Joe, what were you saying?  
  
Joe: Hmmm? Oh, I was just reading this here, *reads* Strange, seems I lost my place.  
  
Dan: Well, that sucks, *yawn* Oh well, Im tired, Im gonna go to bed! We got a big day of fun in the sun tomorrow! *gets up and starts going up stairs* Do be do be doooooo....  
  
*suddenly there is a big explosion in front of him*  
  
Explosion: WHERE YOU GOING  
  
Dan: Achh! Saishu!  
  
Saishu: You think it would be that easily! Ive been keeping women away from men for YEARS, you will have to do better than that!   
  
*outside*  
  
Dan: *comes flying out of the back door, and lands in front of the outhouse/bedroom*  
  
Dan: Ouchie....  
  
*a toilet flushes from inside the outhouse and a homelessman walks out*  
  
Andore: har har har.....  
  
Dan: *twitches*  
  
Joe: *walks out of the house with newspaper under shoulder* Well well well, do you really think it was gonna go down like that?  
  
Dan: I only let him do that to me because he an old man....  
  
Joe: Sure *walks into the outhouse/bedroom*  
  
Dan: It didnt even hurt....  
  
Joe: *from inside* Yeah, and I bet the fact you where screaming like a girl was to give his ego a boost.... damn man, it stinks in here, what did you do?  
  
And so, our heroes vacation has begun. Not the smoothest of beginings, but its begun none the less. So many unanswered questions. Will Dan and the boys have sex with their wives/girlfriends? Will the vacation get better? Who will try to kill Kyo first? Who will throw up first on the sure to be had drinking binges? What other horrors lay in the Outhouse of Bedroom Doom? Will Joe get a disease from that monster? How many teaser questions can I make up? Will anyone read this story after about a year of nothing coming out? Should I stick to writing humours fictational biographies about myself killing ninjas? Am I talking to myself? Answers, next time. 


End file.
